8. Gianna

Something shifted between Gianna and Scarlett in the week that followed. When they crossed each other in the hallway, rather than haughty glares and curt greetings, there was a brief pause where their eyes met. They'd acknowledge each other with a faint, polite smile or wave and keep walking. In the operating room, they worked together as well as they always had, but instead of the previous tense arguments about who was the better doctor that tended to follow, they complimented each other's work. For the first time since Gianna transferred to Rose Bay Hospital, Scarlett spoke to her in a respectful manner, not acting like she was superior or lording her reputation and achievements over her.

At the same time, the application deadline for the opening vacancy was fast approaching, and Gianna still harbored a competitive desire to win that position. This evening after her shift, she sat at home furiously tapping on her laptop, writing and rewriting her cover letter and CV to maximize her odds of securing the opportunity. Cocoa, as usual, was being utterly unhelpful, having decided that his rightful throne tonight was on top of the keyboard, where she could barely see the screen behind him, no matter how many times she nudged him out of the way.

"This is bullshit, Cocoa," she huffed indignantly to her pet, who half-opened one eye and lifted his head to bat at the cursor with a lazy yawn. "I am qualified, and I'm definitely the better fit. Everyone knows it, so why the hell am I so stressed? We have the same qualifications, and no offense to Doctor Hot Redhead, but when it comes to the presentations, we all know I'm gonna do better."

The cat's ears perked up as though he sensed the irritation in her voice and swatted at the cursor again. His tail swished, seemingly annoyed by his human's decision to vocalize her anger in his direction while he was trying to take his evening nap. Gianna sighed deeply. She supposed she had to acknowledge that she was the source of her own anxiety, because rationally, she was confident in her chances and believed she deserved to get it.

An old fear of inadequacy bubbled up to the surface, though, as it often did, making her hyper-fixate on her qualifications and whether or not they really measured up to the competition. All her life, she had been proving people wrong—from the rich kids at the university who scoffed and dismissed her as a diversity admission, to the senior colleagues and department heads who underestimated and undervalued her. By now, she was established enough that the people around her respected her skills and valued her work, but the truth was that part of her still felt like an imposter. Like all these successes and honors were gifts bestowed upon her, undeserved and easily revoked.

"Yeah, okay, I need a break," she said out loud to the cat, sighing, "and to not think about this. Working myself into a spiral won't get me anywhere."

With that, she once again gently lifted the unhappy tabby off her computer keyboard, earning her a grumpy chirp and a half-hearted scratch. Unbothered, Gianna stretched and rubbed her neck, then logged into WomenConnect, hoping for the enigmatic DrHeart to distract her for a bit.

DrHeart: Oh, hey, you're back online!

EmergencyKisses: Woo! It took me two whole days, but I finally cracked and decided prioritizing my real life wasn't worth it, haha.

DrHeart: So how are you today? :)

EmergencyKisses: Oh, you know, just going crazy, being super unproductive, doubting everything I've ever accomplished, etc.

EmergencyKisses: Typical Wednesday night.

Somehow, Gianna already felt a little lighter. Chatting with DrHeart always made her feel calm and less anxious about her insecurities. Her online friend made her feel safe and accepted unconditionally, never seeming to judge her. There was something about typing the words that made them seem less overwhelming, less paralyzing.

DrHeart: Sorry to hear that, babe. For what it's worth, you're a kick-ass surgeon and a genuinely kind human being. I think you deserve good things. So, it's okay to feel that way, but remember that it's not true, alright?

Gianna's stomach fluttered. This woman was too wonderful for this world, perpetually ready with kind words to brighten her day. They hadn't talked nearly as much as she would have liked recently, with her job and the promotion stress and a certain cheating ex-girlfriend taking up mental resources she didn't deserve, but it always felt easy and comforting chatting with her. This exchange right here was exactly the thing she needed.

EmergencyKisses: Well, you don't know that. For all you know, I could be lying to you about everything. Maybe I'm actually a sixty-year-old accountant with a wife and seven kids. Maybe I'm a serial killer. Maybe I'm both.

DrHeart: Haha! Fair enough. I've seen your photo, though. If you're approaching retirement, damn, you aged like a fine wine.

EmergencyKisses: Lol! You have no proof that I am telling the truth, though. No idea who I really am. Spooooooky!

DrHeart: Well, time to come clean: I've been lying about who I am, too. I'm actually an alien sent to Earth to study human mating rituals. You're the first person I told. Promise you won't tell anyone?

Gianna laughed out loud, feeling a giddy, warm happiness filling her body, dispelling the storm clouds that had been raging in her mind. The woman behind that anonymous profile had that effect on her—just with a few sweet sentences, she was able to turn her mood around effortlessly.

EmergencyKisses: Wow, that's such a crazy coincidence! Me too!

EmergencyKisses: But seriously, though, thanks for cheering me up. I really appreciate it. Sometimes it feels like nothing in my life is deserved, and it's really easy for the anxieties and negative thoughts to snowball into a massive shitstorm, you know?

EmergencyKisses: Then I log on and talk to you and instantly feel better.

DrHeart: I know exactly what you mean, and right back at you. These conversations really help me process and figure things out, and that's invaluable. You're a treasure, my friend.

It was funny. Despite having never met DrHeart in person, Gianna felt the closest and most connected to her out of anyone in her life right now. It was a kind of connection she hadn't felt to anyone since the early days with Jade, when they'd stay up all night and just talk about life and love and the universe until they passed out from exhaustion. Granted, that had turned into a disaster and a half, and she really wasn't looking forward to that drink she'd promised to get with her on Friday, but that was beside the point.

EmergencyKisses: Hey, crazy thought, just throwing it out there, no pressure. Would you ever want to meet up and have drinks sometime? Coffee maybe? I don't want to make things weird, I just really value our friendship, and it'd be amazing to see you in real life.

That was followed by a long, long, agonizing silence from the other side that made her stomach churn in a sickening mix of anticipation, anxiety, and regret. Maybe that was totally off-base. The other woman wasn't even comfortable sharing a faceless photo of herself yet. The thought had been spinning in Gianna's mind for weeks now, though, and every time they talked, the urge to suggest it grew stronger.

Maybe it was only because the last two years were the longest consecutive amount of time she'd ever been single in her life. Serial monogamy had been her thing up until Jade, and they'd been together for so long that it had just kind of become the natural assumption that they were going to be together forever. The breakup had shattered something inside her, made her guarded and protective of her heart in a way she'd never been before. At least until she'd started talking to DrHeart and finally opened up again, safe under the anonymity of the Internet.

But Gianna didn't want anonymity anymore. She didn't want to spend her evenings home alone in front of a computer screen, missing out on real connections, human intimacy. Sure, she missed sex, and all the pleasure and affection that came along with it, but the one thing that she really missed was just having someone to curl up next to and watch bad daytime TV with on a lazy Sunday morning. Someone who knew her quirks and flaws and still cared for her despite them. A real, physical, tangible connection that was impossible to achieve through text.

DrHeart: Sorry for taking so long.

DrHeart: I'm just going to be honest with you. There's a really huge part of me that 100% wants to do that. You're amazing, and I enjoy talking to you so much, but I'm not in a place where I'm comfortable meeting up. I'm not out in real life, and I'm not sure if or when that will change.

Gianna swallowed down her disappointment and nodded, staring at those words on the screen, and tried not to feel crushed. That was fair. That was all totally fair. Why did it make her feel so sad, then? It wasn't like it was the end of the world. It wasn't like DrHeart owed her anything. If anything, it was good to establish boundaries and clear expectations. It wasn't ideal, but it was what it was.

EmergencyKisses: Okay, got it, don't worry about it. Just wanted to check if that was on the table. But I respect whatever your journey is, and I'm glad to have you as my online pen pal. ;)

DrHeart: Sorry, really wish I could get over all these mental blocks and stuff, but, you know. One step at a time. Maybe someday, though?

EmergencyKisses: Standing offer on my part, so if you ever decide you'd want to grab that coffee, all you gotta do is let me know. No pressure, though. Promise.

DrHeart: Thanks for understanding.

EmergencyKisses: Of course. Anyway, I'm starving and need to take a shower and feed the cat, so I should probably go.

DrHeart: Is that a euphemism?

EmergencyKisses: Haha! No, I mean my actual, quadrupedal, fluffy feline that's staring at me like he'll eat me alive if I don't feed him.

DrHeart: Oooh, you'd best get to it, then. I'd hate for you to become cat dinner. Hope you have a good night!

EmergencyKisses: You too. Talk to you later. 3

Well, it was worth a shot. Nothing ventured, nothing gained and all that. A little disappointing, sure, but mostly understandable. Whoever DrHeart was on the other end of the screen, she was still figuring herself out, and Gianna hoped she would someday find the acceptance she was looking for. In the meantime, though, it was still nice to have a confidante and a listening ear. Even without the hope of more romantic or sexual in-person involvement, she was thankful for this woman who made her smile every day.

Okay, Gianna thought as she took one last look in the mirror and grabbed her purse, this will be good for me. Talk things out. Get closure. Move on.

She took a deep breath, smoothing out her hair. It had taken her over an hour to find an outfit that simultaneously gave off an air of effortless apathy, like she didn't care in the slightest how she looked for this conversation, while also screaming she was hotter, more confident, and doing better than ever. In the end, she'd settled on dark, high-waisted jeans, heels, and a teal v-neck blouse, with several bangles and chunky rings on her fingers. Crimson lipstick completed the look, adding just the right amount of sass and confidence she needed.

They were originally just going to get coffee, but Gianna's schedule didn't leave room for a lot of casual daytime runs, so they ended up meeting at a cozy restaurant for happy hour instead. With low lighting and dimmed lamps, candles casting shadows, and jazz softly playing in the background, it was, she realized as she walked in a few minutes after six, distinctly more intimate and romantic than she had hoped.

Jade was already seated at a table by the window by the time Gianna arrived. The blonde was tapping on her phone screen in typical fashion, completely sealed off from reality around her by whatever had absorbed her attention. Next to her chair was a large camera bag, indicating that she'd come straight here from her shoot. Or that she was heading there after, hard to say. Gianna realized she had no idea what this project actually entailed.

"Hey, stranger," Gianna said as she took a seat, trying to sound a lot more casual and relaxed than she felt. "Fancy place. How'd you hear about this place?"

"Oh, one of the lighting guys recommended it," Jade replied with a wide grin, putting away her phone. "Cute little place, right? Very, like, European vintage or something. Not our usual scene, but whatever, figured I'd give it a try."

Gianna gave her a strained smile, briefly looking her over. As usual, Jade did the seemingly-casual-but-actually-very-careful-and-styled thing much better than her. Her golden waves spilled freely down her shoulders in breezy, beachy waves, and she wore tight leather pants and an asymmetric sweatshirt with a black and gray pattern partly covered by a fringe kimono jacket. The ensemble gave off a distinct air of 70s boho rocker chick—bohemian, chaotic, and significantly more expensive and time-consuming than it looked. It had been hotter than hell when they met in their twenties, and even now, at almost forty, the woman somehow managed to pull it off effortlessly.

"Yeah, alright, why not?" Gianna said, laughing lightly and pretending to peruse the wine menu. "So what's up? Everything going okay with your... whatever you're working on?"

The other woman chuckled, flipping her hair over her shoulder and glancing out the window, then grinned and said, "It's a nature documentary thing, documenting the wildlife in the bay area. Some kind of educational web series the local university is sponsoring, I don't know. I'm just here to film jellyfish and crabs and try not to get eaten by sharks."

"Crabs?" Gianna echoed.

"Hey, look, I'm just trying to pay my bills. We can't all have heart surgeon salaries," Jade teased, holding her hands up defensively with a smirk. "Some of us have to document the lives of aquatic crustaceans. Basically equally important and useful to society."

Despite herself, Gianna laughed. Even though they'd split on terrible terms and weren't even friends on any social media platforms anymore, there was still something about the other woman's aura that drew her in. Jade, as she always had been, was quick-witted, self-effacing, effortlessly charming, and confident. It was hard not to like her when she sat opposite you and smiled at you with those sparkling green eyes. On the other hand, Gianna reminded herself, Jade was irresponsible, self-centered, and flighty, and she never did the damn dishes. Also, the rampant infidelity. Very much an essential factor to keep in mind.

"Hey, you said it, not me," Gianna said with a shrug, ordering a bottle of their house red at the waiter's arrival. "Anyway, how's the family? Is your dad doing okay?"

"Officially in complete remission," Jade confirmed. "They had to sell the house and get something smaller because it was too much work to maintain it, and Mom was pretty bummed about that, but otherwise, they're happy and healthy."

"I'm so glad to hear that," Gianna replied honestly.

That was one of the strangest things about breaking up with a long-term partner. Jade's parents had lived at this huge farmhouse twenty minutes away, and they'd been up there almost every weekend. A very big part of that was Jade's father being ill, and then her mother needing help around the home. They had become like a second family to Gianna for almost a decade, and now, they no longer existed in her life. Honestly, losing Jade herself had been only a very small part of why their breakup had been so hard. All the things that surrounded that relationship suddenly being cut off was what had really hurt.

For a while, they chatted about work and their families, keeping things light and superficial. They ordered another bottle of wine and ended up choosing appetizers as well since it was hours since Gianna had last eaten. It was all too easy to forget why she hadn't spoken to Jade in the first place, falling into that old familiar rhythm of talking and joking together as though no time had passed between them. But it had, and too much had happened, and that was the reason they were here tonight.

"So, anyway," Gianna said, swallowing a bite of salad, "are you and Violet still together?"

Instantly, Jade's expression changed, her jaw set and eyes flicking across Gianna's face.

"Uhm, no," the blonde finally admitted hesitantly. "We broke up after a few months. It just—it didn't work out."

Gianna resisted the temptation to roll her eyes. Violet was a mutual acquaintance, one of the many people Jade had gone behind her back to sleep with, and after Gianna finally kicked her out, Jade had immediately found comfort in that woman's arms. The new couple had been all over social media with vague and ambiguous posts about their life and travels, apparently jet-setting across the world on photoshoots and film sets and enjoying each other's company.

"Sorry to hear that," Gianna said flatly.

"Look, Gigi, I screwed up," Jade said, sighing deeply, "a lot. I'm not going to make excuses. I was horrible and selfish, and too caught up in my own whims to really appreciate what I had. I really hurt you, and I'm sorry. If I could go back and undo everything, I would. What I did to you and our relationship is the worst mistake I've ever made."

"It was a whole lot of mistakes, Jade," Gianna pointed out.

"Yeah, I know. And I'm truly, sincerely sorry," the blond woman continued. "I've worked really hard on myself, trying to figure out why I sabotage things that matter to me. I was always looking for the next thrill because it felt like life wasn't exciting enough, I guess? Whatever. The point is, I just really wanted to apologize to you. I don't expect you to forgive me and for us to be, like, friends, or anything, but I just wanted to tell you, in person, that you didn't deserve that, and I'm sorry for how I treated you and hurt you. Okay? I'm sorry."

Gianna's eyebrows shot up in surprise. She wasn't sure what she'd expected, but genuinely apologizing and taking responsibility for her actions was so far outside of Jade's wheelhouse as to be unimaginable. It was the exact speech that, in the few rare moments she'd allowed herself to imagine this encounter, she'd hoped her ex-girlfriend would make. Hearing those words brought forth conflicting emotions of frustration and relief. How was she supposed to respond to that? She stared at the tablecloth, chewing on a slice of tomato pensively, mulling the words over in her head.

"Thanks," she said finally, "I appreciate it."

That was all she could think to say right now. It was nice to hear, if nothing else. It didn't mean she forgave Jade or was ever going to do so, but it was validating that the blonde finally acknowledged how deeply she'd hurt her.

For a while, they sat in silence as they finished their salads. Gianna avoided looking directly at Jade, instead glancing around the dining room at the other patrons. There weren't many, as it was still too early to be fully crowded, and this was a quiet part of town. Because of that, now that she was looking, it was impossible to miss the distinctive auburn hair of the tall, lean woman in an elegant green blouse sitting at a table toward the front by the door, chatting with the executive director of Rose Bay Hospital.

"That bitch," Gianna hissed out of nowhere, earning her a confused glance from her former girlfriend. "No, I'm serious, look over there! At the table by the entrance."

"Uh. The one with the redhead?" Jade clarified, craning her neck curiously. "You know them?"

"That's Scarlett Miller," Gianna muttered darkly, "and it looks like she's buttering up the hospital board president. Unbelievable."

"What?" Jade asked, blinking in abject confusion. "Slow down, start over. Why does that upset you?"

"She's—ugh. Long story. The important thing is that our department head is resigning, and I'm up for the job," Gianna explained as fast as she could without rambling, "and so is Doctor Miller over there. She's been at the hospital forever, and she's an amazing surgeon, but she has zero people skills. Like, how are you going to run a department full of people if you can't even interact with the staff? I'll tell you how: you're not."

All the goodwill Scarlett had built up in Gianna's head over the last week evaporated like smoke in the wind. It was one thing that Scarlett was all buddy-buddy with Dr. Anderson—Carla had been the woman's mentor and everything, fair enough—but the hospital director? That was so blatantly transparent, so slimy and unethical, that the urge to stand up and confront them both overwhelmed her senses.

"So you think she's schmoozing with the director to get a leg up?" Jade summarized, following the brunette's murderous gaze. "Huh. Hospital politics. Man, I missed that drama."

Gianna snorted. It was kind of funny if you ignored all the ways in which it wasn't at all.

"You should go over and say hi," Jade suggested. "You know, be all charming and friendly, show her up. Make yourself look better than Doctor Ginger by sucking up to, uh—what's their name again?"

"Doctor Thomas," Gianna filled in with a heavy sigh, shaking her head. "That's a little high school-y, isn't it? I don't want to be that guy."

"What, saying hello to your colleagues when you happen to be at the same restaurant? Seems like a pretty normal thing to do," Jade said, taking a sip of water. "Come on, Gigi. If your competition is going to play that game, you don't need to take the high road. Just throw some compliments in Mister President's direction about his latest fundraiser drive, or something. I don't know. What do hospital directors do in their free time?"

"Golf, probably," Gianna muttered glumly.

Jade had a point. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to go and shake hands with the big man upstairs, as it were. Taking a deep breath, she got to her feet, plastered on a winning smile, and marched right over to the other table, mentally preparing her fake compliment script in her mind.

"Hi, Doctor Miller, Doctor Thomas," she greeted cheerfully, ignoring Scarlett's surprised, bewildered expression. "I saw you over here and just wanted to stop by and say hello. What a coincidence that we ended up in the same restaurant, huh?"

Dr. Thomas, a gentleman in his early sixties with ebony skin and intelligent eyes, grinned at her and stood up to shake her hand. Scarlett looked too shocked to do anything except sit there silently, lips pressed tightly together as though holding back a string of furious insults.

"Ah, Doctor Rodriguez, lovely to see you," he replied warmly, taking her hand. "This is a wonderful little place, isn't it? I've been coming here for twenty years now. It's so nice to see that other people discovered it, too."

Huh. Bless Jade's lighting guy, apparently. She ought to get that guy's name and send him flowers. "Oh, it's lovely," she agreed effusively, grinning broadly. "What are you two doing out here tonight? Celebrating anything exciting?"

Before Scarlett could object, Dr. Thomas waved a hand dismissively and said, "Oh, no, just catching up. Scarlett's mother and I went to medical school together, you know. Absolutely brilliant woman."

Of course she did. Of course Scarlett Miller's mother was best friends with the hospital director. Why wouldn't she be? People like Scarlett had every possible advantage handed to them at birth. Sure, Scarlett was an excellent surgeon, one of the best, and Gianna wasn't one to downplay that achievement, but it was just so infuriating to know that no matter how hard she worked or how well she did, some people were simply better placed to succeed in life. A different level of playing field entirely.

"She invited us both to dinner, but she's running late," Scarlett added stiffly, glancing at the time on her phone, looking impatient and irritated. "What are you doing here, anyway, Gianna?"

"Just here with a friend," Gianna replied amicably, suddenly flashing back to that time last week when she'd been crying in Scarlett's office because of the very ex-girlfriend she was currently having drinks with. Embarrassing.

"Anyway, I just wanted to come over and say hi," she said in an overly friendly manner, giving them her most charming smile. "Enjoy your dinner, alright? I'll see you on Monday?"

Dr. Thomas nodded cordially, and Gianna turned and hurried back to the relative safety of her own table as fast as she could while remaining composed. Jade watched with rapt interest, waiting for her to sit down, and listened to Gianna recount the interaction.

"Hey, do you want to get out of here?" the blonde eventually asked, tilting her head slightly. "I've got to get to this nighttime shoot on the beach, but you could come with me?"

Gianna thought about it for a moment, then nodded. Not like she had anything better to do, and if she went home, she would just spend the whole night seething over Dr. Red Hot.

"Sure," she agreed, "let's go film some jellyfish."