Chapter 35

Kaelan

“Kaelan!” The desperate scream echoed in my ears.

Hanna? Or Seraphine?

I looked down and could barely see the small figure in my claws through the green mist.

Her voice was faint, desperate, as she called for me. I caught a glimpse of her struggling frantically to reach something gripped inside her clothes.

She began to chant as she pulled a knife from her dress. I couldn’t make out the words but I could hear my name.

She wasn’t calling me.

She was commanding me.

I snarled and dove toward the ground. She let out a scream, almost dropping the knife before she desperately clutched it to her chest.

My talons relaxed, about to allow her to plummet to the ground…

And then I caught a glimpse of Hanna’s face through the mist, her eyes wide, her lips parted in terror.

My talons tightened around her automatically, drawing her up to safety. She clung frantically to my leg, trying to hold onto me.

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t even trust my own mind.

And then…

“Kaelan.” The male voice sounded distant, as if it were coming to me through deep water.

I didn’t remember who owned that voice. But it was deep and urgent and familiar.

“Can you hear me?”

It also didn’t belong in my head.

“Who—” I broke off, remembering Thorne’s face.

The memory rose to meet me of dark hair over a boyish grin, his dark brown eyes wrinkling at the corners. “Are you sure you want to bond with me?”

“Who else? Even if I could bond with Dare…he’s an even bigger asshole than you.”

“Really? I think I’m hurt.” He frowned. “I’ll have to try harder.”

I’d chosen him to bond with because there was no one in the world I trusted more than I trusted him. I knew I could only bond to kin. But I was glad Thorne was mine, even though he was just my cousin. That memory came with a rush of warmth.

And Dare wasn’t kin anyway, not that it mattered. I loved them both like brothers.

Somehow when I didn’t even remember who I was, I remembered them.

“Who is she?” I asked, my voice coming out ragged. I hated how much my desperation bled through.

“Seraphine.” His voice was urgent, desperate. “Kaelan. You’re dying. You have to get out of the mist.”

“What is it?”

“I think it’s Seraphine’s doing… to keep everyone away from the castle.”

“Azora and Jaia came.”

Thorne’s voice sounded strained. “Are they alright?”

“I don’t know. I got Seraphine away from them.”

The fog beneath cleared for a fraction of an instant. There were monsters racing through the mist beneath me.

“The mist doesn’t stop the monsters,” I said. “Are they the Snake Queen’s monsters or Seraphines?”

“Seraphine’s. The Snake Queen doesn’t want anyone to know, but somehow Seraphine took control of her monster army.” He sounded somber. “The Snake Queen is preparing for war. I think we’re leaving soon… and I don’t know if she’s attacking Seraphine or attacking our kingdom. Or both.”

If they were Seraphine’s monsters…

Maybe they could save her if she fell.

My talons tightened around her. She screamed again. But I would never give her up to her monsters and give her the chance to escape me.

“Maybe some kind of monster of hers is making the mist.” I could feel him pacing as he asked, “Kaelan. Can you climb up above the mist? Can you get to Caer Far?”

“No.”

“No?” He sounded desperate. “No, you can’t? Or no, you won’t?”

“It’s better if I die in the mist, as long as she dies too.”

“Kaelan, no?—”

“I’ve got a clear head for once.”

“You’re literally breathing in poison mist. I doubt you have a clear head.” His voice was dry, filled with the echoes of a hundred times he’d questioned my rationality. Especially since Hanna came into our lives.

“I do. And I won’t lose myself to her again.” I let the memory bleed into my mind, to reach to him, of the second when I’d hesitated, on the edge of harming Jaia and Azora. I would do anything to protect Hanna.

And somehow, despite how much I loved her, I didn’t seem to be able to recognize her. Not with this spell driving me mad. How could I protect her, care for her, love her, when I couldn’t even see who she was? The thought made me want to fold my wings against my back and plummet in to the earth with Seraphine shattering under my claws.

“Kaelan.”

“It’s not worth saving me. You. Know what I’m capable of.”

“I do know what you’re capable of… which is exactly why I know you’re worth saving.”

“Thorne. If I lose myself again… I could kill you.”

“I know.”

“I could kill Hanna.”

There was a silence. It was long enough that for the first time, I wished I could know what he was thinking.

“You won’t.”

“You don’t know that. I almost shoved her to her death?—“

“I wouldn’t have let that happen. She wouldn’t have let that happen. Trust us, Kaelan.”

I scoffed.

“It will destroy her to lose you.” His voice was desperate. “Kaelan. Think about how much she loves you.”

“I think of nothing else.” My voice came out ragged. “And of how I will never be worthy of her.”

There was silence, the deep, meaningful silence of someone trying to gather their words. Then he said, “Remember what’s worth living for, Kae.”

Before I could answer, he shoved a memory into my mind with all the force of a stabbed blade. I gasped as the memory enveloped me.

The walls of a market rose up around me abruptly: the brightly colored pennants fluttering above wooden stalls, the sun shining on my shoulders, and Hanna turning around with laughter in her eyes. We must’ve been on the isle. She looked so happy.

Could she ever be that happy in my cruel kingdom?

She held my hand, tugging me along behind her; I must’ve allowed her to do so because she could never have moved me otherwise, but my steps slowed her quick pace.

She gave me a saucy smile just before she turned, stopping abruptly, so that she was up against my chest. She grabbed the collar of my tunic and dragged my mouth down close to her. Her soft pink lips were so kissable, so near that I couldn’t resist them, but she whispered into my ear, “Try to keep up.”

I grabbed for her before she could even finish the sentence, but she was already moving ahead. Her long blond hair was in a braid that fell to her waist, and it swayed back and forth above the irresistible roll of her hips. She wasn’t dressed like a princess; in her plain blue gown, she blended into the busy market. But she was always my queen.

“My husband and I are looking for a few items for our home,” she said with a warm smile toward the shopkeeper.

My husband.

I didn’t react, but inside, my heart raced in a way it never did facing down a monster.

She flashed another mischievous smile back over her shoulder at me. I joined her in hefting simply blue glass goblets, discussing the setup of a fictional kitchen, pretending to be concerned about the cost of a new stove that would soon be required, quibbling over prices though every amount we discussed was nothing to me.

“What’s all that about?” I asked pointedly as we left the stall.

She handed me over the second of two heavy boxes, as if I wasn’t going to take it from her anyway.

“You need to learn to blend in,” she said. “Also, it’s fun for me.”

I would never have admitted it, but it had been fun for me too.

I’d liked pretending to be her husband.

I’d even liked pretending to have a little life, far away from Edric and the weight of the crown.

And for once, we had fought over normal things, and not the way the needs of our kingdoms tore us apart. Even if it was just pretend.

“Your powers of nagging are incredible,” I’d told her. “Like a siren’s song, making me want to throw myself into the nearest ocean.”

To Thorne, here and now, I admitted, “It was a good day.”

“You made her happy, Kaelan. She needs you.”

“I’ve made her sad more often than I’ve made her happy.”

“Fine.” He sounded exasperated. “Then think about how much you hurt her before! She doesn’t need more sorrow from you, Kaelan. Fight for her! Make her happy!”

“I don’t remember how much I hurt her before, do I?” I asked darkly. “You’ve hidden it from me.”

“I hid it for you. For you both. So Edric wouldn’t know what she meant to you, and what she was doing.”

I scoffed. Even with twisted memories, she meant the world to me; there was no hiding my obsession.

“You want to see it?” Thorne demanded. “Fine. Let me show you that you owe her.”

Hanna was panting. There was blood splattered on her face, and her lip was cut, and she had never been more beautiful to me.

“You saved my life,” I said, touching her cheek tenderly. I ran my thumb over her lip, stopping just before the nick that still oozed blood, wishing I could heal the hurt.

But I could only wound. Never heal.

“Doesn’t that mean your life belongs to me now?” she asked archly.

“Hanna, you know it already does.” But I couldn’t shake the feeling that everything was about to go so terribly wrong. “We’ll find another way to deal with Edric.”

“Kaelan.” She smiled up at me, tender and fond, before she drew the cuff out of her pocket.

The one I’d given her. That one that would dull her powers so no one would ever know she could shift into a dragon, until it was her time to shine.

I took it from her hand. “We can find another way.”

She held out her wrist. “This is the best way. You already found it.”

She stared up at me with eyes full of hope. Hope that I was sure would be crushed.

But she was so brave and fierce and loving… she even made me feel a little hope.

And we would both do whatever it took to protect our kingdoms and the ones we loved. Treating her as fragile would’ve been a betrayal of who she was.

So, with a groan, I’d slid the cuff onto her slender wrist.

“I believe in you, Kaelan,” she’d told me, with soft, shining eyes. “I believe in us.”

“I know.”Just as I knew she was very young, and very naive, and very sweet.

And I wondered if she would still be any of those things when we found our way back to each other.

“Let’s get cleaned up,” I said.

“You’re stalling,” she told me, and she was right, of course. She glanced over her shoulder at the corpse. “Kaelan. It’s time, isn’t it? If you remember that I would do anything for you… that I would die for you… then how can you convince Edric that you don’t love me? You have to forget this moment.”

“I don’t want to.”

“I don’t want you to,” she admitted. “But you and I… we’ll do anything for our kingdoms. For the ones we love.”

And I’d kissed her so hard, scooping her up in my arms, trying to kiss her like I’d never give her up, trying to give her something to hold onto.

The memory faded to darkness. “Thorne…”

The green fog was choking, blinding.

“You’re close to Caer Far,” he said urgently. “Keep going. You know Alys can help you if you reach Caer Far.”

“I’m a danger to Alys too!”

“She can help you.” He repeated. Then, “You’re our king.” Then, after a long pause, roughly: “And my friend.”

“Thorne… you haven’t even given me back all those memories. What happened next?”

There was a long hesitation while I waited for another jagged piece of memory that would feel like an attack. Then he said, “You broke her heart. Don’t break it again.”

The fog cleared. I drew a desperate, ragged breath, and for a second, I thought I would live.

Ahead of me, I saw the walls of Caer Far, as bleak and gray as the wasteland that surrounded it.

And then the ground writhed.

It was alive with monsters, crashing against the walls of the city.