Chapter 28

Chapter Twenty-Eight

It had been hours. How many, I didn't know, but the sky had completely darkened and the moon was right above us, shedding light on Kicks' still body.

He wasn't going to shift. He wasn't going to get better. He was dying, and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

There had been laughter up above as they listened to me beg, threaten, and demand that the dying man in my arms live. Then they'd grown bored of the show and moved on while I listened to his breathing, waiting for it to stop.

With his head cradled in my lap, my legs had gone numb hours ago. I didn't care as I ran my hands through his hair, over and over again, trying to bring him some comfort or peace, or strength to fight—but mostly because I wanted to touch him, be near him in any way I could, while I could.

I'd watched my mother die, then the death of most of the human race. I couldn't watch another person die, especially not him. Not Kicks, who was always so strong. It was like watching a mountain crumble in front of me.

You will not die, I thought, trying to force my will upon him.

If I could kill someone with touch, why couldn't I save someone? I willed all my energy, everything I had, into him, trying to force my power into his body. But nothing happened. He didn't stir and seemed to slump down farther. No matter what I hoped or prayed for, nothing seemed to make him come around. If he died, I'd find a way to kill every single one of them.

The only reason he was here was me. If I hadn't been so stupid and foolish, I would've left in the night. Kicks wouldn't be here. If I'd left after the very first death at the pack, he wouldn't be here. I was the reason he was going to die. He might not be able to deal with the cost of what I'd be willing to pay, but I couldn't live with his death on my hands.

I'd made a promise that I didn't think I could keep, and I didn't care what the ramifications were. He wasn't dying if there was anything I could do about it.

I brushed a hand over his cheek. "You can't die. Do you hear me? I love you, and you can't die on me. You can't." Uttering the words aloud seemed to unleash a fresh stream of tears from me.

His lips parted on a slight moan, as if some part of him had heard me, was trying to fight for me, but he didn't have the strength left in his battered body.

"Death? I know you're somewhere nearby. Come and help me and I'll give you whatever you want."

I waited for her to appear in front of me like a genie to do my bidding. But it had been an idiotic thought, because nothing happened, as it hadn't all the other times.

I called her again and again. I continued calling her as Kicks grew weaker in my arms. If I could've ripped open a vein and fed him my blood to save him, I would've.

I continued to call Death, even as all hope seemed to disappear and the tears were flowing like rivers down my cheeks.

The sky began to lighten as I continued my vigil. Kicks hadn't stirred at all for hours, and I could sense that his time was almost up. I'd held him through the night, praying that at some point something would kick in, that some part of what I had would save him. It was a desperate notion, but I was desperate. I couldn't think past his dying enough to even try to save myself. It was like a brick wall was erected in my mind, where there was Kicks alive and then there was nothing. I couldn't make it past his death.

But then I'd think of Charlie and knew I'd have to keep going, no matter how painful it was. I had to keep going for him, even if I was losing the will to do it for myself. I had to make sure he was somewhere safe. I'd trusted Kicks to do that for me, but now…

I shifted again, curving my body around his, trying to keep him warm so he'd have more energy to fight.

"Still alive, but doesn't look like for much longer," someone yelled from above.

I looked up, catching sight of the face so that I could memorize it when I got out of here and knew who to make sure I killed first. That dark part of me, the piece of Death that had continued to grow, seemed to awaken and prick up its ears at my bloodlust. I didn't care. I wanted it to grow if it would help me save him.

The shifter looked down, meeting my glare with a sadistic smile. "I hope I'm the one who gets to burn you."

The dark part of me swelled, pulsing to life, and I tried to encourage it.

The shifter smiled and then disappeared. Then my view was suddenly blocked by Death standing over me.

"I've been calling and calling you. Why didn't you come?" My words were laced with hard accusations, proving just how desperate I was. No one would speak to something such as her like that if they were in their right mind. I wasn't. I'd slipped into panic and desperation last night, and there was no coming back from it. I'd seen too much death in too short a time, and to see Kicks like this now was breaking me inside. I wasn't sure I'd ever be the same. He was the rock, the mountain that shifted gravity around him. From the moment I'd met him, he'd oozed life and vitality, pumping it out around him. Death hadn't seemed possible. Not for him. He wasn't supposed to die. He was supposed to be the last man standing.

"No human commands me." It wasn't a set-down. I didn't think she cared enough.

"You're not taking him." He was dying. Was that why she was here? To collect his soul? Because it wasn't going to happen. I'd fight Death herself if that was what needed to be done. His soul was staying right here with me.

I leaned forward, sheltering him from her view and making it beyond obvious that she couldn't have him. He was mine .

She stared down at him and then back to me, seeming bored. "You think you could stop me?"

The idea had flickered in my mind for a second. That I wanted him to survive enough that I could save him from even Death herself. I hadn't been able to save my mother, and Charlie had been saved by a minor miracle that was none of my doing.

She continued to stare at him. "He's nearly dead."

My grip on him grew tighter, as if I could physically keep his soul here with me.

Suddenly it all clicked. She'd told me one day I'd beg her. I was ready.

"You knew this was going to happen," I said.

"Yes."

"Can you save him?"

Death walked over, staring down at him."I could ."

She smiled, and it stopped my heart. Kicks hadn't wanted this. But it didn't matter. I couldn't let him go. I couldn't live with his death.

"You want your vengeance? You want me to do your bidding? Fine. You save him and get us out of here and I'll do whatever you want. But you don't get to take him. He's mine . No one takes him. Ever ."

"I can live with this bargain. Can you?"

"I just said as much. Do. It."

I didn't care what the cost was. He was slipping away from me. There was no price too high. Even if doing this meant he'd no longer want me, I didn't care. He'd be alive, even if it was with someone else. But in order for me to go on living, I needed to know he was breathing, laughing, loving.

"Just know, the cost for cheating me is steep," she said. "You make the deal and you live by it."

I wanted to rage at her and tell her to go fuck herself, but I couldn't. Not until I was sure Kicks was safe, and probably not then either.

"I said do it." I didn't recognize my voice as I ordered Death to do my bidding. I wasn't sure what the bargain I'd struck truly entailed, and I didn't care. I was becoming someone I didn't recognize, but it no longer scared me. I was becoming someone who would survive, and make sure those she cared about continued on, and that would be enough. It was more than enough.

She didn't touch him or kneel beside him. All she did was take a few steps toward him, and I could feel his heartbeat strengthening in my hold. He gasped, and his breathing grew stronger.

"He'll live," she said.

"You promised to get us out of here."

"I don't need to be reminded of my part of the bargain."

A stairway made of nothing but black shadows appeared beside me. Kicks was much larger than me, but I'd get him out of here if I had to drag him the entire way. I didn't want Death laying even so much as a pinky upon him.

"We're getting out of here, so you hang on. You hear me? We're getting out," I said.

Kicks didn't respond. His eyelids weren't even flickering.

I grabbed an arm in each hand, laying his body against my back, and he felt nearly weightless in my arms. Death was somehow taking some of his weight as I climbed the stairs that would lead us out of this hell.

The guards they'd posted at the edge of the hole whispered as they saw my head breaking level with the top of the hole. Their voices quickly grew louder, calling for help.

I didn't know if they could see the staircase of shadows or if it looked as if I were climbing the air. It was hard to guess which would appear more frightening.

"What the hell is going…"

I could see Groza staring at us as I took my first step out of the hole. Duncan was right beside her, but they both stopped short twenty feet from us, staring in horror. Their mouths opened in silent gasps, and no one came a step closer.

I looked at Death, who was right beside me. What are they seeing?

She smiled. "They're seeing you, or what you're becoming. They're seeing my vengeance materialize in front of their eyes."

I should kill them now, but then I'd have to put Kicks down, and I refused to part with him. Nothing, not even my vengeance, was more important than getting him out of here.

"Do you want them dead?" Death asked. "I don't care either way. He's clueless, and she's merely an idiot on the periphery, but this will serve its purpose."

There was no question when it came to Groza. I wanted her dead, and now.

Duncan was more complicated. I'd thought there would never be anything Duncan could do to completely turn me against him, not after he'd saved Charlie. I'd been wrong. There was a long list of things at this point, and the most glaring was what he'd done to Kicks. No amount of pleading had even made him think twice about the atrocity he was committing. If I didn't take him out now, he'd come for us again.

"Yes, I do," I said.

That was all she needed to hear, and what little weight Kicks was on my shoulders was lifted as his limp form slowly rose above me.

Groza and Duncan stood, terrified, watching Kicks' body rise above us. I took a step toward them, and they both turned to run but couldn't seem to get past some invisible barrier hemming them in.

Others were hiding but listening.

I turned to Groza. "You took something that wasn't yours to touch. You played a part in Death Day," I said, my voice coming out completely different than normal as Death's words were channeled through me.

There were gasps from the other shifters, loud enough that I could hear them even from their hiding places.

Duncan looked at her. "Is that true?"

"No, of course not." She was shaking her head, but she reeked of the lie.

"Now you, and all involved, will pay," I said.

She let out a gasp, and then raised her hand, showing its gray color.

"You don't deserve a fast death," we said, Death again channeling me for her purpose. "You will rot slowly for all to see, for the message to spread, that you do not take what is not yours."

"Please, I'm sorry. I didn't know what I was doing." Groza dropped to her knees.

There would be no mercy for her. I could feel Death's presence inside, the darkness in me swelling.

I turned to Duncan.

"I didn't take anything," he said. "I swear it. I don't even know what you're talking about. Please, Piper, don't do this to me. I got you out of New York. I saved Charlie. Please, for all that we had between us…"

He dropped to his knees as well.

"You tried to kill Kicks, and when I begged for his life, it fell on deaf ears," I said, my voice sounding more like my own, the words all mine.

"I messed up. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done it. Let me go and you'll never hear from me again." He had his hands clasped together as he continued to kneel in front of me.

My emotions didn't even flicker. They'd shot Kicks with arrows and then thrown him in a hole to die.

"Because of Charlie, I give you the choice of a fast or slow death. Those are your only options. You will pay with your life."

He dropped his chin and then glanced at Groza, who was cradling her hand to her chest, seemingly succumbing to pain.

"Cutting it off will only hurry the spread," we said, Death's words coming through me again.

He looked me in the eye, as if in shock that this was what we'd come to. If only he'd shown some remorse and shock before he'd committed the atrocity.

"Your choices led us here. Not mine," I said. I would've forgiven him so many things until his attempted murder of Kicks. I wouldn't let that threat linger. I knew better now. I knew him better, and somehow, with Death flowing in and out of me, I could sense the rot in his soul. He wouldn't honor any word he gave.

"Decide or I'll choose for you," I said.

"Fast."

A second later, he was gone. I hadn't touched him. Death had done the dirty work, but it had been my call.

I stared at his dead body, regrets upon regrets piling up over how much had gone wrong. I wished I'd never met him. But then again, no. Because he had saved Charlie, and I'd suffer much worse than remorse and guilt for Charlie's sake.

The rest of the pack was still watching me from their safe vantage points, but I had no fear of them. Death wouldn't let anyone touch me. We were acting almost as one now, and I felt safer than I ever had since Death Day, maybe even before.

I'd gained security but put my soul in peril. Even now, I could feel her power flowing through my veins, reaching out and caressing that dark piece of me, urging it to grow, to waken and enjoy the fruits of our labors. I was walking a thin line of holding on to who I was.

Groza was bent on the ground, still cradling her hand.

"You think this is the end?" she yelled, her face contorted in pain. "It's not. You're a dead woman walking. You won't live to see the year through. I promise you." She was screaming so loudly that spittle flew from her mouth.

"You definitely won't. My guess is you'll be taking your own life and being welcomed into hell by the end of the week," I said calmly.

"You're a monster!" she yelled. "You'll get yours."

She wouldn't be alive long enough, or well enough, to inflict anything upon anyone. Certainly not me.

"Where is Dirkin?"

"You want him dead?" Death asked.

" Yes ."

The old shifter was dragged by some invisible entity across the ground until he was at my feet.

"Do it," Death said. "Just wave your hand toward him."

I had a moment of flickering doubt, and then remembered his cold stare as his friend died. I waved a hand at him, and he was dead a second later.

I turned, catching sight of more shifters ducking back into their hiding places. I scanned the area for the few faces I'd put to memory but didn't see them.

Maybe I should've looked harder, tried to flush them out, but there was nothing I wanted more at the moment than to get out of here and take Kicks to safety.

He was hovering eerily in the air.

"Walk," Death said. "His body will follow. Leave the rest to spread the word."

I saw more shifters scurrying about, making sure they were nowhere in my path as I walked out.

I passed Kicks' motorcycle where it was still parked and continued to walk. I couldn't drive one of those things on my own, let alone with an unconscious Kicks behind me.

I continued to walk, heading into the dense woods, in the direction of Arkansas. I was going to bring Kicks home.

I walked for hours, Death flickering in and out of existence as I did. I finally stopped beside a river, and Kicks slowly lowered toward me until he lay in the dirt on the bank of the river.

I knelt on the ground beside him, hating how still he still was. "When will he wake?"

"Soon," she said.

I ran my hand over his face, brushed my fingers through his hair.

"So now what?" I asked, wondering what the full payment to her would entail but not caring. Kicks would live.

"We wait for word to spread, fear to grow, and then we strike again."

So there would be a reprieve of a sort, but this would be a long, slow mental war against all who did her wrong, until they were living in abject fear. Considering what they'd done to our world, they deserved it. Anyone who'd had a part in this was getting off easy, in my opinion. But by the time this was done, I wasn't sure what would be left of me. I could live with that, as long as the people I loved saw tomorrow.

It was hours I sat cradling Kicks' body by the river. Death had agreed to save him, yet he hadn't moved. I kept replaying the events in my head, trying to see if I'd made an error. If she'd saved him, why wasn't he moving? Why hadn't he opened his eyes? The sun was sinking in the sky, and I was beginning to fear that nothing had been negotiated at all.

I called out, "Death," as loud as I dared, but she didn't come.

At least his pulse felt stronger and his breathing was steady. I ran my hand over his hair again, as I had been doing nonstop for hours, hoping he could sense me, know he wasn't alone.

It was fully dark when he finally shifted in my arms. His eyes fluttered open, his brow furrowing as he woke somewhere different. I could see him trying to piece together what had happened.

"I'm alive," he said, sounding surprised.

"You are."

He lifted himself up into a sitting position, looking around. "Where are we?"

"I'm not sure. About a four- or five-hour walk from Dirkin's?" Or what had been Dirkin's. When I was waiting for Kicks to wake up, I hadn't thought about how I was going to tell him what happened. I hadn't cared. I still didn't, because it was the only reason he was alive. I had zero regrets.

He narrowed his eyes, trying to piece it together, as if he'd just forgotten.

"You couldn't have carried me this far," he said. "What did you do?" He was standing up, his movements stiffer than I'd ever seen.

I didn't speak, just got up and wrapped my arms around his neck. He didn't hesitate to hug me back, but I could feel the rigidness of his frame.

"Pips, what did you do to save me?" he asked softly.

I tightened my arms around him. "I struck a deal." My voice wavered. I knew how'd he'd feel about it.

His body could've been carved from stone for how hard he went.

He pulled back, and I didn't hang on."What did you give in order to save me?"

I met his gaze. "Whatever she wanted, and I don't regret it."

His face fall. "Pips, you shouldn't—"

"Don't tell me what I shouldn't have done," I said, trying to keep myself together, but the damn tears started and wouldn't stop. It was as if every tear I'd managed to hold back was pouring out of me now. He didn't know what it was like watching him die, knowing it was my fault. How dare he judge me? "I'd do it again and again, no matter what the cost. Until you're in that spot, you don't get to tell me what I should've done until you're the one sitting there watching someone die and you know you can save them."

He nodded, taking me into his arms and tucking my head under his chin. "It's okay. Whatever it is, we'll figure it out. I won't leave you. We'll figure out something."

I sank into him, knowing that nothing was going to fix this. He knew it too. He'd said the words, but we both knew I'd crossed a line I couldn't come back from.