14. For Lo

FOR LO

Riley

Hudson Hart is a freaking rock star on the field and between the sheets , I think as I look up, watching my ceiling fan go around and around, still lying in the exact spot I was when he left. The wet spot, and I don't even care.

I still feel him between my legs. He's freaking huge, thick, veiny, and long. I have never felt a man's balls bounce off my ass unless I was taking him from behind, but his did. And it's completely possible that I have a bruised taint.

I'm hyper-fixating on the physical part of what just went down because the emotions he made me feel, the words he said, the way he said them, and the way I think he believes them make me wonder if they ever actually happened or if I just romanticized them as I did with Devon.

To be honest, Devon never said anything like that to me, but boy, did I want him to.

He never wanted kids with me or anyone for that matter. His life was his bar, his family was his patrons, yet still, they were kept at arms length. Me? I was a convenience. I know this because I tested that theory by leaving, and I did that more than once. It was never longer than a week that I went back until the last time.

It still hurts, but in a different way. I never in a million years thought that I would truly forgive myself for not just going back. I always thought if I had, he would have never been in that car, and Mick and I would not have had our fucking hearts shattered.

Today, I realized I was over it. I forgave myself, and I did that when Brett asked me if I would be able to live with myself if another man died because I was being, and I quote, "a delusional fucking child."

Brett? Want to fucking joke? Our first time was one of those just-the-tip moments until it wasn't. I wasn't ready for that. Yet still, I romanticized my first time, completely focusing on the words he said after.

"I can't believe you wanted it that bad. I didn't think I was ready, but you showed me otherwise." He laughed. "I love you, Rylie. It's you and me forever."

If, one day, I am lucky enough to have a little girl, I'm gonna have to figure out a way to teach her about consent and tell her boys like that will always take what they want and try to manipulate you into believing you wanted it too. How many years has it been? Eleven fucking years.

When everything went down today, I finally let him have it. I finally told him I knew exactly who he was and that he would never change. That's when he threatened to tell Hudson I was a washed-up old fucking bitch.

I laugh to myself. "He called me a fucking bitch."

I'm not sure why this is so funny right now, but I'll take that over anger. Anger gives him power over me, and fuck him, his average dick and his subpar way of using it. There's nothing powerful about men like him.

Hudson Hart is definitely a different breed.

I remember Aunt Maggie telling all of us to watch the way they treat their mothers. My face literally hurts. I'm smiling so big as I am right now as I recall every interaction I've witnessed with Hudson and his mom, not to mention his sister and sister-in-law.

I yawn and do a cat stretch as I roll to my side, then cozy up, hugging the pillow, inhaling the linen covering it to see if I can still smell him.

I can.

When my bed dips, I open my eyes and see Lauren grinning at me.

"So, how did it go?"

"Started awkwardly and ended that way, too."

"Bullshit," she says, pointing at me. "You have a hickey on your neck."

What the hell? I cup my neck. "I didn't say the time in-between was."

"So, let me guess, you were pissy when he showed up, he calmed you with his charms—and by charms, I mean penis—and then he tried to big spoon you, and you pushed him away?" she asks as she lays on what is basically her side, looking at me like it's story time.

Fine , I think, I'll cave.

"No big spoon. He asked me to go to Jersey with him and Boone to some party his sister is throwing tomorrow night."

"Why is that weird?" She pulls the covers over her and hunkers down.

"I have a job. I have to work."

"Is it just for the weekend?" she asks. "Because we have plenty of people on."

"He's leaving here at five in the morning and said they'd be back by the time the Cowboys and Philly play. Not worth it." I yawn.

"You're an idiot if you don't go. And before you start arguing, I'm going to want time to do things like that, too, and if you feel bad about leaving for a night or two, then I will. Don't do that shit to me." She pushes off the bed and heads to my closet. "Message him and tell him you're in."

"Not happening."

"Do this for me. I need you to because, Ry, I need to lose this fucking V-card one day, and I think I've found the perfect peen."

"Oh my God, who is it?"

She walks out of my closet with my overnight bag. "I'll tell you when you get back."

"That's bullshit." I scowl.

"It is what it is."

As she digs through my closet, she yells out, "Get to texting."

Grabbing my phone, I grumble, "If this goes sideways, I'm blaming you."

"Not going to lose any sleep over it since I blew off a certain someone for a year and a half because I didn't want Hart to think I was a Jersey chaser."

I sit up. "What? Who?"

"Not going there, so what does it matter? Send the damn text."

Me:

Still not ready for a relationship, but I wouldn't mind getting out of BV for a night. But I'm getting a room.

I watch as his dots jump back and forth a few times, and then …

Unknown:

Pick you up at 5:15.

I watch more dots hop around, and then nothing.

"Rylie, I'm freaking serious; I'm going to drag you there myself if you don't?—"

"Shush, it's midnight, and I have to be up at four thirty."

"You sent the text?"

Yawning again, I answer, "I did."

She rushes out of the closet. "What did he say?"

"Pick you up at 5:15."

"That's it?"

"What was he supposed to say?" And what didn't he say …

"Your phone was blowing up at lunchtime; I expected more." She shakes her head. "I'm so disappointed in him right now."

"You gotta stop. I'm trying to be chill about this, go with the flow, and not let myself freak out, wondering what I am going to do to screw this up."

She walks over and sits on my bed. "You didn't screw up with Brett. Well, giving him a second chance was kind of stupid, but whatever."

I elbow her.

"And the other, that was different on so many levels. Hart's not them. In everyday life, he's a golden retriever in an NFL player's body. On the field, he's a fucking animal. By the looks of you, and the fact I know damn well when I stand up, I'm probably going to have a wet spot on my ass—which is fucking gross, but I'll deal for you—that part of him, the animal , spills over in the bedroom."

I suppress a grin, but she sees it.

"And he also knows what he wants—you. So, even though he's disappointed me by not spiraling in a text rant, it doesn't mean he's not exactly who the F he is . And Ry?" She stops when my phone spouts the stupid ringtone I set for him.

Lo immediately catches on to the tune and busts up laughing. "Heartbreaker?"

"His last name is Hart," I state firmly so she knows I'm not admitting to shit.

I'm standing firm on this one because admitting that, yes, Hudson Hart is all that and more doesn't mean he can't only break my heart but shatter it, and right now, all the pieces still held together are behind a wall no man can harm. That's all reserved for my future children, which I will have, with or without a man.

Lo's messing with my phone until I snatch it away.

Hudson:

For years, my focus has been on learning plays, Brooksie. I spent more hours today than I care to admit writing a playbook so I had something to refer to. A plan for any possible block you came up with. And guess what? I'm not even sweating that you think that's lame.

Hudson:

I'm a "love virgin." There it is. So yeah, I'm going send texts when I'm thinking about you, which is totally gonna be so much more now that I've tasted your sweet little pussy.

Hudson:

Check this, I've never eaten pussy, and I know damn well I made you come. So don't you stress about the LV shit. I'm gonna make your heart come, too.

"Two things," Lauren states. And that's when I realize she's reading over my shoulder.

I bring the phone to my chest. "Hey!"

"Oh please," she huffs as she stands. "We have no secrets."

"Lauren …" I begin.

The little shit talks over me. "He's wrong; he's not a love virgin. We're taught to love from day one and learn all the lessons about it every day of our life. He has an amazing bond with his family and loves them." She walks out of my closet with the Louis Vuitton bag Ava gave me for graduation that I only use for things like …

" Isn't it ironic, don't you think ?" she sings.

I roll my eyes.

"You have only used this bag on the day of the draft."

"I had to play the role of bouj ," I defend.

She drops it on my bed then walks to the bathroom. "You claimed Hudson Hart that day. Admit it." She walks out with sheets. "The second thing, get the hell up; I'm not sleeping on sheets that smell like my future niece or nephew."

"My kids will not smell like spooge." She laughs as I get up, strip the bed, and then read more of Hudson's texts as Lo makes the bed.

Hudson:

I get you just got out of a relationship, so I'll try to dial it back. No promises, because I'm not gonna set myself to break ones I make to you especially.

Hudson:

Come to think of it. When we're in Jersey, I'm not holding back. You need me to be here; I'll respect that.

Hudson:

We should probably discuss when you think you'll be ready to go live in BV, though, because…

Hudson:

Probably should ask you first to be exclusive with me.

Hudson:

I'd have said girlfriend, but that sounded fucked. But it is what it is.

Hudson:

Are you good with that, or do you need a few more orgasms?

Hudson:

Warning: I'm gonna use my dick to bridge whatever distance you put between us to remind you how epic we are together.

Hudson:

You're so fucking hot. 10/10 recommend.

Hudson:

Shit, that's not what I meant because I'm gonna lose my shit when men look at you, knowing now what I know.

Hudson:

That sounds no better. You own a bar; they all look at you like they wanna eat that hot little ass. Not a fucking thing I can do about that but trust my dick, my tongue, and my actions will always be something you crave, like I do you and cookie dough.

With each of his messages, I find my smile growing, but that last one makes me giggle. Me, Riley Brooks, giggle. What the hell?

Another pops up, and I lie back and have to shield my phone so Lo stops trying to read the damn messages.

"Such bullshit," she fakes annoyance.

Hudson:

And your brownies. Truth, I stole three on my way out. Don't be pissed. They were so good, Brooksie. But everything you sprinkle your magic on tastes damn good. I bet my dick tastes fucking awesome right now.

Hudson:

I'm not saying I want you to suck my dick, or that I wanna suck my own dick, but I won't lie and say I would give it a lick to prove my theory if I were flexible enough.

Hudson:

Boy, did that go off the rail.

Hudson:

I'd love to say I'm better than this in public, but straight up, I don't know. Guess we'll see in Jersey.

Hudson:

That is if you still wanna go after all this … Fuck, what is wrong with me? Brooksie, give me a little love if you're reading these.

I know I should, but … another pops up.

Hudson:

If you're asleep and see this message first, delete the fucking text chain.

I laugh out loud, and Lo shoves off the bed and literally stomps into the bathroom.

"Oh my God, I'm sorry, but?—"

"No, nope, that's … fucking fine."

I watch his bubbles bounce and find myself on the edge of my seat, excited to see what he says next.

Hudson:

Okay, little Brooks just sent me a message saying it's rude to text you, especially since you wouldn't let her read them when she's there. So, yeah, I know you're getting these.

"You sent him a text!" I yell, laughing at her.

"Well, you won't listen to me," she says then flushes the toilet.

Hudson:

Not even going to apologize. I meant what I said, even about wishing I was more flexible.

Hudson:

And overthinking us.

Hudson:

Like I said, epic/unstoppable.

I can't help it, I let it all out and belly laugh. And yeah, I swoon a little bit, too.

"You two can suck it." Lo walks out and dives over me to her side. "And I hope you choke on your happy."

"That's so rude."

"Fine, just gag." She violently fluffs the pillow. I snatch it away and throw mine at her. "Oh my God, was his head on that one?"

"So?" I say as another text comes through.

Hudson:

Okay, last text. I can't wait for you to get as fucking stoked about us as I am. I'm gonna get to be naked and sweaty with someone who I love being around, and yeah, have adored for a long-ass time. Someone who gets me more excited than football, and Riley, that's never happened.

Hudson:

And you're fuck hot and taste better than cookie dough.

Hudson:

Your mom's hot, too.

Hudson:

In a not-creepy way. We'll discuss that face-to-face, but trust me.

Hudson:

For real, this is the last one. Goodnight, Riley. See you soon.

Unable to stop smiling, I look over at Lo.

"Have you even replied to the poor man?"

I shake my head, and then I find that one text that stood out above all the others.

Hudson:

Probably should ask you first to be exclusive with me.

I give it a … heart.

I hear Lo outside my room as I set down the blow dryer and yell, "Don't rush me. I'm trying here."

I look up when I hear her enter, but it's not her. It's Hudson.

"Morning, Brooksie."

"Morning, Hart. I just have to grab?—"

"I was off the chain last night. I don't want shit to be awkward, so you call the play for this little trip until I figure out where we stand."

"You know where you stand." I shove my dryer brush into my bag. "I hearted the comment just in case you needed clarification."

He stands up straight and nods. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He smiles as he brings his arm around, and in his hand are flowers. "I'll learn your favorite someday."

"My favorite is?—"

"You just tell me when I get it right."

I bite my lower lip to stop smiling and nod once.

"May take a while. You got that kind of time?" The way he asks shows little vulnerability, but that confidence and determination is front and center.

So hot.

"We'll discuss."

He lets out a sigh that ends in a groan as he looks me over. "You and I, Brooksie babe." He holds out his hand, and I take it. "We're going to be?—"

I say, "Epic," and he says, "Unstoppable."

And what happens next? He pulls me into a hug that is all-consuming. Then he picks me up until we're eye level.

"You my girl?"

"I will cut your dick off and feed it to Philly if you hurt me."

"My dick's not even worried 'cause that's never gonna happen." And then Hudson Hart kisses my freaking nose. It's adorable … and also hot. "I'm gonna play for Philly if you hurt me."

"You wouldn't?" I gasp.

"We'll get into the deep shit later." He does that sigh growly thing again. "Can I carry you, like everywhere?"

"What?" I laugh.

"I don't wanna put you down. I like your eyes on me, and your titties, too."

Unable to stop myself, I throw my head back and laugh.

"I am right down here, and so is Boone, you two fiends!" Lo yells up.

Hudson sets me on my feet, grabs my things and nods toward the stairs. "After you."

I shake my head. "You don't know this about me yet, but I'm an ass girl, so you first."