1. Amory

Dr. Amory Paver is off work today. It's a rarity for her, as she is one of the many needed physicians in their busy city, but it's not all fun and games. She is packing, preparing for a Doctors Without Borders trip to Africa. She's never been to Africa, never even been out of the country for longer than a week, and she doubts that a week-long trip to England over a decade ago is going to prepare her for the struggles of living in Africa.

Her dining room table is filled with pamphlets and printed out articles about culture shock, information about Zambia, and Cholera. After all, she's not going on this trip for fun; she has a job to do.

Amory is in her bedroom, an open suitcase on her bed as she looks through her closet. Button-ups still attached to the hangers are thrown in piles on the bed, and she can't decide what to pack. There's only limited space in her suitcase and she doesn't know what would be best to wear.

It's Africa so the weather will probably be stifling, especially since it's the middle of June. But she still has to maintain an air of professionalism and, despite the temptation, she can't wear nothing but tank tops and shorts to work for the next several months.

Her mom has been texting her, knowing how nervous she's been. Amory's parents split when she was a teenager, and she doesn't talk to her father much, but her mom has always been her biggest supporter and her biggest worrier.

Mom: Remember to pack pajamas.

Amory: I know

She didn't know. Amory had, in fact, forgotten to pack pajamas. She listens to her mom and packs some sweatpants and a couple night shirts and looks at her open suitcase in contemplation.

Mom: I love you

Amory: I love you too

Mom: Remember to text me when you get to the airport tomorrow.

Amory: I will. Promise

She has a couple of black slacks packed already, but shirts are much harder to decide on. Most of her clothes are suited to cool air and rain, not summer heat, but she's certain that she has some short-sleeve button-ups somewhere, she just can't find them.

Amory groans in frustration and opens her dresser drawers, all of them at the same time, which is counter productive, but she's frustrated and doesn't care. She decides to ignore the shirt problem for now and instead chooses to focus on packing socks and underwear, working her way through the top drawer, which holds a hoard of white panties to be worn under scrubs, funky patterned socks, and a pink rabbit vibrator.

She throws all of it in the suitcase, debating on the vibrator and the potential embarrassment that it will cause her when it goes through airport security. But, she decides, she won't be there when they check her luggage, so she throws it in the zippered pouch on the side.

Mom: Don't forget socks.

Amory: Just packed them.

As she clears out her underwear drawer, she feels something hard at the bottom of the drawer and furrows her eyebrows in confusion.

She reaches to the bottom of the drawer and pulls out a black box and her heart drops. She knows what this is now. It's been years, and she almost managed to forget about it. She honestly doesn't know how it got there. She doesn't remember putting it in that drawer, but she supposes she tried so hard to forget Natalie that she must have forgotten everything.

Now, however, she can't forget anything. How much she loved Natalie, the sharp feelings of pain and betrayal that she felt when she walked in on her in bed with that obnoxious Dr. Blake Gold. She starts to cry.

She wanted to marry Natalie, wanted to build a life with her. They lived together, owned a cat together, but now Amory lives alone. She didn't even get to keep their cat, Harold.

She misses Natalie and hates her for it. She trusted her and Natalie betrayed that trust, left a chasm in her heart too deep for anyone to fill. She also hates Dr. Gold. They were never close, rivals through medical school, but she thought that they could put that away when they got into the same residency program. They didn't, but Amory never expected Dr. Gold to cheat with Natalie. Then again, she never expected anyone to cheat with Natalie.

She thought Natalie would always be faithful. Now, she just feels stupid and betrayed. She wishes that she never trusted Natalie with her heart, that she would have seen the signs before it got to that point. But she never noticed when Natalie looked at other women, and she didn't care when Natalie started wanting to have sex more than usual.

Tears are running down her cheeks as she remembers the fight that occurred after she left their bedroom. She had just witnessed Dr. Gold fucking her girlfriend, yet Natalie still had the audacity to beg for forgiveness, to claim that it would never happen again. As if that mattered.

She screamed and cried and kicked Natalie out of the house, listening to her beg through the locked door to be let back in. Natalie stayed there for about thirty minutes before she left. Amory still doesn't know where she went for the night, gets angry if she thinks that she went to Dr. Gold's house. But she came back the next day while Amory was at work and left with all of their stuff and Harold.

She left a note, still begging for forgiveness. But Amory could never forgive her. She even took their cat, for crying out loud.

She feels like she's back there, and she wants to scream and cry again. She has barely heard from Natalie since. There have been a couple of long apology texts and unanswered phone calls, but Amory never responded. She couldn't. She doesn't even know what she would have said. Sometimes she wonders what would have happened if she did answer, but she knows that she could never forgive Natalie for what she did.

It's been over five years since Natalie last texted Amory, drunk and telling her that Harold had died, and it's been over seven years since the breakup. But she's still not over it and she hates herself for it. She hasn't dated anyone else, hasn't fallen in love again. She feels like a dumb teenager and she's thirty-five now and an accomplished surgeon, for crying out loud.

Amory opens the box and looks at the diamond ring inside. It's a simple ring. Natalie always liked simple jewelry, and that's what Amory got for her because she wanted her to wear it for a long time. But she never got the chance to wear it.

Amory doesn't know how long the affair lasted. Sometimes the curious and self-destructive part of her brain wants to know how long Natalie was sleeping with Dr. Gold, and if she was even the only one.

Amory looks at the ring and looks around her bedroom, where the window is open, letting a slight breeze through. She remembers carrying the ring around in her pocket, waiting for the perfect moment. She had planned a date with the two of them at the park where they had their first date. It wasn't elaborate or anything, but it was sentimental, and Amory was always a sentimental person.

She thought Natalie was, too. But, clearly, she wasn't sentimental enough to be faithful.

Amory's sadness at what Natalie did morphs to anger. After all, how dare she cheat on her, throw away their life together and betray her like that. How dare she cheat on her with her rival, someone she had complained to Natalie about countless times. Natalie knew how much Amory and Dr. Gold didn't get along, yet she chose Dr. Gold of all people on the planet to sleep with. It wasn't fucking fair. Nothing about that situation was fair or okay, and Amory boils in anger thinking about it.

She looks at the ring and grows angrier. She wants nothing more than to destroy the memories of Natalie, to forget her once and for all, but she can't. So, she does the next best thing, she gets rid of the ring.

In a fit of anger and hurt, she throws the ring out of her bedroom window and watches as it flies outside, never to be seen again.

Amory looks at her phone and sighs. She's been ignoring the buzzing while looking at the ring and she can't ignore the buzzing anymore.

Mom: Don't forget your laptop

Mom: And bring a book for the airport

Mom: You got all of your vaccines, right?

Mom: Wait, you told me before you did. Never mind.

Mom: What are you eating for supper?

Mom: Do you want me to come over?

Mom: It'll be a while before I see you again.

Mom: Amory?

Mom: Amory?

Mom: Call me when you see this

Amory: Sorry. I was packing. I'll call you later.

Mom: Okay

Amory: But yeah, you can come over.

Mom: Be there in an hour

Amory sighs and looks at her open window. She sits on her floor for a moment before she stands up and walks to her kitchen. She starts to clear her dining room table of all the pamphlets and papers.

When her mom shows up, she brings groceries, dropping them on the floor to give her only child a big hug.

"Hi Mom," Amory greets her mom, Kara.

"Hi darling! Do you want to help me make supper?"

"Of course," Amory says, "just let me finish the dishes real quick."

"I'll help you," Kara tells her. "And then we can get started on food. Who knows when the next time you'll have a good, home-cooked meal will be."

"I'm sure it won't be long," Amory says. "I can cook myself, you know."

Kara laughs. "No, you can't."

Amory shakes her head. "Mom," she complains.

"I'm just telling the truth," Kara says. "If I weren't here to help you, you'd probably starve to death."

"I would not," Amory says, shaking her head. She knows she's not a good cook, but she's thirty-five. She can take care of herself, for crying out loud.

"What do you think I do when you're not here?" she asks her mom.

"Starve," Kara says.

Amory scoffs but gives up on arguing. "Whatever, let's just make supper."

"So you don't starve," Kara insists, and Amory groans.

"I can cook," Amory states.

"Without catching the stove on fire?" Kara asks.

Amory groans. "It was one time, and I was a teenager," she says, "I've gotten better."

"Mmm," Kara hums, looking in the sink. She pulls out a pot, holding it up to Amory so that she can see the bottom of it. "Well, from the looks of things, you still burn everything."

"Mom," Amory protests, swatting the pot away from her face. Amory pouts.

"I'm just saying," Kara says, but then looks at her daughter's pout and gives her a hug. "You know I just worry about you," she says.

"Yeah," Amory says, hugging her mom back.

"And promise me that you'll take care of yourself while you're gone."

"I will, Mom," Amory says, "I promise."

"Good," Kara says. "Now let's make supper."