11. Heath

Chapter 11

Heath

“ T hank you for letting me take Babe out today. Since Marko is new to this, I want him on a steady horse. I don’t want him getting hurt, you know.”

Colby leans against the stall, watching me.

“Of course. She loves to take anyone on a ride, and I agree, she’s a safe bet for a newbie. Who are you riding?”

Looping the reins over the saddle horn, I motion towards the stall for Alec’s horse, Domino. “When I told Alec what I was doing, he insisted I take Domino. Probably because the dang horse will guide us home while I’m not paying attention.”

Colby laughs at me. “Good idea. Sometimes your directional skills aren’t the best. Domino has a built-in compass.”

You get turned around in a field once and send out an SOS and they never let you hear the end of it. Great friends I have.

Colby chats about his store and house renovations while he helps me saddle Domino. I don’t need his help. I’m perfectly capable, but I don’t mind spending time with him, either. While we talk, I’m trying really hard to notice what’s different between talking to him and talking to Marko. So far, it feels much the same.

“So, is everyone going to meet Marko today? ”

My body gets all tingly and that fuzzy duck sensation comes back after just hearing Colby say Marko’s name.

I guess that’s one difference.

Pausing, I peer over the horse’s back at Colby, who calmly waits for my reply.

“Is that why you’re still here? You want to meet him?”

“Oh no. I met him already. I’m just wondering when you’ll introduce him to all the dads here.”

His eyes twinkle, and his grin is big enough to split his face in half.

“He’ll meet whoever is here while he’s here.” I shrug. “But Blaze said he’d be here and if he is, then Dan is.” Colby snort laughs and rubs his hands together. “Besides, it’s not like he’s a date. They just want to meet him.”

“He’s not a date?”

Blaze’s words from yesterday still roll about in my head. Datin’ a fellow . And I’m not ready to say it out loud. Not that I don’t trust Colby at all, but… what if I am right and we’re just two friends?

Colby says nothing and I guide Domino outside in silence. Babe waits patiently and the low rumble of a motorcycle engine spikes my heart rate. Dust kicks up behind Marko as he draws closer on his Harley and Daisy, Dan’s dog, tumbles down the porch steps and into the yard to greet the new vehicle.

Pointing to a space next to my car in front of the loft, the same place he parked last time, Marko acknowledges and pulls up. Daisy jumps and wags, waiting for the new friend to acknowledge her. Marko removes his helmet and reaches down to scratch her ears. Murmurs of ‘ good dog ’ reach me and I wipe my hands on my pants before walking over. Hopefully, I can still talk, but my mouth is as dry as the farm field after a week of no rain.

“That’s the greeting committee, Daisy. Everyone is a friend she hasn’t met yet.”

Marko smiles as he dismounts and leaves his helmet on the bike. He bends lower to pet her belly and his joyful laugh spreads to me.

“She’s so happy and waggy. What a cute dog!” He looks over at me, and that swoopy feeling comes again when he stands and runs his hand through his jet-black hair. Yeah, okay. I don’t get that feeling when I talk to Colby.

“Come and meet your horse. She’s just as cute.”

He joins me as we walk over to the horses, and he waves when Colby walks up to Babe.

“Hi, Colby. Nice to see you again.”

“Hey, Marko. You, too. So, Heath says he’s taking you on a ride today and it’s your first time. Are you excited?”

“I am…and nervous. I’ve never had to control an animal before.”

Colby smooths a hand down Babe’s side with a smile. “This is my horse, Babe. She’s as gentle as can be and won’t do you wrong. Nothing to be afraid of. Here, come and pet her.”

Marko approaches Babe with a giant smile, and something about him loving first on Daisy and now Babe has me all tied up in the weirdest way. He pets her neck, then goes around to the front and gives her an ear scratch and Colby hands him a sugar cube to feed her. She’s so gentle and scoops it from his hand, then nuzzles his pockets for more.

“Hah! That’s so cool. Her nose is so soft.” He strokes her nose with one finger and Colby beams .

“She’s an amazing horse. Just listen to Heath and you’ll be fine.” Colby snuggles the horse once more before saying goodbye and going off to find Dante, leaving us alone. So far, no sign of Dan and Blaze, and I’m oddly relieved.

“This is so cool, Heath. I’m excited.”

His eyes crinkle as he smiles and I swallow, my mouth still dry and my heart galloping like a horse on the way back to the barn.

What the fuck are all the weird feelings about?

“Yeah, it’s fun. Let me show you how to get on and give you a quick how-to. We’re just trail riding, so all you need to do is sit and let the horse guide you. Babe knows what she's doing.”

After I explain how to mount the horse, Marko nods. Jaw set, he shoves a foot into the stirrup and pulls himself up on the first try. After swinging his leg over, he sits proudly on Babe.

Taking her halter, I turn her around to stand beside Domino. I swing up on the horse with ease and take the reins. Turning to Marko, I find him watching me with a look that makes me blush. A blush! I don’t blush. But I sure do like how he’s looking at me.

“You ready?”

“Yes!”

His exuberance makes me laugh, and with a click of my tongue, we set off at a slow walk towards the trails. I’ve taken many people on these trail rides and never been nervous until now. I’m not even sure why.

“So, how did you learn to ride a horse? Was it by coming here?”

Grateful for the conversation, I nod. “Alec taught me. This is his horse, actually. He said I needed to learn to ride if I was going to work on a ranch. He used to do rodeos too. Have you ever been to one? ”

“A rodeo? Never. But I’d love to one day.” The saddles creak as the horses’ hooves plod along the packed dirt path, and I sneak a glance at Marko.

“You’d look good in a cowboy hat.”

Marko’s eyes widen, and I look away. Pretty sure I made my entire body blush with that comment, if the heat under my shirt is an indicator. When I’m nervous, I talk more than usual. This is one of those times where words just keep coming out of my mouth like clowns piling out of those tiny cars at the circus. They never stop, just like my mouth.

“I mean, you look good on a bike and a horse. It’s natural to wear the hat for the full effect. Especially at a rodeo. Chicks dig cowboys.”

Oh my god. I need to stop talking.

“I’ve heard that, but what about the men? Do they dig cowboys, too? Because that’s my preference, Heath.”

Marko’s voice is low and gravelly and… fuck me , it’s sexy. And he’s into men. How have I been his friend all this time and not even asked him if he was dating anyone? Do I want to be dating him?

Oh, lord, what the hell am I thinking!?

“Um, if you ask Zane, he’ll say absolutely. He has a thing for Stetsons.”

“I’m asking you.”

Sneaking another glance, I find Marko watching me, swaying in the saddle like a pro and looking oddly delicious. His question doesn’t feel like a blanket statement. He’s not asking me what I like. He’s telling me he prefers men and if I didn’t already have questions about us, I’d think he’s into me .

Is he into me?

Rubbing at my chest, I breathe deeply. God… I don’t think. I know. Oblivious Heath has left the building, and he’s very, very aware of the man next to him and the hints swirling around like dandelion fluff in the wind.

This man likes me, and my head feels like it’s in the clouds.

And now all I can think about is Marko in a Stetson and nothing else.

“Um, I think…I mean…”

I’ve never been at a loss for words in my entire life. Thankfully, Marko lets it drop, and we continue the ride in comfortable silence. Well, mostly comfortable. I think something big just happened. At least it did for me.

“It’s beautiful out here. I can see the appeal of riding a horse and not a bike sometimes. You can take in the scenery and the noise is gone. I love the growl of my bike and the wind in my face, but this is…completely different.”

Marko’s soft smile as he takes in the trees and fields around him warms my insides and settles the prickles of nerves.

“I know. There’s something that hits different, right? It’s freedom on four legs instead of two wheels.”

When we reach the clearing where I planned to let the horses drink and rest, Marko fidgets in his saddle. After I’ve hopped off Domino and looped her reins around the post Colby installed up here, I approach him and Babe.

“Is everything okay, Marko?”

“Um, yes, but…” he huffs a small laugh as he looks down. “It seems like a long way down from here. A lot different from parking a bike. There’s no kickstand. ”

His fingers clench the saddle horn as he exhales a shaky breath.

“I’m here,” I whisper as I rest a hand on his leg. “Babe won’t move. Just do it backwards. Swing that leg over and drop yourself down. Slide off slow.”

He hesitates, but does as I instruct. When he drops to the ground, it’s a little too soon for him to let go. He loses his balance, stumbling back against my chest.

“Oof.” My arms instinctively wrap around him and pull him up and away from Babe, just as I would with any other rider. Except he’s not any other rider. I’m keenly aware of Marko’s scent. His spicy cologne and the citrus laundry detergent from his shirt. And the feel of his body under my hands. Solid and unmoving. When his hand brushes mine and squeezes instead of pushing me away, my belly warms, and I press my forehead to his back.

“I won’t let you fall.”

This time, Marko clears his throat, and both of us step away with awkward laughs.

“Thank you. I guess it was higher than I thought it would be.” He steps forward and leads Babe to the creek, and I bring Domino along after untying her from the hitching post. “This is almost prettier than the lavender gardens, Heath. There’s so much diversity in nature it always astounds me. There’s so much inspiration out there.”

“Did you bring your sketchbook?”

He smiles and taps his pocket. “Just a small one. I didn’t know what I could take on a horse.”

Laughing, I motion for him to lead the horses back to the hitch post. “Lots. They have saddlebags, too. In fact…” Unbuckling mine, I reach in and pull out a bottle of water for him and pass him a small package.

“What’s this?” He flips open the box top and gasps. “Are these kiflice od badema ? Almond crescents?”

Smiling at his joy, I nod. “Yeah. I helped Zane make them last night. Are they good?”

Marko bites into one and closes his eyes. “Heath…” He hums his pleasure as he chews. “My baka would be impressed. These are amazing.”

“They were kind of fun to make and not too hard. I’m glad you like them. I have more at my place if you’d like.”

“I would.”

His voice drops and my pulse beats a rhythm unfamiliar to me. I’m… squirmy and it feels like I ate too many pixie sticks. When I glance at Marko, he licks the icing sugar from his fingers and shocking, dirty thoughts burst into my brain so fast I place a hand on Domino and pretend I’m adjusting her saddle.

I’m having a fucking sexual… epiphany? Crisis? What the fuck do you call it when you realize you’re not straight and it sort of slaps you across the face?

“Okay, cool. I’ll get you more when we’re back.” Chugging my bottle of water, I hope it dulls the heat building in my groin. I risk a glance to find Marko taking in the meadow. “If you want to sketch something, go ahead. I don’t mind. We can go back when you’re ready.”

He wipes the crumbs off his hands and passes me the cookie box. “Okay. I’ll be quick though. I could eat so many more of those.”

I pack the box away and exhale a deep breath as Marko wanders off. The scent of Marko is still strong in my memory and I bite my lip, remembering how he felt under my hands. So many hard edges, but I bet his skin is soft. I still can’t place the scent in his cologne, or maybe it was his shampoo, but I liked it. And the way he squeezed my hand instead of pulling it away. I liked that, too.

Oh boy.

I’m crushing on Marko.

Now what do I do?

And how come everyone figures this stuff out about me before I do?

***

No amount of coffee will help me today.

I wanted to take Jeff on a morning coffee break into town, but that would mean seeing Marko and after yesterday, I need to unscramble a few things in my brain first.

Not that I don’t want to see him, because I really fucking want to, but after a very sleepless night playing back everything since meeting Marko and even events before I met him, I need some time to wrap my head around this.

Dante waves when I find him mucking out the llama stalls and I slump onto the hay bales. After leaning his shovel against the wall, he walks over to join me.

“You look like you’ve had a bender and need caffeine mainlined. Late night?”

“I think you were right. ”

He snorts. “I’m right about a lot of things. Care to narrow it down?”

“How does Colby put up with you?”

Dante snickers as I shake my head. “With a smile, my friend. With a satisfied smile.” He laughs again before schooling his features. “Seriously, Heath, what’s going on?”

Last night, I replayed my entire twenty-nine years in my head. All the signs I missed. All the things I ignored because… well, because I thought nothing of them. I dated women and liked them. I was straight. Or so I thought. The end. Do not pass go.

Seems I’ve had it all wrong.

“I’m pretty sure I’m bisexual. You were right.”

Dante blinks and clears his throat. “Are you, I mean…sometimes it takes a while to discover things about ourselves.” He places a gentle hand on my arm. “Thank you for confiding in me. Do you want to talk about it?”

Nodding, I pat the space next to me and he sits.

“Well, I discovered I like Marko. Not only that, but there have been a few other guys over the years who, now that I think about it more…yeah, I was attracted to them, and I guess I never gave it serious thought.” Puffing out a breath, I run a hand through my hair and stare at the rafters. “The last date I was on, we went to a concert. A man next to me spilled his beer on me, and we talked all night. And…my date was right. He was flirting with me and I just…” I shrug. “I just didn’t pick up on it. But I remember he had nice eyes, they were pretty, and I complimented him on his shirt.”

I couldn’t tell you what my date wore that night, but I can tell you the man had a warm smile and his eyes were brown with a pretty yellow tint when the lights pulsed just right. His shirt was red and a soft cotton that stretched and hugged him tight. I remember telling him the colour looked good on him. Because it did. He was attractive.

“So how do you feel now knowing this?”

Good question. No different really, except the man who I thought was just a fun friend is really the man I’d like more with… and if I’m right, I think he’d like that too.

“Well, I definitely have a type.” Laughing, I run a hand down my face. “Taller, tattoos, and wide shoulders. I’ve been attracted to guys with those traits before, and Marko isn’t the first one. Before, I brushed it away as just admiration. Nothing sexual because, you know, I had a girlfriend or liked women. Even those magazines I’d look at. I just…”

“Sometimes it doesn’t make sense, Heath. Lots of people discover things about themselves later in life. We’re conditioned to think ‘ straight .’” He uses air quotes and wears a sad smile when he says that. “If we were all born with a manual and a sexuality sticker, it might help, but even then, we’d often ignore it. There’s no box that you need to put yourself into.”

“I should tell him, right? We’ve been dating this whole time, haven’t we?”

Dante grimaces. “From where I stand, it sounds like you’ve been dating, yes. But I’d go ask him and make sure you both understand what’s going on. Don’t ever let things go unsaid. Communicate and, worst case, he only sees you as a friend and you carry on.”

Before, being friends was all I wanted. If I read it all wrong and that’s all he wants, I just might be heartbroken.

And that kinda sucks.

“That’s a good idea. I should go talk to him.”

The rumbling of the tractor sounds and we both groan.

After the hay is done, of course.

My sexual epiphany will have to wait.