Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Four

Conar stood still as he watched them walk off. “I know you’re back there, English. I know you heard. Know this, if you allow her to be hurt again, you will answer to me.” Conar walked away without another word.

Lucien was surprised that Conar had known he was there and not said a word. The man was honorable. Someday he would have to thank him. She wasn’t letting their son know for fear of losing her son. Not because she hated him.

By the time Lucien made it back to the party, the band had begun to strike up another waltz. As he approached Ciara, he heard some pimply faced boy ask her for the dance. Before she could respond, he swooped in, “I believe that she has promised this dance to me. Gentleman.”

He swung her onto the floor, almost groaning aloud at the feel of having her in his arms again. “Smile, love, or people will think that you don’t wish to dance with me.”

“I don’t.”

He arched a brow and looked down at her. “Why not? I have been told that I am a passable dancer. By the way, you look ravenous tonight. You are the most beautiful one here. With the possible exception of my sister, but familial loyalty decrees I say that.”

He grinned at her, once again a marquess overly confident in himself. A grin that faltered when he saw the look in her eyes.

“It seems we have come full circle. You are using your title to get what you wish, for you know that I never promised you this dance. And since you know that I am upset, you are spouting compliments to try to soothe me. Unfortunately for you, in the same way you spout them, they flow off me, like water off a duck’s back. Save your pretty words for someone else. Like maybe Christie or whichever other woman is your current mistress.”

“Jealous, princess?”

“Like I tell you over and over, one can’t be jealous of what one doesn’t have. I just resent being grouped with the collection of brainless women who find your compliments endearing, when I am nothing like them.”

“No, you are most definitely not. You are…”

“I know. Different. I am nothing more to these people and you than a freak show. I am different and they want to see how the ‘wild American’ will act. Don’t insult me by adding to it. Just, can we finish the dance in silence?”

The detachment in her voice struck a nerve with him. He hadn’t looked at it from her point of view. She was correct, and while no one would insult her openly because it was her aunt and uncle who hosted the party, there were titters behind fluttering fans. Men joked about how it would be to ‘make it’ with the dark-skinned savage.

The dance ended. Before she could pull away, he whispered for her ears alone. “I never thought that of you. For what it’s worth, princess, I think you are the most beautiful woman here.”

He thought to appease her. It had the opposite effect.

Eyes flashing fire, she glowered at him. “I know. I am beautiful, for a savage, a heathen. Anything someone would wish to sleep with just to say that they had. I know. For all your pretty words I am still only good enough to be a mistress. Never a wife. Goodnight.”

She spun around and pleaded a headache to her aunt then sought her room.

Ciara left Lucien with a swirl of jade silk and the teasing scent of honey and berries. Her scent. He watched her disappear up the stairs. He didn’t know how to proceed. She was unlike any other. Compliments didn’t work. Trinkets wouldn’t work.

“She’s full of fire, isn’t she?” Rafe stood at his elbow as he posed the question. “So what’s your plan? Are you going to kidnap her, take her to Gretna Green and marry her?”

Lucien laughed at his friend. “No way. I wouldn’t get within three feet of her.”

“What’s the problem? Her animals know you. Just go grab her.”

“The last time I went into her room to wake her from a nightmare, her knife was sliding in my throat before she was fully awake. No thanks. I don’t plan on doing that anytime soon.”

“Are you sure you wish to be saddled with such a woman? Perhaps she is a little much for you to handle.”

“Silence. There is no woman alive that is too much for me to handle. In all honesty, Rafe, I am not sure what to do here. I don’t know how to get time alone with her. I have to consider Bryn as well.”

“You are asking the wrong man, I know nothing. Now if you will excuse me, I am going to take my fiancée away from all those slobbering fools.” Rafe walked off toward Devonna.

“You know her animals are with her son tonight. Her room is the third on the left, English.” The words came to him from behind a pillar. Lucien moved off with just a nod of his head. Now was his chance to speak to her.

Lucien went to her room and approached on silent feet. The breeze blew her fragrance to him and he stiffened like a hound on the scent.

Lucien stood in the middle of the darkened room and watched her framed by the moonlight. Her dress was tossed without care on the floor and she sat cross-legged in her buckskins. Her hair was braided and hung down her back.

Even from this distance he could read her like a book. She wanted to be out there. Not trapped in this world that he lived in. It was killing her spirit. “Ciara.” The name spoken like a lover’s caress was soft and gentle.

“Good evening, Wolf. Why have you come here?” She didn’t start at his voice, so he knew she had known he was there.

“I came to speak to you. Will you give me a chance to explain?”

“Come sit down and speak your piece.” Tiredness was evident in her entire body.

Lucien sat down beside her and looked at her. Her skin shone in the moonlight. “How do you like England? It is pretty, is it not? I was surprised to find out that Trenton was your uncle. Why didn’t you tell me?”

“It wasn’t any of your business.” Leave it to his princess to ignore the niceties and hit the heart of the matter.

“If I had known that this was where you were staying, I wouldn’t have said anything. I—”

“You have no right. I didn’t tell you because where I stay is not your business.” Her voice came hard and fast. “The only reason you wondered is because you thought I was with some male.”

“Well, yes. I have a right to—”

“No. You don’t. Whether I chose to stay with a male is not your concern. I ceased being your concern the moment you crossed that field back in America. Before that even. Why are you trying to lay claim to me? I am not yours.” Ciara sighed. “I have never been yours.”

“Damn it. Yes you are. You always have been, since I woke up in your cabin. Nobody else can have you.” I won’t let anyone else have you.

“Why? Why not? I am nothing but a novelty to you. Not good enough to marry, but good enough to sleep with. Why can’t I allow the same for someone else? Did you even think of me over the past seven years?”

“Every day and don’t say that about yourself. You are not a whore. Do you understand me?”

“Oh. I get it. I am just your whore. I see. So I am to be set up for use at your disposal but not for anyone else’s?” The bitterness she spewed only fueled his own determination.

“You are not my whore. Not any whore. Do you understand?” His words fell like chips of ice.

“I forgot. I am the mother of your bastard. Listen to me. I don’t understand what you are doing. I don’t understand why you feel like you have the right to be jealous of someone like Conar.”

“Damn it. Because you belong to me.” He grabbed her and applied a bruising kiss to her lips as he hauled her up against his body that was rigid. With anger. Maybe fear. “I won’t share you with anyone. You are mine. You always have been.” There was fortitude in the force of those words.

Wrenching free, she stared at him, tears pouring down her face. “You won’t share me? Tell me then, since I am yours, does that mean during all this time that I belonged to you that you belonged to me as well?”

“Yes.” He gritted out. “You have always been with me.”

“That was not my question. Tell me, did you think of me when you were sleeping with your mistress? I am assuming that you had more than one, a man with your reputation. You didn’t belong to me and I don’t belong to you. Don’t you see?”

“I’m a man.”

“I’m a mother. Do you understand that? Regardless of what you think, it is not flattering to tell a woman that you thought about her every time you were sleeping with another.”

“Yes. You are a mother, of my son.” This wasn’t working. Maybe he should be honest with himself and her.

Ciara fell back against the window, as she just had no strength left to support her own body. “I hated you, you know. For leaving me. For leaving me pregnant. Alone.” She spoke in hushed tones, almost as if speaking to herself.

“I didn’t know.” His voice pleaded with her for understanding.

“I know. I was losing my independence and you had left to find your dreams. Then Bryn was born and my world changed. He is my everything. If he likes it here, I will lose him. You have the power to take him from me. You can give him things I can’t even dream of. And I will be left alone again.”

Oh, sweetheart, what have I done to you? “No. You gave him life, and you fill his life with love. You are his mother and I can’t take that away from you. I don’t want to take that away from you. He loves you so much. His smile, when he sees, you could rival the sun for brightness. I have no wish to take him from you. Ciara, don’t you understand that?

“I’ll admit that I haven’t been a monk since my return, but I compared everyone I was with to you. They all fell short. I know that is not what you want to hear, but it is the truth.” He ran his hands through his hair. This wasn’t going well. “Ciara, there is something unique about you. You are so special. It breaks my heart to think that I hurt you. I never wanted to do so.

“What you said to me tonight, on the dance floor, is so untrue. Maybe at one time but not now, definitely not now. I don’t see you as a conquest to be lorded over my friends. I don’t have the words for the exact way you make me feel, but when I do, I will be sure to tell you.”

Lucien slid his body between hers and the window, so she leaned on him, and he wrapped her in his warm embrace as he spoke softly into her ear.

“I want you to stay with me. I want you to marry me. I want to marry you. I want to have what your parents had. I know that you don’t believe me, and I will spend every day trying to make you do so. Don’t go back to America without giving me a chance. Please. I will find a way to prove myself to you. I will.

“I love you. I love you, Ciara Malika McKay. One day you will believe me and that will be the happiest day of my life. Then I will marry you and we will grow old together and watch our son grow up with his siblings. Together. You and me. You will never have to be alone again.”

He rose and wiped her tears away with his thumbs. Lucien drew her up into his embrace, buried his nose in her hair and just held her. When he felt her relax, he leaned back and kissed her on the mouth, with the utmost tenderness. He kissed her again and again until he felt his body stir in response. To the bed he carried her. After he took off her clothes, he tucked her in.

Lucien pulled back and placed one last kiss on her lips. “I know my limit. I have to go. I will see you soon. Goodnight, princess. I love you.” Lucien left the room as quiet as he had arrived, leaving an emotionally exhausted Ciara alone in the bed. Confused. Wondering. Wishing. Hoping.

* * * *

Ciara rose late the next day. She dressed slowly as though the night had added fifty years onto her life. She made her way downstairs and looked for her son. He was outside playing. With Lucien.

“Morning, princess.” Lucien’s deep voice reached her as she stepped out into the late morning light.

“Morning, Mama. I was going to wake you, but he said I should let you sleep.” There was no need for her son to identify who ‘he’ was. “I was going to go with him to name the baby horse we brought him, but he said we had to ask you first. Can I go with him, Mama? Please? I’ll be good. Promise.”

“Give me a minute, Bryn. Come give me a kiss first. Then I need to speak to him alone.”

Bryn ran up the stairs and threw his arms around his mother. He kissed her soundly on the cheeks, hugged her and let her go to run back down the stairs. “Well, can we? Mama? Please?”

“I need to speak to him alone first, Bryn. Go play with Faolan and Kosse for a bit.”

“I promise to take care of him, Ciara.” Lucien’s voice intruded, unwelcome, into the conversation.

“See, Mama. It’s all right. He said.”

“Brenden Kumi. Enough. I said go. I will not repeat myself.” Ciara glared at her son, knowing he knew better than to add anything else.

As he walked away, he looked back at Lucien and added in a whisper his mom was not supposed to hear, “Mama’s mad. Better be nice to her.”

“I will.” He sent the response with a wink to the boy who grinned and scampered off.

Before he could fully turn his attention back to the woman on the stairs, she ripped into him. “Damn you! I will not have you undermining my authority with my son.”

“Our son.”

“My son. You will not put him in the middle of this. Don’t expect him to fight your battles for you. I won’t have it.”

“Okay, okay. It was poorly done. I just want to spend some time with him. Let him come with me.”

A footman brought out a message for Ciara on a tray. She read it in silence. Not so much as a flicker giving away what it said. She placed it back on the tray then spoke quietly to the servant and he disappeared into the house.

“What was that?”

“Nothing for you to concern yourself with.” She bit her lip as she watched her son. “Very well. You win. We tell him now, that you are his father and that he can spend the day with you, on one condition. Faolan goes with.”

“Why the sudden change?”

“What now? You don’t want him to know?”

“No. I do, I just don’t understand why you have decided to agree now?”

“I never disagreed. I just wasn’t sure of the right time to tell him.” Ciara wouldn’t meet his gaze as she walked over toward her son, leaving him to follow.

“Bryn. Come sit. There is something that we need to tell you.”

He ran over and plopped down beside his mom. He looked up at her with such love and trust it damn near brought tears to her eyes. “What, Mama? Can I go with him? To see the horses?”

“Aye. You can. But first there is something I have to tell you. I should have told you a long time ago.” Lucien sat beside her and rubbed the lower part of her back in quiet support. “It is about your father.” Bryn sat still then and looked between his mom and the man next to her.

Eyes that were wiser than they had any right to be took in the picture. “It’s you.” Not a question. Just a plain statement. “You are my father. You have my eyes.”

“Yes.” Lucien’s voice cracked as he answered.

Bryn looked at his mom. “Did he not want me, Mama? Is that why you didn’t tell me?”

Ciara reached down for Lucien’s hand and squeezed it as she answered her son in the same language. “No. That is not why. He didn’t know about you until the other day at his house. He wants you so much and loves you. If you are to be angry, be mad at me, not him. Give him a chance, Bryn. He really wants to be a father to you. He would love for you to go with him still today, but it is up to you.”

“I like him too, Mama. I think I will like having him as a father. Besides, Conar told me that sometimes surprises are the best things that can happen to you. We can be a family now.”

“One thing at a time. Right now, we should speak English because it is rude to speak with him not being able to understand us. Are you all right?”

“Yes, Mama. I am strong.” Bryn glanced at Lucien before he asked his mom, “What should I call him?”

“I think that is something the two of you should work out. Now, no more unless it is in English.”

Bryn turned to Lucien and looked him in the eye. “What am I supposed to call you? Mama said I should ask you.”

Lucien swallowed. “What would you like to call me? My name is Lucien but some people call me Saint.”

A thoughtful look crossed Bryn’s face. “Well, Mama says that you do want me and that the reason I didn’t know about you was because of her. She says you love me. Is that true?”

“Yes. I love you very much.”

He rose and scrambled to sit in Lucien’s lap. “Papa.” His decision firm. “I will call you Papa. That way I have both a mama and a papa.” He gave Lucien a hug.

Bryn pulled back from him and touched his face. “Your face is wet. Are you hurt? You are crying. Mama can fix just anything. You should have her look at it.” He jumped into his mom’s lap and kissed her. “I will go with him still. Are you coming, Mama?”

“No. There is something that I have to do. You go with Faolan. Have fun and make sure you listen to him.”

“Yes, Mama.” He jumped up and ran off, yelling behind him, “Come on, Papa, Faolan, let’s go.”

Lucien rose and pulled Ciara up into his arms. He pressed a kiss to her neck as he whispered into her ear, his words trembling with emotion both shed and unshed. “Thank you. Thank you for giving me a son, my son.”

She pulled back and wiped the tears from his eyes. “Go on. Have fun. Keep him safe.”

“Are you sure you won’t come with us?”

“You two need some time together.” She smiled as she watched her son beckon to the man he had just learned was his father.

“I love you, Ciara.” Lucien placed a caressing kiss on her lips, making her sigh and lean into him on instinct. His chuckle made her realize where they were. As she pulled back, he smiled at her. “You may not be ready to tell me how you feel, but your body is and does.”

Ciara backed up to put some much-needed distance between them. “Be good, Bryn, and have fun.”

“Bye, Mama. Love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

“What about me? Don’t you have something to say to me?” Lucien purred in her ear.

“Take care of him.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

Ciara didn’t even get one complete step in before she was spun around. Her eyes wide with shock, she looked into Lucien’s hard gaze. With a jerk he had her up against him and kissed her once more. No caressing kiss, this one spoke of possession.

He had made his claim and she had just realized it was on her. The kiss was fast, hard, deep and commanding. He had issued his command, remember me, and remember this for you belong to me. Just as fast as it began, it was over, leaving her shaky and wanting more.

“Have a nice day, princess.” He walked off toward their son.

Ciara watched as they left for his estate on horseback before she got ready for her appointment. She had sent Faolan with her son and had kept Kosse with her. She would need the support.

She rode her horse hard. It was a little over four hours on horseback to her destination and she wanted the confrontation over with. Kosse kept pace with her in the shadows of the trees. Artemis held her own as she rode up to the ducal house.

She swung down and took a deep breath before she handed the reins over to a footman who waited and walked up the steps with Kosse flanking her. As she knocked on the door, a dour-faced butler answered her summons.

“Where is he?” Ciara asked the pinched-face man.

“His Grace is waiting for you in the library.” Disdain was evident in the man. “That creature will have to wait outside.” He acted as if he had managed to disrupt her plans.

“He comes with.”

She brushed past him and entered the house. Museum would be more apt a word. It was sterile in its cleanness and there was no feeling of warmth present. There were many priceless items, but nothing to make it feel like a home. Ciara suppressed a cold chill as she looked around.

“He was most insistent that no creatures come with.”

“Then he will have to be upset. Where is he? You tell me or I will find him myself.” She moved through the foyer as she guessed where the library would be.

“Wait,” the imperious tone of the butler came. “Follow me.” He led the way past gaping servants to a door that was solid oak. There were intricate carvings in the wood.

For a moment she forget where she was and gazed at the door as her fingers skimmed over the markings. It was a mythological scene depicting Zeus as he enslaved the Titans. It was beautiful.

The butler knocked and, when bidden, stood back and let her enter. Then he shut the door behind him leaving her alone in the room with the duke.

“What do you want?”

“You were told that you were to leave the animals outside.”

“I would not be dumb enough to face you without someone I trusted at my back.”

“Humph. Come in and sit down. We have business to discuss.” A liver-spotted hand waved her forward.

Ciara went and sat in a straight-backed chair while Kosse stayed between her and the door. “What did you send for me for?”

“Did you tell my son?”

“I don’t need your son to protect me. No, I said nothing to him.”

“Have you no manners? You did not even curtsy when you came in, never mind your dress. Pants are for men.”

“Why bother with niceties? I did not ride for four hours to discuss what honors you believe I should bestow upon you. You called me. I came. Be happy with that much. What do you want? You are wasting both our time.” Ciara kept her tone hard.

“How much?” the duke rasped. “How much will it take?” When she raised her eyebrows, he cackled with glee. “I knew it. Money always works for your kind. That is what you were after from the beginning.”

“Enough,” Ciara broke in. “What are you talking about? How much what? What is it you are trying to buy?”

“Why, your leaving, girl. I am willing to pay you to go away and not try to marry my son. How much? I will have the money for you before the end of the day. How much will it cost for you and that brat of yours to disappear?”

“Don’t call my son a brat. I won’t take your money. I never wanted your money. I never wanted your son’s money. I don’t need it. Is that what all this was about? You wasted my day. Goodbye.” Ciara rose and headed for the door.

“Get back here. I am not finished with you.” His tone caused her to narrow her eyes in response. She turned inch by inch and approached the desk, moving with all the grace of the wildcat that kept pace with her.

“What? Why do you keep me here?” Ciara placed her hands on the edge of the desk and in silence dared the duke not to back away from her gaze.

“I could have you thrown onto a ship never to be seen or heard from again,” he spat.

Her voice dropped to a purr as she leaned in closer to his face. “Aye. And I could have Kosse kill you here and now. Your threats don’t scare me. You are a lot of talk. You hide behind your title and use it to intimidate people. That doesn’t work for me.”

“Why did you come here?” This sudden change in conversation almost caught her off guard. Almost.

“To fulfill a promise I made to your son.”

“And the kid.” She noticed he didn’t say brat. “Was he an attempt to get money?”

“No. If that was the case, I would have said something when he was born.”

“My son claims to wish to marry you. Regardless of how I feel about this, I can’t and will not have the family name hurt. Soon this will be just another one of his scandals that will blow over. The wedding will take place here. We will show our support.”

That did catch her off guard. “I have not said I would marry your son.”

The duke continued as if she had not spoken. “After the novelty of you wears off, he will be back with his mistress and forget all about you. Perhaps leave you in the country or send you away somewhere. Then we could just forget about you.” The duke leveled a stare at her that shot fire. “He changed, you know. When he came back from your bloody country of upstarts. What did you do to him?”

“Do you even know what your son went through?” Ciara backed off and stood arms crossed as she looked at this old man in front of her.

“He said that he was injured for a bit. Unimportant. I was concerned with the horse he was bringing.”

Ciara shook her head in disbelief. No wonder Lucien was the way he was. “He almost died. Do you realize that? Died. Dead. As in, no more son. Can you comprehend that?”

The duke’s mouth shut with a snap. “What are you talking about? He said he got knocked off a horse. Stupid boy never could ride like he should be able to.” The duke narrowed his eyes at her.

“Aye, he did get knocked off his horse. Because a bear attacked them. When I found him he was being tossed around like a rag doll. He was near death for two weeks.” Indignation rose along with her voice. “You should be ashamed. You are the worst kind of man. Your son almost died. Your own daughter has been tormented in her own home and you allow it. You can’t see past your own face.”

She slapped her hands down on the desk, calling the complete attention of the duke as she lowered her face even to his withered one. “You are a bastard of a man and if I never see you again it will be too soon. Stay away from me. Stay away from my son. This conversation is over.”

Ciara made it to the door when she heard a single word from behind her. “Wait.” She turned back to the duke who looked paler than usual. “Wait. What did you mean? About my daughter?”

“I didn’t speak in tongues. You figure it out. Whatever dislike you have for me, well, I don’t understand it, but I don’t care. Your daughter still loves you even though you have neglected her for her entire life and for some reason your son would love for you to be proud of him. Although why I couldn’t tell you.

“I don’t know what you have against me. You don’t even know me. The only connection we have is through your son and the horse he brought you. My meeting him was an accident, for I am sure that he would never have wished to have been attacked by the bear. I healed him, for that is what I do. Nothing more. I am sorry that you lead such a bitter life. I saw that in your son when he first woke up. You’re right, he did change. He learned what it was like to enjoy life. Good day.” Ciara left before the duke could form a response.

Striding down the hall, she walked to the entrance of the house, trying to imagine what it was like to grow up in a place sans love. Her life had been full of it and she couldn’t even begin to picture what they went through. A shocked gasp caught her attention.

The duchess was coming down the large staircase. “What are you doing here?” the duchess demanded. “Why are you in my home?”

“I’m not. I’m leaving.” She did. Jogging down the steps, she vaulted into her saddle and turned Artemis down the drive and set her off with a touch of her heels. Soon the house and its eerie feel were far behind.

She rode up to her aunt’s house but instead of handing the reins over to the footman, she asked, “Has my son returned yet?”

“No, miss. He is still with the marquess, I mean his father.” The man blushed.

“Thank you.” It was time for him to eat his dinner. She waved goodbye to the footman and, as he raised his hand in return, she grinned.

When she first came, they had looked at her like she was too crazy to pay attention to them. She overcame their reservations with her normal ease and cheer.

Weeks opened the door. “Hello, Weeks. Is my son here?”

“Good afternoon, miss. He is out with his father. I believe they were going to the stables to name the horses.”

“Thank you, Weeks.” Turning, she was brought up short by a soft voice.

“Wait. Miss… Ciara. Do you have a moment?” It was Devonna. She was wearing a light green day dress that enhanced her beauty and yet still she looked sad.

Smiling at the woman, she nodded. “Of course, I was just heading to the stables. Would you care to join me?” Devonna came outside with her and stared at her. Ciara watched as she worked her bottom lip with her teeth. “Maybe a walk to the lake? I could go for stretching my legs after such a long ride.”

“Yes. I would like that.” She gestured for her to walk and fell in beside her. Devonna was quiet as they walked and Ciara waited for her to start.

A large black streak came running up and she bent to say hello to Faolan. She knew that Bryn must know she was here. “Was there something you wished to tell me?” Devonna looked close to tears. Ciara rose and opened her arms and Devonna fell into them as her cries came out of her in a torrent.

Ciara just held her and let her cry. Devonna’s legs began to shake so Ciara led her over to beneath a tree and continued to hold her as she would hold her own child if he was crying like this. Rocking her back and forth, she let her cry it all out, knowing she would speak when she was ready.