Chapter 15

Chapter

Fifteen

A sentence I never thought would cross my mind: I need to take Moses's advice.

But that was exactly what I did early the next morning before Arkady's arrival to talk about Charles and the Court. I invited Matthias to the deck once more for a sunrise coffee and a chat.

I hadn't seen Malcolm this morning. He wasn't home. I thought about summoning him, but I figured he needed some space to think about what he'd found out at Merrum Manor and Sean's anger. He'd show up when he was ready.

"Did you sleep well?" I asked Matthias as we settled in.

"Yes," he said, surprising me. "I did sleep well."

At least one of us had. Thank goodness for coffee. This was already my second cup.

He'd also not been punching the heavy bag when I woke up, which was another minor miracle. I had to take that as a good sign.

We enjoyed our coffee for a few minutes. Moses had suggested I push Matthias to reveal under what circumstances he'd joined the Court. My original plan had been to let Matthias tell us when he was ready, but the Court's demands had shot that to hell. Now I had to insist he talk about something he probably didn't want to share because it might be our only way to keep him alive.

But before I could open my mouth, he knocked me totally off-kilter. "You need to turn me over to the Court."

He said it so calmly, so matter-of-factly, that it took a moment for me to process what he'd said.

"Why would you say that?" I demanded.

"Because Charles Vaughan will do anything to get to me. He'll kill you all if that's what it takes. I'm the last man standing from Valas's regime."

"How do you know?"

"I have a few contacts left who survived Vaughan's purge. I didn't get much information from them, but I did get that."

The word purge made me feel ill. Had Charles always been so merciless? Had I underestimated him this badly? "You're not a threat to him or his Court."

"That's not how he sees it," Matthias said, his tone surprisingly gentle. "He can't let me live in any condition, even as a shifter. At best, it shows mercy; at worst, weakness. He took over in a coup. Someone else might get an idea to do what he did. Letting me live is like a tiny hole in a dam. It doesn't seem like much, but it leads to disaster."

I suddenly had the sinking feeling Matthias hadn't slept well because he was settling in, but because he'd decided to accept his fate. And that made me furious.

"The vampires are as inevitable as the tides, and just as useless to try to resist." He finished his coffee and set the cup on the table.

"Bullshit," I said.

He blinked. That was twice I'd startled him in two days.

"The vampires may think they're as inevitable as the tides, but they aren't." I put my mug down with a thud. "Valas said that sort of thing to me more than once, and guess what? She's ash. Vampires are just people, Matthias. They have fangs and drink blood and they move fast and live a long time, but they are people . "

"You forgot that they're all snappy dressers and stuck-up twats," Arkady Woodall said from behind me. "But I agree about the rest."

The six-foot blonde private investigator climbed the steps to the deck. As usual, my business partner wore a black leather jacket, a snug gray T-shirt, jeans, and boots ideal for kicking down doors. Ronan called her his Valkyrie. She certainly looked the part of a Norse warrior.

Just seeing her here made some of the tension go out of my shoulders. What Arkady lacked in magic or other supernatural abilities, she made up for in literally everything else. Not a day went by when I wasn't glad she was in my corner, especially now with all this Court bullshit going on.

"You got any coffee for me?" Arkady asked. "Your girl is draggin' ass this morning."

I saw no hint of that, but I took her at her word. Always the smart thing to do with someone who had at least six or eight weapons on their person at all times.

"We do have coffee," I informed her. " Inside ."

She took the hint. "I'll go pour myself a cup and holler at Sean and Ghost Boy then while you two talk." She surprised me by touching Matthias's shoulder. "You doing okay, big guy?"

"I'm all right," he said, his tone neutral. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She gave him a none-too-gentle punch on the bicep. "Alice is right, by the way. Fuck the vamps. You've given them enough. You don't owe them shit, least of all your life. Don't make me kick your ass." She went inside and shut the patio door with a bang.

"Well, you heard her." I picked up my coffee mug. "You don't want to get your ass kicked, do you?"

"Alice—" Matthias began.

I held up my hand. "You've told me what you think we should do. I believe you want to protect us and I'm grateful for that. Do you believe we want to protect you just as much?"

Judging by his expression, he didn't. I knew because my own face used to look the same way when Sean, Nan, and Ben told me they valued my life as much as their own and wanted to keep me safe. At the time, I'd thought so little of myself that I couldn't believe them.

I didn't know how Matthias would react if I implied that he had no self-esteem, so I didn't say that part. Even so, I wanted him to know I understood.

"We have a hell of a lot in common," I said. "Sean, Malcolm, this pack…they're my first real experience with that kind of love since my parents died. It took me a long time to accept their care and protection. I wish we had the luxury of more time for you to come to the same conclusion, but we don't. You can't take my word for it. I know that because I didn't believe Sean and Nan either when I was in your place."

When he didn't argue, I said, "Last night, when I came home and you were watching to make sure I was safe, you were ready to shred anyone who hurt me. Am I right?"

"Yes." He looked uncomfortable. "I used to feel that way about anyone who might be a threat to Valas. That was duty. Now it's different. My body fills with rage and the need to protect at the thought you or the rest of the pack are in danger. I have to act."

"That instinct is part of being a dominant wolf. And so you're ready to give yourself up to try to keep us safe." I scooted my chair closer and put my hand on his arm. "Giving yourself up will not keep us safe from Charles. It might hit pause on the threat he represents, but it doesn't make the threat go away. Not at all. It just leaves us with one fewer pack member to face the danger."

I could tell from his expression that he hadn't considered that perspective. His eyes glowed amber.

"And that rage you're feeling?" I continued. "The need to protect? That's how most of us feel at the prospect of Charles getting you. So no, you're not going to just turn yourself over to them. Not until we've explored all the options. And even then it's not happening, because, as Arkady pointed out, you've given them enough."

I figured I might as well take the plunge. "Matthias, I'm sorry to do this, but I need you to tell me how you ended up working for the Vampire Court. We have to know the facts so we can fight the vamps."

"I didn't work for them," he corrected. "Arkady worked for them. I belonged to them. I don't need to explain the difference, do I?"

"No, you don't need to explain," I said. The Court had done its damnedest to own me. I'd escaped their clutches, at least so far, through threats, bargains, and alliances. "I understand very well. Tell me why you think you belonged to them." Even the word tasted bitter.

"I signed a contract with the Court thirteen years ago." His voice was toneless. "I can't tell you exactly what it contained because of its NDA clause."

I knew all about the Court's NDA clauses. I'd even upheld my end of some of them. We could come back to the contract later. "But how did you end up at the Court in the first place?" I asked.

"I need more coffee," he said, rising. "Would you like a refill?"

Maybe he needed a minute to gather his thoughts. "Sure." I drained my cup and handed it over. "Cream and sugar, please."

While he was gone, I pulled my hair up in a ponytail and wrapped my cardigan tighter. The temperature had risen enough to be comfortable, but I shivered. Talking about vampires, purges, and owning people tended to have that effect on me.

Not to mention I still felt haunted by last night's bloody, disgusting nightmare. The experience wasn't new; I had nightmares all the time. Anyone with my past wasn't likely to dream about kittens and rainbows.

That dream, and the one the previous night about fleeing a monster with my child, had affected me more than any I'd had in a long time that didn't involve me reliving actual memories. Nothing about these recent nightmares were scenes from my past, but they'd felt real enough to be exactly that. Strange, to say the least. Maybe Carly had anti-nightmare amulets in her repertoire. A couple more of these doozies and I'd start experiencing insomnia. It had happened to me before.

When Matthias returned, he handed me my coffee before settling in with his own. I took a sip and sighed. Perfect. We drank quietly for a few minutes.

Finally, he spoke. "I was twenty-one. Young and dumb and angry. I grew up in foster care and spent a lot of time at the local gym learning how to be tough."

I wondered if Arkady knew that about him. She hadn't shared much with me about her life before she joined the army but I did know she'd been in foster care. For all their differences, they'd had that in common.

Matthias continued, "When I aged out of the foster care system at eighteen, a friend got me a job as a bouncer. When I wasn't at work, I was at the gym putting on bulk so no one would fuck with me ever again."

That was the first time I'd heard Matthias swear. Maybe he was loosening up a little. One could only hope. "Is that why you caught their eye?" I asked. "They recruited you because of your size?"

"Probably." He smiled briefly. "I'm sure it was a factor. Really, you could say I recruited myself." His voice grew quiet. "I was in love."

He didn't look ashamed, exactly, but something close to it, like he thought I'd think less of him for joining the Court for love. As if I would judge him. Most people who'd grown up in foster care would be willing to do most anything for love. Between his size and his desire to belong and be cared for, Matthias couldn't have been more perfectly suited for the Court.

"I would have followed her anywhere," he said. "And I suppose I did. The day after she signed her contract and took her oath, I did the same."

I could guess what happened next. "Your relationship didn't last?"

"No." He met my gaze. "The vampire to whom we were both bound doesn't like his enforcers to love anyone but him. I'm surprised he allows a brother and sister to serve him, but I suppose they love him more than each other."

The pieces fell into place. Matthias had originally been bound to Charles, and I only knew of one brother and sister pair tied to Charles. "You loved Adri Smith."

"Yes." He took a long drink of coffee.

"I'm sorry," I said, because I didn't know what else to say. "I had no idea."

"Very few people do. That was a long time ago, though. Twelve years. A blink for a vampire, but much longer for us humans." He glanced down at himself. "Or for shifters, I suppose."

He could claim it was water under the bridge all he wanted, but I could tell he still cared for Adri. That meant I needed to tell him something I'd learned from Moses last night. "From what I understand, Charles intends to surround himself with a small army of dhampirs that he plans to change himself."

Matthias snarled. "Adri and Bryan are his head enforcers. He'll turn them both into dhampirs, whether they want to or not."

I wished I could disagree, but I'd been thinking the same thing since Moses told me about Charles's plan. "I don't know that for sure, but I think you're right." I touched his arm. He trembled with rage. "I'm sorry," I said again. "There's nothing we can do to prevent it. I wish there was."

We sat in silence for a long time while Matthias got his fury under control. I had a healthy amount of anger myself.

In previous conversations, both Adri and Bryan had made it clear they had no interest in giving up their humanity to become dhampirs, or what some called half-turned vamps. I had no reason to think they'd changed their minds. As much as I'd felt sick about Charles killing Ezekiel Monroe, Valas's daytime representative, I hated the thought of Adri and Bryan losing what little bodily autonomy they still had even more.

When Matthias seemed ready to talk again, I said, "Will you give us time to figure out how to fight the Court before you think about turning yourself over?"

It saddened me to see how mightily he struggled with his answer. He'd already decided we had to give in to the Court's demand. I'd managed to pull him back from the edge, but only barely and not for long, if his expression was anything to go by.

"All right," he said finally. "However this turns out, I want you to know I'm grateful. You've sacrificed a lot, and risked a lot, for me to be sitting here. I don't deserve for you to do so much."

"That's the vamps talking," I told him gently. "You deserve to live and thrive and be protected because you exist. It's not a privilege you have to earn."

He obviously didn't buy that any more than my claims that vampires were just people or that our pack wanted to protect him. Not that I'd expected this conversation to work a miracle, but I'd hoped to reassure him more.

It occurred to me then how many times Sean and Malcolm and members of Sean's pack had said these same things to me, and how long it took for me to think about believing them. I scrubbed my face with my hands. I couldn't expect Matthias to come around faster than I had, and yet I wanted him to.

Finally, I raised my head. At Matthias's concerned expression, I forced a smile. "Well, let's get inside and find out what information Arkady has about the Court," I said. "Sean and I are ready to prepare our counterattack. Charles may have started this shit, but we're going to finish it."

If Matthias didn't buy that either, he at least had the good grace not to show it.