29. Hyx

Ihadn't realized how stagnant and dull my life was until Libby was in it. Or back in it, I suppose. And that is the most incredible thing of all. I have found my fated mate once again, and we are together.

We spend any chance we can together. When I can, I even talk with her while she works in the lab. Sometimes that proves to be hazardous as we can distract each other. When that happens, sometimes one of her unattended experiments can go haywire.

She comes to visit me on my lunch breaks and even brings food from whichever hole in the wall restaurant she's found most recently. Some tries are more successful than others. Like the stuffed meat mound she'd gotten from a vendor. After we had both gotten over severe food poisoning, we agreed that was off the list.

And then every evening we can, I walk her home.

"You know what I think the real reason is that you walk me home?" she asks one evening.

I raise an eyebrow. "Oh? What is that?"

"You just want to make sure I don't stay in the lab until three in the morning."

I chuckle. "That is certainly a perk. You've even worked through the night in there."

She shrugs. "I get a good idea, and I have to see it through before I lose it. You know, I have thought about putting a cot in there."

I groan. "Don't you dare. That's just encouraging more bad behavior. Besides, I think that little coat closet of a lab couldn't fit a cot if you tried."

There's a mischievous glint in her eyes that I feel deep inside me I have seen in many lifetimes. "That sounds like a challenge."

"It's really not."

We both laugh, and I draw her closer to me. My heart beats a little faster inside my chest when she snuggles closer to me and sighs.

I couldn't agree more. We're two halves of the same whole finally reunited and where we belong. Nothing could be better than that.

We come to her door much too quickly, and I kiss her sweetly over and over again. Normally, she'd invite me to stay the night, but I have a particularly long and early shift tomorrow.

When we finally pull away from one another, I caress her cheek and she leans into my touch.

Everything couldn't be more perfect.

Then something sharp and painful flashes across my mind like the crack of a whip. It isn't even a memory as much as a sensation of deep grief and loss.

I reel back, and I'm all but gasping for air.

"Hyx!" Libby's helping to hold me upright. Her eyes are a mix of alarm and worry. "Are you alright? What is it?"

I open my mouth to answer when a memory slashes through my thoughts. I see her being tortured by Alliance soldiers, and I feel deep in my bones as if I am right there that it is all my fault.

A very real hand cups my face and brings me back to the present. Libby has a serious expression on her face. "Hyx, what is it that you're seeing?"

I want to be honest with her, but I can't bear to face the memories again or what they might mean for us. So instead, I shakily straighten and give her the best smile I can.

"I'm alright, promise," I reassure her. "Just having a bit of unpleasant deja vu. I suppose there's bound to be a few of those among all the good ones."

I squeeze her hand meaningfully. She doesn't look completely convinced, but she thankfully doesn't press any further either.

Libby presses a gentle kiss to my cheek and smiles. "Okay."

I move to leave, but she calls out to me.

"Hyx."

I turn back to look at her. She has a worried smile on her face. "I love you. You can always talk to me."

Now I really feel guilty about not telling her. But I also don't want to worry her until I can understand more about what it might mean.

"I love you, too," I tell her.

The feeling of dread never fully subsides after that. I still know that I've found my fated mate and that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. But there's something always lurking at the back of my mind now that warns me of inevitable danger.

And then there are the painful memories that keep invading my mind.

Me kidnapping Alana. My carelessness leading her to be sick. Our shuttle crashing and injuring her.

Maya saving me from the battlefield and putting her life on the line. Always sneaking around so she won't be caught by her own people. Only for her to then come with me and walk right into her own demise.

It seems no matter how we met or what we did, we're doomed.

Something that started off as an odd feeling becomes a thundering warning, blaring at the back of my mind as time passes. It's something I don't want to face. That I don't even want to acknowledge.

Despite being fated mates, despite being genuinely happy together, maybe we shouldn't be together. Disaster seems to historically follow us.

Was that really what we were fated for? To find each other and fall in love only to be killed?

It seems like a cruel fate to relive over and over again.

But why? Why are we doomed every time? And is that what awaits us this time?

My life has gotten better ever since Libby has become part of it, but I can't risk her life for that. She could have a full and happy life without her fated mate, couldn't she? If being together is going to get us both killed, perhaps I should just walk away. Being alone is surely better than being dead, isn't it?

A hand claps me on the back and on instinct, I take the hand and twist it.

"Ow! Damn, remind me not to sneak up on you."

I let go as soon as I hear Elyzin's voice.

"Sorry," I mumble. "I was just lost in thought."

Elyzin shrugs and rubs his wrist. "It's all good. What's got you so deep in your head that you're attacking your best friend?"

How would I even begin to describe it to him? I decide to go with a half-truth. "It's about Libby."

He immediately grimaces. "Realized you could do better?"

I shoot him a withering glare. "No."

Elyzin scoffs, and I glare at him harder. "What is your problem with her?" I demand.

He looks a little startled at the question. "What do you mean?"

"I mean every time I so much as bring her up, you almost act like it's personal."

He hesitates for a moment before shaking his head. "I don't know, okay? I just have this feeling about her. No matter what, I just can't seem to shake the feeling that something's wrong with her."

"What about me? Can you at least trust my judgment?" I ask. "Can you trust that I wouldn't just pick anybody to be with? That I know a good woman when I meet her?"

Elyzin almost seems at war with himself. Finally, he sighs. "Maybe."

I elbow him. "Or you could at least trust that I have better judgment than you."

That earns a laugh. "Fair enough."

I begin to smile, but alarm bells sound off in my head. Something about Elyzin feels wrong for the first time in my life. I've known him since we were kids, but there's suddenly an aura there that feels dangerous. More so than my being with Libby.

It feels like it's trying to warn me about something. Or remind me.

Every time I go near him after that, I get the same terrible feeling. And so I begin to put distance between us even though I don't necessarily intend to do so at the start. It just sort of happens as time goes on, a natural effect of the fact that I suddenly can't help but recoil every time he comes around.

I go over to Libby's one night, and she begins to prepare dinner for us. We laugh and chat and trade witty comebacks. It's perfect, it's normal. Even the warning in the back of my mind is dulled. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe it really is a symptom of my overactive imagination and nothing more.

And then the stove catches on fire. Libby screams and tries to smother it. The smoke triggers another memory.

Fire. So much fire all around us. Nearly being trapped. Nearly being burned alive.

And then we make it out, only to be met with guns pointed at our heads.

I snap out of it, grab the fire extinguisher, and help put out the fire. All in all, the damage could be much worse.

Libby lets out a relieved laugh. "That was too close."

And even though she's only joking, it strikes a chord within me. What if that wasn't chance?

I think about the severe food poisoning, the miscommunications, and now this. The universe tried to split us apart every other time. It warned us of what was to come. But in the past, we didn't listen.

In my last life, I think I'd come to a similar conclusion. But I thought we might be able to beat fate. To overcome it and live happily together.

But that doesn't seem to be the case. I can't watch her die in another life. As much as it would kill me, I'd rather never see her again than see her dead.