Chapter 20

Chapter 20

It was only a ball, yet it would be one of the most important nights of Jackie’s life.

She was sure of it as she wandered from shop to shop with Elizabeth and the Dowager Duchess. It had been at the latter’s insistence, of course, but this time Jackie did not feel as much guilt as she had done the first time.

“Now, girls,” the Dowager explained, “if it were up to me, the two of you would have chosen the designs for the gowns yourselves, but given how preoccupied the two of you have been, I thought it might be best if I handled the matter myself.”

“That was most thoughtful of you,” Jackie smiled. “And my sister and I shall adore whatever it is that you have chosen for us.”

“Here is hoping!”

As they entered the shop, the seamstress was nowhere to be seen, but they could hear a rather sharp tone coming from nearby, one that Jackie had come to recognize all too well. They approached the voices, and even though Jackie did not want to listen in, she could not help herself.

“You cannot expect me to pay that much!” Ophelia thundered. “If you believe your work to be of that quality, then you are quite mistaken. Why, I have half a mind to tell my father of this behavior.”

“You are the only customer of mine that takes issue with the price,” she replied gently. “Perhaps, if I am more than what you can afford, you might wish to try Madame Dupont.”

“I cannot use her! Her fashions are more akin to what my grandmother might have worn.”

As she said this, she turned to Jackie, looking her in the eye before flushing scarlet.

“Never mind,” she said quietly. “The price is not in question. Do what you must with the gown, for I simply must be perfect.”

“If that is what you want.” The seamstress nodded, turning her back and walking away.

Ophelia then strode over with a bright smile, as if they had not heard the commotion that she had caused.

“Good afternoon, how are you all?”

“We are well,” Elizabeth said shortly. “We are here for a fitting for our gowns, and yourself?”

Jackie nudged her sharply.

“Well,” Ophelia said slowly, as if trying to think of what to say. “I had the perfect gown for the ball, but it is from a few years ago now, and so I thought it best to bring it here to be fixed.”

“Why not purchase another gown?” The Dowager Duchess asked, and Jackie wondered if she had not heard the exchange between Ophelia and the seamstress.

“I did not wish to have too many gowns. It is far better to appreciate something you already have than to go chasing after something new, I believe.”

Jackie tried not to scoff—could Lady Ophelia hear the words as she spoke?

The three ladies seemed to simply blink at her, as if lost for words, before Elizabeth cleared her throat.

“I shall go first,” she said brightly. “Might you come and give me your opinion, Your Grace?”

The Dowager Duchess nodded, and the two scurried away. Jackie watched them leave, wondering just what had transpired between the two of them while she had been with the duke.

“Your sister is sweet,” Ophelia said gently. “I remember when I was her age, or at least when I had a spirit such as her own. I was so happy, about to marry my one love. Sometimes I wonder what might have been if we were not torn apart by such vicious circumstances.”

“And what might those circumstances have been?”

Jackie was no fool. She knew why Lady Ophelia had rejected the duke, but she wanted to know just how far her delusions led her. Surely, she did not think that what she had done was out of her hands, her control?

“We all make our mistakes, and we all have lapses in judgment. What hurts most is that the duke and I are soulmates, and we were pulled away from one another once before, and now here is someone else making some vain attempt to stand in our way.”

“Yes, vanity truly is a terrible thing. It is such a shame that it can break such a great love so easily.”

“I disagree. I believe that nothing can come between a gentleman and his first love, no matter what happens. After all, a gentleman never forgets her.”

With a wry smile, Lady Ophelia left. Jackie stood there, watching her leave and feeling a burning in her throat. Whether she liked it or not, Ophelia was right. A man could never forget the first woman he fell in love with, so what would that make her?

She was not Ophelia, the daughter of wealthy nobility and a lady of renowned beauty, not anymore. She did not have the years of history with him, Ophelia did. Would she spend the rest of her life comparing herself to her?

Would the duke?

“Jacqueline,” the Dowager Duchess said gently, approaching her. “You must come and see your sister’s gown. It is exquisite! Then we can try yours too, yes?”

Jackie nodded and followed, but she no longer wished to be there. In truth, she did not know where she wished to be. Her sister was content with the duke’s mother, and the duke would be more than welcomed by another young lady. They were all living somewhere that she no longer felt like she belonged in, and there was only one thing to do about it.

She tried her own gown on, and she adored it. It was everything that she had ever wanted in a gown, and she couldn’t have been more grateful to the dowager for purchasing it.

She found the duke the moment they arrived home.

“Ah, Jackie!” he greeted. “I was going to come searching for you. I was hoping we might have some tea, so that you could tell me about your afternoon.”

She nodded, and he led her away. She hated that she felt so insecure, because she had fallen for the duke, and she knew there was no escaping that. She wished that they had not seen Ophelia that day, even if she had enjoyed witnessing her flustered for that brief moment.

“Something is troubling you,” the duke said as they sat down. “And if it was my mother, you must accept my apologies. She is excited to have ladies around her again, that is all.”

“Your mother is wonderful,” she assured him. “And this afternoon was perfect. We adore our gowns, and I must thank you again for being so willing to attend a ball with me. I know that it is not something you typically would do.”

“Then what is on your mind? If the afternoon was lovely, and my mother was not wholly overbearing, and you are excited for the ball, why do you look so downtrodden?”

“We have already discussed the matter. Should I mention it again you will only be upset that I am still thinking about it.”

“Jackie, if something is causing you pain, I want you to tell me, even if it is the hundredth time. Please. I can assure you that I will not be upset.”

“Well… we saw Lady Ophelia today at the modiste. She and I were left alone, and she had some choice words for me.”

“And you paid heed to them? Jackie, she is–”

“You promised to listen to me.”

“Yes, yes of course. My apologies.”

“She first inferred that one shouldn’t replace something they cherished with something new, and then she told me outright that the two of you are still in love, torn apart by circumstances out of your control, and that I am in the way of your happiness.”

She could not believe what she was saying. From what she knew, it was not for a lady to be so forthcoming with a man, even one that could eventually become her husband. Not only that, but she was engaging in gossip about a lady he was in love with once. She looked at the duke, unsure of what he would say, and when she did so she saw that he was smirking.

“What is it?” She asked.

“I am not finding your trouble humorous,” he explained quickly. “And I understand your pain, truly I do, but did she truly say all of that without laughing?”

“She did, yes.”

“She is as skilled a liar as I thought. Jackie, it does not matter what she says to you. It is not the truth. I never loved her. I thought myself in love, long ago, but that simply was not the case. I was making the best out of an arrangement, and she was pretty enough, and so I let myself believe that I already loved her.”

“As opposed to this arrangement?” She asked, but she too was smiling.

“This is different. This was something that I arranged from the start. It was my idea and my choice, and what a good idea and choice it was. You had every right to turn me away. Ophelia did so after knowing me for years, and so nobody would have blamed you if you had done so after a mere few days.”

“I never would have done that.”

“I know, and that is why I–”

He stopped talking. Jackie looked at him, silently pleading with him to continue. She was unsure of what exactly she wished to hear, but she knew she wanted him to say something.

“I do not know if this is something I should say to you as yet. I have been trying for so long not to tell you, not wanting to pressure you into doing anything you do not wish to do.”

“There is no pressure,” she assured him. “Tell me what you wish to. No judgment will come from me, as I like to think it never has.”

“It never has.” He smiled at her. “Jackie, I have fallen for you. I want to say that I tried not to, because I wanted us to move as you wished, and I wanted to keep my feelings separate, but I could not. You are everything that I could ever want in a wife, in a friend. I have been sitting with all of these feelings, and I have not known what to do with them. I haven’t wanted to scare you away, but every time I have seen you, I have been on the very edge of confessing everything, and now…”

And now?

Jackie could hardly believe what she was hearing. She had thought that she was falling for him without reciprocation, yet here he was having felt the same. It was everything she wanted him to say, yet it was almost overwhelming. She looked at him eagerly, willing him to continue. She thought he might propose, and in spite of what she had first expected, she realized that was precisely what she wanted.

“And now I have to laugh at myself for how I treated you all those years ago. Scolding myself as I do, of course, but if only I had known then that the time we’d spend together would be the happiest I would ever be.”

It was not a proposal.

She was quite disappointed, but she could not complain. He had fallen for her, and thought of her as a wife, his wife. There was nothing to be upset by, all things considered, yet when she looked at him, he almost looked fearful of what he could do to her.

“Philip, I–”

“Your Grace,” the butler said quickly rushing into the room. “I apologize sincerely for the intrusion, but your presence is required. Some farmers are at your door, some sort of dispute between the two of them.”

Philip looked at her incredulously, and the two shared a small laugh before he had to leave.

They truly could not have a moment alone together, but it did not make her feel any negative way about it. How could she, after all? He had confessed the truth to her, and now she had to find a way to do the same.