20

Olivia tried calling Ella again, but the other woman didn’t pick up.

“Shit,” she muttered.

She’d forgotten her calculus textbook in Ella’s car, and seeing as she had a test in two days, it wasn’t great timing. Olivia would have tried calling Chris and asking him to give her a lift to Ella’s place, but he’d told her he’d be busy with his family after football practice ended. Besides, after what they’d done the day before and how fucking good it had been, she was likely to get nothing done if he came over.

She knew she might have moved too quickly with him, but she couldn’t bring herself to regret it. Especially not after the sweet message he’d sent her that morning or how he’d smiled at her when he’d joined her at their library table. Chris hadn’t loved and left her like she’d been worried he might, and she felt ashamed that she’d harbored any doubts about his honesty or intentions.

But with him being busy, Olivia found herself considering doing something she should have done a while ago. She’d faced her fear of heights, and she’d let someone in again after Drew. Driving couldn’t be so scary after that.

She left the pool house and walked through the main house to get to the garage. Her dad was sanding a side table, but he turned off the sander when he saw her enter his workshop.

“Hey, honey,” he said with a broad grin. “Finally coming to help your old man out?”

Guilt squeezed her chest. “Oh. No, I actually just came to ask if I could take your truck. I left a book in Ella’s car, and I need to pick it up because I have a test coming up.”

Her dad’s brows lifted. “You want to drive?”

Olivia licked her lips nervously and shifted on her feet. “Yeah, I think I’m ready.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

She shook her head despite the spike in her pulse at the thought of getting behind the wheel. “No, I think I need to do it alone if that’s okay.”

He nodded. “Sure. Absolutely.”

“Thanks, Dad,” she said before going back into the house to get his keys. “I’ll call if there’s a problem,” she promised him when she got back.

He smiled at her. “Good luck.”

“It’s a short drive,” she reminded herself as well as him. “I’ll be okay.”

“Have you got your license?” he asked.

She patted the small bag at her hip. “Yep.” She walked up to him and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I’ll see you soon.”

“I’m proud of you,” he called out when she stepped out of the garage and onto the driveway.

“Don’t be proud yet,” she replied in a shout as she opened the door of his car. “Be proud when I get back.”

She got in the truck and took longer than needed to adjust her seat and the mirrors. Once she was finished, she was grateful to see her dad had gone back to work with his back to her, as though he’d known she didn’t want any eyes on her for this.

Olivia gulped and inhaled deeply before starting the engine. She put the car in reverse and released the breath slowly. She gripped the steering wheel tightly, her knuckles whitening, but she started reversing out of the driveway. She went at a snail’s pace, but she did it, and once she was on the road, instinct kicked in and she put the car in drive.

It was scary as fuck, and she hated every moment of it, but she drove past their house and sped up to just below the speed limit. She felt sweaty and short of breath, but she did it.

Then she just kept driving. Through intersections, around corners, and past cars going in the other direction.

It was awful. But it was also easier than she’d expected. She flinched every time another car drove past her, but she was in control of the car, and that made all the difference. She was the one driving. She was the one with her hands on the wheel and her foot on the pedal.

It was just her.

And the voice in her head that wouldn’t let her forget. It tried to convince her that she shouldn’t be allowed to drive after what happened. It tried to convince her to pull over and give up.

But Olivia didn’t listen to that voice. She would never purposefully put others in harm’s way, and she had just as much right as everyone else to be driving.

It felt like the longest trip she’d ever taken, but she turned into Ella’s street, and a smile broke across her face. She felt unreasonably proud of herself. She nearly let out a cheer, but she settled for a celebratory shoulder shimmy.

She just hoped that Ella was actually home and it wasn’t a wasted trip. Only when she got closer to her friend’s house, she realized that Ella was definitely at home. She just wasn’t alone.

Asher’s car was parked behind Ella’s, and Olivia watched as Asher and Riley got out of the car and waved at the car parked along the curb. She watched as Noah got out of his Jeep. And she watched as Chris stepped out next.

Olivia pulled over two houses down before they could notice her dad’s truck, her eyes starting to burn as she stared at the cars and people outside Ella’s home. She didn’t know why she cared so much. They’d all gotten close during and after Asher’s disappearance. It made sense that they’d be hanging out.

Only, she’d assumed that if they were all hanging out, they would have invited her too. At the very least, she’d assumed Ella would have mentioned it to her. More, she’d assumed Chris wouldn’t lie to her about his plans.

She guessed she was wrong.

Her phone buzzed with a message, and Olivia checked it, hoping to distract herself from the ugly thoughts circling her mind. But it was Ella, and her text didn’t help ease the burn of everyone’s deceit.

Sorry I missed your calls. I was walking Archie. Everything okay?

Olivia knew the message probably wasn’t a lie, but it hurt nonetheless. There was no mention of the others coming over. There was no invitation for her to join them.

She could have replied and told Ella she was there and that she’d seen the others, but Olivia replied with a text that also wasn’t a lie but didn’t tell the whole truth.

No problem. I left my calculus textbook on your backseat, but I’ll get it from you tomorrow.

Olivia knew she’d only feel more humiliated if she confronted them. It was better they didn’t know she was aware she’d been left out of whatever plans they had. It seemed her days of being excluded and being the last pick on the team weren’t over, and she didn’t want them to see how much it hurt.

Olivia waited until they’d all gone inside to pull away from the curb, her chest burning with a tight ache as she drove home. She had to wipe several stray tears from her face on the way back, but she kept her focus on the road and the cars around her.

She was upset, but she wasn’t stupid enough to let herself be distracted by her emotions. She would face and deal with them later.

Olivia arrived home without incident, but when she turned off the car, she wished she’d never worked up the courage to get into it in the first place. She got out, and her dad met her in the driveway, his smile wide and proud. Her responding grin was tight and false, but he didn’t seem to notice as he wrapped his arms around her and spun her around.

“You did it,” he cheered. “I’m so proud of you.”

“I did,” she agreed, wishing Ella and Chris’s betrayal hadn’t tarnished the pride she felt at having faced her fear.

Her dad set her back on her feet and pulled away. “How was it?”

“It was good,” she replied in a half-lie. “Scary, but easier than I thought it would be.”

“Does this mean we need to think about getting you a car?”

Olivia’s smile came easier this time and she handed him the keys. “No, that’s okay. I know you and Mom can’t afford that right now, and there’s really no need with Ella giving me lifts to campus.”

His expression gentled. “You know your mom and I will always make a plan for you.”

“I know, but you’ve already given me more than enough.” They were paying for her college tuition, after all, and she knew her years of ballet lessons and competition entries hadn’t come cheap.

“We can talk about it again when you’re ready,” he replied, telling her he would go above and beyond to make it a reality if she decided that’s what she wanted.

Olivia’s throat tightened further, and she enveloped him in a tight hug. “Thanks, Dad,” she managed to say without her voice cracking.

“Of course, honey,” he replied, sounding surprised at her intense reaction. “It wouldn’t really be fair if we got Noah the Jeep and didn’t make a plan for you.”

With the side of her face pressed against his chest, she nodded. After realizing Ella wasn’t as honest as she’d thought, she supposed having a backup transport option wouldn’t hurt. “I’ll think about it.”

“We were planning on getting you something after you turned eighteen, but after the accident…”

She pulled back and sighed. “It didn’t make sense,” she finished for him. What was the point of getting a car for someone who was too terrified to drive?

“Yeah,” he replied sadly.

“I’m sorry things have been so difficult lately.”

He frowned. “It’s not your fault, Livvy.”

“Right.” She swallowed. He was so wrong about that. “Anyway, I better get back to studying.”

“Did you get what you needed from Ella?”

She shook her head, the tightness in her chest growing. “She wasn’t there, but I have some notes I made during lectures that I can use tonight.”

“Oh, okay.”

“I’ll see you at dinner.”

“Is everything okay?” he asked, clearly seeing through the mask she’d tried to hide behind.

“Yeah, everything’s fine.” She walked away before he could press further, knowing she wouldn’t be able to keep her eyes from welling if he asked her what was wrong.

Olivia went to the pool house but instead of sitting at her desk to study, she curled up on her bed. She couldn’t believe she’d been stupid enough to believe that the others liked her enough to always include her. She’d been an absolute bitch to Riley when she’d first moved in, and they’d all seen that ugly side of her. It was no wonder they didn’t want her around all the time.

And as hard as it was to acknowledge, Olivia could understand that. She could understand them not wanting her around. What she couldn’t understand was Ella not mentioning it to her and Chris outright lying about it. Maybe they’d just been trying to protect her feelings, but she felt like they’d made a fool of her.

It was embarrassing. It was fucking humiliating.

And what made it so much worse was that she’d trusted Chris enough to sleep with him, only to find out the very next day that he was hiding things from her. But she was one to talk, given the secrets she was keeping.

Maybe Olivia was just getting a dose of her own medicine. Maybe this was a wake-up call to the fact that she couldn’t keep lying to him. Because her lies were so much worse than his. His small betrayal was nothing compared to hers, and she couldn’t keep seeing him if she didn’t come clean.

He’ll hate me, she thought. Even more than he did before.

The darker side of her thoughts wondered if he’d ever really stopped. If he’d stopped hating her, wouldn’t he have wanted this thing between them to be more than a dirty secret? If he’d truly stopped hating her, wouldn’t he have defended her against Paige? Wouldn’t he have cared less what others thought because he knew in his own mind that Olivia wasn’t to blame?

She wasn’t sure, but she did know that she’d been wrong to let things go so far between them while she still held a secret that would change how he looked at her forever. If anyone was in the wrong, it was most certainly her.

Olivia lay on her bed far longer than she should have, her self-pity and guilt warring against one another. When her phone rang, she nearly didn’t answer it, but when she saw it was Amy calling her, she picked up.

She shouldn’t have answered, and she definitely shouldn’t have agreed to go to a party with her former best friend. But Olivia pathetically couldn’t find it in herself to say no when it seemed like her other friends didn’t want her around. So, in the hopes of getting her best friend back and feeling less pitiful, Olivia said yes.

It would end up being a decision she’d regret for the rest of her life.