Chapter 6

chapter six

Quinn

I feel bad for him. I can't fathom how awful that must've been. Olivia and I aren't that close, but I couldn't imagine anything happening to her, especially right in front of me.

"Hey," he whispers, "You alright? You're zoning out on me."

"Yeah," I take a deep, shuddering breath. "I just couldn't imagine any of that happening to me. I don't know what I would've done."

"It was the worst thing I've ever had to go through, but I'm better for it."

Something about the way he says those words makes me feel so guilty for thinking he was some fuckboy on the deck yesterday. Phoenix, even though that isn't his real name, isn't anything like the guys I've known. He seems kind, thoughtful even.

"Was Levi upset when he couldn't play football anymore?" I ask.

"Devastated. Football was always his thing. It definitely wasn't me that dad was signing up for summer long training and college prospect camps."

I suddenly feel like I want to punch his dad in the face, and I have no idea why. I have no right to feel defensive.

"Why not?"

"I didn't want those things," he admits. "I never wanted to play ball in college. If it wasn't for Levi getting sick, I probably wouldn't have. Football was never in my long term plan."

"Do you feel obligated to play, since Levi can't?"

He shrugs, "Yeah, that was part of it. Once he couldn't play anymore, my dad transferred his constant coaching onto me, but I didn't do it for them."

"For Levi?" I ask.

"For myself," Gavin lets out a breath. "I knew that with all of Levi's medical bills, if I couldn't get a scholarship, there was no way my parents were going to be able to afford college for both of us."

I try to keep the tears from pooling in my eyes, and I absolutely hate the thickness that is in my throat. I want to hug him, but I barely know him.

"That's enough about me," He quickly changes the subject. "I need to know more about you."

I stare at him, thinking about what I could possibly tell this stranger. Everything? Nothing? I remain silent, and his phone pings from the top of the dresser.

Talk about being saved by the bell.

He breaks eye contact with me for a second while he goes to grab his phone.

"It's Levi."

I feel relieved, "You can go if you need to."

He shakes his head, "Nah. He's just wondering where I am. Mom's probably freaking out thinking I went overboard or something."

"Does your mom worry like that all the time?" I ask. Wondering what it would be like to have actual parents. I can't even remember what that feels like. Liv and Jake have looked out for me, but believe me when I say it's not the same. Liv hovers over me like she's waiting for me to self-destruct. It's not as motherly as it is dutiful. I've always felt like a job of hers, even when I know that isn't her intention.

"It's been worse since Levi got sick. I understand it though. I worry about him a lot. He pushes everything to the limit. Drives me crazy."

"What's she like?" I ask. "Your mom?"

"She's quiet," Gavin smiles. "She wears a lot of denim and believes tie dye is making a comeback."

I can't help but smile, "Your mom is a hippie?"

He shakes his head and smirks, "She wears crocs and goes to Bonnaroo."

"And your dad?" I ask.

His face instantly falls, "He's different."

I want to know more, but I also don't want to push.

"What about your parents?" he asks. The question makes my ears pound. I've never dated anyone since Grayson. I've never had to answer this question.

My silence pulls more words from him, "Daisy?"

"Oh, yeah. I'm sorry, I just spaced out for a second. Um. My dad split, when I was little, I barely remember him."

"And your mom?"

I feel the tears stinging my eyes and mucus thickening in the back of my throat. I just have to say it out loud, once. I can do that, right? I'm never going to see him after this trip. Just say it, Quinn.

I swallow, forcing the words out, "She died. Two years ago."

"Shit," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

I stare at him, allowing my mind to go back to that place that I've worked so hard to forget about. Suddenly, I can feel my throat burning from the vomit threatening to come up.

Two seconds later, my stomach is empty of the vodka cranberries from last night and my hair is held back by Phoenix's hands. Embarrassed, I quickly grab a towel from the sink, getting far enough away from him that my hair falls from his palms and swings back down around my shoulders.

I run some water over the terry fabric and blot the back of my neck before plopping down on the toilet lid. I try my best to remember what my therapist said about breathing.

He kneels in front of me on the floor, the gesture so intimate and sweet.

"Hey, hey," he whispers. "It's okay. You're okay."

He grabs my hands in his, gently squeezing them so they stop shaking. I close my eyes and begin to count backwards, breathing with each number, focusing on how I feel safe with my hands in his.

A stranger. Someone I just met. Not Grayson.

"Look at me," he says. "Open your eyes, Daisy. Look at me."

When I reach zero, I force my lids open and he is right there. His dark brown eyes sparkling back at me.

His presence nearly takes my breath completely away. He's gorgeous, a sharp jawline and eyes that I could stare into forever and never get tired of them. Just simply looking at him, I feel the trauma leave me. Like a heavy weight lifting from my chest. His hair is cut short around his ears and longer on top, and I resist the urge to touch it. To run my fingers through it softly.

"You're okay," He repeats. "I've got you."

His grip on my hands loosens, and he moves his fingertips upward toward my elbows causing my body to respond. Goosebumps radiate up my arms, and I feel heat in my core, causing a dull throb between my legs.

"What happened?" He asks, "Do you have panic attacks like that often?"

I shake my head, "No. I haven't in a while. I don't do that anymore."

"Was it talking about your mom?"

I let out a deep breath, "I've never had to tell anyone she's dead. It felt like I was reliving it for a minute."

"What do you mean, you've never told anyone?"

I sigh, "I never had to tell anyone because where I'm from everyone knew."

He stares at me, waiting for me to finish but I can't bring myself to dump all of this on a complete stranger.

"It's nothing really, you don't have to pretend like you want to know about my life."

His jaw tightens, "If I didn't want to know, I wouldn't have asked. It was you that said we should just talk because we will never see each other again."

For some reason, I hated the way that sounded coming from his lips. So definite and final, but unfortunately, he was right. The likelihood of us ever seeing each other again was low. So maybe this would be good practice, because eventually I'd have to tell a guy about what happened, so why not use this as my practice round to unload?

"It was summer after sophomore year," I begin. "My sister, Liv, had just left for college, and Grayson and I had broken up for the hundredth time. I was at a party across town and had too much to drink. Grayson and I were fighting and he called my mom because I refused to leave with him."

I take a deep breath before continuing, "My mom left the house in the middle of the night to come pick me up, but she never made it."

Phoenix leans closer to me, rubbing the back of my hand. "What happened?"

"Drunk driver," I say matter of factly, trying my best to leave any emotion out of it.

"It's not your fault," he says. "Shit like that happens."

I shake my head, "She should've never been in that car."

The way Phoenix looks at me makes me all but melt. He takes his hand and gently pushes my hair behind my ear. "She loved you. She came because she loved you."

Tears pool in my eyes and I feel another lump burning deep in my throat.

He takes his thumbs and quickly wipes the tears as they fall.

"Shhh, it's okay, come here."

Pulling me into a hug, I quietly sob into his chest. Something I haven't done in a while. I bottled all of that pain up and haven't fully allowed myself to grieve. It was better to pretend she was on vacation or something. I barely even remember the funeral. It was just one big daze for me, like my body was on autopilot.

"I'm sorry," I say, pulling away from his embrace. "This is so embarrassing."

Shaking his head, he pulls my arm as I try to walk away. "Don't do that. I know we don't know each other, but don't shut down on me."

"It's what I do, Phoenix. It's the only thing I know how to do."

He shakes his head, "Not around me."