Chapter 31

Ain't Too Proud to Beg

WITH HIS EYES CLOSEDand his throbbing head in his hands, Noah sat in the semidarkness, in the living room of Cap's fully finished basement suite. He had the blinds shut because the light only intensified the pounding, which was like the drum section of a marching band doing drills inside his skull.

Suddenly, worse pain seared through him, when the overhead lights came on and Cap strode in without knocking.

"Drink this," he ordered.

Cracking open only one lid, he eyed the glass of thick orangish stuff. "What is it?"

"A cure for your hangover."

"It looks disgusting." He held it to his nose and sniffed, which sent heat flaring up his nostrils. He recoiled then winced when the too-quick movement sent pain shooting through his alcohol-abused brain. "And it smells even worse," he groaned.

"Quit being a pussy and chug it. If you can keep it down, it really works."

After he'd swallowed it all, the burn going up into his sinuses and down into his stomach, he gasped. "Oh my god that's bad. What's in it?"

"If I told you, you'd puke." Cap moved to leave by the door he'd just entered. "You've got until tomorrow night to come up with your grand gesture."

"What happens tomorrow night?"

"We're letting you in to see Fiona."

"What happened to the unified front of last night?"

"We took a vote. After what you've been through, you deserve a second shot. Do not fuck it up."

His fuzzy memories of some of what he'd said while swilling JD like it was Kool-Aid must have been true. "What was the vote tally?"

"Unanimous in your favor."

"Even Jonas and Axyl?"

"Jonas' situation has changed recently, giving him a new perspective on life. Axyl voted yes but still wants to kick your ass."

He laughed on reflex, but it hurt like a mother.

"He also promised to lay you out if you even think about hurting her again."

What wasn't fuzzy about last night was Fiona's pallor and her wounded expression as she looked at him across a sea of people. If he got another shot, he vowed that would never happen again.

SHE DIDN'T WANT TObe there. Being around happy couples when she was alone and miserable was the definition of rubbing salt in her wounds. But Lexie had asked, and Jonas, going all dom on her for the first time since she arrived, insisted.

In the sunroom, the gray clouds, and rain matching her mood, she went from brooding over Noah to wanting to strangle him. After seeing him briefly, only a glance really, she hadn't heard a peep in two days. No messages, no notes, no attempted visits, no flowers. She didn't know if she even wanted to see him, but since Wednesday, he hadn't given her the option.

"Why come all this way and give up?" she muttered, flinging a pillow across the room in frustration. Maybe he really had given up and gone home without a word. "No surprise there. That would be his MO," she said, throwing another.

It landed at Jonas' feet as he came to stand in the doorway.

Horrified, her hand shot up to her mouth. "I'm so sorry. I was just—"

"Imagining Noah's head was the pillow?"

She tilted her head, considering her friend's all-American boy-next-door drop-dead-gorgeous husband. "No," she admitted. "But that's an excellent idea."

When he tossed it back to her, and she caught it, digging her fingers into it and twisting, he laughed. He moved closer until he stood next to her lounger. Not as massive as some of the other men, he could still be intimidating. Jonas' lean muscle was the result of all the MMA training he did, and, being over six feet tall, he towered over where she sat.

"We're going to the club tonight. Lexie and I have a shibari demo at ten. It will be her first since Jeremiah was born."

"I'm sure she's excited. I'm happy to watch Miah for you," she offered.

"Unnecessary. We arranged for a sitter because you're coming with us."

"I don't think I'm up to it."

"You can't mope around the house forever, Fiona. Life is going on around you, and you need to rejoin the living. Besides, being with friends will take your mind off things for a little while."

"I really don't think—"

He held up his hand, cutting her off, and said firmly, "Nope. Not a suggestion. We leave at 7:30 sharp."

She felt like she should salute and say, "Sir, yes, sir!" She limited it to one, "Yes, sir," to which he nodded and left, brushing by Lexie who had arrived in the doorway, unbeknownst to her.

Fiona looked at her with wide eyes.

"He feels responsible for you since you're under his roof," she said in explanation. "Jonas isn't hard-core. He's into ropes and more zen than anyone I've ever known. But, underneath all that, he's a dominant. Awake the sleeping dragon, and you can get singed."

"Perhaps you could have told me that before now?"

She shrugged, smiling. "What can I say? I enjoy watching the dragon awake now and then, especially when he's not breathing his fire on me." Her smile broadened into a mischievous grin. "Sometimes, when he is."

So, she'd been ready on time and come to the club as ordered. But she sipped on Diet Coke rather than margaritas, which hadn't sat well on her stomach and contained entirely too much sugar.

Elena was back onstage. By her husband's decree, she only did two nights a week, Wednesdays and Fridays. The girls said he started with five, then whittled it down to two because he tired of sharing her. And, it got members back into the dungeon, which was practically abandoned when she was onstage.

Megan arrived late, grabbed a chair across from her, sloshed a frozen green cocktail into Fiona's unused glass, and took a big swig.

"She knows something," Regan predicted, her eyes narrowing as she took in her twin's expression. "I know that look. Spill, Megan."

She took another fortifying drink then looked straight at Fiona and blurted out, "Oh my god, he's a wreck."

"Who?"

"Doc. Or Noah. Whoever we're calling him today."

"You've seen him?"

"Yeah, he's been staying downstairs in our mother-in-law suite."

"How could you, after all he's done?" Lexie exclaimed, glaring at her like she was a traitor to all womankind.

"Don't look at me that way. Tony offered. He's his boss, an old friend, and they're Green Beret brethren. What was I supposed to do?"

"Oh, I don't know," Lexie declared huffily. "Recommend a hotel out of state?"

"Yeah, right. Like that would have worked with Jonas if you were in my place." Megan's blue eyes were sympathetic when they looked her way. "He had the worst hangover yesterday. I felt bad for him."

Lexie threw up her hands. "You haven't seen her crying her heart out for the past month. He broke her heart after she'd been through something truly awful. He doesn't deserve your sympathy or Fiona's forgiveness."

Lexie was Team Fiona all the way.

Megan turned to the matriarch of the group. "What do you think, Joanna?"

"I'm not a fan of him walking out after what you went through, but that letter sounded sincere and he took ownership of his screwup. Some doms just can't bring themselves to admit when they're wrong."

"And he came all the way from LA to get you back." This came from Mara, Sean's wife. "I'm a firm believer in second chances. If Lucky hadn't given me thirds, fourths, and fifths, I wouldn't be sitting with you now. I'd be crying my lonely heart out in a shitty apartment in Southside."

It seemed the twins, Joanna and Mara, all leaned Team Noah, leaving Lexie the lone holdout.

"Have all of you had a thing?" Fiona asked.

They nodded.

"We told you about the Rossi curse," Lexie reminded her.

"And it seems to have spread to LA with Master Noah."

Every head at the table turned to Megan, who had her gaze fixed on Fiona.

"What do you know?" Regan demanded of her twin.

She hesitated, bit her lip in uncertainty, then blurted out, "Tony made me swear not to tell you, but I think this is need-to-know information." Reaching across the table, she clasped Fiona's hands. "Noah bugged out because he got scared, Fi. Your thing with Jordano whoever triggered him."

"How so?" Fiona asked.

"It reminded him of losing his wife—"

"He's married?" Mara and Joanna exclaimed simultaneously.

"He was. They died five years ago, and he can't let them go."

If her sorrow at the tragedy was this intense, she couldn't begin to imagine Noah's. "How do I compete with a ghost? Much less two."

"They?"

"What do you mean by two?"

Regan frowned impatiently at Mara and Joanna, who were behind. "If you came to LBD night more often, you'd be up to speed on all of this."

Joanna gave her a dismissive wave and looked at Lexie for clarification.

"He lost his two-year-old daughter at the same time."

Both women gasped in horror.

Still confused at what had changed from ten minutes ago, Fiona's attention homed in on Megan. "Like Lexie said, none of this is news."

"No, but according to Cap, it's not so much that they died, but how."

"You know? But he never talks about it."

"Until he's had about half a quart of Jack Daniels. That evidently gets his gums flapping because he poured his heart out to the guys."

"Tell me, Megan, please. I need to know."

"I can't."

"You've got to!" Regan exclaimed. "For the sisterhood."

"It's not that I won't say," Megan explained. "I can't. Tony refused to tell me. He said it was Doc's story and no one else's. And that, even if he was okay with it, no way in hell would he risk starting the nightmares back, so it must have been horrible."

"Fiona."

She couldn't imagine anything worse than Claire and Leah dying. But his nightmares started after Jordan kidnapped her. Could it be they went through something similar?

"Fiona," Mara repeated, tapping on the table to get her attention.

"What?"

She pointed behind her. Seated on either side of her, Lexie and Regan turned before she did. The latter muttered, "Oh boy. Hang on to your hats." Her best friend merely stiffened, getting as straight and rigid as a signpost.

Curiosity made her look.

She sucked in a breath, nearly choking on it because Noah stood only ten feet away in a circle cleared by the members who knew something was about to go down. The music stopped as the show shifted from the stage to him, and, by extension, to her.

"You got my letter?" he asked.

Fiona, her heart pounding, found herself on her feet, unsure of how she had even arrived there. She nodded. "I did, but, Noah—"

"I left out something vital. I love you, Fiona." His declaration elicited a collective gasp from the rapt onlookers, interspersed with a chorus of awws. Unfazed by their reaction, Noah moved closer, cutting the distance in half, and continued with unwavering determination, "I'll be damned if I lose you out of fear."

"But you didn't lose me, Noah. You pushed me away."

The ripple that went through the crowd this time wasn't as positive or approving.

"I shouldn't have," he admitted, his voice strained. "After I lost Claire and Leah, I went through the motions of living for almost two years. When I came out of the fog, I swore I'd never go through that pain again. That's what I meant when I said I couldn't go there again. I walled off my heart and guarded it carefully for years until a beautiful, brown-eyed submissive with a throaty voice and the sweetest ass I've ever seen entered my world and rejected me twice. Instead of being on the defensive, I led the charge determined to break through to her."

"You did. Then you walked away. What happened?"

His heart was in his eyes when he answered. "I almost lost you to a maniac with a knife, which is the same way I lost them."

Her hands flew to her mouth. "Noah, no!"

"I had nightmares of him holding that knife to your throat. Of you in a—" He halted, his voice catching as he shook his head. "They're too terrible to repeat. Then you said you loved me, and I was torn. Wanting to build a life with you but terrified of going through that living nightmare all over again. I'm not proud of it, but fear won." He took another two steps forward. "But while baking in the sun and choking on sand and dust in a crude hospital in Northern Africa, I had a heart-to-heart with myself. I'm sick to death of loneliness and regret. And I refuse to let fear rob me of more years of happiness. Whatever time I have left on this earth, I want to spend every minute of the day showing you how much I love you."

Then he shocked her and everyone around them by dropping to his knees.

"I'm here to ask your forgiveness, Fiona, and to do what it takes to get you back."

The groveling was a bridge too far for her. She took a step forward, beseeching him. "Please, get up. There's nothing to forgive. What you've endured is incomprehensible."

"I love them, and always will, but I finally figured out that doesn't diminish my capacity to love again. It's funny. I always thought everyone only got one great love in their life, if that. For some reason, I was gifted with two."

Fiona's heart turned over. And she wasn't alone. There were more awws, and she definitely heard sniffles behind her. She was on the verge of throwing herself at him and bawling her eyes out, but she had to be sure.

"What about your walls?"

"Decimated. The only reason I'd ever consider building them again wouldn't be to keep you out. Quite the opposite."

"You'd lock me in a tower to have me all to yourself?"

"Damn straight. If you'll have me."

Drawn to him, she took another step, feeling the magnetic pull between them, but stopped just out of reach with one last lingering doubt.

His frustration bubbled over. "Baby, I don't know what else I can do to convince you to forgive me."

"You could try calling me kitten."

He blinked, appearing both surprised and confused. "But he called you that."

"Who?"

"Parra, while tormenting you with his knife. When I did afterward, you flinched—violently. I didn't want something we shared to trigger memories of him, so I stopped."

"Oh, Noah." Tears sprang to her eyes as she took the last step, closing the remaining distance between them. She bent to him, her hands framing his beloved face. "I don't recall flinching, but then I've tried to block out most of that awful day. What I remember is feeling cherished every time you called me kitten. I won't let him take that from me. I want it back."

His fingers slid into her hair as his palms cradled her cheeks. "Do you also want me back?"

"I've never wanted anything more."

"My kitten," he breathed in relief before his mouth covered hers. As he kissed her with the smoldering passion that always robbed her of breath and lucid thought, she heard the audience break into cheers and applause.

Vaguely, she noticed the band resume playing. But she didn't care about anything except being in his arms.

Suddenly, Noah broke the kiss. His gaze went over her shoulder, and he stared at the stage. Then his head fell back, and he laughed, loud and rich and wonderful. After the last month, where neither of them had much to laugh about, it was welcome, although poorly timed.

Fiona glanced behind her. Elena was behind the mic stand singing away, but nothing stood out as particularly hilarious. Then the lyrics clicked, the old Temptations tune instantly recognizable and apropos for the moment. "Ain't Too Proud to Beg."

Elena didn't torture Noah long with it, however, and segued into another of their Motown hits—"When a Man Loves a Woman."

His fingers disentangled from her hair, but only so he could wrap his arms around her and bury his face in her belly. And she distinctly heard him say, "Thank god I didn't fuck this up," as he hugged her tight.

Fiona's arms encircled his neck, and she rested her cheek on the top of his head, but only for a minute.

"Since that's settled, would you get up now, please? I don't like you on your knees, unless..."

Gazing up at her, he finished for her. "I'm doing wonderfully wicked things to your body?"

"Yes. I'm a one-and-done mistress. I swear there is no inner domme living inside me."

He chuckled and got to his feet, a little stiffly because he'd been there awhile. "Damn. I'm getting too old and arthritic to be groveling, so I'd better not piss off my kitty again."

"I wasn't pissed off, Noah. Just heartbroken."

He took her gently in his arms, his playfulness gone, as he turned serious once again. "Not anymore, though, right?"

"Right," she agreed. "Hearing you express your love for me healed my heart. Although doing so on your knees, in front of everyone, was unnecessary, I must admit, it was quite romantic."

His lips brushed hers in the tenderest of kisses. "I was prepared to grovel every day until you forgave me."

"Lexie will complain that I gave in too easily. She's not your biggest fan."

"She's going to be harder to convince than you, isn't she?"

"Yes. She's always been fiercely loyal to her friends, so winning her over won't be easy."

"I'm thinking Jonas wouldn't approve of me getting on my knees for his wife. What color roses does she like?"

Fiona laughed. "Texas bluebells. Good luck finding those at a florist." She snuggled against his chest, finding comfort in his embrace and the steady rhythm of his heartbeat beneath her ear. How she'd missed him. "Don't worry about Lex," she assured him. "She'll come around."

"She is going to have to. You'll want to visit each other, and, if she's going to stand up with you at the wedding, she'll have to tolerate me for a few hours at least."

"Wait." She pushed back in his arms and blinked up at him. Surely, she would remember if he... "Did I miss the proposal?"

"No. I thought after promising to show my love every minute I'm on this earth that it went without saying."

She grunted, sounding much like him. "You thought wrong, sir. I only plan on marrying once in my life and have a few expectations. A proposal is one I refuse to budge on."

Flashing a playful smile, he produced a black velvet ring box from his pocket.

"You were teasing," she accused.

"A little."

Getting down on one knee this time, he opened the box and held it up to her. While she noticed the glittering diamond, she was more intent on his face, no longer tense, withdrawn, and distant, only smiling with love for her.

"Marry me, Fiona. Be my wife, my love, and my submissive."

Nodding, with tears overflowing, she threw her arms around his neck. His encircled her as he rose, lifted her off her feet, and they sealed their promise to one another with a kiss.

"What do you say we get out of here and continue this in private?"

"Okay. Your place or mine, which is actually Jonas' and Lexie's?"

"I'm at Cap's, and I have the entire ground floor to myself. And this time I'm remembering the dead bolts."

His arm around her, he steered them toward the exit.

In a meteoric mood shift from despondent to euphoric, laughter bubbled up from inside her.

"What's funny?"

"You are, sir. You're such a dom."

He held the doors for her as she preceded him through the lobby and out into the warm, arid Texas heat.

While walking to the parking lot, he caught her against him again, as if he couldn't bear having her out of reach. "Not denying it, but how so?"

"That proposal wasn't a question."

His chin dipped to his chest, and he cocked a brow. "Would your answer have been different if I tacked a question mark onto the end?"

"No."

"Then, what's the problem?"

Her arms tightened around his waist, holding him in a side hug as she matched his stride. Happy, relieved tears stung her eyes. "I've got no problems, sir. Not anymore."