Chapter Twelve

Port of Call: Ketchikan, Alaska

I stood on another platform in the treetops, except unlike in Vancouver, this time I was preparing to jump off it. The harness I wore was giving me a wedgie, and my helmet resembled a plastic cereal bowl far more suited to holding Cinnamon Toast Crunch than protecting my head if I plummeted to the forest floor.

Our tour group had shucked the dirty rain suits and taken the bus to an older area of the rainforest, with taller, denser trees. The air was thick with the scent of wet leaves, and other than a cool breeze rustling the trees, it was overwhelmingly quiet. The sun had emerged after the morning gloom, with spotty white clouds puffy against a brilliant blue sky, a shade I was certain had never been achieved in Los Angeles since the invention ofcars.

The science behind zip lines was solid. As long as they were well constructed, you could count on them to do exactly what they were supposed to. Unlike wild animals, which were unpredictable and deadly.

Tanner was more like a wild animal than a zip line.

I had survived riding with him in an off-road vehicle, so surely this couldn't be worse.

That moment at the end was another story. That had been nothing more than our usual teasing, surely. Definitely not flirting. But when I recalled his closeness and the sparkle in his eyes, my insides bounced around again.

We'd graduated from ground school, where we'd learned how the harness attached to the line, how to grip the handle, how to press the line above us to slow ourselves with our thick gloves. Then we'd hiked to the first platform and climbed to the treetops.

Our guide was finishing his talk with "And there's lots of wildlife out here, so watch for eagles, and if we're lucky, we might see a bear."

Say what now? Good thing I was off the ground. Bears couldn't climb this high, surely. Wait. Could they climb?

Tanner slid up next to me. "We should race here since we couldn't in the cars."

I tried to shift my thoughts from images of giant monsters scaling trees like squirrels. "Do you even know how these work? You weigh more than I do. Mathematically, I can't beat you."

"That sounds like you're giving up."

"That sounds like science. So we've obviously eliminated one entire branch of study from your possible college majors."

"Don't be hasty. Maybe I want to study why I'm destined to beat you."

"Then you're going to need remedial math classes first. You might not want to look at your physics grade today."

He elbowed me. "I think you're using science as an excuse. If you really wanted to win, you'd find a way. You just don't want to admit that I'm superior."

A half snort, half laugh escaped from my throat. He was impossible. And not at all cute, eyes glinting, lips smirking, expression teasing under the ridiculous bowl helmet.

"What if I got you a backpack full of rocks?" he asked. "To even out our weight? Take that, science."

I stepped away from him and raised my hand. "Can I go now? I'm ready to jump off anything to get away from him."

Tanner smothered a smile.

Wait. Had that taunting been intentional, to distract me from my nerves?

Sneaky jerk. Also, that was sweet.

My stomach was already swooping as the guide clipped my harness to the line. The line stretched through the treetops to another platform that was barely visible, where I hoped someone was waiting to catch me before I face-planted into a tree trunk.

Given the science of zip lines, that was more likely to happen to Tanner and his greater mass, which cheered me up greatly.

I took a deep breath, grasped the handle by my head, and stepped off the platform.

Gravity took over. My lungs stayed behind temporarily before air whooshed back into them, and then I was weightless, or as close as I would ever come to zero-gravity without going to space. I picked up speed down the line.

Once I was breathing again, I looked around.

The trees surrounded me, enormous, a cocoon of green. They were so dense, I thought they might smack my face as I sailed through them. Fresh pine scented the cool air, and the sky stretched endless above me. I felt like a bird soaring, and oddly secure, with the harness forming a chair. Everything was so quiet.

All too soon, the second platform grew larger in front of me. The slack in the line meant I slowed as I approached it. My feet hit the wood, and the guide grabbed my harness to keep me from stumbling as I came to a stop.

That had been fun. Like sprinting into the wind on the track, but with gravity doing the work. And nicer views.

The guide unhooked me, and I moved to the side of the platform, shaky, but maybe in a good way?

Tanner went next. Immediately after leaving the platform, he began twisting into nontraditional positions—on his stomach with his arms out like he was an airplane, twirling from side to side, slumping backward as if unconscious. Was he even noticing the view?

He straightened in time to come in for the landing. The others on the platform laughed and applauded, and he took a bow, glowing under their attention. As soon as the guide unhooked him, he winked at me.

I shook my head. No. He was not funny or entertaining. He was a show-off. What was wrong with my brain? The ATV must have jostled neural connections out of place.

"I videoed you jumping," he said. "Next time I'll go first so I can get you coming in for the landing. Make sure to wave for the camera. And if you want to return the favor, I'll be extra daring."

"Does it count as daring when you're attached to a line? Isn'tit the same amount of daring no matter what position you're in?"

"You're the science person. You tell me." He glanced at me sideways. "What did you think?"

That it was really fun, but I didn't want to admit it.

He poked my arm. "You liked it. I can see it in your face. Wait, can you not pronounce fun ?"

"F-f-f. Nope, can't do it."

"Repeat after me. I."

I suppressed a smile. "I."

"Had."

"Had."

"Fun."

"A not completely horrible time."

He threw his head back and laughed, then rested his hand on my shoulder and gave me a serious look, though his lips still curved upward slightly, their natural state. "I'm glad."

He seemed to mean it, holding eye contact. A shiver went through me. As another person arrived, we moved aside, and his hand fell away. I almost missed its weight.

We waited for our dads, and after mine reached us, he hugged me. "I hadn't done that since our honeymoon," my dad said. "This was a great idea."

When Mr. Woods landed, he said, "How do bears travel? A bear-o-plane!"

People around us chuckled, showing that a desire to make people laugh ran in the family, but I wished he'd stop. I didn't mind dad jokes in general—when they came from someone else's dad—but why did his all have to do with bears? Was that like an entire genre of comedy? I should learn his fear and make jokes about it.

The platform was connected to another line, and another. We sailed down several more of varying lengths. Some offered views of a silver river winding through the trees or a distant bay glinting in the sun. To reach some, we walked across narrow bridges with treetops swaying around us. An eagle glided overhead.

"I'm glad Steph didn't come," said Mr. Woods. "This is not an excursion for anyone afraid of heights."

I didn't mind heights, and was fairly relaxed until I spotted a large, dark shape below and stumbled. Tanner gripped my arm.

When we reached the platform, I saw it again.

Tanner pressed against me as he stared in the direction I was looking. "I think that's a bush."

"It's the same shape as before," I said. "I think it's stalking us."

"Or, there are lots of bushes in, you know, a forest."

The others huddled at the edge of the platform to watch as, far below, a bear-shaped form ambled to the river.

"Your bush is moving," I said.

"Someone call National Geographic. I've discovered a new species."

I hung back as the others watched the animal splash into the river. I couldn't stop a tremor from shaking my body.

After the group moved on, Tanner asked, "What's up with you and bears, anyway?"

"What do you mean?"

"Come on. You were the only one not excited to see that. Anytime someone mentions them, even my dad's dumb jokes, your shoulders get tense and your face gets pale."

He'd noticed? "Maybe I just don't like your dad's jokes."

He waited, watching me.

I huffed. "I have a healthy respect for animals that can eat me, that's all."

"I do, too. Like with opposing players. Don't underestimate them. But also don't over estimate them. If you know your limits and theirs, and if you understand them, you don't need to be afraid."

When did he get so wise?

"Plus," he said, "I don't think that many people actually get eaten by bears. I feel like that would be in the news."

"It might be, up here. You don't watch Alaskan news."

"I could. There's this thing called the internet. Since you like math, I'm guessing that statistically, seeing a bear is way safer than driving in LA."

Why did he have to be so logical? That was my job, but somehow bears gobbled up my common sense. My brain knew I was safe, but that didn't stop my heart from racing or some primal instinct inside me from screaming, bypassing my brain and sending signals to my body that I should be afraid. I wasn't sure how to stop it.

"Especially the way you drive," I managed to lob at him.

The course ended with an extra-long, steep line, and I couldn't see the platform at the end. I was supposed to trust it was out there, with people waiting for me, not a bear lying in ambush to maul me.

Maybe I'd let Tanner go first. It would take a while for a bear to eat him because he was so big, and I'd have time to get away.

This line carried me faster than the rest—thanks, gravity—and when I landed, I was sad it was over. When everyone finished, we climbed down to the forest floor.

Tanner grinned at me, and I returned it without thinking.

I'd always enjoyed the simplicity of doing things I liked with people I liked. Today that had oddly included zip-lining and Tanner. I felt like I had accomplished something, overcome a mental block. I'd done something new, and it hadn't turned out too badly.

While our group waited for the bus back to town and our ship, I sat on a log bench beneath the trees and posted pictures and videos. Tanner did the same.

Once we were driving, I received a message from Jordan.

Jordan: Are you with Tanner again???

Me: Yeah.

Jordan: Huh.

It was breaking my brain, too.

Jordan: Your pics are amazing.

She'd already loved or given a fire emoji to the ones from the jazz club, dance lessons, and formal night.

Jordan: I told you you'd have fun.

Me: Yeah, yeah, you're always right and I will never question you again.

Me: What's everyone up to at home?

Jordan: I'm going to pretend you mean me and not that you're digging for info on Caleb.

Caleb had liked my post of the suspension bridge, the only one he'd acknowledged. What did it mean that it was engineering-related, and not me in a dress? Was it enough to make him regret the breakup? Was he planning a post in which he said I wasn't boring, and he didn't know what he'd been thinking? He'd publicly declare that he couldn't wait until I got home so we could talk and he could undo what he'd said.

I clicked over to his account. Nothing new. Ha. Who was boring now? Except it wasn't his fault I was on vacation and he wasn't.

Me: Of course I mean you.

Jordan sent me a rundown of her last two days of work and informed me that her little sister, who was going to be a freshman, had decided she wanted to try out for volleyball, even though she was five-three and had never played.

Then my phone chimed with a new email—from the school.

Grades were in.

I peeked over my shoulder at Tanner before opening it and accessing the school portal.

Tanner slid into the seat next to me, holding his phone. "Want to do it together?"

I sure hoped this ended well for me. I might have preferred privacy in case he somehow outscored me.

We opened our files. I'd gotten an A in precalculus, physics, and US history, an A minus in Spanish, and a B in American lit, plus I'd had track this semester. Tanner held his screen next to mine. He had the exact same grades, except his A minus was in precalc and his B was in physics. He'd taken art this semester as an elective, and since football was in the fall, when I'd taken a film elective, our GPAs for the year were identical.

My teeth were doing the Tanner Woods grind again.

Seriously, how did he do it? I'd been convinced he would do worse than that in physics and precalc, especially given the recent ignorance of the basics of gravity.

"Did you even study?" I asked. "Pretty sure I never saw you open a book this year."

"Oh, it's been far longer than that. I can't help being a natural genius," he said.

Life was so unfair.

"Looks like it will come down to senior year, S'more."

Neither of us was going to be valedictorian. We weren't taking enough advanced electives like some classmates, and liberal arts weren't my strength. But getting a higher GPA than him would be enough to prove once and for all that discipline and planning were superior to…whatever you could call his particular brand of chaos.

He stayed next to me, showing me videos he'd taken of the day, before I showed him mine. I was proud to be able to say I'd done it. Despite my nerves, I'd pushed through, and I'd enjoyedit.

When the bus returned to town, we were just in time for the deadline to board the ship. We joined the line on the dock, and they had us scan our cards again, I assumed so they could ensure everyone was here.

"Do people ever get left behind?" Tanner asked the guy manning the scanner.

"Sometimes. We have to keep to the schedule for the ports. It disrupts everyone if we leave late. If someone isn't on an official cruise excursion and they don't make it back in time, we don't wait. It's up to them to get themselves to the next port to meet us."

Yikes. This was why I found punctuality attractive—great protection against marooning.

After I showered, I went to our balcony for the sail-away views, clutching a blanket. The room had two personal-sized plaid ones in a tiny cabinet, I assumed for this purpose. I wrapped it around me and settled onto a chair, watching floatplanes come and go against a quaint backdrop of small buildings along the water. The way the planes could both fly and float was cool, with pontoons for landing gear.

The ship eased away and slowly cruised along the coast. It didn't take long for the town to fall behind us until once again it was just water and sky and mountains.

"You're not sunbathing nude, are you?"

I leaped off my chair. The voice had been Tanner's.

Oh. Right. The balcony next to ours.

"Like I'd tell you if I were?" I called. "How long have you been there?"

"How long have you been there?"

"I'm enjoying the view. Isn't that why you get a balcony room?"

"I thought it was so you could feed the birds and go fishing over the side."

"No, it's definitely so you can spit at people below you."

"Nice," he said.

I retrieved the blanket from where I'd dropped it and leaned my forearms on the rail, peering around the divider that separated our balconies. He was in the same position. The wind ruffled his hair, and his eyes were bluer than their usual gray.

I didn't know what to say. We'd been…friendly today? Ish? He'd been less annoying than usual, or I'd had enough to distract me that I hadn't noticed. There had been moments when he'd helped with my outfit or encouraged me or we'd laughed together that I hadn't wanted to kill him. Thinking about those sent a swoop through my stomach like I was soaring through the air.

"What did you like best today?" he asked.

"Zip-lining."

"Me, too, because I'll always beat you."

"The way you beat me at physics?"

"No, the way I beat you at English."

"You realize we could go on like this forever?"

"Nah, eventually you'd run out of things to beat me at."

"I think you have that backward." I was grinning, but it faded. "Hey, Fun Coach? I enjoyed today."

"Yes! I knew it."

"Don't let it go to your head."

"No matter what you might think, I want you to enjoy all this," he said, and his voice was serious. "I'm not trying to change you. You don't have to prove yourself to me. I just want to make sure you don't miss out."

I leaned back. It was easier to talk when I couldn't see his face. "I guess I would have missed out. I mean, I wouldn't have known I did. But I know now."

If I'd walked around town with my mom, it would have been nice, pleasant, relaxing. I never would have imagined I'd enjoy the adventure of the excursion.

"Does that make you more willing to try other things? See what else is out there? This week?" he added quickly. "Like, make the most of your vacation."

What else had he possibly meant? "Maybe."

I was contemplating thanking him, sincerely. He'd been encouraging, supportive, and patient. He'd made the day easier, shockingly, and also possibly more fun.

Before I could find words, the door behind me cracked, and my mom stuck her head out.

"There you are."

"There you are," I said. She waved me inside, so I called, "Later, Tanner," and followed her in.

"Your dad said you had fun today." She leaned toward the mirror and smoothed her hair.

"We did. What did you do?"

"Explored the town, took a short tour, did some shopping. Did you check your grades?"

"They're fine." She didn't approve of my need to beat Tanner, since it meant exactly nothing in the grand scheme of the universe, getting into college, or finding a job, so I kept those thoughts to myself.

"I never doubted," she said. "We'll have our usual report card cupcakes when we get home. We're going to dinner now."

"In the fancy room?"

"Yes, but it's not formal night. You can just wear a nice sweater."

"No, thanks," I said. "You guys go ahead. I'll get something in the casual place."

I was not revisiting runaway snails and creepy birds. My stomach didn't need more adventure today.

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. I'll get a burger by the pool."

After they left, I made my way to the pool deck and watched the scenery from the rail. The ship was cutting through silvery blue water, hugging the rugged shoreline. It was peaceful up here. Quiet. A strong wind blew off the water, whipping my hair and making me glad for the hoodie I'd thrown on.

As I got in line for a burger at the bar next to the pool, someone stepped behind me.

"Hey," said Tanner. He was wearing jeans and a sweater that hugged his muscles, and he looked nicer than I did. Too nice. That sweater, with his chest and shoulders, was criminal.

"What are you doing here?"

Tanner smirked like he'd caught me admiring his arms. "Our parents were convinced you needed company. Also, dinner in that fancy place takes forever, and they were sitting with Mr. Ramirez, and I didn't want to listen to them talk about work."

"Oh, I'm sure no work talk was going to happen whatsoever."

"Yeah, I was probably mistaken. That doesn't sound like our moms at all."

We both laughed.

When we reached the front of the line, the server gave us buns and meat—double for Tanner—and we moved to the buffet line for toppings, condiments, and potato chips.

I added cheese and ketchup to mine.

"Is that all you're having?" Tanner asked.

"I like simple burgers."

Tanner piled everything onto his, tomatoes and pickles, lettuce and onions, large quantities of ketchup and mustard, along with a mountain of chips on the side. "I like big ones."

"I can see that."

"Not even lettuce or tomato? You're a runner. Don't you like vegetables?"

"I like some of them. Just not on my burger."

"You're killing me."

"I know. Moore the Bore."

A shadow flickered in his eyes. He opened his mouth.

A gust of wind hit us. It picked up the chips and the precarious stack of toppings on Tanner's plate—a top bun coated in condiments, lettuce, rings of onion—and carried them through theair.

The wind deposited half his chips in the pool, where they immediately began to sink. The onions and lettuce landed on a pool chair, barely missing an e-reader someone had left. And the bun landed condiments-first on the cheek of an old lady sitting at a table nearby. It stuck, the ketchup acting like glue. And it slowly slid and plopped onto the deck beside her, leaving a trail behind on her cheek more obvious than the snail's on the tablecloth.