Chapter Fourteen

HE LEFT ME. The words seemed to take a life of its own, traitorously slipping under the cracks until they were able to imprint themselves on my mind. And after that, there was no escaping them.

He left me.

My hands shook. I didn"t have much on my desk, just my phone, a couple of pens and notebooks, but God, my hands were shaking so bad that it seemed to take forever to get everything in my bag.

He left me.

The words nearly had me gasping out loud, and I quickly dragged deep gulps of oxygen back into my lungs. I can"t cry. I glared down at my empty desk. One. Two. Three. I kept counting.

Just kept counting until I realized it was pointless.

Because it was over.

He left me.

I was already crying.

Tears so big and ugly that they made such embarrassing noise as they splashed against the blank surface of my desk. So much noise that in the corner of my eye, I saw the security guy awkwardly avert his gaze from me, as if finding the sight of me too miserable to bear.

Can"t say I blame him.

I was pathetic.

Should"ve known better than to trust someone who had hurt me over and over again without explaining why.

Should"ve known better than to love a man like Dmitry Adrianov.

But because I didn"t know better—-

He left me.

I clumsily brushed the tears away with the back of my hand and turned to the security guy. "My things..." God. Just thinking about what I had to say already made me feel so damn small. "I have t-things in the apartment..." The security guy didn"t seem to have a clue, and so I was forced to spell it out. "Mr. Adrianov..."

I saw him wince the moment he realized who I was talking about, and the poor guy could barely look at me now. Understandable. With those words, I might as well have carved the truth on my face.

Impoverished and impressionable secretary falls for billionaire boss, thinking if he took her to bed, it meant he loved her.

But she knew better now.

Iknew better now.

And God, I just wanted to get this over with. Just be done with the whole thing so I could finally remember how it was not to cry again.

Because the tears?

They hadn"t stopped falling.

Just kept falling like they had always been falling, only I never saw them, never felt them until my whole world came crashing.

"I"m sorry, miss." The security guy sounded so miserable it was obvious he was wishing himself a million miles away. "I wasn"t given any information about that. All I was told was I had to get rid—-" He stopped right away, but of course it was too late. Even so, his gaze darted towards me, as if hoping I had become deaf in the past ten seconds.

But I hadn"t.

I had heard him loud and clear.

And I could never unhear it, no matter how hard we both wished I could.

"I"m sorry, miss." Poor man. He hadn"t asked for any of this. He had come to work, thinking he was paid to do security, and yet all of a sudden, he had been thrust into the unwanted position of breaking my heart.

I forced myself to smile. "It"s fine. I"m sure someone will contact me about it."

The man nodded eagerly. "Yes, I"m sure."

"Then I guess that"s it." I took a step forward, and the man practically tripped on his own feet in his haste to get to the door. I"m sure he didn"t mean anything by it. He just wanted to be done with this out-of-his-job-description-task.

But God.

Seeing him in such a hurry to make me leave—-

What was it with this day that everyone wanted to get rid of me?

Was it really bad, having someone like me around?

I wished I had the answers. But all I had was pain.

He left me.

The words played endlessly in my mind as I stepped inside the elevator.

He left me.

I thanked the security guy - J. Felipe, I finally remembered to check his name badge - for his assistance when we made it to the lobby.

He left me.

I walked ever so slowly. Almost as if I was giving someone every chance to hold me back. To tell me he had made the biggest mistake in his life. But nothing happened.

He left me.

I just kept walking. Didn"t even think I had a place in mind to go to until I realized I had already reached the only place that would welcome me, no questions asked.

Keagan answered the door on the third ring of the doorbell, took one look at my face, and her own face crumpled as well.

She knew I was in love with Dmitry.

It was the only thing I felt safe and proper for her to know. And now—-

The fact that I didn"t even have to say a word, and Keagan...

"Oh, Tahey." Keagan pulled me inside. "He left you?"

Oh God.

Hearing those very words from someone else—-

It was just too much.

And my knees gave out without warning.

"I d-don"t even know w-why."

I crashed down.

"He just l-left me."

Weeping.

"Even k-knowing w-what it would do to me."

Broken.

"He still...left...m-me."

A NEW DAY BEGAN. ANDanother. And another. Keagan fussed over me without asking a single question. It was why she was good at her job, and why people like Dmitry those who built Strakh Inc. preferred working with her.

And the words—-

He left me.

They were still there. No longer as vicious, but more a dull throbbing pain, like an old injury you"d just have to learn to live with for the rest of your life.

He left me.

I obsessed over them even though I knew it was wrong. Tried to make sense of the unexplainable. Tried to find the smallest clue - God, any clue would do at this point - just so I could understand why.

Why?

Why?

Why?

I just needed to know. So I could move on. And I was desperate. So desperate that I swallowed my pride and tried to call him...only to find out that Dmitry had already blocked my number.

When Keagan learned what he had done, she had erupted like a volcano and told me in no certain terms that I"d be a fool if I continued to love an asshole like him. And of course, she was right. But...

I just had to know why.

Why?

Why?

Why?

So I swallowed my pride again. Called Sasha this time, but this turned out to be a mistake.

I"m sorry, Ms. Baskerville. I"m so goddamn sorry. If I had known he"d hurt you this way, I would never have encouraged your feelings for him.

Then tell me why, I begged him.

But on this, Sasha remained tight-lipped. I"m sorry. It"s all I can say. It"s all I have the right to say. I"m sorry, and I hope for your sake that you"ll eventually be able to forget him and move on.

His words, God...his words made it so clear that he had never been in love.

Because if he had ever been in love, he would know.

I would never be able to forget Dmitry.

I could learn to stop loving him. I could learn to start hating him.

But to forget him?

Never.

Because that was just how love was, when it was at its most precious.

And it was this very love as well that made me unable to refuse a call when Keagan told me the next day that Thomas was on the phone, wanting to talk to me.

"Dad—-"

I didn"t get a word in edgewise after this.

"Oh thank God."

Thomas started weeping then, and I couldn"t help remembering the last time I heard him cry like this. It was when my mom died, and the memory made me forget my own pain.

"Daddy." It had been years since I last called him this. "What"s wrong?"

"He told me he killed you," Thomas said hoarsely. "I didn"t want to believe him, but the things he knew about you..." A choked sound escaped him.

"Who told you—-"

"Dmitry. Dmitry Adrianov."

And I felt my world start to crumble.

Again.

If this continued, Dmitry would soon overtake my dad"s record, and he"d win first place for the number of times he made my life hell.

"H-How do you know him?"

Thomas let out a hollow laugh. "Shouldn"t I be the one asking you that?"

"Just tell me." My voice shook. "Please."

"His sister," Thomas said tiredly.

"Paige?"

"That"s her real name, but the men I do business with...they listed her name as something else. Told me she used to be the woman of some arms dealer but was let loose when she double-crossed her lover."

"And of course," I said dully, "you didn"t bother to check if their story was true." He never did. It was why Thomas kept insisting he hadn"t done anything wrong. He had paid in good faith. Purchased lives of people who had hurt other people.

And yet...

His journals said otherwise. In them, his own truth came out to damn him. He had written frequently of how some of the subjects passed on to his "care" didn"t seem to match the profiles he was provided. But in the end, he had chosen to be blind, deaf, and dumb to all the clues around him. And because of that—-

"I"m just glad you"re alive," Thomas said.

But I"m not.

"When he told me he had avenged his sister"s death by killing you—-"

He had.

"I was terrified. I didn"t know...I don"t know what I"d do—-"

He might not, but I did.

Because now...everything was suddenly clear.

Painfully, devastatingly clear.

"I love you, Dad."

I heard Thomas inhale sharply from the other end of the line.

"I tried to stop loving you after finding out what you"ve done, but I couldn"t. And now I realize...I don"t want to."

Thomas started to weep.

"But Daddy...I need you to do something for me."

"Anything—-"

"If you really love me, and you want us to be a family again—-"

And now, I was weeping, too.

"I need you to do one thing."

"Anything, baby girl."

"The last day of your trial"s coming up soon—-" Oh God. Tears rushed down my cheeks, and I could barely hear myself over my sobs. "—-and I want you to tell the court you"re guilty."

Thomas" furious breath hissed down the line, and the sound ripped my heart open.

"Are you fucking serious—-"

"I just want you to be the Daddy I grew up with," I whispered.

"And you can"t have that if I"m not behind bars?" Thomas demanded.

"No," I sobbed out. "I can"t."

"I can"t fucking believe this—-"

"I love you, and I know Mom still loves you. I want you..." My voice broke. "I want you to be with Mom and me in Heaven. So please, Daddy—-"

"It"s too late," Thomas bit out.

"It"s never too late," I said fiercely. "And I don"t care what others think or say. It"s never too late, so please. Please." My fingers tightened around the old-fashioned handset of Keagan"s telephone. "Please, Daddy. Do it for me. For Mom. For yourself. I want you b-back in my life—-" Another sob crawled out of my throat. "I love you, Daddy, so please—-"

"It"s too fucking late," Thomas gritted out, "and it"s time you accepted that."

The phone went dead.

God.

Oh God.

What was it with these men I loved...that they were just so good at killing me over and over again?