Chapter 41

Chap ter 41

Rose

"I need to get to my room. Thank you for tonight," I say quickly and dash out the door before he can say anything. Am I running? Absolutely! I don't know what else to do with myself. I stand in my room for just a few minutes until I get hold of myself. "He doesn't mean anything by it. He's not going to do anything about it," I remind myself as I brush my teeth and get ready for bed. It takes me a long time to go to sleep.

I wake up suddenly, my heart pounding in my chest. Something's wrong; I know it. I search the darkness, wishing about now I had wolf sight. And then I hear it, the sound of a footstep on the tile. Not again! I scream as fear explodes in my chest. A moment later, hands wrap around my throat, and I can't breathe. I kick my feet and try to get leverage, but the hold is too strong. And then I hear the door to my room slam open, and the weight is moved off me. I roll over and try to catch my breath, even as I hear the sound of a fight. It's over in seconds. I hear a body fall, and then somebody touches me. I scream and back away. "Rose, it's me."

"Maverick?" I whisper in a broken voice.

I launch myself at him, and he picks me up. I bury my head in his neck and suck in air, still trying to catch my breath. "I've got you," he says, but his voice is not gentle. It's the furthest thing from gentle. He takes me to his room and sets me on the bed. He turns to move away, but I grab his hand.

"Don't leave me," I tell him, my voice cracking. Fear, once again, rises up and gets a strangle hold on me.

"I'm just turning the lamp on, so I can check you out." He's gone and back before I even realized he was gone. I blink in the light and then look up at him. He's not looking at my face, though. He's looking at my neck. He growls low in his chest, and by instinct, I put my hand over his heart. A knock sounds on the door, and I nearly jump out of my skin. "It's just Cade," he says in a low, angry voice.

A moment later, the door opens and Cade strides in. His eyes scan me, darkening when they get to my neck. "Are you okay?" he asks in a gruff voice. The door opens again, and Amber comes in wild-eyed.

"Rose!" She comes over to me, but Maverick growls, stopping her. Cade wraps an arm around her and pulls her close. She doesn't fight it. "Are you okay?" she whispers, her face crestfallen.

Everybody keeps asking me that. I feel like shouting, No! I'm not okay! Somebody tried to kill me. Somehow, I manage to nod. I wring my hands together, trying to stop the shaking. "It's the adrenaline," Mav says, his voice gruff as he crouches in front of me. "It will fade; I promise."

"I've got to go next door," Cade says, and he suddenly sounds a hundred years old. "Mav," Cade says, tipping his head toward the door.

Fear rises up inside of me, threatening to take me down to a dark place. It's not rational, I know. But fear isn't rational. Somehow, this is worse than when they tried to kidnap me. This time, they tried to kill me. I grasp at Mav's shirt. "They tried to kill me." My voice breaks on the words.

He takes my chin in his big hand. "And I killed him, just as I will do to anyone or anything that threatens you." His voice is tight with barely restrained anger. "See me, Rose. I'm right here, and you're safe. Nobody is going to get to you. They have to go through me to get to you, and that's not going to happen." His words are fierce, and I lean forward into his strong chest. His arms come around me and pull me close, and I close my eyes as the tears drip from my eyes. For the first time in my life, I feel truly safe. Right here in this moment, and I know I've never felt anything like this before. Mav pulls back and sees my tears and mistakes it for grief at what happened. "I'm going to fix this," he says fiercely.

"You already have," I whisper. He reaches behind me and palms my neck, over my hair.

"I will keep you safe, Rose. Get comfortable; you're sleeping in here from now on. I'll be back as soon as I can." He leans forward and kisses my forehead, and the breath squeezes from my chest. "Amber's going to stay with you." He glances over his shoulder, and Amber nods at him.

"Beth is staying with Paige," she says quietly.

He pulls back, but my hands tighten involuntarily around his shirt. "Please don't leave me." The words are ripped from the deepest part of me. He pauses and looks uncertain for a moment.

Cade comes over and puts a hand on his shoulder. "Stay with her. I'll keep you up to date." He puts his arm around Amber and walks her over to the door. Amber gives me one last fierce glance before they leave.

Strong arms suddenly wrap around me and lift me. Maverick cradles me to his chest as he walks over to his side of the bed. I realize for the first time that he must have come straight from bed. He's not wearing a shirt, and his bed is a tumbled mess. He sits on the bed and stretches his long legs in front of him, all while keeping his arms around me. He pushes my head gently against his chest, and I rest my head there. His steady heartbeat thumps beneath my cheek, and I don't think I've ever heard a more reassuring sound in all my life.

"This is all I ever wanted when I was...well pretty much my entire life."

"What?" he asks in a rough voice.

"To be held. To know I was safe." And loved. I keep that last part to myself. I'm not delirious enough to think that love is what this is about right now.

"You weren't safe growing up?" he asks.

"I grew up in foster care, bouncing from one home to the next." I don't tell him anymore; I can't tonight.

"I'm sorry you weren't safe growing up," he says in a low voice.

"It's okay." I nestle closer to him. "You weren't either. Maybe that's why fate paired us together." He doesn't say a word, and I wonder if I went too far. But I don't really care right now. My filter is gone right now. I'm not sure how long we sit that way, but my mind and my heart rate finally begin to slow down enough at least that I can ask the questions that have been buzzing inside my head. "What was he?" I whisper, breaking the long silence. Mav doesn't say anything; he doesn't even move. "Please tell me; I-I need to know." I pull back and look into his eyes. "Was it a vampire?"

"No." His answer is swift and harsh.

"A rogue wolf?" His dark gaze finally meets my own, and I see the rage there. Hatred even. I suck in a breath. "Mav?"

"It was one of our own."

Shock ripples through me. "Wh-what? Who was it?" My stomach is sick at the question.

His eyes meet mine without flinching. "Jacob."

The air is sucked from my lungs. "Why?" The word comes out hoarse and broken. I feel like I've been gutted.

"I didn't ask him before I killed him," he says without batting an eye. Silence follows his comment.

"I'm going to be sick." I stumble to my feet and barely make it to his toilet before I unload the contents of my stomach. Nothing makes sense. Jacob was my friend...I thought. And now, he's dead because Mav killed him. I wonder if he feels guilty. A sick feeling tightens my stomach, and I throw up again. "I'm sorry," I whisper.

"Rose," he warns.

"If I wouldn't have called your name—"

"Stop," he says.

"You wouldn't have come."

"Rose, stop."

"And you wouldn't have killed him," the words come out on a sob. "It's my fault he-he's dead."

And then he's right there. In front of me, crouched next to me on the floor. "Look at me." My anguished eyes meet his. "I am only going to say this one time. This is not your fault. Any man that enters your room, especially at night, forfeits his life. You're mine; everybody in this pack knows that. To enter your room without your consent is to sign their own death warrant." My heart cries out at his words. Oh, how my heart wishes he meant them the way I want him to mean them. I drop my head onto my arms on the toilet, feeling absolutely depleted. He stands up and walks over to the sink. A moment later, he squats down next to me again and gently wipes my mouth. He puts the cloth down and then reaches for me and swings me up into his powerful arms again. He puts me on the other side of his bed and pulls the covers over me. "I know you probably can't sleep but at least try to rest."

"Are you leaving?"

"No."

He paces the room, and I settle on my back. I know I won't be sleeping anytime soon, even though my body is exhausted. My mind is too keyed up. It's only a few minutes later that the shakes begin. Maverick grabs another blanket and settles it atop me. "It's the adrenaline," he says softly. "It will fade." He resumes his pacing, and I resume staring at the ceiling. Unbidden, my mind turns to Jacob; and sorrow fills my heart. Sure, I avoided the guy because he was always flirting with me, but I thought he was at least a friend or friendly. I've never been great at seeing people for who they truly are; I guess I always want to see the best in people. But this time, I really messed up. How could I have not known that he hated me so much, he wanted to kill me? And what did I do to deserve that? A single tear drips down my cheek, and I don't even bother to wipe it away. For the first time since I got here, I wonder if I really should just give it up and head back to the Northwoods Pack. My heart squeezes, and I blink back more tears. I've given so much to this pack, and it's just not enough. I roll over and curl into a ball, so Mav can't see my tears. I feel a sense of hopelessness that I haven't felt in a while. It's something I hoped never to feel again. And yet, here it is. The hopelessness feels like it's going to take over my mind. I squeeze my eyes shut because the pain of being awake and alert is more painful than revisiting the images in my nightmares.

I have no idea how much time passes. I hear voices come and go. Some I recognize; some I don't. I always recognize Mav's low voice, though. I keep my eyes shut through it all. If my eyes are open, someone might mistake me as awake and try to talk to me. And I can't face anybody tonight. At some point, the voices finally fade. And then I hear his voice. "I know you're not asleep." But I don't open my eyes. I can't. "That's okay. You don't have to open your eyes. Just know that you're safe, Rose. Now and always."

My heart crumples in my chest because as much as I've longed to be safe, I've longed to be loved more. And that's what he's not capable of giving me. A thought hits me that hurts more than the events of tonight. I'm going to have to give him up. If I don't, I'm only risking greater heartbreak later on. He's not going to commit; I'm only going to hurt myself the longer I let these feelings fester in my heart for him.