Chapter Four

TAHEY ONLY HAD HERheart broken once. It was when she had learned the truth about Thomas, and the world she knew had instantly become revoltingly evil. Even now, the wound of her father"s betrayal still hurt, and she had come to accept that it would always do so. What Thomas had done was unforgivable, and if she compared it to what Dmitry had done...

Her father was still the bigger asshole hands down, Tahey thought numbly, so why, dammit...why was she hurting like this? Why did the pain seem just as bad, so damn bad she found herself struggling just as hard not to give in to tears?

The billionaire owed her nothing. He had not made her any promises. He hadn"t even done anything that could be categorized as remotely evil. He had simply let her know that he already had someone in her life...and rubbed salt in her wound while he was at it. Douchebag move, definitely, but it still wasn"t evil.

Was it because she wasn"t just infatuated with him?

Could she be hurting this much because she was in lo—-

"No!"

Tahey was so horrified at the direction of her thoughts that she actually found herself shooting up to a sitting position in her bed, heart banging against her chest at an alarming rate.

She was not that.

Right?

To be that would be the height of insanity and idiocy, and surely even she had her limits when it came to being an idiot...right?

She fell back on her bed and stared at her ceiling.

Could she be that?

Could she?

Tahey asked herself this over and over until she fell asleep in a state of exhaustion. A part of her had drowsily hoped that she would have her answer when she woke up, but when her alarm clock went off, she opened her eyes and realized two things.

She still didn"t know if she was that.

And secondly...

REGRET had never been a part of Dmitry"s vocabulary. Instead of dwelling pointlessly on past mistakes, he would rather perceive them as a learning tool and act accordingly. Change what he should change, eliminate what no longer worked, and this he never hesitated to do, in both his work and personal life.

In the case of his secretary, however...

He tried to convince himself that it was not regret he was feeling even as he unceremoniously sent Rita packing...for good. But when he was alone in his bedroom and unable to make himself forget the look of dazed hurt on his secretary"s face...

Fuck!

Cold showers and prolonged hours at the gym were usually enough to clear his mind for sleep, but this time none of it worked. Instead, he felt himself seething and on edge to the point of violence, and since he knew that agitation was a close kin of regret...

Damn her!

Why the fuck couldn"t he make himself stop thinking about Tahey? He could have any woman in the world. Any woman, dammit. And yet it just had to be her that he found himself obsessing over. The one girl in this world that he had every right to despise.

In his desperation to exorcise his thoughts of her, he found himself grappling with the zipper of his pants with unusual clumsiness. He would jack off like he usually did, maybe keep doing it until he was completely spent and the thought of her would disgust him—-

But this time...

Dmitry stared at his semi-flaccid dick in disbelief.

What the fuck?

It was almost as if both his mind and body were rebelling against him, almost as if they had taken away his right to imagine himself fucking his secretary.

But that was fucking crazy.

Wasn"t it?

He tried to get his dick up with furious strokes, but it remained unresponsive.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He knew this had to be purely psychological, but no fucking way was he going to consult a shrink about this. If he wanted his cock back, he first had to make things right with...

Tahey.

It was Monday again, and as soon as the reception doors slid open, Dmitry was stunned to see his secretary already inside his office, standing in her usual spot, and still waiting for him with a cup of coffee.

He hadn"t really been certain he would see her again, and a conflicting mix of emotions had kept him from making the necessary inquiries to find out if she had turned in her resignation. Pride had something to do with it, but there were other messed-up factors. There was his sense of self-preservation, for one thing. If he had allowed himself to ask about her, then he might as well acknowledge she had become important to him.

And she couldn"t be.

Just fucking couldn"t, even if she hadn"t done anything wrong.

Tahey wasn"t surprised when she started trembling the moment she saw her boss stride past the reception doors, and she found herself trembling even harder when his steps stilled into a halt as his golden eyes clashed with hers.

He looked chillingly beautiful as always, austere and elegant in his dark suit, and though he wasn"t clean shaven for a change and now sported a day-old stubble that added a roguish edge to his looks...

Tahey"s heart sped up.

Something"s different about him.

But there was no time to ponder what exactly this was, with her boss now inside his office and standing right in front of her.

Dmitry"s jaw clenched as he took in her appearance. Still curvy, pretty, and fuckable, but even though there was nothing physically different, he could somehow feel how so much frailer she was. So much more breakable, and of course he knew why that was so.

Tahey tried her best not to fidget under Dmitry"s brooding gaze. He usually couldn"t bear the sight of her, usually acted like having his eyes rest on her for more than a few seconds were enough to give him visual ulcers. It was an unexpected change, and it worried her. What if this meant he had come up with more ways to hurt her over the weekend?

The thought made her feel sick, and it had her gulping several times before she could make her voice work. "G-Good morning, Mr. Adrianov."

She waited for him to sail past her after this, like he always did, but instead...

The billionaire gave her a curt nod, and she almost had a heart attack in her shock. Did he just...actually...acknowledge her existence?

"Good morning."

Tahey felt close to fainting now, and she could only dazedly follow behind her boss. He had actually said "good morning" back. She had obviously made a mistake earlier. It wasn"t that something had changed. Rather, something was clearly and patently wrong with her boss, for him to be so...nice.

Dmitry took his seat and reached for today"s set of financial statements just as Tahey placed his cup of coffee on the side of his desk. His hand accidentally bumped into hers, and a drop of coffee spilled over her hand. He cursed in his mind at this, expecting her to cry out in pain at any moment...but she never did.

His gaze sharply swung up towards her, and while an expression of pain briefly crossed her face, having a drop of hot liquid burn her skin didn"t seem to shock her. It was almost as if she was used to this...

Comprehension struck, and Dmitry"s teeth gnashed.

Fuck.

This probably did happen once in a while in the past, but she had probably kept her pain to herself, not wanting to further draw his ire.

After carefully positioning her boss"s cup on the desk, Tahey was about to step back when she saw the billionaire take out a pack of wet tissues from one of his drawers. She heard a tearing sound after, and the next thing she knew Dmitry"s long fingers had already curled around her wrist...

A gasp escaped her, and Tahey could only blink in confusion as her boss pressed the cold sheet on the bright red spot on her skin.

"It should take the sting out in a bit," Dmitry said roughly.

Tahey finally realized what had changed about her boss, and it made her feel quite ill.

Dmitry was caught off guard when Tahey suddenly yanked her hand out of his hold. He was about to ask her what the fuck was wrong when he saw the glisten of tears in her big, dark eyes. Fuck.

"I don"t need your pity, Mr. Adrianov," Tahey managed to say in a steady voice. "You"ve made your point last night, and in my defense, I only...I was...I mean, I didn"t know you already had a girlfriend—-"

"She was my mistress," Dmitry heard himself say.

Tahey"s eyes widened. Mistress? That woman was his mistress? Like a woman paid to warm a man"s bed? But...wait...did he just say—-

"Was," she blurted out, "as in past tense?"

He nodded curtly.

Oh no.

She swallowed hard.

Oh no.

She had promised herself this morning that she would continue working for Dmitry to prove to herself that she could do so, and that she was able to do so because she wasn"t...that.

But after what Dmitry said—-

Oh no.

"I wish you hadn"t said that," she whispered.

"Then just pretend you never heard them," he couldn"t help snapping.

"But I can"t—-"

"The fuck you—-"

"Because now it"s made me realize I"ve been lying to myself."

Dmitry"s gaze narrowed.

Tahey breathed deep. "Mr. Adrianov..."

Shit. Something about the tone of her voice immediately made him feel wary and cornered, and he actually found himself taking a step back from his secretary. "Don"t say another word—-"

"I"m in love with you."

"Fuck."

For some reason, rather than feeling hurt, Tahey actually found herself biting back a smile. It was probably because of the way her boss looked right now. He actually looked seriously ill, almost as if those five words had given him indigestion. Not a fairytale reaction obviously, but it was still a lot better than having Dmitry still acting like she was invisible.

"Fuck."

Oh no. Two F-bombs were never ever good, and so Tahey hurriedly jumped into speech. "Please be assured that I will never let my feelings get in the way of work, Mr. Adrianov. And I would totally understand if you ever end up falling for another girl. I mean, yes, it"s probably going to hurt like crazy, but it"s not like I can force you to ever like me back. And you"ve never ever made me any promises - not that I"m expecting you to - but what I"m saying is that you liking another girl isn"t like you"re cheating on me or something, and..." Shit. She forced herself to stop, realizing too late that she had ended up rambling in her nervousness.

And Dmitry...

The billionaire still looked rather sick, but at least he didn"t seem ready to throw her out of the window like he usually did. So that was a good thing...right?