Chapter 2

Chapter Two

We didn't avoid bridges, main highways, or any of the places that would be obvious traps. With twenty-one shifters in our party, no one seemed overly concerned about getting hijacked by a small, random crew of humans, or at least that's what I was told.

Me? I wasn't so comfortable with it, but I couldn't take a bullet as well as they did. More worrisome, I didn't know how well Charlie could. Every time we came to a bridge that looked like it had a pile-up of cars that seemed to narrow down to a single opening, my nerves felt like they were about to undo me.

More than once I saw a handful of humans ducking for cover as we came through, as if they somehow knew they didn't want a piece of us. That we were more trouble than we were worth. Thinking back to the first time I'd met the guys in NY, I guess I could understand. Even when threats weren't obvious to our regular senses, sometimes your gut instincts would kick in and save your ass.

Not to mention there wasn't a weak-looking person in the group. Well, except maybe for me. I was smaller than even Evangeline, but I was also deadlier. That was another weird thing to wrap my head around. I wasn't the prey any longer. I was the predator.

Whatever the case, no one and nothing had bothered us thus far except for the roads. Having to slow down at different points to navigate around crashes that spanned the entirety of the road took some time. The motorcycles that curved in and out of traffic easily didn't always appreciate the mud.

Kicks raised his hand, and the caravan of ATVs and motorcycles pulled over to the side of the highway at an abandoned gas station. I was thrilled to get off and stretch my legs for a second as I looked about the place. It looked like it had been run down before the end of the world. A plaque read "Jake's Auto," but there were no other hints of a location. The last landmark had been when we'd entered Kentucky about an hour ago.

We might've been out of the state, but it didn't feel like far enough. I wasn't sure any distance would be after Groza had tracked me down, toting gallons of gas with plans to burn me alive.

I scanned the area, locating Charlie. He was walking toward the trees with Buddie.

"Don't go far," I yelled after him.

He bobbed his head in acknowledgment as he kept walking.

Buddie looked over his shoulder, clearly insulted by what I thought of his chaperoning abilities. He hadn't almost been burned alive. I was allowed to be overprotective for a while. I might decide to drag it out for a year. It wasn't quite clear how long it would last. Maybe forever.

The wind shifted, carrying with it a potent smell of the dead. It was scary how I was becoming so used to seeing corpses.

I scanned the area, even though I was surrounded by shifters with senses of sight and smell that were much superior.

"They're empty," Crackers, one of Kicks' go-to guys, yelled out from where he stood beside the pump. His mohawk looked a little worse for wear after all these hours.

"There's some in this," Kicks said, standing beside an ancient, gas-guzzling pickup. "Who's the lowest? We'll split this between them and then fill as we go."

I strolled closer to the pickup as Evangeline rolled up her bike, a tube ready in her hand. I hadn't had much time to talk to her since we'd left, but out of Kicks' pack, she'd immediately become one of my favorite people. Plus she could cook her ass off.

"Want some help with that?" Rastin asked, walking closer. "I'd be happy to help you fill your tank."

I loved Rastin like a brother and owed him greatly for backing me up against Groza. I also accepted him for what he was: a pig.

Evangeline lifted a brow. "Thank you, but I can fill my own tank." She made quick work of topping off and was quick to leave. Evangeline was a toughie, in spite of the impression her pink hair might give some.

Rastin's eyes were still on her back. "What's her story? Is she gay or something?"

I didn't try to hide my laughter. "Why? Because that's the only reason she wouldn't be into you?"

"Why else? I'm a virile, good-looking shifter." He ran his fingers through his hair, as if the wind had ruined his perfect locks and that was the problem.

The only thing that took away from his looks was his confidence in them. Still, he had a loyal streak that ran deep. That feature tended to get hidden by the overwhelming cockiness.

Kicks was waving people over to another car that had been pulled alongside the building.

I leaned against the pickup, near Rastin. "You would think with so many dead people, gas wouldn't be such a problem."

"The gas stations used to be refilled. Even with only ten percent of the population left, they still need it for generators and motorcycles like us. It's going to get worse as it goes bad."

"Gas goes bad?"

"Everything goes bad given enough time. Sometimes I forget how young you are." Rastin laughed.

And when the gas was gone? I might not have known about the shelf life of gas, but anyone who'd seen the white, crusty stuff on the end of a battery knew that wasn't going to work out so well. Not to mention, how were we going to charge them? We'd better get to some mills fast, but then what? A battery factory? We didn't have enough people to sustain the kind of infrastructure and manufacturing we'd had.

"Now what?" Sometimes I spend my days just trying to survive. Other times, when I got stuck standing still for a few minutes like now, reality hit hard. This wasn't a bump in the road or something we'd get past. This was life.

He waved his free hand, as if we were all just throwing darts in the dark. "Hell if I know. I might have lived longer than you, but this end-of-the-world shit? This is everyone's first rodeo."

"Let's get on the road again," Kicks called out.

As the sun set, the smiles and fist bumps of the morning were quickly shifting to groans and frowns. I leaned against an old Caddy, my hands shoved in my leather jacket, hoping no one would notice my skin was about frozen. Kicks was attempting to fill our tank for the fifth time in three hours. Several others worked their way along the highway to see if there was any other gas to top off with.

Crackers walked over. "The gang is getting a bit rough around the edges. They want to know if we're stopping at Bri's."

His attention flickered to me, and back off me even quicker. That was all it took to tell me that somehow I was a deterrent to us stopping.

"I wasn't planning on it," Kicks said, not looking at me.

Crackers was visibly struggling to not look at me now. "The gas situation is worse than we expected. Bri's would be a nice break, since we're going to have to stop somewhere at this rate."

Evangeline walked over, her ears perking up at the mention of Bri's. "We're only an hour or so from there," she said, giving that same glance in my direction that Crackers had.

"Is there some reason I'd be a problem? Do they not like humans? I can crash somewhere else for the night." I looked at Crackers and Evangeline and then settled on Kicks, and his body visibly tensed at the suggestion.

"No, being human isn't an issue," he said. "We'll head to Bri's. It makes the most sense." Seeing the looks shooting back and forth, there was clearly some issue no one wanted to discuss with me.

Crackers turned around, announcing to the group, "We're going to Bri's."

There were a few nods, but it seemed as if everyone had already been listening in to the conversation, as usual.

Kicks finished up with the gas, not saying anything, but I wasn't walking into this situation blind. If the whole pack had to overhear our conversation, I didn't care. They already seemed to know more than me anyway.

He tucked the hose into a bag on the bike. "There's a creek nearby. Do you need to refill your canteen and freshen up?"

"Yes, I do." I grabbed my full canteen, hoping no one else decided to join us.

We weren't that far from the group but enough to gain some privacy, especially with the sounds of water. I knelt by the creek, my back to him as I was deciding on the best angle of attack. He hit me with the true problem before I had to ask.

"I have some history with the female alpha over there," he said.

I froze, but just for a second. I was quick to recover, dipping my canteen in the stream as his eyes seemed to be trying to take in every little twitch.

Was this a recent history or something from a decade ago? Was I walking into the pack of a current girlfriend and yelling, "Surprise, look who's here?"

"Was it like a one-night stand kind of deal?" Please, let that be the case. I'd just barely gotten out of a messy situation, and I didn't want to walk into another. It was enough to make me want to write off getting involved with anyone ever again, no matter how much they might ooze sex and testosterone. I was at my limit for messy.

"It was more than that, but nothing too serious."

I was on my feet, trying to appraise that answer. There was a lot of room for interpretation, but even the middle ground made me feel like a chipmunk trying to swallow a cantaloupe whole.

"So you were at least like…" I couldn't get the word out. It was just the idea of another woman touching him that seemed to make my brain misfire.

"Dating her?" he offered with a shrug.

"I was trying to think of a different word, but yes, I guess if that fits." That word was the cantaloupe that was choking me. "Dating" sounded a lot more intentional, and we were definitely getting into messy territory now.

"That's probably how I'd describe it."

That was it. No other explanation on how long it had lasted? Was that because it was still going on? Exactly how messy was this?

I wasn't an idiot. He was a grown man. Of course he'd had sex before I showed up. I just wasn't expecting to encounter a situation like this on the way. Attacks? Sure. Ambushes, maybe a death or two? That too. But not this, and I needed a second to adjust to the fact that we were going to have a sleepover at his girlfriend's house.

"But you two broke up?" I asked, praying this was going to be a yes , and he'd provide a timeline that went back at least a couple of months.

"We were never official enough to have a breakup. With the distance and all, it made things tougher. Then of course Death Day complicated it further." He was leaning against a tree, as if this weren't a problem.

"So where did you leave it? Is that door still open?" I tried to keep my voice calm, but was pretty sure I was beginning to lose that battle.

"Obviously not at this point, but it's something that's going to need a conversation. I haven't talked to her since our situation changed."

"And you're going to have this conversation with her when we show up out of the blue?"

This entire situation was beginning to feel like a toddler using finger paints to make a Jackson Pollock painting.

"I don't think it's going to be avoidable, considering I'll be walking in with you." He threw up a hand and headed toward the stream.

"What if you weren't walking in with me? Then what? Would you still tell her?"

He stiffened, stopping to look me squarely in the eye. "I'd still tell her about you. Although I'm not quite clear on how to explain this situation, since I don't even know what it is. Since you're so interested in labels, do you care to enlighten me as to what you consider us?"

I didn't want to have this conversation, but I would. It was hard to avoid after my line of questioning.

"Why didn't you take another mate before me?" I asked.

"Because I didn't want to. I wasn't in love with anyone."

A flare of hope burned in my chest. He'd never spoken of feeling to me, but maybe there was something?

"But you weren't in love with me, and you took me as a mate."

"Our situation made sense. I wanted a guide, and you needed a better pack to be with."

"Yes, I guess that's logical." Definitely not the stuff of fairytales, but sensible enough. What else could a girl ask for but a sturdy match that kept her alive?

I didn't have a right to be mad. He'd made a logical decision. At no point had he said, "I've chosen you because I want you ." He'd always been truthful, more so than Duncan had. I shouldn't be mad, and yet I wanted to leap on top of him and start whaling on him. I turned into the corner and crossed my arms to keep from punching him.

He walked closer. "We can still make this situation work for both of us if you want it to. Are we even going to try to make a go of it, or is this it?"

A go of what? He'd just confirmed what this was for him, and he thought it would be cool to bang each other on top? More convenient for him?

"I'm sorry if I'm taking a little longer than you to figure out what I want. I guess this isn't exactly what I was expecting my future to look like." My voice was as bitter as coffee sitting on a burner for five hours. I couldn't seem to tone it down, even as I saw him jerk back slightly.

"With me?" he said, sounding like his brew was a bit overdone as well.

It wasn't him. He was perfect as far as men went, if he cared about me at all beyond wanting a convenient partner for sex. The idea of asking him if he could possibly ever love me, or have any deeper feelings, was so distasteful I'd rather choke on my own vomit.

He nodded, as if my silence had said it all. My silence was just the tip of the iceberg buried in a whole lot of salty waters.

He took another step away from me, his back rigidly straight. "This isn't what anyone expected, and whatever works for you, I'll deal with it. But I need to know where we stand."

That was the problem. I didn't want to pretend we were more than we were, blissfully walking along into a briar patch where I got caught but he didn't.

"I guess… I don't know. I guess…"

"Pips, spit it out. I'm not a lovesick teen with blinders on. I'm trying to see where we're at, and I'll deal with whatever the situation is." His voice was nearly cold.

"You needed a guide, and I needed a safe harbor. We get along fine together, so maybe we should leave things as they are? Why mess up the situation? Just be discreet in your actions." Fine together . That was what we were. They suddenly felt like such ugly words. How many times had I been absolutely horrid, my world falling apart while I watched my mother slowly fade away, and said I was fine? The whole conversation made me want to empty my guts out on the forest floor.

I waited for him to reply, a small, hopeful seed buried in my chest hoping he'd put up a fight, say that no, he wanted more.

"However you want to proceed is fine," he said.

There was that dirty little word again. It didn't matter to him whether we were truly together or not.

"Then I guess we know where we stand."

He shrugged, looking a little stiff. Did he want something more? Was that a sign of disappointment?

He shifted his head and cracked his neck. Yeah, all he probably wanted more of was a comfortable sleeping situation.

He barely waited for me as we walked back to the group.