Chapter Eighteen

Port of Call: Skagway, Alaska

I stumbled, my eyes glued to the phone screen, and stopped.

"What is it, Savannah?" Mom asked.

"I'm going to read this message real fast. I'll catch up."

"Tanner, will you wait with her?"

I lifted my eyes. We stood on a sidewalk leading straight from town to the port, with colorful wooden buildings on one side, a green hill on the other, and our enormous ship clearly visible straight ahead.

"Mom, the ship is right there. I'm perfectly capable of walking a few hundred feet by myself."

She blinked. "Oh. Okay. But don't take too long."

"I won't be late again. I promise."

My phone was burning a hole in my hand. What did the message say?

Tanner studied me and I avoided eye contact. Was he hurt that I didn't want him to stay? Why did I care?

The others continued on, and I fortified myself with a deep breath before opening the message.

Hey Savannah, your vacation looks like lots of fun. I hope you're having a good time. Talk to you soon.

I stared at the letters. That was all? I wasn't sure what I'd expected when I saw his name, but…more than that? Those were words you'd say to anyone. An acquaintance, your friend's grandmother, the clerk at the grocery store.

The words didn't miraculously multiply into something longer and more illuminating. They were an equation, but the worst kind—one I couldn't solve.

I sent a screenshot to Jordan with a row of question marks and trudged to the ship.

Tanner was standing by the gangway.

"Waiting to get stranded with me in case I was late?" I asked.

"Nah, I knew you wouldn't be late. I wasn't with you." His smile said I was forgiven for yesterday. "But I was fully prepared to fake an emergency and delay the ship if necessary."

"Playing in trash again?"

"Jumping in the water and pretending I was drowning was the leading contender. Everything okay?" He nodded to the phone in my hand.

"Huh? Oh. Yeah. Caleb messaged me. To say hi and that he'd talk to me soon."

Tanner's expression went very blank. His eyes darkened. "Did he apologize for dumping you?"

"Not exactly." Okay, not at all.

"I know you dated for a long time and this"—he waved a hand—"is to get him back. But please respect yourself enough to not listen to anything he has to say until he apologizes, because what he did sucked."

My stomach squirmed. "Maybe he didn't want to apologize by text."

Tanner hummed. "Or he sees you having fun and regrets losing you. But think about what I said."

I heard him. I did. He was right—Caleb's methods and timing for the breakup did suck. It had been a jerk move, and I did need to know he was sorry for how it happened.

But if he apologized…Everyone made mistakes. Shouldn't I be willing to forgive him? To not do what he had done and throw away the last nine months so easily? Besides, it wasn't like he'd asked me to get back together. He was just saying hello.

My phone buzzed again.

When I looked down, Tanner asked, "Caveman again?"

"Jordan." My lips twitched. "She says he better apologize and I shouldn't talk to him until he does."

Tanner grinned. "I knew I liked her."

"Really?"

"Sure. She seems cool."

"Oh. She is. Way cooler than I am."

Tanner's frown returned. "Why did you let him convince you you're boring?"

"I know I'm not adventurous and cool and fun like Jordan."

"There are lots of ways to be cool and interesting. You build rockets. You run. You throw yourself over high bars with a pole."

"Yeah, those make you popular in high school. I'm telling Jordan I hear her." I tapped out my reply.

"And Caveman?"

"I…I'm going to wait to reply to him."

"Good for you. Make him work for it."

It was more because I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to sound desperate, like I was waiting for Caleb to reach out to me. And I didn't want to have to demand an apology by text. That was pathetic.

But I did want to talk to him. And I did hope he was sorry.

We'd been dating for nine months, friends for two years before that. We played a big part in each other's lives. Moving forward without him would be like losing a piece of my life.

Tanner and I boarded the ship, and because it was late and a train into the Yukon totally counted as my new thing for the day, I grabbed a quick pizza dinner and went to bed. I was still contemplating the message, and also the facts I'd learned about Tanner. My brain was so full, I was worried it might go into a total meltdown if I didn't force it to rest.

And a tiny part of me was disappointed at how quickly Tanner had said goodnight.

"Why did I let you talk me into this?" I asked.

"Because it's awesome. And because we're helping our parents."

"If Mr. Ramirez is basing the promotion on who's willing to risk hypothermia, that's definitely an HR violation."

We stood in our bathing suits, wrapped in big fluffy towels, on the lowest deck of the ship, along with our parents and several of their coworkers. The ship was stopped near the entrance to Glacier Bay, where we'd be cruising for the rest of the day. But first, the company was holding a polar bear plunge.

And somehow Tanner had convinced me to participate.

The way he turned everything into an adventure, wanted to do and see everything, knew how to seize the day, was rather infectious. I was infected. I probably needed to see a doctor.

"Corporate America would be better if more things were decided by contests," Tanner said. "Want a job? Gotta beat the other applicants in a cage fight."

"That's easy for you to say." I jabbed his arm muscle.

"Fine, what about a race? They can drop off potential candidates two miles from the office, and the first one to reach it is hired."

"Hmm. I could at least beat you in that."

"Oh, you think so?"

"Everyone knows football players can't do distances."

"I kept up fine in Vancouver."

"Because I let you."

He laughed, and I suddenly realized how close we were standing. We were huddling for warmth, that was all. The open hatch was letting in chilly air.

Not everyone here was participating—my dad wasn't. He was our designated cameraman. I suspected many would chicken out and were here to watch their coworkers make fools of themselves. But Mr. Ramirez was determined, which meant our moms were, too.

I had to admit, I agreed about it being awesome. I felt strong and bold just thinking about what I was about to do. Who could call someone boring and stuck in their ways when they were willing to plunge themselves into a frigid ocean?

Mr. Ramirez stood in front of the group. "I'm grateful for all of you who are here this week. I hope you and your families are having a wonderful experience. And thanks to the crew for arranging this team-building exercise."

Tanner snorted, and I smiled, as the others clapped. Nothing built a team like joint risk of frostbite.

"There are no bonuses involved for participating," Mr. Ramirez continued. "You'll just win the admiration of your coworkers. Since I never want to ask any of you to do something I wouldn't do, I'll go first."

We dropped our towels. The shock of cold air made goose bumps sprout on my skin. The water was a forbidding light, cool teal. A small temporary metal platform with three stairs led down to a small deck. If the ship made port anywhere without a dock, we would have boarded the lifeboat tenders here. Today, there were no small boats waiting, only icy water.

I tried not to stare at Tanner's shirtless chest. It wasn't like I'd never seen it before, at family lake trips or beach outings. But today it was pulling at my attention.

Snap out of it, Savannah.

Mr. Ramirez hurried down the steps, onto the platform, and leaped off. Others followed. One of the ladies from accounting made it to the edge before stopping, laughing and waving off the teasing as she returned to the indoors. Our moms went together.

Tanner squeezed my hand. We ran three steps and jumped. I had enough time to see him do a flip before I plunged beneath the water.

The shock was intense and instantaneous. A cold that stole my breath, stopped my heart. Jolted my brain until I was awake, alert, alive.

I surfaced and Tanner came up beside me. We both yelled.

I flailed my arms to stay afloat as the icy water sent prickles through me.

Tanner floated on his back briefly, hands behind his head like he was in a tropical sea. Then he flipped over and sucked water into his mouth and spat it out in an arc.

"Gross," I said. "Seals pee in here."

"I bet I could stay in longer than you," he said.

My toes were already going numb. I'd never taken his dares in the past. Not publicly, anyway. I plotted in private how to get better grades or beat him for an award or circumvent his terrible ideas for projects. But this was like one of his past dares—I had no need to prove myself in something that might result in me losing fingers.

"Yup," I said. "I bet you're right."

"Aw, you don't want to make a bet, S'more?"

"I'll let you have this one, since you care more."

"So nice of you. I do care."

We joined the line to climb up the hanging ladders. My shoulders hunched, and I was shaking.

"Ladies first." Tanner offered me a smirk.

This time, I'd take it. As soon as I was out of the water, Dad thrust a towel at me. I immediately wrapped up. My nose and ears felt like they were made of ice. Were they turning blue? My teeth were rattling, and I couldn't stop shivering.

"Smile," Dad said.

Tanner's arm came around me, so I was cocooned in his towel as well as mine, and I beamed even though my half-frozen hair was dripping down my neck and I could barely feel my lips. The extra body heat felt nice. Because it was warm. Not because it was Tanner. Not because that muscled torso was pressed against me.

After my dad lowered the phone, Tanner's arm tightened briefly. Before I could look up at him, he let go and stepped away. The chill instantly returned.

Dad handed me the phone. The photo was great. We were grinning and wet, and the water behind us looked cold, a chilly teal. Fog was visible on the mountains. Tanner scrolled to see that Dad had also captured a video of us running and leaping. Our clasped hands were clearly visible before Tanner did his somersault.

"See?" Tanner leaned close to see the screen, his arm resting against mine. "Awesome."

My lips curved up.

This was way outside my usual box, but once again, I was glad I'd done it. Each small step made the next one easier, and they were pushing the walls of my box outward, inch by inch.