Chapter 6

SIX

Britt

I've never dressed for actual farm work. I mean, sure, I've gone with Dad a few times, but that was strictly observation. And maybe that's what I'm doing today. Maybe I'll just be sitting back and watch Silas' truly fine ass in that pair of worn Wranglers he's got on. Which I would sign up for any day of the week and twice on Sunday.

Erring on the side of caution, I just put on jeans and a t-shirt. I don't have any ‘shit kickers', but I do have a pair of old hiking boots buried in the back of my closet. They're left over from that hot minute where I thought I wanted to be one of those all natural, crunchy granola moms who loves the outdoors and communes with nature. I very quickly remembered that I don't like to sweat that much, mosquitoes are a plague upon mankind, and while mountains provide a beautiful view, my ass was not meant for climbing them.

I head back downstairs and see Silas squatted down in the kitchen, looking at Karli's artwork on the fridge door. He's giving it the same kind of focus you see on people when they're in museums and galleries. What if he's not into women with kids? What if the reality of dating a single mom is too much for him? What if Karli just loves him and then he moves on?

Those thoughts will send me spiraling so I put the brakes on. They've not even met yet. They may never meet. I've only been on a couple of dates since Dakota and I separated. Silas is the first man I've dated since the actual divorce.

He gets up, the muscles in his legs flexing under that worn, thin denim. Well, I've definitely upgraded. Silas is hot. Silas is here. Silas is financially stable and, so far, emotionally stable. That's like a 1000% improvement. So I need to stop borrowing trouble, as Dad would put it, and focus on the here and now, which is pretty damn awesome.

"The artist is very prolific," I say.

He turns to me with a grin. "I'd say. You've covered your refrigerator with her work. And the back of your door."

"I have the rest in storage." Not all of them. I'm not that much of a nutball. But I do have a collection of Karli's stuff in a box in my closet. "Waiting for the value to increase. Then we'll do an auction."

"I'd like to meet her."

All that panic I'd battled back only seconds earlier has rebounded. And I guess he can see it on my face.

"When you're ready for that," he adds. "I'm not looking for this to be just a hookup, friends with benefits thing with you, Britt. I don't know when or where I decided that this–me and you–was different. But it is."

"Oh... Umm. I didn't really see that coming." I can't even form words right now. What the fuck is wrong with me?

"Again, when you're ready," he says. "But I don't want you to think that this is just fun and games for me. If you do decide to walk away from this, I don't want it to be because I was too chickenshit to be straight with you."

"It's not that I don't want that... I just haven't let myself go there. Like not to even think about how it will end up. Anytime that crosses my mind, I just cut it off. But I like knowing where I stand with you. I just wish I could give you the same. But there's Karli... and I can't commit to anything without her."

He shakes his head. "It's good. Seriously. I don't want you to feel pressured. I just wanna make sure you know that I'm here. And I'm not going anywhere unless you tell me to... Now let's go feed some cows."

Two hours later, I'm hot, sweaty, horngry. Like I want food, but I've been watching Silas do hard, manual labor and that's got me thinking there might be something I need more than food.

He hoists another bag of feed onto his shoulders. His shirt was discarded about an hour ago. Everything is glistening and rippling and doing all those delicious things that make me just want to climb him like a tree. As he turns to carry that bag to the cows that are in the barn, the ones getting ready to have little baby cows, he catches me looking at him and grins. "This is the last of it. Then I've got a surprise for you."

"Does it involve those wranglers hitting the floor?"

"Soon," he promises. "Very, very soon."

After he dumps the feed into the big trough, he comes back and takes my hand. I have no idea where he's taking me, but when he leads me to another small, walled off area of the barn, I make a sound that will probably terrify every single animal on the farm. "Baby goats!"

"Baby pigmy goats," he corrects.

"Can I hold one?"

He's grinning as he reaches into the enclosure and scoops one up. When he places that sweet little thing in my arms, I know that's it. How can you not fall for a man who lets you cuddle a baby goat? "You're not playing fair, Silas. You're luring me in with baby farm animals."

"I thought you liked bad boys," he fires back, and I can see the laughter in his eyes.

I don't answer him. I'm too busy peppering kisses on a fuzzy little head that keeps butting me in return. "I'm in love... with a goat."

By the time we head back into town, it's getting late. Dad texted me to see what time I wanted Karli home by. I told him seven, and it's gonna be a quarter till when we hit my driveway.

"You're quiet," Silas notes.

I turn to look at him. He's got one hand draped over the wheel, leaning back in his seat. He's sweaty, a little dirty, and hotter than any man has a right to be. And even though we had hot, amazing sex last night, and hotter, more amazing sex this morning, I want nothing more than to climb on top of him right now. I would literally hump this man in my driveway, save for one little thing. But we don't have time. I'm not ready for this–whatever this thing is between us–to trickle down into other parts of my life. I try to shield Karli from as much as possible–about her dad and about me. Just thinking. I wish I could ask you to come in. I'm not quite ready for today to end."

He glances over at me, then locks his gaze on the road once more. "Sounds like there is a ‘but' at the end of the sentence."

"My dad is bringing Karli home in just a little bit. And I like you. No, that's not fair. I way more than like you... but we're not there yet, you know? She's had so much upheaval and disappointment already. Until we know where we're going, I can't bring you into her world. I can't let her care about you–and let you care about her–if this is just temporary."

Silas puts on the blinker and makes the turn onto my street. When he pulls up in front of the house, he doesn't turn the car off. He doesn't make any move to get out. Instead, he just reaches over and takes my hand.

Inside the car is just quiet. Neither of us is talking. I'm worried that maybe I've fucked it up. Maybe I shouldn't have said anything. Maybe dating a single mom with all that entails is more than he bargained for. I just don't know. And I'm afraid to ask.

After a minute, he raises my hand to his lips and kisses it. "Text me after she goes to bed. I'm not ready for today to be over yet, either. But I get it. She has to come first. The fact that you always put her first, Britt... it's not a flaw. That's not a drawback. That's just confirmation for me that you're worth fighting for. And you're worth waiting for."

No one has ever said things like that to me. I lean over and kiss him. "I'll text you. I might even sext you, Dr. Blake, because this whole chivalrous, sensitive, man's man thing you've got going on... that's hot as hell."