Chapter 43

Chapte r 43

Rose

I've been dozing, unable to sleep deeply. When I hear the door open, a sigh escapes me. Mav is finally here. "Mav?" When he doesn't move from the door, I wonder if something's wrong. I give him another minute and then sit up. "I couldn't stay one more night in my room...alone," I say uncertainly. "You told me I should be in here, and I wanted to go somewhere where I felt safe. But maybe I shouldn't have..."

He doesn't say a word, and then suddenly he's in the bed with me. His arms wrap around me and he holds me so tight I can't breathe. "You stayed." His voice is gruff and hinged with something that sounds a lot like desperation. I try to turn, and he has to loosen his hold so I can.

"Mav, are you okay?"

He pushes the hair back from my face. I can see him from the light of the moon. "You stayed," he says again. I'm confused. "You didn't leave me."

And then it hits me. "Oh. You mean because Ava left?" I ask softly.

His eyes search mine, and I see the presence of his wolf. He seems so anxious and emotional. Mav is never emotional. "I thought you left me." His voice is so sad. Tears form in my eyes because I know this isn't the adult Mav saying this right now. This is the young boy crying out because he doesn't have anybody. I know because like calls to like.

I reach out and run my hand down his strong jaw. "No, Mav. I didn't leave you." I pause, wondering if I should say what I want to say. There's no guarantee he'll say it back. There's no guarantee he'll want me. But I know in this moment, I have a choice. I can choose not to love him because of fear of him not loving me in return, or I can put it all out there. I can choose to love him, even if he never loves me in return. I mean, that's what love is, isn't it? It's putting your heart on the line, not knowing whether it will be rejected or cherished. I can choose to love him and not because of anything he can do for me in return. It's Mav; I'm not sure he's capable of anything in return. But that doesn't mean he doesn't deserve my love. I take a deep breath. "And I'm never going to...if you don't want me to." My voice is so soft; it took every ounce of courage I have to say those words. The air seizes in my lungs while I wait for him to respond.

He reaches out and puts his large hand on the side of my face. "I don't want you to." His voice is deep. I close my eyes and smile because that's enough. I feel a featherlight touch on my forehead and then on each of my cheeks, my nose, my chin. A tear drips from the corner of my eye.

"I thought I lost you," his voice isn't steady. "I thought you were gone before I had a chance to tell you."

My eyes open and I stare into his. "Tell me what, Mav?"

"That I love you." His words knock the air from my lungs. "I fought it. I fought it so hard, but I never stood a chance." He gives me the smallest smile, but it fades quickly. "After Julie died," his voice goes soft, and I hold myself very still. "I told myself I could never love again. Love only hurts. The pain I felt at her loss," he shakes his head. "I told myself it wasn't worth loving ever again." Tears well in my eyes in pain for what he's endured. "But then you came into my life." He goes quiet again. "I didn't realize until tonight that if I lost you, it would tear out my soul. And yet, by not loving you, I was already losing parts of my soul. My heart belongs to you, Rose. It always has." He gently wipes a tear from my eye. "I'm sorry it took me so long to see it. I'm sorry I've been a jerk to you, more than a jerk."

I swallow the lump in my throat. "I'm sorry about your sister." More tears drip. My heart squeezes painfully when a tear drips from his eye.

"Me too." He gives me a small smile. "You would have loved her."

"I know I would have." More tears fall. "I'm so sorry, Mav." My voice shakes, and a sob slips out. He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into his chest. Neither of us say anything. We live in the sorrow of the moment as I cry into his chest. Tears for his sister, the one I never got to meet; tears for the broken childhood he had; tears for my own broken childhood. After a while, I finally compose myself. "I'm so broken, Mav," I whisper. "I don't know if I can be for you what you need."

He pulls back so he can look into my eyes. "Whatever gave you the impression that I wasn't broken as well?" I shake my head, feeling so uncertain. "What do two broken pieces make when you put them together, Healer?"

I stare into his gorgeous eyes. "What?" I whisper.

"A whole piece. Maybe we're broken alone, but we can be whole together."

And then my tears start all over again. When I can finally compose myself, I ask him, "So what's next?"

"I'm not sure. We have to get to the bottom of what's going on." I nod. He stares into my eyes. "I'm gonna need you to stay close to me until we get this all solved."

"Like that's going to be a hardship," I mutter. He gives me the most beautiful smile. "You should smile more often," I whisper.

"Never had reason to before," he says just as softly. And then, he does something I thought he would never do. He kisses me. It happens so fast, I'm not prepared for it. And then it's over and done.

"Wait, I wasn't ready," I tell him the instant his lips are gone. He stares at me, and then he laughs. "What? I wasn't ready. It was my second kiss, and I didn't even get to enjoy it."

He blinks. "That was your second kiss?" His voice is low now, and a tremor runs through me.

But I meet his gaze head-on. "Yes. My first one the other day was with you."

"That one didn't count," he says gruffly. "We better make this one memorable then." And then, he kisses me again. This time, I'm ready for it. His lips meet mine gently. It takes me a moment to get the hang of it, and he lets me get used to it. And then he kisses me once, twice, and then a third time. I sigh at the contact. He's so gentle and patient with me. He pulls back slightly and looks me in the eye. "Were you ready that time?" he asks, a soft smile on his lips.

"Yes," I say on a breathy sigh. "That was amazing. We should do that again."

"That's only the beginning of what we're going to do, Healer," he says, tucking my hair behind my ear.

"More kissing?" I ask hopefully.

"Yes, but not tonight. Tonight, you need to sleep." Something about the way he says it catches my attention.

"You're not going to be sleeping, are you?"

"No."

I stare at him in the dark, unsure how much he'll let me push. "You need sleep too."

"Actually, I don't. Because of my wolf, I can go longer without sleep." I don't argue with him. "Enforcers will be right outside the door all night long."

"There's so much I don't understand. Like how shifters are still getting sick when we made everybody switch to bottled water. And why Jacob?" He's quiet a moment. "Mav, what do you know?"

He stares at me a beat. "Rogue wolves are attracted to your healing power. I know that. Why? I don't know. But I remember when one of them came after your other healing friend."

"Samantha?" I ask.

He nods. "Cade thinks it's all related. The strychnine poisoning in our water sources, the attempted kidnapping."

"But why?"

He stares at me intently. "We think," he pauses a moment. "We think they think a healer's power can heal them."

I sit up. "Could it?"

He sits up as well. "Doesn't matter. It's not going to happen."

"But Mav, what if I could heal them?"

"Not going to happen." Each word is slow and distinct.

"But if it could stop the attacks on your pack—"

"It doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters." I face him fully. "We could stop the poisoning of your pack members. We could stop the attacks. We could keep not only this pack but other packs safe as well. They would no longer be a danger."

"No!" His answer is so strong, it startles me.

"Why not?" I argue.

"Do you know what it would take to heal a rogue wolf?" His lips twist up into a snarl. "They're wolves that have lost their souls. Do you know what kind of healing power it takes to restore a soul?"

I lift my head. "No, but—"

"I don't either, and I'm not willing to risk it." I open my mouth to argue, but he leans close. "I'm not willing to risk your life for something that we don't even know would work."

"But Mav, what if it could work?"

He stands up from the bed. "Not going to happen, Healer."

"Oh, we're back to that now?" I can't stop the words as they tumble out.

He turns back to me, a crease between his brows. "What?"

"Nothing, Beta." He frowns, and I shrug. "If you can't call me by my name, I can't call you by yours."

He scowls. "Get some rest. I'll be back in a few hours." He's gone a moment later, and I'm left staring at the closed door. I sit up in the bed, refusing to go to sleep because I'm frustrated. But nature takes over and eventually, I can't keep my eyes open.

When morning comes, my spirit is a little better. I take the fastest shower in Mav's shower, hoping he doesn't come in. Once I'm dressed, I head out to check with Amber for the day. "Rose." She sweeps me into a hug. "I've been so worried about you." I blink back tears at her concern. Her eyes widen. "What is it?"

"Nothing," I say, shaking my head. And then I decide to be honest with her. "It just feels good to be cared about," I tell her softly. Her own eyes soften, and she pulls me in for another hug. "Well, we consider you family. You're stuck with us now."

"Wose!" a little voice calls out. Little arms wrap around my legs.

"See?" Amber says with a smile. "We've claimed you. All of us."

I bend down and pick up the toddler. "I like your mermaid jammies." She grins and buries her head in my neck. I take a deep breath and meet Amber's eyes. "I've claimed you all too."

"Have you eaten yet?" she asks as we walk further into the apartment.

"No."

"Come join us. I was just making us some breakfast."

I follow Amber into the small kitchen. "You cook?" I ask in surprise. "I mean. Okay, that was offensive. I didn't mean it that way."

She laughs. "I know what you meant. I do. Sometimes, I just want to have a homecooked meal at home with just my people."

"I get that." I sit at the small table and settle with Paige in my lap.

"It's just toast and eggs and bacon. Nothing glamorous."

"It sounds amazing." I realize suddenly how hungry I am.

"Cade and Mav are going to join us," she says as she puts food on a plate. "I reached out through the pack link and let him know you were here so he wouldn't worry."

"That's fine," I tell her.

"I can take her," she says as she puts a plate in front of me.

"I've got her. You eat, Mama."

"If you insist." She sits in the chair next to me and takes a sip of coffee. "Can I get you a cup of coffee?"

I shake my head. "I'm good. Thanks."

"Is there anything she can't eat?" I ask about Paige.

Amber laughs. "No. She definitely doesn't struggle with an appetite."

"Are you a big eater, Paigie?" I ask, tickling her belly, earning a giggle. I smile and put some eggs on the small fork for her. "Who's hungry?" I ask her. I move the fork around, and her eyes widen and track the movement. Then I zoom it into her mouth. She smiles at me, and I can't help but smile back. I see a movement out of the corner of my eye and look up to see Mav watching me carefully. I feel my face heat and wonder how long he's been standing there.