4. Sammie

Ileft the restaurant right after the lunch rush for my meeting with Thad and Stella. Although I was flattered at the prospect, the idea of starting a wedding planning service for our guests terrified me. I'd wanted to go to college to study design, but that was a million years ago. Now I was a mother. I had responsibilities instead of dreams. With no education, was I qualified to take on such a big role? My initial thought was a big fat no.

Thad had seemed so confident in my abilities, and his mother had suggested the idea in the first place, so maybe they saw something I didn't. John had beaten me down physically and emotionally for enough years that half the time I wasn't sure I was good at anything. The bright, fun-loving person I'd been before my marriage was like someone from my past. I had fond memories of her but no longer knew her.

I walked across the property from the Bunkhouse to the office. When I arrived, Finley was busy checking a family into one of the cabins but said Thad and Stella were waiting for me in his office. I thanked her and headed back to the office, so nervous I couldn't feel my legs.

They were both seated when I came in and looked up at me with inviting expressions on their faces. They looked a lot alike, dark-haired with olive complexions and small features. Thad resembled his mother more so than any of the Moon brothers.

"Come in, have a seat." Stella motioned for me to take the other visitor chair.

I did so, thankful to be off my feet for a few minutes. The restaurant had been crammed with guests between eleven and one thirty. When it was busy, the hours flew by, only to catch up with me at the end of my shift. Not that I was complaining. The tips were good this time of year, when almost all the cabins were rented, as they were today.

"I was just filling Mama in on our conversation from this morning," Thad said.

"What do you think?" Stella asked me, smiling with her whole face.

"I'm not sure. I don't have any experience wedding planning. What if I was no good at it?" John always said I was too scatterbrained for much. He'd think this was a laughable idea.

He's dead. You never have to worry what he thinks again.

The voices in my head were loud these days.

"We don't care about experience," Stella said. "I didn't have any background in running a dude ranch when we first started out. You'll learn along the way."

"It's only event planning," Thad said. "Compared to raising a daughter on your own, this will be a piece of cake."

A feeling of discomfort stirred within me. Were they doing this out of pity? They'd already done so much for me, including taking care of Chloe too many afternoons and evenings to count. "Do you think so, really?" I watched him for signs of pity. If they were offering me this because they felt sorry for me, I would be devastated. "Or is this just another nice thing a Moon is doing for me and Chloe?"

"Nice? No, definitely not." Stella sat up straighter, a look of consternation replacing her smile. "We see this as a great service to offer our guests in addition to being another revenue stream. After seeing what you did at Atticus and Annie's wedding, we have no doubt you'll do very well."

I pressed my damp palms together. If they believed in me, then shouldn't I believe in myself? Think back to what you used to be like, I told myself. The girl in high school. Before I met John. What would she do?

"I'll take the position and do my best," I said. "But to be honest, I don't know where to even start."

"You and I can work together," Thad said. "Don't worry, you're not on your own."

"Absolutely," Stella said. "I can help too. We just need to figure out what packages we offer and what we'll charge. The marketing of it will be from our website but also advertisements in wedding magazines and maybe even influencers on that ticktocker thing." She grinned and glanced over at Thad. "That's what they're called, right?"

"TikTok, but I don't think that's for us. We can talk about it later," Thad said. "I have a few contacts in the wedding business from college. I'll ask them for tips about how to get featured in a travel magazine or website. I think Annie would help us too. She knows a lot of people in LA who might want a rustic Montana wedding. After we have our first few clients, word will spread."

"We need photographs of an actual wedding," I said out loud, mostly to myself. "For marketing."

"I've taken care of that," Mama said. "I've already spoken to Annie, and she's agreed to let us use some of their photos. She's famous and all, so maybe she'll bring in some fancy brides from Hollywood."

"Great idea, Mama," Thad said. "I didn't think about that at all."

"You don't like to take advantage," Mama said. "But Annie's thrilled to help us in any way she can."

We talked for a few more minutes, brainstorming about the kinds of packages we would offer as well as pricing. By the time were done, I was actually more excited than fearful. By a smidge.

"We've worked out a pay structure that includes your base plus bonuses for booking and completing weddings." Thad slid a letter across his desk. "Take a look and see what you think."

I picked up the paper with trembling hands, reading it quickly. My mouth dropped open at the numbers. It was more base pay than I'd ever thought I'd make. In restaurant work, I relied mostly on tips to make up for the lousy hourly wage. "But this says I'll start next week. I thought you wanted me to keep up my shifts at the restaurant. I don't want to leave Caspian short-staffed."

"When I spoke to him earlier, he said he got a call from a former employee who's moved back to town and needs work."

"We think it's best if you focus on this full time," Mama said. "You have Chloe. Spreading yourself too thin serves no one."

"I can fill in if Caspian ever needs me," I said.

"Great." Thad handed me a pen. "Are you ready to sign our offer?"

I smiled, pulling the paper closer to me. "I feel like a bigwig. Not like myself at all."

"Welcome to your new chapter," Stella said. "You won't regret it, even though it seems scary right now."

Fear could not lead my life forever. I'd gotten this far. Built a new life, thanks to the Moon family. My old life was over, thank God. I must embrace this new one.

Still, that niggling worry pricked me right between my eyes. What if they find you?

* * *

As we were walkingout of the office, Stella asked if I had a few minutes to talk. "There's something else I wanted to talk to you about."

I glanced at my phone. "Yes, I still have a half hour before I have to pick up Chloe."

"Walk with me?"

"Sure."

The two of us strolled out toward the horse meadow. It was a glorious day with blue skies and temperatures in the upper seventies. I dug my sunglasses out of the pocket of my work apron I'd forgotten to take off for the meeting and put them on to keep from squinting.

"I have a favor," Stella said when we reached the fence.

"Anything. I owe you for so much. You've been a lifesaver with Chloe. I don't know what I'd do without you and Thad."

"No, don't say that. We're practically family now. Plus, we love spending time with Chloe. She brightens the place up. So do you."

"Me? Not really." I used to light up places, but no more.

She turned away, gazing out toward the meadow. I did the same, watching one of the mares and her new colt nuzzling.

"I don't know how to say this," Stella said. "Other than to come right out with it."

"Go ahead." I knew I wasn't getting fired, since I'd just gotten a job offer. But what else could it be?

"I don't know how much the boys have told you about their real father."

"A little." How could I not know about the murder-suicide of Stella's first husband and her best friend? Even now, after all these years, people still talked about it. They'd been having an affair and had planned to run away together. No one knows exactly what went on between them on a fateful day not long before Thanksgiving more than two decades ago. Whatever it was that transpired, the day ended with the murder of Rex Sharp, Stella's first husband, and her best friend, Jennie Armstrong, Annie's mother.

Stella had married Jasper Moon after her husband's death, and he adopted the boys. A happy ending for everyone but Annie. She'd finally had hers, though, when she came to visit the ranch around the same time Chloe and I had arrived and rekindled with her childhood sweetheart.

"Before he died, my life was hell," Stella said. "Other than the boys, of course. Rex was abusive, mostly emotionally, but it might as well have been physical the way his harsh criticism and narcissism crippled me."

"I understand," I said softly.

"I had a feeling you might. Which brings me to what I wanted to say."

I braced myself, prepared for the worst, whatever that would be. Did she suspect what I'd done? Somehow pieced together my past? Maybe she'd happened upon a news item about the murder in a small Tennessee town and she'd put two and two together?

None of these were rational thoughts, since they'd just offered me a dream job, but they flooded me, nonetheless.

"This is none of my business, so please, don't feel any obligation to tell me about why you moved here," Stella said. "However, I wanted to tell you that I'm always available if you want to talk about your past or your future. Or anything at all. When I was your age, my self-confidence had taken a beating. I didn't even know who I was anymore. My husband wanted me to feel worthless, and for a long time I believed he was right. I came through it, and so will you."

"But how? What did you do to get through it?" Obviously, I didn't want her to know about my marriage or the fact that I'd accidentally killed my husband. Regardless, I was curious to hear what she had to say. Instinct and observation had taught me one thing since I'd been here. Stella Moon was a wise woman.

"Love. That's all."

"Love," I repeated out loud. How simple. If only I could believe it to be true.

We'd reached the front porch of the big house, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. The temperate day had the sounds of summer—the hum of bees flying from flower to flower, birdsong from robins, finches, and warblers in the trees above, a faint rustle of leaves in the warm breeze. Sunshine felt nice on my bare arms and face.

"At the core of all decisions and actions is love," Stella said. "Jasper came into my life and loved me just as I was, which I can't imagine was easy. I was a mess, with five little boys and the trauma of Rex and Jennie. My life had gone so terribly wrong, except for my boys. From the moment Atticus was born, I knew my whole life would be about him and then his brothers, one by one. My heart grew each time, stretching wider and deeper to accommodate each of them. Taking care of them dictated almost everything in my life. Which made it easier to know what choices to make. That's a long-winded way to say that Jasper and my sons helped me to leave the past behind. Jasper's steadfastness allowed me to forgive myself and love myself again. Without him, I'm not sure what would have become of me or my boys."

"I know what you mean. After Chloe was born, everything became about her. My job was to protect her at all costs."

Stella nodded, smiling as she turned to look out toward the meadow. "As hard as motherhood is—the sleepless nights, the worry, the teenage years—loving a child more than you love yourself teaches you who you truly are. The grit and courage demanded of us is awakened the moment we look into our baby's eyes."

"Before they're born, you can't really imagine how much you'll love them, right?" I asked. "When I found out I was pregnant, I panicked. I knew already that John wasn't right for me, but once I knew about the baby, it felt like I had to stay with him. I didn't know how I'd tell my dad what I'd done—gotten pregnant right out of high school—but he took it better than I thought he would."

"Is he still with us?" Stella asked.

I shook my head, the familiar grief roaring to life. "He died when Chloe was only a year old, but he got to spend time with her. That gives me comfort."

"Was he sick?" Stella asked.

"Cancer. Pancreatic. He was gone not long after he was diagnosed." My throat ached trying not to cry. The last few months of his life had been spent in hospice. I'd been with him every minute I could, bringing Chloe with me and practically living there in the days leading up to his death. As much as I wished things had ended differently for him, I was grateful for the time we had together in those last weeks. We'd talked a lot. I'd finally confessed the truth of my marriage and John's abuse. He said he'd suspected it but didn't know how to bring it up to me. I'd promised him I'd leave John. The promise had been sincere when I said it, holding Daddy's hand, with his blue eyes the same as they'd always been, despite his shrunken face.

Daddy had point-blank asked me, "Is he hurting you?"

I hadn't been able to say the truth out loud, but the tears that spilled from my eyes were all the answer he needed. It was then I promised to leave him.

After he'd died, I'd found I lost courage. The town of Fremont, Tennessee, was small. For generations, John's family had wielded power and influence. If I wanted to keep a job, I knew I needed to stay married. Leaving was my only option. It took me another two years, even with Daddy's inheritance, to feel as if I had enough money to survive an escape. If only I'd been able to escape without the gun going off, I'd be free. What would that feel like? To know that nothing could interfere in my life, and I could make my own decisions? Even look forward to the future? It was a heady thought. Some days since moving here, I'd felt a surge of hope that the Underwoods wouldn't look for me or the police wouldn't show up at Crescent Moon Ranch and take me away in cuffs.

As it was now, I was in forced limbo. I couldn't really make plans for the future. And one that involved love in my life with another man was impossible. I could never tell what I'd done, rendering a healthy relationship impossible. Without truth, a relationship had no future. Unlike Stella, I was not blameless in the demise of my husband. Love could not save me.

There were many nights I lay awake, listening to the even breaths of my daughter, and begged God to keep me out of jail just long enough to finish raising Chloe. Considering what I'd done, it was a lot to ask.

"Whatever or whomever you left, I'm sure there was a good reason for it," Stella said. "But don't let it be part of the new life you're making for Chloe. Whatever he did has no place in this new life you were brave enough to start."

"Thank you. I'm grateful for all you and your family have done for Chloe and me. When I left, I never dreamed I'd find this place or that we'd be welcomed with such open arms."

"We're glad you're here. You've given as much as you've gotten."

I didn't think that was true, but it was nice to hear anyway.

"I should go. Jasper's waiting for me." Stella gave me a quick hug. "You know where to find me if you ever need anything."

I thanked her and watched as she walked toward the trail that led to the parking lot. She was still so young and full of vitality. Me, on the other hand? I felt a thousand years old.

* * *

After the meetingat the restaurant, I went home to shower and change before heading over to the church preschool to pick up Chloe. I found the scent of food clung to my black skirt and crisp white shirt paired with a white apron. In addition, I looked forward to the showers and dressing alone. As much as I loved my little girl, it was nice to have a moment to myself.

Our room at the house had once been the ensuite for Stella and Jasper. Since they'd moved out, it had sat empty. Fully furnished with a bed, dresser, and walk-in closet, it was ideal for my situation. The house in Tennessee I'd lived in with John had been given to us by his father. John had grown up there, but his father had moved out after the death of his wife when John was sixteen. It had sat empty for several years, and I'd done my best to make it our own, picking colors for walls and finding furniture and decor. My dad had said I took after my mother, not only in appearance but in certain talents and interests. "She always wanted to make everything prettier," he'd said to me once.

Yet it had always felt as though I lived in a stranger's house. I'd been here for only seven months, and this house and ranch felt more like home than John's ever had.

As I dried my hair, I thought about what to do with the rest of the day. Chloe and I often stopped by the grocery store to grab a few items for dinner. Thad had suggested months ago that the guys pay the grocery bill every week. In exchange, I had agreed to make dinners and keep the refrigerator stocked. Soren and Thad were home most nights for dinner, but Caspian ate at the restaurant. I usually fed Chloe and put her to bed before the three of us sat down to eat. I found I looked forward to those evenings more than I'd thought possible.

At the store, I asked Chloe if she wanted to sit in the cart, but she preferred to walk beside me. I'd trained her to hold on to the side so that I knew where she was at all times.

We got to the produce section, and she asked if she could pick out a few peaches, her favorite fruit. I tore a plastic bag from the roll near the lemons and gave it to her. "Just four, okay? No bruises."

Chloe held up her hand and counted off on her fingers, "One, two, three, four." Then she scurried off to scour the pile of peaches. She knew not to touch them unless they were going into her bag.

I kept watch while I grabbed a head of lettuce and a bag of carrots. Seconds later, Chloe bounded over with her bag of peaches. I looked quickly to make sure they weren't overly ripe and found them satisfactory. "Well done, honey."

"Thank you, Mama."

We were headed to the checkout line when I spotted Elliot. Chloe called out to her, and Elliot turned, breaking into grin at the sight of us.

"What are you two up to?" Elliot asked.

"Just grabbing a few things for dinner. You?" I asked.

"I'm meeting the real estate agent. She has a place she wants to show me." Elliot hauled Chloe up for a hug and a kiss before setting her down. "It's a run-down old farmhouse, but she says there's potential. It wouldn't be ready for us to move into right after we get married, but maybe by the holidays."

"Are you anxious to move out?" I asked.

"Not that it isn't fun, but yeah. I just want to start a life with my husband in our own little nest."

"I understand." I'd be the same way if I were in her position.

Elliot and Caspian had set a wedding date for the third week in August. They were hoping to find a house before then, but around here there wasn't much inventory. As of now, the decision seemed to be between building a house on the family's property from the ground up or finding an already-built house somewhere nearby.

"Would you want to come with me to see it?" Elliot asked. "I could text the Realtor and tell her we'll meet her there."

I hesitated, knowing I had groceries in the cart that needed to be refrigerated, yet I would love to go out and see the house. Then I remembered the ice chest in the back of my car. I'd put it in there last week when I'd had to take ice cream for Chloe's preschool party. "I'll get some ice for the chest," I said out loud. "For the meat and dairy. So, yes, I'd love to."

Elliot clasped her hands together. "Great. It's always good to have another opinion and set of eyes. I'm not great at seeing what could be done in a remodel."

"That's my specialty," I said.

Soon we were driving down a dirt road I hadn't known existed. Elliot had decided to ride out with Chloe and me, figuring she could get back to town with the Realtor.

Bluefern was a small town, but the surrounding area was vast, with ranches spread throughout the valley. Although Stella had decided to use her land for tourists, there were many families still ranching in these parts. Arabella, our town vet, often told us tales of her adventures on various farms and ranches.

We came upon a farmhouse surrounded by meadows peppered with yellow and purple wildflowers. I parked in the driveway and then unbuckled Chloe from her car seat. The Realtor arrived seconds later.

Set against a backdrop of sprawling fields and distant mountains, the classic 1940s farmhouse gave the impression of a simpler time. However, the place was in a terrible state. The wraparound porch was a mess of rotten boards and sagging steps. Wooden siding, painted a shade of barn red, had faded and peeled. The gabled roof was in obvious need of repair. Yet it was easy to imagine how it would look after getting a facelift.

"It's wonderful," I said under my breath.

"So much to fix up, though," Elliot said.

The Realtor, Maisie Templeton, greeted us warmly before leading us up the steps of the spacious porch. Maisie walked carefully in her high heels, obviously worried about the loose and rotten floorboards.

"Look, Mama. It's a swing." Chloe pointed to the old porch swing that had obviously been crafted from sturdy aged oak and bore marks and patina from years spent exposed to the elements. How long had it sat empty? Had a couple grown old together in this very spot?

Maisie unlocked the front door, and we followed her inside to a square foyer with a coat closet. A dry, earthy smell of old wood and dust greeted us. I glanced to the right, taking in a sitting room, empty of furniture other than a ratty rug that had seen better days. Much better days.

Chloe, who had been holding my hand, let go to run into the sitting room. Dusty floorboards creaked, even under her light weight. Wallpaper, a once-vibrant floral pattern, had faded and peeled at the corners. A fireplace with washed-out tiles and wood mantel needed updating, but I could imagine enjoying cozy winter evenings as the snow fell gently outside. Beneath the accumulation of dust, wide-planked floors could easily be restored to their splendor with refinishing. The ceilings were higher than I'd expected, too. "Awesome floor and ceilings," I said. "Tons of potential."

"Tons of work," Elliot said. "But it's a house meant for a family, which is what we want."

Goose bumps traveled up my arms; I could almost hear the echoes of a family long since gone. And the old house had sat here waiting for a new family to come and bring it back to life. I hugged myself before following the others into the kitchen. A large farmhouse sink, and solid wood cabinetry were all that remained. The floors were the same wide planks as the other rooms but had been stained from water damage.

"The kitchen's a nice size, but you could knock out that wall," Maisie said. "A full remodel to modernize it, and you've got a dream space for two chefs."

"How long has it been since anyone lived here?" Elliot asked.

"The house was owned by the same family since the forties," Maisie said. "It's been empty for ten years. The children of the original owners couldn't bear to let it go even though no one wanted to live here. Now, though, they've gotten to the age where they'd like to sell and leave their children the money from the sale."

"So, it's just sat here all these years?" I said. "How sad."

"Yes, but that means you can get it for a steal," Maisie said. "Which would help with the remodeling costs."

My head buzzed with transformative ideas. I glanced at Elliot. From the look on her face, I could tell she wasn't as enamored as I. In fact, she looked downright doubtful. Not everyone could see the possibilities as I could. Maybe that was my problem. I'd thought John could be refurbished. Instead, he'd proven himself to be unfixable.

We went up a creaking staircase to the second floor. Three small bedrooms needed as much work as the rest of the house.

If only I could buy this for Chloe and me. I'd fix it up, bringing back its former glory while updating it for the modern world.

I wandered over to one of the bedroom windows, looking out to an orchard with rows of ancient, gnarled apple trees. Thick, twisted trunks and sprawling branches hung low and heavy with clusters of green and yellow apples.

"There's an apple orchard," I said, more to myself than the others.

Elliot came to join me, with Chloe following quickly behind. The three of us looked through the mottled glass, hardly breathing, as if witnessing something magical. Grass, moss, and fallen leaves formed a patchwork quilt beneath the trees, interspersed with apples that had fallen to begin the natural cycle of decay. Long and untamed grass grew in tufts, with wildflowers occasionally peeking through like the belle of a ball. A pair of old wooden chairs sat under one of the trees.

"I can see you and me out there sipping wine and eating cheese," Elliot said to me.

"That would be so fun," I said, my voice hollow. I might not be here long enough for that to come to fruition.

"You move here?" Chloe asked Elliot.

"I don't know. What do you think?" Elliot asked her. "Do you like it? Would you come visit me and Caspian if we lived here?"

"Yes, yes," Chloe said, bouncing on her toes.

I glanced down at my offspring. Her cheeks had flushed pink, and she quivered with excitement. Maybe she had the decorating bug like her mom.

"What do you think?" Maisie asked Elliot.

Elliot tugged on her thick braid. "I don't know. It seems like a lot of fixing up for two people who work all the time. I'd have to bring Caspian out to see what he thinks."

"Your future father-in-law knows his way around a remodel," Maisie said. "He would see the possibilities here, I'm sure."

"It'll cost as much to remodel it as it would to build a whole new house," Elliot said.

"True, but this place has history," I said. "Good bones that need a little tender loving care and a family to fill the rooms with laughter. And that orchard is amazing."

"Yes, true. Think of the apple desserts I could make," Elliot said.

"Go outside?" Chloe asked.

I nodded and took her by the hand. We all traipsed down the stairs and out through the kitchen to the backyard.

Moss and lichen enveloped the thick trunks and lower branches of the old trees. A dense canopy overhead filtered afternoon sunlight into soft, dappled patterns on the ground, lulling me into a state of relaxation. A dilapidated wooden fence that once neatly bordered the orchard had weathered and overgrown with vines. In the distance stood a rustic barn, its paint peeling, and wood warped from years of Montana weather.

It was perfect.

Chloe took off, running zigzagged through the trees.

I breathed in the sweet fragrance of overripe apples and earthy scent of damp soil. "So peaceful here," I said quietly. "I'd snap this up in a second if I could."

"Would you buy it for real?" Elliot asked.

"If I could, I would. But I can't."

"We could work on getting you a loan," Maisie said, sounding hopeful for a sale.

We couldn't. Not with my credit, which was nonexistent because I had a Social Security card and name of someone deceased. I'd never be able to buy a home of my own. Dreaming of it was futile.

"No, I'm not planning on staying here," I said. "This is just a temporary job and location for us."

Elliot stared at me, brown eyes wide. "Really? I thought you loved it here."

"I do." I shrugged as if it were no big deal. "But I'm not sure it's the place for us." Another few months and I might need to move on. The more I kept moving, the less likely it was they would find me. "But Elliot, this house is a gem. You and Caspian should snatch it up."

Maisie beamed, obviously happy for my help in convincing Elliot to take a leap of faith on the property.

"I could see you and Caspian here as the years go by," I said. "Spending a lot of time in the kitchen, of course."

Elliot smiled, nodding. "Yeah, I guess I can too. I'll bring Caspian out and see what he thinks."

"Tell him to bring his father," Maisie said. "He'll have a lot of ideas about what to do to get it updated and livable again."

Elliot agreed, promising to return for another look with Caspian.

I couldn't help but feel a little jealous. I'd have given anything to have a house like this, run-down or not. A place to set down deep roots. That's all I'd ever wanted. John's large family had been attractive, giving me the false hope that Chloe and I would be welcomed into the fold. Instead, I'd barely escaped with my life.