Chapter 15

Digging a Little Deeper

A LOUD CLATTER JOLTEDher awake, shattering the peace of her dreamless sleep. Worse, the bed shifted beneath her, and she lost the furnace-like heat molded to her body. Fiona rolled over and squinted at the morning sun streaming in through the windows. Noah's broad, muscular back blocked the harsh light momentarily as he reached for his phone on the nightstand.

As he checked the message, she silently cursed whoever was on the other end for disturbing them. Despite her less-than-charitable thoughts, she asked in a measured voice that carried a hint of huskiness from sleep, "Anything important?"

He turned, his gaze shifting from her face to her chest as a grin tugged at the corners of his mouth. Her eyes followed his, curious about what had captured his interest. The sheet pooled around her waist, leaving her bare breasts exposed. Blushing like a virgin, she tugged it up, releasing him from his trancelike stare.

"Nothing that can't wait," he replied, crawling toward her. And just like that, the sheet was at her feet. The blast of crisp morning air didn't bother her because he moved on top of her, his larger body keeping her nice and toasty.

As Noah's weight pressed her into the plush mattress, his lips found hers in a hungry kiss, and Fiona felt an instant resurgence of desire. While his tongue explored her mouth with a fierce intensity that made her head spin, his warm hands traced the contours of her body, leaving a trail of goose bumps in their wake.

Moaning softly, she ran her fingers through the short, soft bristles of his close-cropped hair and reciprocated his passion. At the same time, she arched her back, reveling in the delicious friction of her nipples against his chest.

Suddenly, his hands banded her wrists, pinning them above her head with a firmness that sent a thrill of excitement rushing through her. She gasped as he trailed his mouth down her neck, his teeth grazing her skin.

"You like being restrained."

"I do, sir."

"Tell me what you want," he demanded, his voice low and husky.

"More," she breathed, her heart pounding.

He chuckled, and ordered, "And you'll have it, kitten. Don't move a muscle."

Rising to his knees, he reached for the headboard. As his chest hovered above her, she couldn't resist running her fingers through the dark-blond curls dusting his chest and then across the ridges of his abdomen.

He glanced down at her. "Where are those hands supposed to be?"

With a disappointed pout, she snaked them above her head, arching provocatively as she did so.

"Not to worry. I have something to help with your compliance, naughty kitty."

She heard the clink and looked up to see him pull two lengths of chain with cuffs attached at the ends, from between the mattress and headboard. She didn't like the fact that they were there, at the ready, and that some other sub had been bound to his bed before her. But he was forty-three, hardly a boy and far from a saint. She wasn't either, but it had been ages since she had anyone in her bed, and she didn't have restraints bolted into her headboard.

When he wrapped the leather cuff around her wrist and buckled it in place, Fiona's entire body tensed. Another time, with a different dom, one who wasn't as kind or forgiving, flashed before her eyes. Amid the roar in her ears, she heard his laughter, felt the searing pain like a fireplace poker burning her bare cheeks, and, worst of all, she couldn't get free or call for help because he'd bound and gagged her.

Panic washed over her when a second band slipped around her other wrist and further restrained her. She pulled hard. The cuffs held firm, and the chains rattled but didn't give.

"No! Stop! Red! Red!" she screamed.

"Fiona, what the fuck?"

"Let me go. I used my safeword. I said red!" she cried, her freak-out escalating.

But he was already doing what she asked, what protocol and decency demanded. Unlike with Jordan, she was immediately free. She sat up, her hair wild around her shoulders, and she hugged herself, rocking.

"Talk to me," he insisted.

"I was back at the club that awful night...with Jordan."

He cursed violently, making her jump. "You said you weren't having flashbacks or dreams."

"I quit the club. No one has cuffed me since then." Her voice broke on the last word as tears overflowed.

"Fiona, I need to hold you, but I don't want to set you off again."

She looked up at him and his stricken expression. He seemed equally freaked out. With a sob, she flung herself at him and wrapped her arms in a choke hold around his neck. He seemed not to notice, hugging her close as he whispered into her hair, "I've got you, kitten. You're safe."

Noah rocked her gently for a long time. When her tension lessened, he eased her onto her back, cradling her with her cheek to his chest. Reaching for a blanket, he pulled it around her naked body to keep her warm. It wasn't necessary. She wasn't lying about him being a human furnace. But she was shivering, and she understood why he thought she needed it. The reason wasn't that she was cold.

Long minutes passed and, feeling calmer, she asked something that was really bugging her. "Why didn't this happen last night when you pinned my hands to the bed?"

"The leather cuffs are the only thing the same as that night. They must have been the trigger."

"Does that mean we can't...ever?"

This was unfair. Except for surrendering to a man strong enough to compel her submission—until Noah that had only been a concept—more than anything in the lifestyle, she enjoyed being bound and helpless. But only with a man she trusted. There had been a few of them in her BDSM journey. Apparently, Jordan had ruined that for her.

"We can work on getting you past this, kitten. It might take time."

She tipped her head back over his arm to see his face. "Why do you keep calling me kitten? Not that I mind."

A tender smile replaced his worried expression. "You're soft and warm and cute, like a kitten. And you have the habit of blinking up at me, like a curious kitten. And last night, I learned that when you're content or about to come or just finished coming, you purr."

She stared up at him for a moment then denied it. "I do not purr."

"You do, and you blink. You did it again just now." He squeezed her to him and planted a kiss on her forehead. "It's not a bad thing. In fact, I'd call it the sweetest, most adorable thing ever."

"A thirty-four-year-old woman with my figure isn't adorable."

"Wanna bet?" he challenged. "But if it makes you feel better, I think you're hot as fuck, too."

She rolled her eyes.

"Now that," he exclaimed with a tap on her nose, "will get you spanked. I'm not hardcore with protocol or punishing every little thing, but the eye roll is a button you don't want to push."

"Do you think that might trigger me, too?"

"A spanking? I don't know. We'd have to test it."

She sighed. "Some submissive I am when you can't restrain or spank me."

"This isn't unsurmountable, Fiona. I can help you with desensitization, but you probably should see someone professionally."

"Are those your orders, doctor?"

"That's your dom's suggestion. It's not my specialty, but I know you have to be receptive to counseling for it to be effective. Val is a clinical social worker. She knows BDSM-friendly therapists and could recommend someone."

"Yeah. She suggested it several times, but I thought I was past it. Little did I know it was lying in wait."

It seemed her problems were mounting at every turn. Her home was a wreck, her car impounded, she had a sociopath intent on revenge against her who was possibly in cahoots with a killer she could identify, and she'd found the dom of her dreams. But within twenty-four hours of deciding to see where things could go between them, she developed PTSD.

Sullen and dejected, she picked at the blanket in her lap. "I'll understand if you want to end our arrangement."

"What are you talking about?"

"You didn't sign up for whatever's going on with me"—she tapped her temple before adding—"up here."

"Do you want to begin the exposure therapy now?"

"What?"

"Your suggestion that we end things. You're on thin ice, speed skating toward a spanking with that one."

"Sorry, sir," she muttered. "But this sucks. We were both hot and bothered, and I threw cold water on us."

He brushed his lips with hers. "After three times last night, I think we'll both survive. We can pick up again later."

"Why not now?"

"Because we're due at Rossi for a meeting. That's what the text from earlier was about."

"When?"

"At eleven."

She glanced at the clock. "It's only a little past eight. We have time."

"Fiona."

"Please, Noah. I need to know if that part is broken, too."

"We proved last night it wasn't."

"That's before I freaked out."

He looked skeptical. She laid her hand against his cheek. "Please. I won't be able to stop worrying..."

Noah flipped the blanket back, baring her to his gaze. He trailed his hand down her body until he reached the apex of her thighs. "Spread for me, kitten."

Fiona didn't hesitate in doing what he asked, making a sound that was a combination sigh and groan. Okay, so maybe he was right; she purred. His thumb located her most sensitive spot, and two fingers sank into her. And he lowered his head, his kisses slow and drugging as he rubbed her clit, his fingers matching the same seductive rhythm as his tongue.

"You're wet, and very much turned on," he observed in a husky whisper, his lips brushing hers.

"Is there hope for me, Doc?"

He didn't raise his head, but she could see the grin in his deep-blue eyes and feel the upward tilt of his lips against hers.

"Your prognosis is excellent, my dear. But I think I should run a few more tests to be extra sure."

He moved with her in his arms until he sat with his back against the headboard, arranging her so she was still in his lap but astride his thighs.

His hands didn't stop moving, gliding over her skin, stopping at interesting places to explore further, like the curve of her bottom and her almost-painfully hard nipples. Then he surprised her by wanting to talk.

"First, a question. What is it about bondage that you enjoy?"

She blinked, trying to process. "Um... It's relaxing."

His brows slammed together, and he frowned. "Trite and cliché. Try digging a little deeper."

She blushed. To tell him why would reveal so much about herself, but he promised to help overcome the panic, so she confided in him, something she disliked talking about and usually didn't. Just like him with his painful past, although their stories were worlds apart.

"I left home when I was seventeen. Since then, it's only been me. I had to work to support myself through college and then try to make it on my own in a city the size of LA. It's overwhelming, and, at times, scary. It's nice to hand the reins to someone else and not have to worry about making decisions—big or small. I can just...be."

"That was very insightful, kitten," he praised, his hands not stopping. He picked up a curl that had fallen over her breast and used it to tease the taut peak. The other hand wasn't idle, rolling and tugging its equally hard twin. "You told me why you enjoy submission, which we will absolutely explore more in depth in the future, but I asked about bondage. Put your hands behind you. Grip my knees for support and arch your back," he ordered. "Then answer my question."

The position had a dual purpose, offering her generous breasts and bullet-hard nipples for him to play with at his leisure and took her hands out of the picture—the latter, much like restraints. She was starting to see what he was getting at with his questions, but it made it even more difficult to concentrate.

"I get caught up in the fantasy, I suppose," she said breathlessly. "That someone wants me so badly they've tied me up so I can't escape, and so they can have me however they want for as long as they want, and I can't do anything about it."

"Which goes back to your self-esteem issues that no one could possibly want you." Rather than a question, it was a statement of fact. Her jaw dropped, and she sat up, staring at him because she always thought her hang-ups and fantasies were mutually exclusive.

"Uh, uh. I didn't give you permission to move. Was that too much of a strain on your back and shoulders? If so, you should have told me." He dropped the curl and tugged on both nipples at once, the pressure and the pull just a bit harder. "Put your hands behind your head, interlace your fingers, and do not move them," he ordered.

When she complied, he nodded. "This is an exercise in self-restraint. I'm in control, but it's you, not leather cuffs and chains, who must keep you where I want you. The consequence for moving your hands again"—he released her—"I stop what I'm doing."

Losing his touch was an excellent punishment because her body longed for more, and all she could think of was getting it back.

He caught her chin and held her gaze before he explained further. "The key to this is that you're free to move whenever you want. It's your choice, Fiona. Always. Understand?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good. Are you up for more?"

"Please."

"Also good because I'm not done playing with your beautiful body." His breath washed warmly over the achy tip of an upthrust breast as he leaned in and licked it. "My rule about not coming without permission is still in effect."

With his hands spanning her waist, he lifted her until she was standing. He tossed the pillows aside and lay flat. "Okay, kitten. Sit on my face."

"What? No!" She'd be too self-conscious. No way could she relax enough to—

His hand connected with her behind. When her eyes dropped to his in surprise, but she didn't otherwise react, he smiled up at her. "You didn't so much as flinch with that swat. That's promising. But you do not say no to your dom, unless it's prefaced with your safeword. Now, sit."

"I thought I was a kitten, not a dog," she grumbled, which earned her a smack for impertinence on her other cheek.

No panic or flashbacks ensued. Sneaky dom. Make her do something shocking and out of her comfort zone then slide in his test. Point to him. Two points with the addition of self-restraint, also a sly tactic.

Carefully, she squatted over his face, her pussy aligned with his mouth. His eyes were visible, gazing up at her as he dragged his tongue slowly through the parted folds.

She whimpered, already feeling a burn in her thighs from the position.

"Straddle me on your knees, Fiona. I might be here awhile."

She squeaked. Afraid this was just the beginning of what he would ask of her—but also delighting in the thrill of the unexpected.

On her knees was better, but she was still afraid of suffocating him and withheld her weight. He caught on quickly, wrapped his arms around her thighs, and pulled her down to him. He spread her open with his fingers this way, and she soon found herself as fascinated by the rapid movements of his tongue on her clit as she was aroused.

"You're going to make me come, sir."

"You'd better not," he warned, sucking hard on the sensitive nub then soothing it with a gentle lick. "Naughty girls who disobey don't get rewards."

She whimpered. "You're killing me, Master Noah."

He clamped the pulsing bud between his teeth and spoke around it. "We don't have all day, and I'm eager to break my fast, little subbie. Give me your honey—all over my tongue." The things he said would make the most experienced sub turn seven shades of red, so she didn't stand a chance.

With his permission, she didn't hold back, quickly losing herself in the incredible sensations he evoked. Her worries that she was too heavy or he wouldn't like her taste or a million and one other things faded away as she soared, her body convulsing in ecstasy as her fingers interlocked, gripping hard, and proving under extreme duress, she could not only obey but restrain herself.

Suddenly, she felt herself flying in another way, as he lifted her off his face and sat up. With speed and incredible dexterity, he rolled on a condom—again thinking clearly enough to protect them both—then he ordered in a passion-gruff voice, "Straddle me, beautiful, and take me deep."

Even though she hadn't fully recovered, his words had her teetering on the brink again. She put her hands on his shoulders for balance, earning her two more crisp swats on the ass.

Her gaze met his. "But how—"

"Squat like you did over my face. As hard as I am for you, finding where I'm going won't be an issue."

She felt the burn deep in her muscles as she lowered herself. If this was going to be a regular thing, she needed to begin a thigh workout program asap. He was right, as usual. The head of his cock slid easily into her drenched center with only a barely perceptible shift from him. He let her glide down his length, filling and stretching her deliciously until, with a sigh, she took him all.

"Damn, kitten. You're tight and so fucking wet, I won't last long. Ride me."

She froze. Getting down was easy compared to going back up. "I don't think I can, sir. My leg muscles on their own aren't strong enough."

"Not a problem, kitten."

His hands beneath her butt provided the support and lift she needed, acting like a spring as she bounced up and down, essentially impaled on his cock and touching nothing else.

Naked, with the morning sunshine streaming in, he couldn't miss how her big boobs bobbed and wobbled, and her soft belly jiggled. Without the fetwear specially selected to support and conceal, he could see every flaw. Her hands moved again, this time to cover herself.

Noah reacted immediately. His fingers speared into her hair, bringing her nose to nose with him. "Do you feel how rock-hard I am for you, Fiona?"

How could she not? She answered, "Yes, sir."

"This is how I was last night. The same way I got in a millisecond this morning seeing you lying warm, soft, rosy-cheeked from sleep, and fucking gorgeous in my bed. Have I given you the first sign that I don't like what I see?"

She shook her head, ever so slightly, locked in the force of his angry gaze.

"I'd rather hear your answer."

"You haven't, sir."

"Then we'll have no more of your insults about my excellent taste in women."

"No, sir," she breathed, her body quivering inside and out at his reaction.

"Since you've pissed me off, you're going to ride me hard, without coming, as I lie back eye-fucking your gorgeous body. Is that clear?"

"Yes, sir... Crystal. But—"

"You may put your hands on your knees, thighs, my chest, or the bed if you need to for balance, but not to hide. That will earn you a bright-red backside."

His mouth covered hers, and his tongue possessed her mouth as completely as his cock did her pussy. When she was writhing all over his lap, drenching his cock, only then did he release her mouth and lean back on his forearms.

"Now that we've got that straightened out, let's try this again, pretty subbie. Ride me."

With the use of her hands, it took only seconds to find a rhythm. The intensity of his gaze on her face and far-from-perfect body made her believe his words—he really did like what he saw. Noah didn't just lie back as he promised, however. His hands moved over her as if he couldn't bear to look and not touch, fingers rolling and tweaking her nipples, and every so often his thumb doing the same to her clit.

Easily, he drove her to the edge and held her teetering on the brink of release. "Now, for my pleasure, I want to watch as you come."

She wasn't expecting a reprieve from her punishment but wasn't about to argue while writhing and undulating in a frenzy of need. When it finally came, her orgasm sent her flying into a million pieces. She shuddered with the force of it, his hands on her hips held her in place as he drove upward over and over, unrelenting in his pursuit of his own pleasure and wringing another stunning orgasm from her. As she came back down to earth, she found herself collapsed on top of Noah, his arms wrapped around her. She snuggled against him, completely sated, her submissive soul nurtured by the dominant who'd caught her eye and made her heart stutter-step from afar over a year ago. Now that she knew him, intimately, with each touch, each caress, she felt herself falling for him more and more.

"Don't get too comfortable," he whispered, pressing a gentle kiss to her forehead. "We've got ninety minutes to shower and get to the office. We don't want to be late. Keiran said there's been a break in the case."

"You mean it could be over soon?"

"Maybe, but we won't know until we get there." He gave her bottom a light swat to get her going. Again, she didn't flinch, but then again, she could barely move. She'd slept solid, but the orgasms he'd pulled from her, close to a half dozen at least, had left her drained. But this was a good tired she wouldn't trade for the world.