Chapter 33

Chapt er 33

Rose

I rush out of my room and nearly run into Maverick. He doesn't say anything as we walk to Cade and Amber's. Cade opens the door before I even knock and ushers us inside. "Rose, thanks for coming so quickly," Amber says, worry pouring out of her. She sits in a chair with Paige draped across her chest.

I walk right to the two of them and feel my healing power begin to flare. "Hey, Little One," I say as I reach out and stroke her cheek gently. Her eyes open, but she doesn't look alert. My heart goes out to her, and I take a deep breath, cleansing myself of negative energy and focusing on the task at hand. Hopefully, I have energy still left to do this . I quickly push that thought away; I will do this. "You know the drill," I say softly as I reach out and carefully lift her little jammy top. I close my eyes and reach out and touch her stomach. My healing power flows through me and into the little girl. It takes more out of me than last time, and I hate that because that means the poison gained more ground in her little body the second time around. This is getting worse. After sending a last healing wave of energy through her, I pull back and drop my connection with her. It takes me a moment to gain my equilibrium, and I stumble back a moment. A strong body prevents me from falling, and I know without being totally alert that it's Maverick. A moment later, my eyes clear, and my surroundings come back into focus clearly.

"Are you good?" Mav asks quietly, his voice sending a chill through me.

"Yes." My voice is breathless. He moves away, and I miss the warmth and solidness of him almost immediately. "She's good now," I tell Amber, pushing away thoughts of Maverick.

Amber and Cade both breathe a sigh of relief. A tear drips down her cheek. She kisses Paige and then reaches out and squeezes my hand. "Thank you, Rose." Her words are incredibly soft, but I hear them anyway. I lean forward and give the two of them a hug.

"I'm glad I could help."

I turn away to let them get rest and move toward the door. Cade steps into my path, effectively blocking my exit. "Thank you." His voice is gruff with emotion, and it makes me want to cry. Somehow, I keep from doing so.

"You're welcome." I step around him and walk to the door. I step out into the hall, and Mav follows me. He doesn't say anything as we walk through the building.

"Healer," he says, stopping me right before I open my door. I stare straight ahead, waiting for him to say whatever it is he's going to say. "Are you going to look at me?" he asks.

"Wasn't planning on it," I mumble. I just want to get into my room and to bed. I'm suddenly exhausted.

He reaches out and turns me around. It surprises me so much, I lift my head automatically to look up at him. His eyes lock on my face and scan every inch of it. "Thank you for healing her. Again." His voice is low and soft, so unlike him. "She's...everything to them."

"I know." He doesn't have to tell me; I get it.

"Did the guys get all your stuff moved in?" I nod. "You're all settled?"

Is he trying to make small talk? I stare up at him because I can't figure him out. His face blurs before me a moment, and I begin to realize just how depleted I really am. I need to get inside and crash before I literally crash. "Bye, Maverick," I say and step backwards, hoping to find the handle to my door behind me. I stumble when it's not there. His hands come out and grab my elbows to steady me.

"You good?" he asks.

I don't answer because I'm having a hard time keeping myself up. Black dots form before my eyes, and I know my adrenaline is crashing. I did a lot of healings today, and it's all catching up with me. "Healer," he growls.

He takes me by the elbow and practically drags me inside and over to a chair before disappearing. He's back a moment later. "Here." He shoves a pack of peanut butter crackers at me. "Eat these." I take them only because I know that the carbs and sugar will be the fastest thing to hit my system and help me get my equilibrium back. "Do you always do that when you heal?" He asks the question like it's offensive to him.

"No." My voice is soft. "I'm just depleted today with everything that happened last night and the healings I did today. I just overdid it. I feel better now, though. Thank you." I didn't think it was possible, but his scowl deepens. "Thanks for helping me." I walk over to the bathroom, all but dismissing him.

"What are you doing?" he asks, his voice matching the scowl on his face.

"Getting ready for bed." I'm just about to step into the bathroom when he speaks again.

"You need to be more careful." I don't turn around.

"Sure."

"That was sarcasm," he, for some reason, feels the need to point out. "I would think you would know how to heal by now without tapping yourself to the limits. Most sane people know when to stop whatever it is that taps them out, so they don't crash."

And just like that, I snap. "Well, I wouldn't know about that because I'm obviously insane, right, Mav?"

His scowl deepens. "I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to." I throw up my arms in exasperation. "You are the most difficult person to get along with, and you know what?" I step towards him feeling my frustration rising to a tipping point. "I get along with everyone. Ev-er-y-one ! But you are impossible to get along with! I'm sorry that I'm your mate. I'm sorry you got stuck with me. I'm sorry I'm not more powerful like Sage or Samantha. I'm sorry I'm not a fighter like Raechel or funny like Talya or strong like Emma or Ava. I'm not strong. I'm emotional. I can't just get past things that other people can. I cry at the drop of a hat. I'm weak. I know!"

"I never said any of that," he responds.

"You didn't have to!" I nearly shout at him. "It's all over your face. It's all over your face every time you come near me. It's in the fact that you don't want anything to do with me. You avoid me every chance you get." I give an emotionless laugh. "You slink away to a fight club most nights just to deal with your frustration, with the fact that you're stuck with me." He doesn't say anything to refute any of what I'm saying, and I think that hurts worse than anything else. I feel tears form, and I blink like crazy because I am not going to humiliate myself by crying in front of him. "What am I saying?" I say more to myself than him. "It's always been like this. Nobody ever respects me."

He stands up and steps in front of me, looming over me. "You want respect? You have to demand respect, Healer. You have to walk into a room and command it and hold your head high. Nobody's going to give you respect just because you exist. You have to earn it."

"I'll get right on that," I say dryly.

"If you had just an ounce of self-respect, people would respect you. But you walk around skittish and jumping at your own shadow. You're fearful of everything and everybody. You don't let anybody close, and you're scared to death to live life."

"No, I'm not!" But my voice isn't as strong as I want it to be.

"You ever leave the Northwoods' Pack territory while you were there?" He asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yes!" I say emphatically.

"How many times?"

I swallow. "I don't have to answer you."

He laughs coldly. "You just did. How about here? How many times have you left here? Other than to spy on me?" he challenges.

I clench my teeth. "I went to that meeting."

He scoffs. "Yeah, when you had like six shifters on guard to watch your back."

"I'm not doing this with you." I turn my back on him.

"Yeah, because you'd rather slink away than have to deal with confrontation," he says.

"What do you want from me, Maverick?" I demand as I whirl around to face him.

"I want you to fight with me," he says, stepping close. "I want to see fire in your eyes. I want you to act like you're alive. I want you to actually live life! Do something besides hiding away and wasting your life."

My eyes water. "I heal members of this pack every single day!"

"Yeah. Here. Inside the safety of the pack. Doing what you have to do. Have you done anything for fun since you got here?"

I snort. "Like you're Mr. Fun. All you do is fight with people and cause problems."

He steps closer. "At least I'm living."

I meet his eyes. "No. You're existing too. If you were really living, you wouldn't be running away from this thing between us."

His eyes widen, and I can tell I've shocked him. I can't honestly believe I said it myself, but he makes me so mad. "I'm not running away," he growls in a low voice.

"Hate to break it to you, Mav. That's exactly what you're doing. You rarely engage with members of your own pack. You risk getting hurt or worse by fighting in that fight club because you don't want to deal with life. So, you may think I'm not really living, but guess what? You're not either! I don't know what it was like to lose your sister, but..."

"You're right." His voice is harsh and whips over me. "You don't know."

"Because you won't tell me!" I raise my voice at him. "You say all these things about me, how I'm broken."

"I didn't say that," he butts in but I ignore him.

"How I don't really live life, how I'm wasting my life. Well, you know what, Maverick? I think it takes one to know one. You're doing the exact same thing. You're afraid to really live your life." A thought hits me, and I go with it. "I think you're letting your guilt keep you from enjoying anything in this life."

"That's enough," he says in a dangerous voice.

But I'm too far gone to recognize it. "You think that by not really living, you're somehow making what...penance? Since she's no longer here to enjoy life, you can't either? She's never coming back, Mav. All the suffering in the world that you bring on yourself will never bring her back."

"Enough!" he bellows. He turns and strides out of the room, slamming the door behind him.

Horror hits me at what I just said, and I crumble to my knees. I put my hand over my mouth as the tears come. I run my hands over my head as silent sobs pour out. Sometime later, when I've cried all I can cry, I wrap my arms around my knees and lay my head down on my knees. I'm not sure how long I sit that way before I finally pull myself together and get off the floor and into bed. I sleep fitfully, never deep enough to stay fully asleep. Hours later, I sit on the side of my bed and watch as sunlight begins to creep across the horizon. When I can't neglect my duties any longer, I drag myself out of bed and dress for the day.