Chapter 20

Mae decidedto approach Bae Books from the street.

She normally parked in the back alley, checked on the plants in her raised beds, entered via the office door. But maybe she should start facing her dream the way the rest of Greyfin Bay saw it: from the outside. A boarded up window, a bright turquoise door. Planters holding wilting flowers. A small storefront next to a small pub, at the end of a small street.

Mae inspected the drooping fall daisies with a frown. She needed to tend to them more, cut them back for winter. Decide what she could plant for the dreary months.

She stepped back to survey the storefront once more.

Flora aside?—

It was perfect.

Even with the boarded up window. That would be fixed soon. Most things could be fixed, with time.

Mae unlocked the door, and her first thoughts were somehow simultaneous:

Oh god, I still have so much to do.

Look at what I've done.

The bookshelves, the rug, the mural behind the counter. The pilea peperomioides on the counter.

She'd remembered last night, even in the dark, even in the exhaustion. She knew it again now. What the most important part of moving somewhere new was.

Leaving, and then coming back again.

Even a short time away made you appreciate all the details you had forgotten to appreciate. It didn't take long at all, Mae had learned, to stop seeing the details in a place.

You also didn't have to be in a place very long to know it was where you wanted to return to. At least for that exact moment in time. The place that life had led you to, for whatever reason, right here, right now.

It wasn't quite a bookstore, not yet.

But it was hers.

She put her keys and IGA coffee behind the counter, and she propped open the front door. Began bringing in what she'd been able to transport in her car. The bigger things she'd need to wait for Dell for, and a lot of what she'd dug out of the storage unit were creature comforts she simply wanted for the ADU, even if the ADU didn't exactly have the space for any of it. But there were knickknacks, framed photos, artwork, pottery, small furniture pieces she wanted for the shop, either for the front desk or the office, to make 12 Main even more her own. It was Saturday morning. She kept the door propped, started taking her time with the trips the more folks she started talking to.

Say hi, sometimes.

It was the height of whale-watching season; weekends in Greyfin Bay in October and November were often as bustling as they were in July. She stuffed a stack of Vik-designed, newly printed business cards in her coat pocket, handed them out to any passerby who paused even a moment. Encouraged them to peek their head inside. Asked them about their favorite books. When she explained that the glass of the front window was being replaced soon, nobody even blinked.

By the time she kicked away the doorstop, several hours had passed, and Mae was almost high on the enthusiasm of strangers. What a kind thing, to earnestly wish someone luck.

What a blessing, to have several hours' reprieve from remembering the feeling of Dell McCleary's body, tucked alongside hers.

Taking a big swig of now-lukewarm coffee—Mae's nose wrinkled as the bitter taste slid down her throat—she flipped on the lights in the office, opened the back door to make sure homophobes hadn't fucked with her raised beds while she'd been gone.

And then she almost fumbled her coffee entirely into her mums and black-eyed Susans when she saw what Antonio from UPS had left for her.

She rushed back into the office to put the coffee down and retrieve her phone to document them, and maybe call Vik to squeal.

Whereupon she discovered her phone was…completely and utterly dead.

"Dammit," she muttered, reaching for the charger on her desk. She stared at the dark screen, biting her lip and tapping her feet, before twirling on her heel to grab the boxes. This would have to be a let's just remember in our hearts situation.

She carried them to the front counter, found her favorite pair of scissors with the glittery pink handles, and carefully, preciously opened her first box of books as a bookseller.

She smiled when she saw the first books, sitting on top, glossy little mass markets: Tessa Dare's Spindle Cove. She plucked them out, inspected the spines and corners for damage. Her heart swelled with the appropriateness of it all. Maybe everyone had to get swept away, at some point, by a whimsical coastal fantasy.

And then she unpacked more, romance novel after romance novel, and the smile began to slip from her mouth.

She stared at their colorful covers, every depiction of embraces and longing glances scattered across the dark wood of the counter, and felt suddenly dizzy. She realized, dimly, that she had missed lunch.

In all of these stories she'd read, all the comfort she'd escaped into over the years, the characters met the loves of their lives at the exact right time. Maybe it didn't seem that way in the first chapters, of course; there had to be some hurdles for them to jump over to be together, but…they could always be together by the end. Because they were both unencumbered, ready to let their love interest in.

They weren't already fucking other people.

Mae sank into her chair, dropped her forehead to the counter.

After a deep breath, she walked into the office to retrieve her phone.

Where several panicked messages from Vik yelled at her from the screen.

Are you okay?? Are you back in Greyfin Bay?

ARE YOU ALIVE PLEASE TEXT ME

I am imagining you just had so much wild sex into the early morning that you are now sleeping it off and that's why you're ignoring me and you're not actually in a ditch somewhere in the coastal range

Just kidding i'm absolutely picturing the last thing CALL ME

"Shit." Mae pressed Call so hard it hurt her finger. "I'm sorry! I'm safe! Everything's fine!"

Vik's sigh was loud in Mae's ear; Mae couldn't quite tell yet the balance of angry and relieved.

"Good," they said, and Mae'd say it was 50/50. Which was probably kinder than she deserved. "Thank fuck. But Jesus, Mae, never leave Moonie's again like that and then send me a text message like that and then go radio silent."

"I know, I know. You're right." She was about to jump into the story when she paused. "Wait, how did we leave Moonie's?"

"Like you were about two seconds from jumping each other's bones. Jackson was extremely jealous. What am I saying, we all were."

"Right. That didn't…quite happen."

And then Mae did jump into the story.

Vik, as always, was a patient, attentive listener.

"Wow, Mae," they finally said.

"I know."

"And you're…" Vik sighed. This gust of air was clear: 100% worry. "You're sure you're okay with this, if it moves forward? You know we've seen it…go wrong."

Mae winced. Fuck. It had gone wrong, specifically, with Vik and Jackson. It had been a long time ago, before Mae knew them; she didn't even know the third's name. But Vik had told her about it, after Mae had told them about Becks. It hadn't been the same thing, but it had been soothing for both of them, Mae thought, sharing their mess. Knowing that people you loved had mess, too.

They still cautiously practiced openness, sometimes, but they had clear boundaries now. Sex only. No deeper feelings.

And it was clear, even if Dell tried to argue that it was different, that Dell had feelings.

"Fuck, Vik. I should've thought more before I presented this to you. Sorry if I said anything that brought up old hurts."

"No, no." Mae could hear Vik's bittersweet smile through the line. "You're fine. And it's good, sometimes, to bring up old hurts. Make yourself remember the things you've learned. And it wasn't all bad, our thing."

"Yeah." Mae bit her lip.

"Just…you have to be really, really honest with yourself, and each other. All of you."

"Yeah," Mae said again.

"I'm not…trying to reprimand you, or be condescending or?—"

"No," Mae interrupted. "This is good. Thank you, for talking to me seriously about it."

"Of course. It could work out just fine. I just…please, Mae, don't let your heart get broken, okay? I know you say you're fine after what happened with Eden, but…you deserve something really, really good, Mae, and…I saw you and Dell together. Not just at Moonie's, as hot as that sexual tension was, but…from the moment I saw you two in Greyfin Bay. I know your heart's already involved here."

"Yeah." A whisper this time, before she cleared her throat. "I'm going to be careful, Vik. I have so much to do with the store to distract me, and…it'll be okay. Either way."

And she realized, as she said it, that it would be.

It would hurt. In the case that…no, no matter what happened, someone would likely hurt, somehow, at some point.

But maybe that was always the risk with love.

And even if she never got to touch Dell McCleary again for the rest of her days, Mae had already experienced an abundance of love in her life. Jodi and Felix. Becks. Jesus. Vik. Others, too: the people who flitted in and out, the intense bursts of friendship, the mentors and the teachers, the relationships and nights that were brief but warm. Maybe you experienced a multitude of loves in your life, and Mae had already experienced her fair share. Maybe anything from here on out was a bonus. This store, Jesus's inheritance, the little house in the woods she'd been able to fall asleep in every night for the last month and a half, the ocean, pounding steadily behind her: all of this, clearly, was a bonus.

She'd cherish every drop she could.

"I should go." She wiped at her suddenly damp face. "I have a lot to do. Thank you so much for listening, Vik. It was…so good to see you this week."

"I miss you already, Mae."

"I know." Mae sniffled, straightened. Walked as she talked, back out to the counter. Straightened her stacks of books. "But we'll do it again. Soon. You saved me this week. Can you…keep making sure I don't lock myself away over here?"

"You can count on me, Captain."

"Thanks, babe."

"Keep me updated on that sitch of yours."

"I will. Mwah."

"Mwah."

When she hung up, she turned on Jesus's death party playlist before she placed the phone back on the counter.

And then she woke up the computer, and got to work adding these fresh and shiny books into her inventory. As she typed and scanned away, a memory surfaced: standing in the IGA her first day in town, talking to Taylor Nguyen about buying Pokémon books for Lanh.

She opened a new browser right then, searching for all the Pokémon she could find.

Like that, it hit her.

Why didn't she know all of Greyfin Bay's favorite books? She'd asked some tourists this morning for theirs, but?—

Maybe she hadn't actually been doing the work at all.

She picked the phone back up and sent a text to Liv. Hey—mind if I come bug your patrons for a while?

Then she grabbed another stack of business cards, and locked the door behind her.

* * *

Dell showed up mid-morning the next day.

Mae smiled, cautious but true, at the sight of him.

His skin was wan, the space under his eyes almost purple, shoulders tense. Just like he'd appeared the last time she'd seen him post-trigger. Her smile faltered as she took him in, as she held back the urge to go to him, wrap her arms around his back and rest her head on his chest.

But Dell had been living with this for years now; he likely had his own routines. Likely didn't want to keep talking about it. She'd promised she wouldn't touch him.

"Hi," she said, turning back toward the bookshelf where she was arranging the books that had arrived yesterday. This wouldn't be their final resting spot, but books still deserved to be on bookshelves.

"Hi. I brought the rest of the stuff from the truck, if you want to help me unload it. And then I'm going to get to work on the rest of the shelves."

She put down the paperback in her hand. She'd almost forgotten about the rest of the stuff.

"Of course. Thanks, Dell."

He dipped his head in acknowledgement before heading outside, Mae at his heels. She couldn't quite tell if carrying furniture together helped with the awkwardness between them or only enhanced it, but either way, she was grateful for the bits of familiarity they brought to the shop: a favorite old table, placed under the window by the front counter. A dresser she planned on using for storage in the office. Her favorite comfy armchair, placed in the reading area. And then a few random pieces she wasn't quite sure where to put, so they were put upstairs for now, one creaky step at a time.

Mae wiped at her sweaty brow when they'd placed the last one against the wall in the otherwise empty second floor.

"Thanks," she said. But Dell was already walking away, toward the two windows at the front of the room. Mae followed. And then they stood a while, watching. The view of the ocean, of Main Street, of the entirety of Greyfin Beach and the cliffs that enclosed it was so much clearer from up here. Something special.

"I know it seemed like my move to Greyfin Bay was impulsive," she said after a spell. "I know there's still a lot I have to learn about the town. But in a way…it feels like my body's always been waiting to get back to the ocean, you know? I've always loved it so much."

Dell was quiet, his eyes still focused on the view. But she knew he was listening. Dell was also good at listening.

"And my parents are here now, too. It feels like…I don't know. I've never believed in fate, or anything like that, but it does feel primal, somehow. Ending up here."

After a long moment, Dell asked, "How come I've never met your parents, if they're so close?"

"For one thing," she said with a smile, "my dad's eyesight has gone to shit, and my mom's always been a nervous driver. That's one of the reasons they're at this senior living place; the staff can take them where they need to go in town or get stuff delivered for them. But…I've also told them I don't want them to see it until it's all done."

Dell turned to look at her then. Her smile deepened at his stare. She shrugged.

"I love the idea of a grand reveal. I want to see the look on their faces, you know?"

Dell turned back to the window.

"I feel the opposite," he said after a beat. "If my mom was here, I'd want her to see everything. To always be in my workshop, watching every piece I made. Telling me how to make it better." Mae turned her body toward him, resting her hip against the window frame. "I think most of the time, that's what I imagine is happening, in my head."

Mae let herself stare at him, the tired lines of his face, the rough stubble on his neck.

"Tell me about her," she said softly. "Georgia."

Dell glanced at her, once and then away, back to the ocean.

"She's just…" He raised his shoulders, let them drop. "Always been a good mom. My bio dad left when I was little, so she raised me by herself through most of my childhood. Ours was the house my friends always wanted to hang out at, because she made everyone feel so welcome. Like she was everyone's mom, you know?"

Mae nodded.

"She met Henry, my stepdad, when I was in high school. He was a good guy; I was happy for both of them when they got married. Made it easier to move out here, knowing she wasn't alone. But he died a few years ago, and…now she is alone. And I'm stuck here, because it's where I feel safe now." He shrugged again, in a somehow particularly self-deprecating way. "I don't know," he said, voice quieter. "She's always been my favorite person. I just want her here." A second later, frustration lacing into the words: "I know she'd like it here."

Mae could only smile sadly at him. She'd promised not to touch him.

"I'm glad you had a mom like that." And then, before she thought the words through, "I hope I get to meet her someday."

Dell's eyes flashed toward hers.

"She would…" And then he shook his head, a grin cracking onto his lips. "She would fucking love you."

And before Mae could even absorb that, he stuck his hand in his pocket, checked his phone with a slight frown, and twisted away from the window.

Mae watched his long strides in silence, the swiftness with which his large body swept across the floor, disappeared down the stairs.

And with a deep, slow breath, she turned back toward the dusty glass, and watched the waves a bit more.