Chapter 7

She had known it was coming and was ready with the answer. "No."

Pulling himself up against the pillows, he turned to look at her. "I know you think you are doing what's best for me–"

"I am doing what's best for me," she corrected him. "What we had as a teenager was wonderful, the most beautiful part of my past, and I will always treasure it." She sat up, so that she was facing him, and a smile touched her lips as she stared at him.

He was in her bed, and she was no longer going to fight him. But she was not some idealistic teenager anymore. She had been forced to grow up when she was just seventeen, and it had been rough, but she survived.

Hayes Marsden was simply out of her reach. "We can see each other and- and when you are ready to settle down, you are going to find someone–" She stuttered to a stop at the furious look on his face. "I am not saying that to hurt you–"

"Imagine if you were." His deep voice reeked of sarcasm. "You want a fling, is that it?"

"No." She plucked at the sheets restlessly and wished he had not brought up marriage. "I love you–"

"You have a damn funny way of showing it."

"I am asking you to listen–"

"Go on." He inclined his head haughtily and had her sighing. "I wrote that piece on the airline takeover and I did my research." her eyes shone with admiration. "I know we spoke often about the changes you wanted when it was your time at the realm.

You had seen the lack and made suggestions to your dad, ones that had been ignored. You implemented those changes, and Hayes, I am so impressed. I traveled—my aunt and I traveled on one of your planes, Jet Spring, and I took note of the uniforms. Bright, cheerful colors. The attendants were friendly and very nice.

The meal was unlike anything I had ever had when flying. Most airlines are cutting costs by doing away with meals and entertainment, but flying is scary for some people and taking their minds off the fact that they are in the air, is something that should be taken into consideration, and you have that nailed."

"You are proud of my accomplishments. Thanks. What I want to know is where this is going."

She faced him squarely. You are a big deal in the business world. Someone tried to take a hit at your reputation with the takeover of Southern Airlines, and the press was all over it. You or your PR team had to do damage control." She took a deep breath.

"The scandal surrounding me—what my parents did to each other, the gory details of their lives have been told and retold several times.

There is a tell-all book about them. The directors and producers called me several times to receive permission to make a story, and I refused." She shook her head. "I need a break; I need to be normal for a change. And getting together with you is going to open everything back up again. I cannot take that chance. I am sorry."

"So, what are you saying, Camelia?"

Whenever he called her by her full name, she knew he was struggling with anger. "I am saying we should see each other but be discreet about it."

"You want to hide."

"Something like that." She gave him a pleading look. "I am thinking of you as well."

"Is that right?" His voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Did I ask you to do that? Has it occurred to you that I can think for myself? Be responsible for my own actions? You claim you love me–"

"I do! You know I do."

"And yet, you sit there and tell me calmly that you would be comfortable and accepting of me marrying someone else. What the hell are you really saying?"

Her eyes shied away from the fury in his, her heart pounding inside her chest. "I would not be comfortable. That's not the word I would use.

When I was away, I tried to get over you, and I managed to stop obsessing over who you were with for a while. Then I would see you photographed with some beautiful blonde or brunette, and my heart would break into tiny pieces. I resented you," she said woodenly.

"I thought to myself that there you were, enjoying your life and moving on, and I was frozen in time. I tried to - to go to bed with someone I met in Spain and –" She closed her eyes briefly.

"He tried kissing me, and I couldn't stomach it. When he started to take off my clothes, I fled because I was sickened at the thought of being with someone else. I tried two more times and then gave up. But it was easy for you–" She gasped as he wrenched her face around, eyes blazing.

"Easy for me? Easy for me? How the hell can you say that? Easy for me? Let me tell you how 'easy' it was for me. I used women to try and get over you. It didn't work. I drank so that I could fall asleep without dreaming about you.

When that didn't work either, I took two women into my bed at a time, thinking that that would make a difference. Guess what? It didn't. So don't you dare say that to me, again. I went through hell, and you damn well knew it.

We shared something that was extraordinary, frightening at times and we spoke about it. We knew even then that it was going to last a lifetime. We knew that we would never ever love that way again. And you want me to marry someone else." Letting go of her chin, he swung his legs off the bed.

"Hayes, please."

"You pissed me off!" He rounded on her, green eyes blazing. "How can you say that to me?"

"I don't know what to do." she whispered tearfully. "I am just trying to make you understand that I cannot do this right now. I cannot go back to being the girl I was before."

"Was I asking that of you?"

"I cannot just simply say yes to marrying you, there are things—so much that needs to be sorted out between us."

"And you think that by sneaking around to see each other, it will be solved." He sat on the edge of the bed. "I want to get the chance to take you with me, for you to be on my arm whenever I attend a function. I want it to be known that we are together at last." His hand lifted to cup her cheek. "I cannot accept anything less."

"You are with Simone."

"And I will be breaking it off."

"Not yet–"

"You don't get to tell me what to do."

"It's my life, too."

"And I am telling you, that as of now, we are going to be in this together."

"You are thinking of yourself!" she cried. "I cannot deal with the publicity, and that's what it's going to be. Everything in my past is going to come back to haunt me. I can see the headlines now: 'Daughter of famous murder-suicide couple involved with CEO of Marsden Industries'. I can see it because it would be something I would write."

"Then write it."

"What?"

"Get in front of it and put it out there first. Control the narrative if you must. You have an inside scoop. I am not hiding our relationship, and I am telling you that we can get through this."

"I am asking you for time. Break up with her if you must, but I need time, and if you continue to push me on this, I'll–"

"You'll what? Run away again? Break me all over again like you did before?"

"That's not fair," she said quietly, suddenly exhausted by the constant battle between them. "I just got back, and I am trying to find my footing. All I am asking is that we lay low. I am aware that it will not be easy for us to do so, but I need this."

"And when you attend the function on Saturday, what should I do? Pretend that we don't know each other?" he demanded.

"I am sure I will be attending." She flinched at the look on his face.

"Not even in support of me, the man you love?"

"You don't need me to support you."

"I do. I need you for everything, and that's something you are avoiding. I need you by my side, in my bed, in my damn life. We wasted twelve years, and I resent the fact that we did. We could have been married with children–" His voice tailed off at the pained look on her face, and he could have bitten off his tongue. "Don't."

"Don't what?" she asked quietly. "Regret that I will never be able to give you children. That I will never know the joy of motherhood? That there will never be a baby suckling at my breast? I do, and it's killing me."

"Am I not enough for you?" he asked softly.

"Damn you Hayes. You are not thinking, or you are thinking of the now and not the future. I have said my piece, and I am not going to budge."

"I adore you."

Camelia felt her heart turning over as she stared at him. She hated fate for dealing her the vicious blow that rendered her incapable of giving him everything. She felt inadequate as a woman and it was killing her, but he refused to see it.

"Please don't do that to me," she whispered.

"You are my life," he continued relentlessly. "My everything, and if it takes the rest of it, I am not going to stop until you stop this nonsense and be with me all the way."

"Hayes."

"I love you. I have always loved you. And do you know how I am sure about it? I have been with a number of women and none of them compares to you, not even close. It's always you; it will always be you until I close my eyes for the final time." He took her hand, his fingers linking with hers.

"I have been deprived of twelve years where I thought I would never be with you again. Please don't deprive me of another minute. I could not bear it."

"Then give me time. Please give me time," she whispered, crawling into his arms, the tears rolling down her cheeks. "I need this, Hayes."

His arms came around her, rubbing her back as the tears watered his chest. His jaw clenched as he fought the misgivings, the fear of losing her.

He would agree with her wish because it would mean he would be with her, even in secret. It was better than not seeing her, not being able to hold her like this, and making love to her. He would agree for now, give her the time she requested.

"I am sorry as hell." he whispered in her hair. "I am sorry for what you went through back then, sorry for all of it." Shifting, he tilted her chin up. "We never talked about it, not really. We were out at the movies, and you received the call from the police–"

"They wouldn't tell me anything. Just that there had been an incident," she continued. "We- I thought it was a fire, a vehicular crash because they said they were going out for dinner."

"And they were all right when we left." He stroked her chin softly. "Your dad was jocular, teasing me about taking care of his prized possession."

"And you told him you could do nothing less. Mom was–" She shook her head. "She was quiet and that was not like her." She gazed at him. "She would usually be flirting with you."

"I never–"

She shook her head. "I knew that Hayes. She was competing with me, it's what she did best. Whether it was with my dad or you or even my female friends. She would come into my room and borrow my clothes and ask me if we had done the deed yet." Her fingers gripped his wrist as the memories washed over her.

"When I told her that we hadn't, she would give me one of her sly smiles and say that if I don't hurry up, she might have to do it for me. She would always tease me, but I knew she meant it." she blinked him back into focus. "She kissed you–"

"I never encouraged her," he interjected swiftly.

"I knew that too." She shook her head. "They were fighting the night before, and I locked myself in my room."

"You called me, and I knew something was wrong."

"And I told you. Daddy came into my room later that night, and he was in a strange mood. He told me he loved me and that he worshiped my mother. He also warned me against loving someone too much." Her fingers dug into his flesh.

"He said it's a mistake to put someone's needs ahead of your own. I asked if he did not approve of you, and he said it's obvious you loved me. And he warned me not to hurt you.

'You have that power, Camelia, don't abuse it.'" She lapsed into silence, and he wondered what on earth he could say to her to wipe that haunted look off her exquisite face.

"When we came home with all those squad cars parked at the gate, you held me. I knew something awful had happened, and you stayed with me. Even when my aunt came. They wouldn't let me go inside the house, wouldn't let me see–"

"It would have been too much for you."

"He killed her," she whispered achingly. "How could he have loved her and then do that? How could he not have thought about me? His own daughter– What was going through his mind that would lead him to take two lives and leave me here alone? Those questions have been running through my mind for years and I am so angry.

Hayes, I am so mad at him—no matter what she did, he could have divorced her; he knew who she was. That she was vain and foolish and insecure about her looks, that she constantly needed validation. She would be asking: 'Are there lines on my face'? 'Do you think I should get him removed'? Things like that.

She hated the fact that she was plus sized, it did not matter that she was so beautiful, she wanted to be perfect." The tears were streaming down her cheeks and breaking his heart. "He killed her because he never really loved her; he only thought of her as a possession, that's all."

"That's enough now, sweetheart," he said hoarsely. "I should never have asked you, bring it all back up. I am not him, Cammy. I adore you, but I would never do anything to hurt you.

Certainly not that. I believed he loved her in his own selfish way, but you are right; she was also a possession to him. I am here, Cammy. Darling, I am here for you, and I always will be."

She moved into his arms, and he held her in silence while she cried. When she was finished, he slid into bed next to her so that he could cradle her like a baby. She was his life, his priority, and if he was going to agree to wait on her, then he would try and be patient.

*****

The lovemaking that followed the emotional upheaval was tumultuous and dragged out by him as he did his best to remove, even temporarily, the memories of her past, of what they had been subjected to that terrible night. But he could not sleep.

She was cradled in his arms and for the first time in more than twelve years, he was spending the night with her next to him. Just like he had dreamed about for all those years. Her bare flesh was pressed against his, and if he could join their bodies, meld them together, he would.

That was how much he needed her. His mind drifted back to that awful night. They were so happy. It was almost time for them to graduate. They had been to the prom and had been crowned prom king and queen, which had been no surprise. He was going to be valedictorian, something she told him she was proud of.

The date to the movies had been a celebration of sorts. They had their plans. Graduation and then college—the same college. They had decided not to live in a dorm but to find an apartment and live together.

He had reluctantly agreed to wait until after college to get married, but he had argued about it and told her it was ridiculous to wait that long.

"We already know we are going to spend the rest of our lives together, so there is no point in waiting."

"I won't have your parents accusing me of tying up your life."

"I am the one asking, no scratch that—I am begging, and I hate that I have to do so."

"Well don't," she had snapped back. "I love you and want nothing more than to be with you, but we wait until after college."

Then everything changed. In just a few minutes, their entire lives had gone to hell. When she came home and learned what happened, it had changed her. Two days before that, she had told him she was pregnant, had cried in his arms, and freaked out about it.

"It will work out," he had assured her, trying not to show how damned scared he was. His parents were going to kill him, and truth be told, he did not want to be a teenage dad. He could go on to college, but it would mean she would have to stay out a year, her dreams put on hold, and he did not want her blaming him.

They had finally managed to accept what happened and were still trying to decide what to do when that occurred with her parents.

During the course of the investigation, the scandal, the revelations about the family being broken and having been living above their means for years, it took its toll on her. He wanted to offer to bail her out—he had money of his own. His allowances were generous.

He had been gifted with an expensive sports car because of his academic achievements, and he was planning on selling it to help her out of the terrible situation, and if she needed more, he was going to prevail on his parents for help.

But she refused and turned on him in anger, saying, "I don't need your pity."

It broke his heart to see her going through all she was going through, and he felt helpless. But he never dreamed she would leave without a word to him.

He stood by her every step of the way, and it angered him that people—so-called friends—had started pulling away from her. He did not give a damn about that—he loved her, and he was going to be by her side.

When he discovered she had left and her number went straight to voicemail, he could scarcely believe it. Tilting his head down, he stared at the exquisite face that had haunted his dreams for most of his life. Her skin was smooth, the dark brown lashes making shadows on her round cheek.

Her lips were slightly parted, and he could feel the stirring in his loins as he continued to stare at them. Her breasts were pressing on his body, one leg thrown over both of his as if to stop him from leaving. As if he could, he thought whimsically.

They had wasted so many years being apart, and he wanted them back. "I love you so much," he whispered. She was fast asleep, but he could not stop saying the words. He had cried them out when he poured his seed inside her earlier and felt no shame about being so vulnerable.

The issue about her not being able to conceive could be dealt with. He would call on his vast resources to see what—if anything—could be done. But he knew without a doubt that she was never getting away from him again.

He had accepted it before or thought he had. He would have to meet with Simone and let her know that they couldn't see each other again. He was aware he was going to be hurting her, but it could not be helped.