Chapter 13

He had to admit that it was a pleasure watching her work. She seemed to know exactly where to turn in the cavernous kitchen. She removed the cutting board and the necessary items to make a roast beef sandwich.

"I am more of a beer person, but I can almost bet there is not one bottle or can anywhere to be found in this place."

"How about some juice?" She asked casually, nodding at the cock on the wall. "It's late."

"And here you are making sandwiches."

Leaning back in the chair, he stared at her. "You are very good at that."

"Slicing vegetables? It's not complicated."

"You handle the knife very well."

"Still not complicated." Fetching the bread from the tin, she started stacking. "Who was she?"

The glass of water was arrested halfway to his mouth. "Er- umm- Someone I know."

"Clearly. Who was she to you?"

"Sheer- "Damn, he hated being backed into a corner, but the look on her exquisite face was making him feel as guilty as a hooker caught at the altar. He had hurt her, and he felt like the lowest scum on the face of the earth. "We were involved."

"I see." She finished the sandwich and turned towards the fridge without looking at him.

"Olives?"

"What?"

"I like olives on my sandwich. Not sure what you prefer?"

"Yeah, olives are fine." He gulped the water. "It was a long time ago."

"Okay." She handed him the plate with the well-stacked sandwich.

He watched as she sat across from him and started to cut into her sandwich neat squares before picking up a piece and biting into it.

"You are not hungry?"

"I don't know what you are thinking.' He admitted. "I was an ass."

"You were." She agreed, dark brown eyes twinkling. "I am guessing it's something you cannot help."

His dark brows lifted. "Is that right?"

She nodded. "How long did she last?"

Picking up his sandwich, he took a big bite. "It's good." He mumbled.

"It's just a sandwich."

"Still good." He swallowed the bite and took a drink of his water. "Two months. In answer to your question, we lasted two months."

"Did it mean anything to you? Was it a relationship?" Her steady gaze was making him uncomfortable.

"It wasn't a relationship."

"Because you never did in the past."

"That's right." He eyed her, wondering what game she was playing or if she was being honest.

"And now?" she asked him steadily.

"I had no idea we came here for more than just eating."

"I was going to wait until we get back upstairs, but we are just conversing."

"Okay." Pushing away the plate, he propped his elbows on the shiny counter. "You and this Michael person. Silas told me he was a childhood friend. Friend or sweetheart?"

Her tapered brows lifted as she continued to eat her sandwich.

"You already know that you are the only man for me."

"It does not mean you did not have a guy. Was it him?" "Yes."

Her answer floored him; for the second time today, he felt jealousy churning in his gut.

"Really?"

"Yes. We grew up together and did everything together until he moved out of the neighborhood."

"You didn't keep in touch?"

"No. We had separate lives."

"Did you learn everything about kissing from him? If that was the case, he was a lousy teacher." The minute the words were out of his mouth, he felt like an ass and a jealous one at that. Pushing away the half-eaten sandwich, he pushed away from the counter. "I am going to bed."

Kendra watched him leave the room, a thoughtful expression on her face. Refusing to react, she serenely finished her sandwich.

*****

He spent the time pacing the length of his room. Who the hell did she think she was? He thought angrily, questioning him like a damn criminal. He might make love to her every chance he got and was unable to keep his hands off her, but that did not give her the right. She did not own him.

The six-year-old boy inside him reared up. She was going to leave; as soon as he opened up to her and allowed himself to start caring or show that he cared, she would leave him. Dragging his fingers through his hair, he sat on the edge of the bed.

He had behaved like a jealous fool downstairs, and it needed to stop. He did not care if she went back to him or if she allowed him to touch her- if he touched her, if he tried to kiss her- closed his eyes, flopped back down on the bed, and closed his eyes wearily.

These internal battles were making him exhausted.

He stiffened when footsteps sounded inside the bedroom. He had been so caught up in his thoughts that he had not heard her come in.

He did not move, not even when the bed was depressed, indicating that she was sitting next to him. "I am in love with you." The quiet voice and the declaration had him going rigid. "I want this marriage to work, Harvey.

I know you have difficulty displaying your feelings, and I am not asking you to bring me flowers or even that you remember my birthday and our wedding anniversary, but I am asking to be given a chance. And I will patiently wait until you realize you love me too."

"You don't know what the hell you are saying." He whispered hoarsely, not daring to accept what she was offering. "I am not cut out for marriage or anything else that comes with it."

"That might be the case- "She touched his muscular thigh and smiled when he jumped reflexively. "But I am willing to learn and to teach you. We could learn together."

Clamping a hand over hers to push her off, he started to move it off his thigh, but he closed his fingers over hers and held it there.

Turning his head, he stared at her. She was unshakable and robust. He had thrown some pretty heavy stuff at her, and she had not broken under the weight. He had never met anyone like her before, except perhaps the woman who had folded him into her arms and whispered that she would make things right for him.

He had thrown things at her, too, and she had kept coming back, telling him that she loved him and that he deserved to be loved.

Tugging hard, he pulled her next to him, his body twisting so that he was facing her. She met his silver eyes squarely, her expression showing all the love she had in her heart for him.

"Do you know what you are getting yourself into?" he asked her roughly.

"I have a pretty good idea."

"I am going to hurt you."

"I suspect as much." She nodded.

"I certainly will not remember your birthday and the day of that farce of a marriage."

"It's a real marriage now." She declared solemnly, causing the smile to tug at his lips.

"I think you are right."

"I am."

"I never allow anyone to run my life."

"Until now." Her impish smile warmed his heart, and he felt the emotions overwhelming him again.

"Not ever."

"If you say so."

"Brat." He hauled her on top of him, hands coming up to frame her face.

"I can't say it," he whispered. "Not yet."

"I don't care."

"You will," he predicted. "And you will nag me about not returning your feelings."

"You are wrong." She told him tenderly. "Because I already know how you feel about me."

Bringing her head down, he seized her lips in a kiss that melted her against him.

*****

"Where are you going?" He asked lazily when she stirred in his arms the following day.

"I have church."

"Stay home." Rolling her onto her back, he covered her naked body with his. He had made love to her last night, keeping her up. Her declaration of love had done something to his heart, and there was no going back.

"I can't."

"You can." Bending his head, he brushed his lips against hers, sending tingles all over her body.

"Come with me."

"What?" Lifting his head, he stared at her. "I am not religious, and I am sure you know that."

"I do." Cupping his face between her hands, she gave him a pleading look. "I am asking you to come with me. Silas is a wonderful leader, and his sermons are profound and honest. I am part of the choir and the children's Sunday church, and I enjoy being there and helping. I want my husband to be part of that as well."

Twisting out of her hands, he rolled off her. "You do know how to kill the mood."

"We could go for a drive when we get back," Shoving off the bed, she reached for her robe.

"Go to dinner- "

"Like a normal couple?" He asked cynically.

"There is nothing normal about us," she said with a laugh as she tied the sash around her narrow waist.

"Was that your intention?" he asked her coldly. "Make your declaration of love to soften me up so that you can parade me in front of the people there?"

Kendra felt her heart sinking slowly. Whenever she thought she had made some headway, something else made her realize she was kidding herself.

"I made that declaration because I am in love with you. I extend the invitation for you to accompany me because I would like my husband to be involved in areas of my life. I would like you to see where I go and what I do.

I would like to stand with the choir and see you in the pew. It's not about showing you off like a piece of property. I want to spend time with you, Harvey, and it's that simple."

"I have things to do." Snatching up his robe, he shrugged into it.

"Like what?"

His eyebrows lifted, and a cynical smile touched his lips. "Look at you behaving like a proper wife. I might have feelings for you, but I don't answer. Am I clear?"

"Why are you doing this?"

She was doing it again, he thought, feeling the helpless feeling taking over. Instead of getting angry as she should have been, she was exercising patience, and he couldn't stand it.

"I am doing this to show you who I am. Remember what I told you last night? I will hurt you, Kendra. It's not a matter of if; it's a matter of when. I am not good at this. I want you for some reason and cannot seem to be able to stay away from you.

But I am determined to have control of my life and will not allow it to be taken away from me. I am not religious, and I don't believe in your God. My brother and parents tried getting me to attend services, and it worked, but I will not have another family member try that trick. Is that clear?"

"Crystal," she mustered a smile as she turned to go to the bathroom. I will see you when I return if you are back by then."

He watched in frustration as she went in and closed the door behind her. Shoving his hands into his robe pockets, he wandered to the window and stared at the gloomy morning.

He knew he was in love with her, and he could not deny it any longer; he just did not know how to tell her. He also knew that he had hurt her, and he could not seem to help himself. He was so determined to show that she did not control her that he was making it difficult for her and trying to push her away.

Only he didn't want her to leave. He sucked in a breath as he thought about her leaving. In a few short weeks, she had started to mean so much to him that not being with her felt like it would tear him to pieces. He couldn't bear it.

She was patient with him, but for how much longer? His parents had spent years trying to make him see that it was not just a show. They were not saying they loved him just because—they showed him as well, and he finally and slowly realized that what they were saying was the truth.

Striding to his closet, he picked out something to wear and took it to the bathroom next door to prepare for the day.

*****

"Kendra, are you coming home with us?" Julia asked as they walked from the chapel to the parking lot. They had all stayed behind to help with refreshments for the children, and now it was almost four in the afternoon.

When she came out of the bathroom, it was seen that her husband had left, and he had not gotten one phone call from him all day. She was hurting so much that she could barely stand it.

She had smiled, performed in the choir, and taught the children at children's church, but the thought of returning to the manor and sitting with his family when he was not there was killing her. She couldn't bear the sympathetic looks she would get from them.

"I promised some of the ladies I would stay behind and help organize the soup kitchen." She told them with a smile. "I will grab something here."

"Are you sure?" Julia stared at her thoughtfully, and Kendra felt the woman knew what was happening.

"I am sure." Hugging her, she stepped back with a wave before returning to the chapel.

"I could kill him." Julia slid in when her husband opened the door for her.

"I could just wrap my hands around his neck and strangle him."

"I suppose we are talking about our wayward son." Gregory slipped into the driver's seat and pushed the button.

"Who else?" Jerking the seatbelt angrily, she snapped it shut. "He is shutting her out. I saw the tears in her eyes when she came downstairs, and that idiot son of ours stormed out of the house as if the devil himself was after him. I can only imagine she invited him to services, and he started giving her some nonsense about not believing in God."

"You cannot belittle his beliefs, darling." Her husband told her gently.

"What beliefs?" Throwing her hands up in the air, she turned to look at her husband. "What does he think? Yes, he was abandoned by those two teenagers who had no business having children, but we rescued him, and yes – Oh God, He was abused at that home.

If that damn woman were still alive, I would make it my endeavor to make her life a living hell for what she did to my baby! But she had to do me the disservice of dying of a heart attack." Taking a deep breath, she ran out of steam. "She ruined him. And now that wonderful woman loves him, he is driving her away."

Reaching a hand to cover hers, he squeezed gently. "You don't know that."

"I want to shake him until his teeth rattle. And it does not matter that he is six foot three inches and has muscles of steel- "

Gregory hid a smile as she dragged her phone out of her purse.

"Darling, that's not a good idea." He warned, knowing precisely what she was about to do.

"Let them work it out. "Shaking his head, he watched as she punched the number and put the phone on speaker.

"Mother? I am in the middle- "

"I don't care what on earth you are doing. Your wife needs Harvey Blackwood, and I love you very much, but I am very disappointed in your behavior."

"She needs me. Is she hurt?"

"Of course, she is hurt, you foolish boy. She is hurting inside, and you are the one doing the hurting. What is wrong with you?"

"Stay out of it." He told her tightly.

"I am your mother, and I will not stand by and watch as you mess things up with that beautiful girl. Do you hear me?" Without waiting for him to respond, she plucked the off button.

"Oh, darling." Her husband said with a sigh. "I have a feeling you just made things much worse."

"It had to be said." She sniffed.

Covering her hand with his, he squeezed gently.

*****

"I wish you would talk to me," Silas said quietly as he sat at his desk, his hands pleated together on the desk.

"I am fine."

"You are not. I have been watching that wounded look on your face all day and can attribute it to one name – Harvey Blackwood."

"That's two names." She pointed out weakly.

"Kendra."

His quiet, calm voice had her shoulders sagging in defeat. "Think anyone else saw it too?"

"You did a very good job hiding your feelings."

"I wish I had fallen in love with you instead." She told him wistfully. "Things would have been so much less complicated."

"We were not meant to be," Silas said with a smile, his expression thoughtful. "And the truth is, my brother needed someone like you."

"It's hard, Silas."

"I know, and you have to ask yourself if you want my brother badly enough to fight for him. To not care what comes out of his mouth but to keep going.

My parents did just that. And I could tell you some stories of what he did to push them away. He did the same thing to me. Did I tell you how he pushed me off the swing and told me to get away from him so many times, I lost count."

"What did you do?"

"I told him I love him and that nothing he ever does will make me stop. And I continued to piss him off by following him around and barging into his room."

"I bet that must have made him mad."

"It did. But I did not care. I loved him; he was my big brother, and it did not matter that he was not my blood. Blood does not make a family; we share the bond, and Harvey and I share it.

We might annoy each other, and right now, I feel like shaking some sense into him, but I will always love him." Leaning on the desk, he gave her an earnest look. "I can see how much you love him, Kendra, and I am happy it's you."

"I invited him to service this morning after I thought we had reached a place it was allowed."

"And he bit your head off." Silas surmised.

"He accused me of trying to control him."

"What happened to him at that group home is still with him. He did therapy after our parents insisted. It helped, but to a point.

The abuse was evil, Kendra. Combined with the fact that he was abandoned and passed over many times for adoption, it did something to him. I cannot imagine what he went through. I am from a pleased home and – "

"So was I. My parents were taken from me prematurely, and I want to believe it was God's plan, but I still miss them. But I had parents, and I knew I was loved every day. They did not need to tell me; I knew. It was different for him." She ended with a sigh.

Before he could answer, her phone pinged. Pulling it out of her jacket, she felt her heart hammering as she stared at the name.

"It's him." She whispered.

"I will give you the room." Before she could protest, he left the room.

"Harvey?"

"Hey."

"Hi."

"Are we okay?"

"I don't know. Are we?"

"You said you wanted to go for a drive."

"I did." Kendra pressed a hand to her jittering stomach.

"I am outside the chapel if you still want to go."

"I do."

"I am waiting in the parking lot. Just take your time if you are in the middle of something."

"Give me a few minutes." Hanging up the phone, she closed her eyes and took a breath.

Flying out of the chair, she met Silas outside the door. "He is waiting for me."

"Then go," Silas said with a smile.