Chapter 27

Dare

Ineed you, Dare.

Those words haunted my fucking dreams.

It didn”t help that the most enraging woman I”d ever met in my life was firmly anchored to my life . . . by my left wrist.

Hanna was an annoying sleeper. She tossed and turned, pulling at my arm. She was restless, and I thought at first she was fucking with me, trying to make me miserable, since that usually seemed to be her hobby.

But over time, I realized she was really trying to sleep, not to antagonize. She was just struggling.

And then she was having nightmares.

She sat up bolt upright, and I woke but stayed still, my eyes closed. Her breath was a desperate series of gasps, increasingly shallow.

As if she were panicking.

I didn”t think even Hanna could fake that sound, that terror.

I”d seen it so many times with Azora.

Jaia was good at comforting her. In my own rough way, I was too. If she couldn”t escape someplace private, I”d shield her from the rest of the world so no one could see her. I”d tell her she was safe, repeating the words over and over.

I”d remind her how to breathe, trying to slow my own heart rate, my breathing, even though my heart always raced when my friends were in trouble.

And panic attacks were the worst kind of trouble.

Hanna’s breathing was wild, a desperate series of gasps. Each breath seemed to grow shorter, as if she were being shoved underwater as soon as she breathed in, and the periods between breaths seemed to grow longer, as if she were being drowned.

My own heart raced too. It was unavoidable; no one can be near someone panicking and not react. No matter what Jaia and Azora thought---because Azora always hugged me after and sometimes Jaia did too when she knew I”d been the one to calm Azora down---I just had to help so they didn”t rattle me too.

”Calm down,” I told Hanna, sliding my palm up her back as I sat up. She startled, her wide eyes flying to me.

The sight of her frightened face sent a jolt of protectiveness through me. Suddenly I couldn”t believe I had just lain there, listening to her as she got worse and worse. I should”ve intervened immediately.

”I”m here,” I told her, knowing that would mean nothing to her, but I couldn”t stop myself. ”I”m right here. You”re not alone. It”s just a panic attack, and it will pass, and you”ll be fine again.”

She drew another desperate, ragged breath. Her hands rose to her throat as if she were trying to signal she was choking, the movement pulling on my wrist where we were bound.

”It”ll be over soon,” I promised her. ”You”re not going to stop breathing. And I”m right here.”

I grabbed her hand, holding it tightly in mine. ”Feel my hand on yours? Focus on that.”

Her eyes fell to our joined hands. The band around our wrists glittered in the dim light, the magic sparkling faintly.

Hanna was always so quick and cool and glib; this side of her was entirely new to me.

Somehow I liked seeing the vulnerable side of her.

I felt stupid now for taking her hand, but it was too late to pull away. I couldn”t do that to her.

Instead, her fingers wrapped around my hand, clinging to me tightly. I rubbed slow, gentle circles across her back and kept repeating the same nonsense.

Slowly, her breathing fell from the crescendo it had reached. She was breathing again, but she let out a shaky sob as she turned away from me, wiping her eyes with the heel of her hand.

”It”s alright,” I told her, lying back on the makeshift pillows of rolled-up cloaks. ”I”ll pretend it didn”t happen if you will.”

But my heart was still hammering. I wanted to know why. What had happened to Hanna?

Had someone hurt her to spawn these attacks? The rush of protectiveness---and the homicidal impulses---that washed over me shook me.

”I don”t need you to pretend.” Her voice came out rough, and she cleared her throat. Then she settled down beside me. ”I”m so scared for them, Dare.”

”For Thorne and Kaelan?”

She nodded, her lips pressed together tightly.

”We”ll figure it out together,” I said.

She cast a quick glance toward me in the dark. I felt it more than I saw it in the dim light.

”How?” she whispered.

I knew what she wanted: promises I”d believe her, that we would do it her way.

As if I ever believed anyone.

”We”ll figure it out in the morning,” I told her. ”Sleep.”

She rolled over onto her side, jerking the cuff between us. She let out a long, shuddering breath that was half sob.

It was just uncomfortable, having my arm yanked over her body like that. That was why I turned into her, nuzzling close, wrapping my body around hers.

That must have been why she pressed back into me, her head finding the crook of my arm, the two of us spooning together as if we didn”t hate each other.

It wasn”t anything more than comfort.