Chapter Two

Los Angeles, California

"I know you said no talking, but where am I taking you?" Tanner asked when we were down the block, the school thankfully behind me for three months. Which was sad, because I actually liked most aspects of school. "Home? No, wait, it's Friday. Milkshakes?"

How did he know that?

The route was familiar, with its palm trees and flowers, chain stores and boutiques. But I'd never taken it with Tanner. His SUV sat higher than Caleb's Corolla, and Tanner took corners too fast, and it smelled like deodorant, French fries, and faintly of whatever trash clung to Tanner, instead of Caleb's linen air freshener. I might never make this drive again in Caleb's car. That thought didn't help the churning in my stomach partially caused by Tanner's driving.

My muscles were tense as I waited for him to mock the breakup and repeat the new nickname, but he adhered to my no-talking rule and cranked up his music. It was something screamy, the kind that usually gave me a headache, except today it suited my mood.

I was trying not to think about summer and next year and the plans I'd made that Caleb had imploded. My chest felt tight. I had a personal policy to avoid crying at all costs, but hyperventilation was a real threat.

Tanner pulled into the strip mall in a nice shopping center and parked outside Shake It Up.

As soon as the car stopped moving, I jumped out. "Thanks for the ride, I guess. See you. Unless you decide not to come to Alaska."

I slammed the door, not giving him a chance to reply.

He caught up with me on the sidewalk outside the shop.

"What are you doing?" I asked as he held the door open forme.

"I'm not driving all the way out here without getting a milkshake."

We stopped, blocking the door. The AC blasted from inside, competing with the warm air outside. Opposing forces, like us, as our eyes fought a battle. He towered over me, gazing down with gray eyes under dark brows, his lips tilted up at the corners like they always were, whether he was smiling or not.

Ugh. I stomped past him.

The interior was bright white with blue accents and cool light, the scent of sugar thick in the air. This had been my happy place. Once. Now it was defiled by an invading football player and the knowledge that everything about my life had changed.

Jordan sat in our usual booth, sipping a milkshake. Her eyebrows shot up when she saw me—and who I was with.

"What's up, Jordan? I like your hair," Tanner said. "What's good here? What are you having?"

"Peaches and cream with graham crackers. It sounded summer-like," she said, as if talking to him, here, was normal.

She'd made her way through the whole menu and had resorted to making up her own combinations, which the staff was always happy to attempt. It had even resulted in a new flavor being added to the official menu: Quadruple Chocolate—chocolate ice cream with chocolate chips, Oreos, and brownie bits.

I went to the counter and ordered my usual.

"Mint chocolate?" Tanner asked. "I'm very disappointed you're not getting s'mores."

"Disappointing you truly breaks my heart. Let me change that order right away."

Tanner read every single option aloud. "Hmm. I'll have to go with Milky Way. You know, in honor of my victory and because I love space so much."

"You should visit. I'll get you a one-way ticket."

"It wouldn't be the same without you, though. Who would I beat in the outer space competitions?"

I whipped out my card. "Put them both together," I told the cashier.

Tanner blinked at me.

I scowled. "You gave me a ride. It's fair."

He nodded once and grabbed his cup, raised it to Jordan in salute, and sauntered out.

I snatched mine and sank into the bench across from her.

"Why was Tanner Woods here?" Jordan craned to look out the window and watch him drive off. "Where's Caleb?"

The afternoon flooded back. I groaned. "I don't want to talk about it."

But I told her everything.

Her face maintained its usual calm, reassuring expression until I got to the end. Then her eyes widened and her lips pursed. "He tried to shake your hand? What is wrong with him? I'm sorry I wasn't there. Are you okay? Want to egg his house tonight while he's at the party?"

I huffed a semilaugh. "No, I wouldn't do that to his parents."

"What about his car? We could egg that."

"It's a long drive to the beach to throw a few eggs."

"A few? You severely underestimate my willingness to exact revenge."

I half laughed again and stared at my cup. I didn't want revenge. I wanted life to go back to how it had been an hour ago.

I pushed the straw up and down, making it squeal in a way that had always made Caleb cringe. As if the breakup wasn't bad enough, had he ruined milkshakes for me, too? I refused to give him that power. Even though I felt sick, I took a long sip that made my teeth hurt.

Jordan let me be silent. Along with the shop's sugary scent, I detected her customary faint vanilla lotion. That was the only part of her that stayed the same. Today, her nails were bright blue, and her natural hair formed two high puffs atop her head—Tanner was right; it looked great. We were complete opposites in that way. She was always experimenting with hair and makeup and clothes, while I kept things like my long, straight dark blond hair the same because, why take the risk on something new that I might not like?

"Forget him and the party," she said. "TV marathon tonight. You're about to leave for two weeks, and I'm going to miss you."

I stabbed my straw into the drink again. "Don't remind me."

"Oh, come on, you're excited, and you know it."

I wasn't not excited. I'd researched the ship and the places we'd see and planned our excursions. But it meant putting up with Tanner for two weeks.

My parents really needed new best friends.

Although…the ride today had been decent of him.

"Yeah, I can't wait to spend time with the guy who got me nicknamed Moore the Bore," I said. "You know that's sticking for all of senior year."

"I'm sure everyone will forget it by the fall."

Yeah, right. The name had accompanied an embarrassing moment in front of dozens of people. No one forgot that kind of thing. Plus, it rhymed. It was guaranteed to stick in everyone's mind until our fiftieth class reunion. Forget about whether I led the math team to a state championship, or set a record in the pole vault or two-mile run, or discovered a new comet that was named after me. Even if the Savannah Comet ended up on a collision course with Earth, Moore the Bore was going to be my high school legacy.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Jordan asked. "How are you feeling?"

The only thing worse than being dumped was discussing my feelings about it. "Please don't get out the chart."

Jordan wanted to be a counselor and was constantly trying the same tricks to make me talk that the family therapist had used on me when my mom and bio dad split. Including the stupid chart with cartoon faces for common emotions, since I had "trouble expressing my feelings," and apparently pointing to them was supposed to help kids process.

Thankfully, when I didn't want to talk, Jordan was far less pushy than the therapist had been.

"I love that you care, Jor, but I would rather make a plan."

She hummed. "A plan for what?"

"I don't know. How to show him he's wrong? So he changes his mind?"

She hummed again.

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing."

I waited. She was incapable of not sharing her opinions, as long as I was patient.

"I just think you should go have fun with Tanner Woods for two weeks," she said. "One day with those muscles and that smile, and you'll forget all about Caleb."

"?‘Those muscles and that smile,'?" I quoted mockingly, "are the external package for a supervillain. He's Anakin to my Obi-Wan. Loki to my Thor."

"Yes, yes. Khan to your Kirk. But it sure is a nice external package. And that tight end."

"That's his position on the football field," I said. "Not a commentary on his backside."

She grinned. "Why can't it be both?"

"Because it's Tanner Woods. Can we please talk about something else now?"

"I'm just saying, he was nice enough to give you a ride."

So he could rub in all the ways today had gone wrong for me. Except he hadn't mentioned Caleb once. Why not? Him being…nice?…to me left me unbalanced.

"I know you would rather fix things than feel them," she said, "but I'm here if you need me."

"And I love you for it."

"Of course you do. How'd it go with Mr. Lin?"

"No luck on the Astronomy Club. But he wants me to join a special physics program next year."

"That's great. You love physics. For some odd reason. Are you going to do it?"

"I don't know yet." My instinct was to say no, but today had been stressful enough. I'd think about it later. "Enough about me. What happened with the job? Have you heard?"

She'd applied to help teach kids' singing lessons at a local music school.

Her eyes lit up. "I got it!"

I grabbed her hand. "I knew it. I'm so proud of you. They're lucky to have you. And the kids will love you."

She'd be busy this summer, and therefore not an available substitute for activities I'd planned with Caleb. But I was happy for her.

We tossed our cups and left the shop.

"I know what we need to watch tonight," she announced.

Our best friend last-day-of-school tradition was picking a science fiction show we loved and binge-watching selected episodes. Last year had been The Expanse when I was into hard sci-fi and she was into broody guys like James Holden. Seventh grade had been our Ahsoka phase and Clone Wars. As kids, we'd devoted days to Captain Janeway and Peggy Carter and Starbuck.

"What's that?" I asked.

"Doctor Who," she said. "All the tearjerker episodes guaranteed to make us cry. Sad endings in honor of the last day of school. When Rose is stranded, and Amy and Rory and the Angels, and, oh, oh." She clasped her hands, and I swore she wasalready tearing up. "Vincent van Gogh."

That was a great episode, but…"Ugh. I don't want to cry. Especially today." If I started, I wouldn't stop, and crying made my nose a never-ending fountain and left me with a headache for twenty-four hours. "What about the River Song ones? I could use a brilliant, legendary lady."

"Fine. She does have fabulous hair."

I smiled and we climbed into her car. "You don't mind missing Manda's party?"

"Pshh. No. Not if he's going to be there."

If we showed up, it would prove Caleb wrong.

And give a giant crowd of people a chance to use my new nickname.

Never mind.

Her face sobered. "I really am sorry. I knew you guys were…"

"Were what?"

She shot me a sideways glance. "I don't know, you and Caleb haven't seemed that close lately. Since spring break. You've barely mentioned him, and he hasn't been around as often."

Spring break. When I'd been trapped at a lakeside cabin with my parents and Tanner and his family, trying to read on the dock and ignore Tanner showing off on a wakeboard. While Caleb got to stay home and help with kids' camp at the Science Center.

Jordan wasn't wrong. Afterward, Caleb had been more distant, busier, canceled plans more often. Which wasn't like him—I'd always appreciated his consistency. I'd assumed it was the stress of finals. But had we been on a real date since then? How had I missed that?

I sighed. "Why didn't he talk to me about it?"

"Um. Because he's a guy."

"That means he's incapable of a discussion?"

"About relationships? Yeah."

"That's what I liked about him, though. He was low drama, serious about school. I thought we were similar." I chewed my lip. "Do you think I'm boring?"

"Do you think you're boring?"

I leveled a finger at her. "No Jedi mind tricks. I'm onto your ways."

She laughed. "Sorry. I think you're perfect."

"You're my best friend. You have to say that. It's in the contract."

"You know what you like and you stick to it. That's not a bad thing. You find something good—like a best friend—and you don't change it. I have obviously benefited from your loyalty."

"Oh, please." I waved a hand toward her. "You're way cooler than I am. If anyone was going to look for a new best friend in the last eight or nine years, it would have been you."

"Pshh. Whatever. No more talk of new best friends. You're stuck with me forever. Besides, your behavior is understandable, after everything."

There she went, analyzing me again. She meant the first six years of my life, when my bio dad was in the picture. A messy, drawn-out divorce. Custody fights. Never knowing if he would show up for our scheduled times or cancel last minute or take me to a monster truck rally or a casino instead of for burgers or to the zoo. Culminating in the cops being called when we went camping and he refused to accompany me to the bathroom in the middle of the night. I'd ended up thinking I saw a bear, sobbing, and stumbling into a stranger's tent, incoherent.

Those years might have given me an obsession with sticking to schedules, liking routine, and wanting to know what to expect at all times. According to my therapist. And Jordan.

But she was right—there was nothing wrong with that. I was fine. It was possible to have routines and also enjoy life and be a fun girlfriend. So how did I make Caleb see that?

Maybe after a few weeks of summer, he'd realize what he was missing.

"Now," Jordan said. "River Song awaits. Are you ready?"

Our history, this tradition, and my best friend made the darkness inside me a little brighter.

"Let's do it."

Caleb could have his beach party. I hoped he spent the whole time thinking about me. He'd regret what he'd said, come to Shake It Up, and be shocked not to find me there waiting. Then he'd see he'd been wrong about us and call to apologize. We'd walk his dog in the park tomorrow, like we always did on Saturdays, before my parents and I left on Monday, and life would go back to normal.

Just how I liked it.