Chapter 5

Chapter Five

I'd woken alone in Kicks' bed, no memory of being carried there, my bag on the dresser. He had come back to the cabin at some point before I woke, leaving a basket of muffins and some kind of sausage. Charlie was making a dent in his second muffin as I tried to swallow my first bite.

"Can I go see if there are any kids to play with?" Charlie asked in a tone that made it sound like he was afraid he'd never see another child in his life.

"There'll be kids here. I'm sorry we had to leave, but you will make new friends. I promise." If Groza didn't hate me, he'd still be there with his other friends. Sicko she was, she'd been willing to burn him alive in order to kill me. Sometimes when I thought of her I feared the anger was so thick that I had a rotten spot on my heart that would never heal.

He stared at me with those big doe eyes. "What if everyone here hates me?"

Every moment of suffering she'd caused him made me not care if my entire heart turned black and rotted. One day I'd find a way to kill Groza.

"They won't. You're impossible to hate." Any kid that was mean to him was going to get the scare of his life. What he'd already gone through was bad enough. It was not going to get worse if there was anything I could do.

"Can we go see if there's kids, then?"

He was glancing toward the door. All I wanted to do was hide in here, where I didn't have to meet the new pack and see their inevitable suspicion.

Buddie stepped up onto the porch, and I waved to him through the front-door window. "Let's talk to Buddie first. We don't want to run out on him after he came to visit us."

Plus he'd checked out the place and the pack last night. He'd know if it was safe, had gotten the general vibe of the situation.

"Why? Where were you two headed?" he asked, walking over and plucking a muffin out of the basket.

"I want to go see if there's kids I can play with." Charlie stared at Buddie as if he'd have all the answers for him.

"Tons. I just saw them. Come on and I'll show you where they are," Buddie said.

"Go get your jacket," I said to Charlie before he could make a mad dash out of the house.

The second Charlie was out of view, I shot Buddie a look.

"It'll be good," he said, grabbing another muffin.

"I'm ready," Charlie yelled, running from his room, straight to the door, his hand poised on the doorknob like it was a launch button and his little engine was vibrating.

I grabbed my jacket, and that was all Charlie needed to launch into action. I picked up my step, not wanting to be too far away just in case there were a few little bastards down there that needed a good scare to keep them straight. He was already halfway down the hill by the time I got outside, heading toward a playground where kids were yelling and screaming. It would be visible from the house, so I'd be able to keep an eye on him even if he came without me in the future.

"It'll be fine," Buddie said, keeping pace with me. "Shifters at his age are very open to others. This is the perfect time for him to come into a new community. They're looking to form pack bonds and open to other shifter children. Even as we get older, it's different with shifters. Humans might be pack animals, but not like we are."

"But he wasn't born the same. What if they sense that and reject him?" It didn't help that he had a human sister with a reputation that was probably preceding me.

"You might view him as human, but he's a shifter now. There's no human scent left on him. He might not be old enough to shift, but I can smell it on him, just as he can smell it on others."

"Are you sure? He's never mentioned that to me at all." I'd known he could see and hear better, but he could smell the way they did already?

"He wouldn't. He already realizes that you can't do some of the things we can, and I think he feels bad for you." He laughed.

"He does not."

"Yes he does. He's a sweet kid and we've talked about it. I've told him some of the ins and outs of what's going to happen and what will change."

I hadn't realized quite how much Buddie had stepped up for Charlie. I'd been so worried about moving him from his people, but the ones that counted the most had come with us.

Buddie didn't seem to notice how I needed a minute. He was too busy taking in the pack members who were walking around. I could see they were all taking our measure but would smile and nod when they got caught doing it.

"He feels bad for me because I'm not a shifter? Does it make him uncomfortable?" Being my brother's guardian wasn't turning out to be an easy ride.

"No. He's not uncomfortable. He said he's sorry you'll never be a monster like he'll be able to be. Don't worry, though. He said he'd protect you."

If he wasn't in the middle of a pack of kids right now, and looking as if he was making friends, I would've run up to him and given him a hug that suffocated him. Even if I never had a child born from me, it wouldn't matter—I had him, and I couldn't imagine having a better kid.

Buddie pointed to a group of boulders over by the river. It was in view of Charlie but not so close it would look like I was hovering.

"The sounds of the river cover our voices as long as we don't speak too loud," Buddie said.

Suddenly the location of Kicks' cabin held more value than a nice view.

"You've never been here before?" I asked, glancing around.

"No, but I think I could be happy here," he said, taking in the lush surroundings.

"It is pretty," I said. "What about the pack? Have you gotten a feel for them?" More pack members passed by, smiling here and there and nodding.

"As shifters age they get less accepting, but I think it'll be okay. My New York accent might throw them a bit, but they'll get past it."

"If New York is tripping them up, I wonder how a human is going to work for them."

"You're not just human. You're also a guide."

"A guide with a very bad history. You think it'll be okay?"

"I don't think anyone is going to burn down the cabin you just moved into, if that's what you're thinking. Not if they've got their heads on right. What I know of packs is that the head steers the body. If you've got a fair alpha, the rest will fall into place or move on to a different pack." His voice grew a little ragged.

Like he and Rastin had? We hadn't had a free moment to speak of Duncan, but he didn't need to spell it out. There was hurt in his eyes. I wasn't the only one who'd gotten the snub, even if mine had been worse.

"I'm sorry I put you in such a bad spot.I know that was your family."

He shook his head. "You didn't do it. The moment Duncan told us we were going to Groza's, we all knew things would change. I'd held out hope that we wouldn't stay too close or for too long, that we'd have enough distance to have autonomy and not get swallowed up by the venom of who she is. It was a pipe dream. If it hadn't been your situation, it would've been something else that drove me out of there.

"Rastin as well.He might seem like an ass, but he's actually one of the kindest of us. He wouldn't have lasted there either. I think that's why it was so easy to leave when we did. Once it became clear the packs were merging, the end was in sight."

"It helps to know I wasn't the only reason you left."

"It's the truth." He fell silent but let out a sigh that held a thousand regrets. "I'm not mad. I'm just disappointed."

"Yeah, so am I," I said.

He was looking at me like he wanted to say something but was holding back.

"What?"

"I don't blame you if you hate him. That note that he sent you about you pretty much being a dead woman if you came back—he didn't bother to seal it or even put it in an envelope. Everyone knows what it said. He wanted to make it public knowledge."

"I know." It hadn't just been a message to me. He'd obliterated our relationship in a way to make it known to all, drawing a firm line.

How had I been so stupid to think there could've been something good between us? It was hard to think of that and not shudder over the spectacle.

"He wasn't a perfect alpha, but I never thought he'd do something like that. It's like she got into his head and twisted who he was." Buddie shook his head, as if he couldn't believe what Duncan had become. "Do you hate him?"

Everything had happened so fast that I hadn't really thought about it until right now. "He saved Charlie. He turned him into a shifter. Charlie would be dead already if he hadn't. For that one reason, I'm not sure it would be possible for me to ever truly hate him. Short of hunting Charlie down himself, I don't think I could."

Buddie let out a low whistle. "Never think it can't get worse. I've lived long enough to see what happens with people. They let the world start chipping away at them until there's nothing left of the person they were.

"Why don't you go ahead and check out the place. I'm going to hang out here," he said. "I'll keep an eye on Charlie, but it looks like he's already finding his way."

Charlie was on a seesaw with another kid, laughing.

"Thanks."