Chapter 4

This is why smart people don’t have fish tanks for floors .

– Marcella

“Thanks. I hate it.” I puff a breath out of my nose the second the contents of the jewelry box Mr. M…my temporary significant other is holding open for me register.

It is a necklace.

With a tiny gold pumpkin charm.

The delicate outline and the subtle glitter of the tiny diamonds embedded in the gold is thoroughly beautiful. I am appalled to say I do not actually hate it. I simply hate what it means, what it stands for, the entire emotional reasoning behind it…

Oh yeah.

And the person holding it.

I should have been more specific yesterday.

See, by gift I meant food , so I could drown my feelings in something more tolerable than this situation. Like a chocolate parfait.

Clearly, I’m not the only one who sucks at reading other people’s minds.

Fi…the guy’s eyes brighten. “You’re not faking a smile this morning. Should I warn my clients and any visitors to maintain a ten-foot clearance?”

“For their own safety, absolutely.” Setting a hand to my chest, I force a sardonic smirk. “Congratulations. I was thinking about it last night, and I decided that for the sake of this little experiment of yours, it’s only fair if I fully downgrade you from assistant to girlfriend .”

“Downgrade?” he echoes.

“Don’t worry. My work won’t suffer, but you might. On account of my attitude.” Throwing together my best grin, I chirp, “Please remember, upgrading is free.”

“No, no. This is the upgrade.” Snapping the box shut, and opening it again, and snapping it shut, and opening it again, he leans back against his desk. “Your voice is so much lower than I’m used to.”

“In order to survive in professional settings, many women adopt a persona that feeds into the feminine expectation. Pleasant smiles. Lilting tone.” I drop my attention to my tablet, wake it up, and open Ffff…my dearly beloved boyfriend’s schedule. “You have a seven o’clock breakfast at—”

“May I take you out this evening?” Snap. Snap. Snap. “If I have dinner plans, cancel them.”

“No, it’s a work night. Also, it’s Wednesday, which means you do have dinner plans. With your mother. I’m off the clock early.”

“That’s right. It is Wednesday, isn’t it?” Snap. Snap. Snap. “You could come with me. Meet my mother.”

“Respectfully, that is never a first date activity.”

Snap .

I grab his hand, crushing his fingers and the box. Meeting his eyes, I hiss, “I will kill you in your sleep if you don’t stop this.”

“You are such an affectionate girlfriend.” He drops his head an entire foot so his forehead bonks into mine. “It’s only been one day, yet you want to be with me while I’m asleep?”

Heat rushes up my neck.

“ Rrr-ow. ”

And it plummets—like nausea—into my stomach, which falls promptly to my toes. “Never do that again.”

“Might I do the proper boyfriend thing and put the necklace on you?”

My eyes narrow. I’m waiting for the cash he sent me to clear in my account, but it is incoming. He’s paying a lot of money for a girlfriend experience. Which was one hundred percent a terrible financial decision on his part, yet I’m the one stuck feeling mildly guilt-ridden.

Sighing, I step back, turn, and tilt my head forward to pull my short hair fully off my neck. “Do you need me for your seven o’clock, or should I stay here and sort through emails?”

“You can sort through emails on your pad while I get you breakfast.” His arms come around me, and the tiny pumpkin falls against my chest.

For some inexplicable reason, my heart rate kicks up. “I think I’d prefer to stay here and starve.”

The chain touches my throat. “Unfiltered Marcella is my favorite thing. Have you been internally this hateful for the past two months?”

“Ye—” His fingers fiddle with the clasp, tickling cold metal against me.

I jerk forward, choke myself for a second, then watch the tiny pumpkin charm fly across the room.

Straight into the koi pond.

My mouth drops open.

“Are you all right?” he who shall not be named asks me.

My shoulders bunch as I ease around, find the loose chain dangling from his fingers. “I’m so sorry,” I exhale. “I…I didn’t mean to do that.” I fight down a swallow. “H-how much did that cost?”

His eyes widen before an unnerving smile curls his lips. “Only a couple hundred. Don’t worry about it.”

“A couple hundred ,” I choke. “Do you know how many Publix cakes you could get with that? Several small ones. And like two big ones .”

“That sounds like tomorrow’s gift idea.”

“Don’t you dare get me a gift every day.” I throw a finger toward the koi pond. “ Clearly , I am a hazard , and I cannot be trusted around nice things .”

His hand lifts and lands atop my head. My eyes twitches as he pats. If I weren’t in shock, the weight of his gentle pat-patting would make me violent. “Don’t worry about it, pumpkin. I got it off Etsy. Small seller. They were more than happy to rush order it and let one of my employees pick it up to fly here on a private jet. I’ll just request another one and have it replaced by the weekend.”

“No. I do not need it that badly. At all, actually.”

“You’re being a bad gold digger again.”

“I’m being an exemplary girlfriend. You should be honored.” What am I saying?

He chuckles. “I am.” Lifting a finger, he touches his neck. “Per chance are you sensitive around here?”

“Maybe,” I snap. Maybe I’m sensitive around everywhere . And maybe that’s why my parents tell me I used to hit kids for touching me when I was growing up.

“Can’t stand tight shirts or turtlenecks?” he prompts.

“Turtlenecks are knitted in hell, by the devil. Change my mind.”

“Can’t. I agree.”

“You’re going to be late for your breakfast. I’m staying here to sort through emails and wallow in self-loathing.”

He bites his lip. “An excellent pastime. I look forward to a report on how it went when I return, with some takeout for you. Are pancakes okay?”

My eyes roll. “Yeah, sure.”

He meanders to the door, sets his hand on the knob, and glances at me over his shoulder. “Also. Don’t go swimming while I’m gone. I can and will just order another one. So please don’t worry about it. I mean it.”

I throw him the finger, wait for the door to close behind him, then take off my stupid blazer.