Chapter 45

CHAPTER

FORTY-FIVE

“ R eady, bud?” Harry asked as he looked down at OJ, who’d pulled open the door at Uncle Otis’s house.

“Ready!” OJ reached over and grabbed his black cowboy hat from the table and smashed it on his head. “I’m leaving, Momma!” And with that, he jumped outside and continued down the steps.

Harry stood there watching him and then turned back to the house, as Georgia hadn’t confirmed that she’d even heard OJ yell.

“Come on, Harry,” OJ called from the sidewalk.

Harry grinned at the exuberant ten-year-old. “Are you sure you can just leave like that?” he asked. “You didn’t even close the door.” He stepped back up into the house just as Georgia appeared at the end of the hall.

“Oh, there you are, Harry,” she said.

“Yeah, I’m taking him,” Harry said .

“All right.” She smiled and continued to wipe her hands on a towel as he pulled the front door closed and moved to follow OJ.

Harry didn’t have to help OJ get in the passenger seat of his truck because Uncle Otis drove just as big of one as he did.

“Who are you going to ride today?” OJ asked as Harry started the truck and backed out of the driveway.

“I usually ride Senora,” OJ said. “Who are you going to ride?”

“Oh, whoever Bryce tells me,” Harry said nonchalantly.

“Can you believe he got those two new dogs?” OJ asked, perched on the edge of the seat now, his eyes wide. “I mean, I guess they’re Codi’s, but still.”

OJ loved animals, and Harry chuckled. “I didn’t know they got new dogs,” he drawled.

Bryce had played in every show on Harry’s tour. And Harry could admit that on this first night with Belle gone, he didn’t want to sleep in his own house. Maybe it was childish, maybe immature. Or maybe he was just really in love with her. Either way, he’d asked Bryce and Codi if he could stay at their house, and they’d said yes. This afternoon horseback riding before the sleepover was simply the icing on the cake.

“One’s a bulldog,” OJ said, and he kept chattering about everything he knew about the breed. Harry simply let him talk because then he didn’t have to. And before he knew it, they pulled onto the Rising Sun Ranch in Dog Valley, about a half-hour north of Coral Canyon.

OJ unbuckled and jumped down from the truck. He went left out onto the farm instead of right and toward the house. Harry felt extraordinarily slow and old compared to the boy, but he followed, his cowboy boots crunching over the immaculate dirt on Bryce’s ranch.

He loved his cousin with his whole heart, because Bryce had done some very difficult things in his life. He’d come back from some terrible mistakes, and he’d run toward what he wanted instead of running away from what he didn’t.

He’d given up his country music career to buy this ranch with his best friend and move back to Wyoming. Harry had been looking up to his cousin for a great many years now, and he didn’t see himself stopping anytime soon.

He saw Codi first, leading Dragon out of the stable. OJ circled around them the way sharks did fresh meat, but Codi simply laughed and chatted with him. She was so good and so kind, and Harry couldn’t wait to meet their baby—a boy, they’d put on the family text string last night.

She glanced down the road toward him, threw the rope over the tethering post, and raised her hand. Harry waved back and called, “Howdy.”

“Who do you want to ride today?” she called.

“Whoever needs to work,” he said as he approached.

She scanned him from boots to hat and said, “Harry, I think you’ve gotten taller.” She tipped up onto her toes and hugged him. “I’m gonna get you one of our new browns. He’s real big, and he needs to be ridden by a big man.”

“Bryce is big,” Harry said as he pulled back. “And I’m not entirely sure you’re not making a fat joke.”

She laughed and shook her head, her white hair covered by a brown cowboy hat. “Foxtrot is new, but I think you can handle him.”

“I’m a soft cowboy,” Harry called after her as she headed back to the stable. “I play a guitar for a living, Codi. I don’t wrangle horses.”

She just waved over her shoulder and kept going.

Bryce came out a couple of seconds later, a white horse with paint-flecked spots all over it following him.

“You’ve got a lot of new horses here,” Harry said. He hadn’t been out to the ranch during the tour, but in the months since it had concluded, he came out plenty.

“Yeah, we got six or seven new ones,” Bryce said. “A farm over in West Yellowstone was closing down. Kassie and Reggie went to check it out.” He threw the rope over the tethering post and then drew Harry into a hug. “How’re you doing?”

“Just fine,” Harry said.

“Belle left today, didn’t she?”

“Yep.” Harry wasn’t sure why it felt like someone was carving out his heart one teaspoon at a time, but it did.

“How long is she going to be gone?” Bryce asked.

“All week,” Harry said. “Adam and I fly out on Saturday to meet her in Nashville.”

“Meet-and-greet’s on Tuesday?” Bryce asked.

“Meet-and-greet’s on Tuesday.” Harry gave him a glare, because he obviously knew all of this already.

Bryce chuckled. “Lord, he’s real salty today already. Bless us to have a good time.”

“Bless us to have a good time!” OJ yelled. Bryce laughed and swooped over to him. While the boy was growing up tall, he sure was skinny, so Bryce could still lift him up easily, which he did.

OJ laughed and held on to his biological daddy’s shoulders. Harry marveled at their relationship, and he just knew Bryce would be the best daddy in the world to his own baby.

Belle had texted a couple of hours ago, saying she’d landed safely in Oklahoma City. Harry wanted to text her or call her right now. He even pulled out his phone to do it. Then he shoved it away as Codi came out with his horse, and he went to saddle the dark brown beast and focus on his time with his family.

Maybe they could drive the beautiful Belle from his mind. Maybe he wouldn’t feel like he was missing her too much if he kept busy. Maybe he wouldn’t wonder what she needed to know before she could tell him that she loved him if he didn’t sit idle for too long.

“Kassie and Reggie are going to meet us in a few minutes,” Codi said. “She texted saying they’re on their way.”

“We better get these guys saddled then,” Bryce said. He put OJ down and swooped over to Codi. He kissed her and said, “Thanks for getting the horses out, baby.” He put one hand on her belly, which bumped out plenty, as she only had a few months to go before she would deliver their baby. “Can’t wait to meet you too, baby.” Bryce grinned and then headed back into the stable to get the tack.

“I’ll help him,” Harry grumbled. He went not because he wasn’t happy for Codi and Bryce—of course he was—but because he still wasn’t sure if he and Belle were on the same page. They seemed to be reading the same book, but something still felt a little bit off between them.

He’d thought about asking her to marry him in Nashville after the meet-and-greet, but he’d quickly decided against the idea. He knew how he felt about her. He knew what he wanted. He was ready to take that next step.

But Belle had had a whole bunch of doors open to her, and it seemed like she was still trying to pick which one to walk through. And a couple of them didn’t have Harry on the other side.

So as he saddled his horse and then mounted it, he tipped his head back into the glorious August sunshine, and he let God carry his burdens. He moved out when everyone else did, and he caught both Codi and Bryce looking over at him, but neither of them asked a question. For Codi, that was nothing new, but for Bryce, that meant the man had employed some serious restraint.

Harry wasn’t going to volunteer any information though. He just wanted to spend the afternoon with loved ones and pray that God would take care of the rest.

A few days later, he lay on the couch with Keri, Clay, and Avery, a pillow close to his chest. Daddy and Ev had gone to the grocery store, something they both claimed was far easier if they didn’t have to take the kids with them. And Harry had said he’d love to come over and play with them in the backyard if he could get a free meal out of it. Daddy had immediately offered to grill hamburgers and steak.

A kid’s cartoon currently blared on the TV in front of him. The world felt slow and small here in this house where he’d grown up, where he’d finished growing up in Coral Canyon. But it wasn’t the same without Belle.

Keri got up and wandered into the kitchen. Harry barely paid attention. Clay did the same, and even Avery scooted to the edge of the couch and toddled away.

“Are you alive?” his dad leaned over the back of the couch and looked at him.

Harry flinched and looked up. “Yeah.”

“I called your name at least four times,” Daddy said.

Ev appeared at his side, her blue eyes seeing so much as she said, “Oh, this is bad. This is so bad.”

“This is bad?”

“Look at him, Trace,” she said, and Harry wondered what she saw.

He didn’t make any move to sit up and instead clutched the pillow tighter and watched the ridiculous animation on screen across the room.

Ev came around the couch and held out her hand. “Give me the pillow, Harry.”

“I don’t want to,” he said in a grouchy, sassy voice.

She sighed and knelt down in front of him. “You don’t look good, Harry,” she said calmly, quietly, and somehow kindly. “I know exactly what you’re feeling, because I lived through this after Avery was born. ”

Hearing that made his eyes focus on her. He knew that she’d suffered from postpartum depression.

“You think I need to go to the doctor?” he asked, very aware of his father still hovering on the other side of the couch.

“I think you need to figure out why you’ve hit this low,” she said. “You’ve always been a high-low, high-low kind of guy, but the past month or so has been particularly bad.”

Harry had told his daddy that he really liked Belle, but he hadn’t told him that he loved her. Part of him felt like he’d gone too fast, like maybe he’d rushed through things when he’d promised he wouldn’t.

So he sighed and gave Ev the pillow. She took his hand and helped him sit up. He pushed his fingers through his hair, pressing it flat again from where it had been pushed up as he lay on the couch.

“Is it Belle?” she asked. “Are you still together?”

“Yeah.” He sighed heavily afterward. “She’s just so focused on Nashville right now,” he said. “And I told her I loved her weeks ago and she never said it back.” His throat clogged, his voice caught, and he couldn’t make himself continue.

He looked down at his hands, which had once felt so capable of doing such great things—dishes, playing tennis, strumming the guitar, writing songs, tying a tie, brushing his teeth, holding Belle’s hand.

“I miss her.”

Ev looked up to Daddy, and he came around the couch too. He settled right next to Harry and asked, “You told her you loved her?”

Harry nodded miserably. “And I do, Dad. And I don’t know if it’s too fast for her or if I’m just not what she wants.”

“She hasn’t said that, has she?” Daddy asked. Harry shook his head again.

“Well, then don’t put words in her mouth,” Ev said.

Harry became aware of her trying to communicate with Dad without saying anything, which he found almost comical. He watched them for a moment, and then Ev’s bright blue eyes came back to his.

“Why don’t you just say it?” Harry asked. “Daddy’s clearly not getting it.” He grinned at her, and she gave him a soft maternal smile back. She had taken very, very good care of him for the past twelve years, and Harry loved her for it.

“I was just trying to get your father to admit that you Youngs are a little bit intense,” she said. “In the very best of ways.” She spoke quickly now. “But sometimes it can be a lot.”

“Can it?” Harry asked.

“It definitely can,” Daddy said with some resignation in his voice. “And Harry, you’re not just a Young, you’re not just part of this giant family that can overwhelm and smother people in a moment. But you’re a country music star too. Maybe she just needs more time.”

“Maybe the timing isn’t right,” he said. “We’ve been through that before.”

“Yeah, and look at you now,” Ev said. “Your Daddy and I had to try a few times too. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

“And you’re far younger than me,” Daddy said.

Harry nodded again. Drew in a deep breath and then blew it all out. “I think the kids are still alive at least.” He grinned at Ev. “Sorry, I’m…like this?” he questioned. “I’m not really sure how not to be.”

“You’re going to Nashville in a couple of days,” Ev said. “You’ll see her, and she’ll get through whatever she’s doing for the meet and greet.” She put both hands on his knees and peered at him. “Remember, Harry, she’s still her. Even when she’s passionate about something. You’re allowed to be passionate about your country music, aren’t you?”

“Yeah,” he said.

“Then she can be about this, too.”

“I know,” he said.

“Have you let her be passionate about this?” Daddy asked.

“I’ve supported her every step of the way,” Harry growled at him. “I’ve gone over every paper with her, gave her every contact I have. Heck, I even booked her tickets. Yes, I’ve been right there supporting her.”

And he had been, which also only baffled him as to why she didn’t seem to feel as strongly about him as he did her.

“Maybe I am smothering her,” he grumbled. No matter what, Belle’s main focus didn’t seem to be on him, and selfishly, Harry wanted it to be. He got to his feet and said, “Let me help with dinner. ”

“Oh, you don’t need to do that, baby,” Ev said as she got up.

“I need to stay busy,” he said. “I’ll feel better if I have something to do.”

“All right,” she said. “Then I’m gonna have you cut up the watermelon.” She exchanged a glance with Daddy, who watched Harry in the irritating way he had where he acted like he could see everything Harry thought and felt just by looking.

“You can’t stare at me all night or I’m leaving,” Harry said as he picked up the big chef’s knife that Ev had put on the counter for him.

“All right,” Daddy said. “I won’t stare at you all night.”

“Harry, are you sleeping over?” Keri asked.

“No,” Clay said. “He’s not sleeping over here. We’re sleeping over at his place.” He looked up at Harry. “Right?”

Harry ruffled the six-year-old’s hair. “That’s right, Clay. Y’all are coming with me tonight.”

“Not Avery,” Ev said. “She gets up way too early for you.” She grinned at Harry, and he chuckled because, in the words of Bryce, that was one-hundred percent true.

Two more days , he thought as he cut the watermelon in half. You just have to make it two more days, and then you’ll see Belle again, and everything will be fine.