Chapter 35

Rory wasn’t sure what to do. Ava, Jessica, and Ingrid were sitting in the kitchen sipping tea. She moved toward one of the chairs but didn’t sit. Her stomach fluttered as she thought about revealing what had happened to her.

“When Jax found me, I probably smelled like shit and was so dirty, it took a few showers to get clean.” Jessica sipped her drink as the words floated around the room. “They’d kept me so long I didn’t know how long I’d been held. It was horrible.”

A long moment passed in silence, and then Ava spoke. “My ex used to beat me. When I first met Wild, I had bruises all over my torso. I put up with it, with him, for years. I didn’t think I deserved better.”

Ingrid sat forward and held Rory’s gaze. “My ex threatened to hurt Ethan if I didn’t give him money. I played that game for years, running from him, allowing him to dictate my life. He came after us, me. Bear is the only reason I’m alive.”

Ava stood and came over to her, taking her hands. “ Listen, these men know we’ve had pasts and know it hasn’t always been easy. Let Harry help you heal.”

Their words sounded great, but she didn’t know how to put them into action. How could she gain back her independence and security? “How?”

“It’s easier said than done, of course,” Jessica said.

“I swear Bear is the sweetest, and I bet Harry will be like that with you. He’ll understand that shit happened while you were in captivity, and he won’t hold it against you.”

A shiver ripped through Rory, and tears filled her eyes. The memory of what happened twisted through her like a corkscrew driving straight to her heart. Jessica stood and pulled her into a hug.

Jessica brushed Rory’s hair back. “Those memories fade. The therapist I used helped a lot. Really, it does get better.”

Rory shook her head. “You don’t know what he did.”

Jessica leaned back and met her gaze. “I have a good idea because I know what they did to me. They meant to degrade and break me, but Jax has shown me I’m stronger than that. What they did is on them, not me. I’m not at fault, and neither are you.”

Rory closed her eyes, but all she could see was the compound and what happened. She flashed her eyes open. “What if it never goes away? What if I can’t…you know…with another man?”

Jessica didn’t look away. “It’s hard to imagine. But with therapy and help from Harry, it will fade enough you can escape the worst of the trauma. None of us and none of the men will ever think less of you. Actually, they probably think more of you right now because of what you went through.”

Ava put her hand on Rory’s shoulder. “They go through a lot in training, but I know they agree that women who go through what you and Jessica went through are strong. They have great respect for you.”

Rory shook her head. “How can they?”

Ava squeezed her shoulder. “Because they live in a world that revolves around strength. They know that kind of shit takes strength to endure. You might feel weak right now, but you aren’t. You will make it through this week, then another, and then it will be a month, and then six months, and a year. But in all that time, you’ll start chipping away at the bad and start living through the good.”

Rory heard what they were saying. It was hard to imagine being okay with what had happened. Maybe okay was too strong of a word. She’d survived the interviews and interrogations from the Marines after being rescued, and she’d survived the humiliation of her memories from when she’d been saved, but could she walk in this pristine world and pretend like everything wasn’t burning to the ground because of her anger and shame?

“I don’t know how I’ll ever get past it all,” Rory’s voice shook with her tears.

“One day at a time,” Jessica said.

She felt the caring from the three women, and she wondered if caring would be enough. Could she actually ever feel right again? Would life ever go back to what it was before? She knew the answer to that. She was out of the Marines, no longer a member of the military. She was on the civilian side of life, and everything would be different. She would need to work, but she didn’t know when she would be okay enough to return to doing anything without breaking down in the middle of it all.

Thoughts of Harry filtered in. He was a good man. A part of her wanted to run toward him because he was so wonderful, but she didn’t want to ruin him. She hated the pain and trouble she’d been through and didn’t want that to rub off on Harry. If she walked away, he could find someone else. Maybe that would be best. She didn’t need to inflict her destruction and ruin on these people. They didn’t deserve the horror that had attached itself to her life.