11

Wow. Wow. Wow.

Julia Hanlow had stripped my vocabulary back to one simple appropriate word, and it was the only word I could use to describe the kiss .

It felt cliché to describe the events of the night before as a fairy tale. I wasn't a Disney princess. I did have a desire to be the first sapphic Disney princess as a giant F you to the companies that continue to do the barest of minimums to incorporate LGBTQ+ characters and stories into their work.

It did feel fairy-tale-esque. As I sat playing with my new beaded bracelet the next morning it dawned on me: I liked this girl.

Did I constantly think of her? Yes.

Did I make mental notes of all the things I wanted to tell her? Yes.

Did she make my heart flutter when she walked into a room? Yes.

I was scared to death to acknowledge what it all meant, but I couldn't allow it to hold me back. We were only in this time and place once. There would be no do-over. I was living on a steady stream of adrenaline, riding the looping rollercoaster, and I didn't want to get off. My phone vibrated.

Julia

Are you awake?

Me

Yes.

Julia

Come over? I have breakfast.

Me

Okay. (heart eyes emoji)

I snuck out of the room, careful not to wake Billie. I'd removed the book from her chest when I woke up. She was obsessed with a new romance novel from her favourite author.

Julia must've heard my door close across the hall because she stood waiting when I arrived at her room. She leant back against the large wooden door; her hair was still curled from the night before, but she had a black trucker cap on now. I wished hats suited me. It was such an easy way to hide a bad hair day. She had on a pair of jersey shorts and a tight white vest top that left little to the imagination.

"Hi," she greeted, gesturing for me to come inside.

"Hey." I placed my hand against her stomach as I passed and tiptoed up to plant a quick kiss on her lips.

"Mmm, can I have another one of those?" Julia shut the door and pulled me towards her. Our bodies collided with a thud, and I laughed hysterically until her lips landed on mine again, and I melted into her arms.

"Are you planning to eat me for breakfast?" I smirked.

"Dessert." Julia winked and pulled me towards the balcony. I felt her wink all the way down in between my thighs .

"I ordered room service. I wasn't sure if you were a savoury or a sweet kind of girl for breakfast, or both, so I have a selection."

The table on the balcony was beautifully displayed with a small vase in the middle and a freshly cut red rose to add to the aesthetic. There were two cups of coffee, two glasses of fresh orange juice, a plate of pancakes, and a plate of waffles, which I appreciated because despite what anyone says, they may have some of the same essential ingredients, but they are absolutely not the same. There was a bowl of freshly picked blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries. Another plate held a posh fruit salad with kiwi, mango, and pomegranate stacked on a melon base. Lastly, there was a basket of warm bread—heaven.

"This looks incredible. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome."

Julia's balcony was bigger than ours, and the sea view was a real sea view, the kind that took your breath away.

Life was in technicolour. The sun had never been so bright. The sea had never been so blue, and the juicy strawberries atop my freshly made pancakes had never been so red.

"Are you a pancake or a waffle kind of girl?" Julia asked.

"Both."

"That's cheating."

"What about you?" I asked.

"One hundred per cent waffles. Especially the ones they make at my local diner back home. They're called the Ultimate Stacker Waffles. It's three waffles, with a layer of whatever sauce you choose in between each one, and then three toppings. "

"That sounds incredible."

"I have them every Saturday morning." Julia grinned. "Well, I used to."

"Used to?"

"It was a thing we did as a group; then there was the whole best friend cheating with fiancée thing, and Saturday morning brunch was no more."

"Huh, tricky."

"Yes, but I'd rather be here with you."

"You would?"

"Absolutely." Julia dug her fork into the fruit salad tower and held it across the table for me to try. "Trust me, I don't know what they do to this fruit, but it's so nice."

"Mmm." The moaning unashamedly continued for another few seconds.

"I love that about America." I swallowed.

"What?"

"The whole cute diner where everyone meets up with friends for milkshakes and pancakes and calls the owner by his first name because your mum used to date him, and the server is your ex-girlfriend, and your brother flips burgers in the kitchen."

"I think you've been watching too many movies." Julia laughed.

"It isn't really like that?" I frowned.

Julia shook her head.

"Don't ruin this for me," I pleaded.

"Okay, it can be a little bit like that; it depends how small your town is. I do know the owner of my diner by his first name because he's my godfather, so I suppose you're right in that sense."

"I knew it!"

"However, my brother does not flip burgers there, and my ex doesn't serve there... although." Julia paused to recollect her thoughts. "Come to think of it, my ex before my last ex did work there in high school if that counts?"

"See! It is just like the movies."

"Fair enough. You don't have places like that in England?"

"Nope."

"Seriously?"

"If you went to an out-of-town diner in England, you'd find fifteen lorries in the parking lot. You'd be asked to pee in a bathroom with no toilet seat, eat greasy burgers off tables filthy with dirt, ketchup, and the whole place would smell of gasoline."

"You paint such a pretty picture." Julia cringed.

Never again would I use a pit stop for truckers; I would pee in a bottle first.

"We do have Starbucks though, so thank you for that."

"You're welcome."

Whilst we ate breakfast Julia asked me to spend the day with her. She laid out a brief itinerary, starting with paddle boarding, which scared me half to death. Lunch at the beach restaurant, which sounded less deadly, followed by an afternoon in the spa and a complimentary thirty-minute massage.

"Wait, we get a free massage? Nobody told us that."

"I think they like to keep it a secret when it's busy, but it's on the documents the reception team give you."

"Sneaky!"

"What do you think? Are you happy to spend the day with me?" Julia asked hopefully .

"I couldn't be happier." I smiled genuinely. All the normal anxious hesitancy I felt in those types of situations was gone; she made me feel at ease.

The paddle boarding instructor informed us there would be minimal wind and waves. It was the perfect calm water for beginners. He placed a board on the sand and stood in the centre, feet planted and knees bent, as he demonstrated the best way to paddle.

"You want to paddle from your core not your arms. Start down here." He knelt. "When you feel comfortable enough to stand, take it to here. Always keep your eyes forwards to maintain your balance."

"This is a SUP leash; it will be attached to your ankle, and we have life jackets available if you choose to wear one, but it's not mandatory."

"I'd like one please." I put my hand up like I was asking for the teacher's permission.

I followed Julia's lead. We carried the boards into the water until it was knee deep. The initial shock of the temperature caused me to jolt; despite the fiercely hot weather, the sea was still there to humble everyone.

"Jesus, it's cold," I cried out.

"You'll get used to it." Julia smirked.

There had to be perks to wading into the cold sea full of potentially life-threatening species. I didn't like to say the word shark because even the word terrified me. It was the first question I asked the instructor, and his response was, "a shark attack was highly unlikely." I was human and watched the news like everyone else. I'd seen the recent report of a hammerhead shark that circled some paddle boarders in Florida. I almost hyperventilated watching it, and now it was the only story playing on loop in my head.

The perk was Julia. I watched her set her paddle on the SUP and climb on top so one knee was evenly spread at either side of the board. I watched the muscles in her shoulders tighten as she used her upper body strength to climb up and steady herself. She had on a plain black bikini; the shape of the bottoms hugged her bum, and I shouldn't have been staring, but she looked so goddamn good in everything.

"Harper,"

"Yes?"

"Are you going to get on?"

I couldn't say I was too busy admiring her backside, so I nodded enthusiastically. "Sorry, yeah, I'm just struggling, hold on." I climbed up, and much to my uncoordinated surprise I steadied myself in place on the first attempt.

Julia stood up once we were out of shallow water. I continued to get to grips with the rhythm of the paddling.

"You're doing great," Julia cheered me on. "Do you want to try and stand up?"

I was terrified of falling in. I used to do ballet as a kid; I could balance if I needed to. The scary part was falling off balance, ending up in deep unchartered waters, and not being able to breathe as a result. The shock of the sea hitting my body caused the panic.

"I'm not sure I can do it."

"I believe in you." Julia smiled.

Kiss me . It was the only thought I could summon whenever she smiled.

"Here, let me show you." She turned her SUP back towards me and gently knelt. "Place your hands on the deck pad like this, and keep your fingers spread as wide as you can. Now bring your right foot into the place where your knee was, like this." Julia looked so elegant doing it. "Then, do the same with your left foot and slowly rise."

"You make that look so easy."

And so sexy .

"It takes time, but I know you can do it."

"Okay, let me try."

It took three attempts to find the courage to haul myself up, but I finally did it. Julia clapped so enthusiastically she almost fell in the water, which made me laugh so hard I had to tense my stomach to stop my shoulders from shaking.

"Please stop making me laugh, I beg."

"Look at you." She beamed.

"I can't believe I'm doing this."

I fully submerged the paddle into the water, using all the core strength I could summon to keep my body upright. It wasn't as unstable as I expected. The board held its own in a way.

"Longer strokes are more efficient. You want to try and pull your board past the paddle rather than pulling the paddle through the water, if that makes sense?" Julia was to the left of me now; she kept her eyes focused on me, not straight ahead as the instructor recommended.

"That's it, perfect. Now push the blade backwards to do a reverse stroke, like this."

I didn't want to jynx it, but paddle boarding wasn't so hard after all. It felt serene. The vast open sea before me, nothing but us, two paddle boards, and nature. Fundamental needs—sunshine, fresh air, and good company, maybe the basics were the key to happiness .

Julia sat in the centre of her board. She adjusted herself to allow her feet to dangle in the sea. She was a few metres away from me because I might have mastered how to stand up, but directing the thing proved more difficult.

"Grab hold of my paddle, and I'll pull you in."

"Please don't let me fall in," I begged.

"I won't. I promise."

When I was within touching distance Julia reached out for my paddle. "If we place them both like this, we won't float away."

She held my hand as I got more comfortable. The sea remained calm. The occasional boat caused a ripple through the water, but I didn't worry too much. Julia spread her knees so our legs fit into one another. The arm's length between us was too much. I wanted to be closer to her. I wanted to jump from my paddle board to hers and lie across her bikini-clad body.

"What are you thinking?" she asked whilst stroking the outside of my leg.

I want you .

"I'm really enjoying this, with you." I unclipped the front of my ugly orange life vest. I wasn't brave enough to remove it, but the instructor had pulled it so tight I could barely breathe.

"Me too."

I fused my fingers with her left hand. She had long thin fingers and well-maintained nail beds, which was a huge turn on for me. I didn't have many "icks", but a guaranteed turn off was an unmanicured, dirty hand.

Eww.

"I like your hands," I said.

"Really?"

"Yeah, they're so soft." I caressed her knuckles.

"What about my lips? Do you like those too?" Julia smirked.

"They look nice, but I can't remember how they feel." My flirting game was bleak. Of course I could remember exactly how they felt, with disturbing accuracy if questioned.

"Oh," Julia leaned forwards. "Maybe I can remind you."

God, she was smooth. Like butter.

"I'd like that," I whispered against her mouth.

The kiss was slow at first. She moved her lips above mine, so she was sucking my top lip and me her bottom; then Julia opened her mouth to allow me in. I teased my tongue against the inside of her upper lip. She searched desperately for an opening. I felt her desire match mine. The intensity grew as her tongue became more comfortable with mine. She didn't taste like tequila this time, instead it was salt water on her lips.

I pulled back just enough to mumble, "You're really good at this."

"Likewise."

The wooden beams of the beachfront restaurant resembled a wishbone shape; they were mighty and natural. The roof was made up of hundreds of thick bamboo canes all tightly strung together. The sand-coloured walls along the right served as a backdrop to the cedar wood, linen, and rustic furnishings. The natural materials and earthy colours created a warm and welcoming atmosphere. It was my favourite of the trip so far.

We were seated by the beach at a small wooden table with two bamboo rocking chairs and the most beautiful patterned upholstery. Even the woven floor rug was worthy of a photo. I snapped a few pictures for my own personal use, if ever I was able to afford such luxury.

"This place." I glared at the ceiling, at the chairs, the bar, it was all immaculately designed, and I felt severely underdressed in my bikini cover-up.

We ordered one of every starter on the menu to try, which sounded extreme, but the menu only had five starters, so it wasn't unreasonable. We spoke about all the places we'd visited on vacation and our top five bucket list destinations. Mine was hypothetical because writing a bucket list in the past had only ever brought me disappointment. Julia's favourite state was Florida for several reasons. She adored the sunshine state, with its outrageously beautiful beaches, theme parks, entertainment, golf courses, friendly people, and affordable housing. According to her it was the perfect place to retire.

I told her about Europe, my unconditional love for Italy, and all the things England had to offer. After I reeled off football, which I didn't even enjoy, the monarchy, which I also didn't particularly care for, and up to eight extra bank holidays a year, which was the only thing worth celebrating, I didn't have much else to say. Oh, and the TV shows. I spent twenty minutes trying to cram thirty-five-plus years' worth of EastEnders into one shortened synopsis.

"And Kat Slater was married to Billie?"

"No, Alfie."

"Who's Billie married to? "

We decided to park the conversation, and I refrained from even mentioning Coronation Street. That was too much to unpack over lunch.

Julia reached over to hold my hand after the waiter cleared the plates.

Why did this feel so normal?

She planted a quick kiss on the outside of my hand; she didn't break eye contact as she did it, and my skin orgasmed in response. A rush of tingles covered the surface of my body.

"How are you single?" Julia purred.

I didn't want to unpack my history. It felt too deep for a holiday romance, but at the same time I wanted her to know me. I wanted Julia Hanlow to see me for me. There was a freedom in knowing our time together was limited. There was a slow growing feeling of sadness too, but I ignored that. I could tell her my deepest darkest secrets, and there would be no consequence. I could unpack the pain and trauma from previous relationships with no repercussion, and that felt liberating.

"I'm extremely high maintenance, demanding, and super controlling," I joked.

"Oh really?"

"Yes, you should stay clear of me."

"I'm not sure I believe that." Julia took a sip of her smoothie; a small dot of green juice remained at the bottom of her lip. I reached over to tenderly wipe it away, and I saw a glimpse of a different world, a different time and place where our relationship could blossom. I imagined a whole other scenario outside of a holiday romance where this perfect woman could be mine, and the connection we'd built didn't have to be fleeting.

But it did—

Reality. Always. Prevails .

I buried the thought immediately.

"Seriously," Julia paused. "I've only known you a few days, but I can already see how incredible you are."

"You flatter me."

I didn't want to unpack my feelings over green juice with a stranger in Mexico. I came to sunbathe, to eat, to drink, to laugh with my friends, and I found myself face to face with a woman who made me want to talk. She made me feel like anything was possible. I measured the strength of an instant earth-shaking connection in one simple way: would this person help you bury a dead body? I had that connection with my best friends after the first day of knowing each of them. We had a bond. It was unspoken at first, but it was there, and it was powerful.

Did I have that same bond with Julia?

"I think, maybe it goes back to when I was younger." I said. Nothing good ever started with that sentence. Internally I retreated, but the conversation was ready and waiting.

"I sort of felt like there was nobody out there for me. I grew up dating boys, and I saw those relationships as a failure at first, but now I realise each of them taught me something. My first boyfriend taught me what I didn't want, or more so what I wouldn't tolerate. My second taught me how naive I could be and how to understand when someone was trying to manipulate you. My third boyfriend, well, he was the final straw." I released a nervous laugh.

"That bad?"

"The worst. He taught me a few valuable lessons, but most importantly he taught me how to let go. I thought I was obsessed with him, that I would be nothing without him, and if he didn't want me nobody would, all those fun cruel things we tell ourselves, or if we're lucky our partners tell us." I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, he was that guy, was he?"

"He was, but like I said, he taught me a lot, and learning to let go of the things I can't control and the people who aren't right for me was a huge life lesson. After that I experimented a little with my sexuality. I spent time dating two or three women, until I met Amy."

"Is that your ex?" Julia asked.

"Yes, it's a couple of years ago now, but she was the last person I was in a serious relationship with. I managed to let go because I knew it wasn't right, but she couldn't do the same. Since then I've been closed off. There are reasons that involve my ex and her inability to move on from what we had, but it's not just that," I pondered.

Julia listened intently. She leant forwards and put her hand in mine.

"I blame my inability to date and my general anxiety when it comes to using dating apps on my ex, but it's not all her fault. I have become so programmed to believe it's going to fail, I close myself off from opportunities completely. If I don't feel that instant connection and an instant spark that makes the ground shake and the hairs on my arms stand on end, I don't want it. The truth is I don't want any more life lessons." I reached for my drink. I was conscious of saying too much, but talking to Julia felt genuine; it didn't feel judgemental at all. She allowed me the space to be open, and she didn't try to butt in. She didn't try to make it about her. I could see her being a fantastic doctor. She urged me to continue.

"I don't want to have another conversation with my family about why my partner won't be coming with me for the holidays. I don't want to tell my younger sister that she'll never see my partner again. I don't want to hold my animals at night and use their fur to wipe my tears because the bond they created with my partner is gone. I'm always left with this embarrassment, this heavy weight on my shoulders, and guilt from having to pick up the pieces, so I stopped. I just stopped trying."

Julia studied me. I feared I'd said too much, but she didn't remove her hand from mine. She swapped it between the two, using her index fingers to kneed at the inside of my fingers. She slowly traced the lines of my palm. She pointed towards the top line; it was deeper than the rest. "You know this is your love line?"

"Are you about to tell me you have a side job as a hand analyst?" I sat up straight, allowing her the freedom to manoeuvre my hands at will.

"No, not quite. Although, I hear you can make a killing doing it."

"I remember someone doing it in high school. I think this one was the lifeline." I pointed to the longest line, which filled me with confidence. "I'm sure there was a money line and a fate line or something."

"Well, the love line is the most prominent; do you know why?" Julia asked.

"No." I shook my head.

"We all want or need to be loved. It's the most basic human impulse. Sometimes we can cover that want with various forms of self-protection, but deep down that want and desire is always present. From the moment we hear or see our first love story we go searching for it. My first experience of love was the relationship between Lois and Clark."

"Wait, which Lois and Clark?"

" Smallville . "

"Okay, I didn't want to be picturing Dean Cain if you were talking about Tom Welling and his beautiful eyes."

"You know your Supermans." Julia smirked. I gestured with my fingers, just a little bit. I grew up with a DC crazed older brother.

"Sorry, please continue." I chewed on my bottom lip.

"I fell in love with Lois and Clark's story. I cheered them on for years. I had sleepless nights over their chemistry. I watched them fall in love on screen, and it became like real life to me. There was this almighty come down when the show ended. All that build up, and I was like, now what? How do I go out in the real world and find someone when I'm comparing it to that?"

"I see."

"We search for our own love story, and we get disappointed when it doesn't plan out the way we naively assume it will. You don't finally meet the love of your life in a random place. I believe they've been there all along, guiding us, teaching us, helping us become the person they need. When you finally meet that person, it isn't groundbreaking, and it isn't love at first sight. It's an understanding. Love is this place of comfort, a sudden feeling of home, and most importantly it's the start of a long-awaited commitment to be the best version of yourself for that person." Julia shrugged. "At least that's how I see it."

"Erm, I have no words," I stumbled.

"Sorry, it was too much. I get carried away. It's the ten years of writing dissertations about the human body."

I chuckled. "No, I loved everything you just said."

"Then what is it?" She leaned into me, pulling the arm of her bamboo chair a few inches closer. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, and I couldn't regulate my breathing any longer .

"Kiss me," I said softly. I'd said the words a thousand times in my mind. If only she knew how badly I wanted to feel her lips on mine.

She did as I asked. I let my hand linger on the side of her neck. My fingers could feel her pulse quicken as she moved her lips to tangle with mine.

"Thank you," I mumbled against her lips.

"For what?"

"For being here."

"Well, you have my ex to thank for that." Julia smirked. I hit her arm playfully. She planted one more quick kiss on my lips before jumping to her feet.

"Shall we go? We've got an afternoon in the spa to attend."

The entrance to the spa set the mood. A wooden bridge stretched over a shallow pool. The giant sign on the wall behind reception read:

Imagine tranquillity.

Imagine serenity.

Imagine the ultimate relaxation.

Imagine it all with a woman who makes your heart dance and your vagina flutter.

Okay, so the fourth line wasn't part of the script. However, it was part of my script. We were directed to a set of lockers and provided soft white robes—much to my delight—as well as some hotel branded flip-flops. At the age of twenty-four I left robe-less hotels behind me. The changing facilities were as chic and stunningly decorated as the rest of the hotel. There were rows of vanity mirrors, plush green chairs, marble countertop wash basins, and a selection of complimentary beauty products at each station. The natural elegance and authenticity of the hotel continued to amaze me.

We were given a soothing herbal tea and directed to the meditative relaxation room. The room was dark upon entering. Another lady whose experience I'd clearly disturbed kindly guided me with the torch on her mobile phone. I fumbled my way to the other side where I found the podlike cushioned seating.

I struggled with being still. I struggled to listen to soft music and look up at the pretend stars on the ceiling without wanting to talk. It didn't help that I could feel Julia beside me breathing slowly and completely still. She probably didn't need to share the same pod as me, but she had, and my stomach did a small celebratory somersault in celebration.

At this stage every single thing she did aroused me. We were in such close proximity I could've touched her. I could've slipped my hand inside her robe, removed her bikini top, and played with her nipples until they hardened, but I didn't. I played a confident alpha role in my mind at times. In reality, I'd never come close to being alpha. I'd also never come close to having sex in a public place; that scared me half to death. I found it too hard to concentrate towards the end.

Next, we enjoyed the hydrotherapy circuit. The circuit comprised of ten minutes in the hot sauna, ten minutes in the steam room, five minutes in the plunge pool, and five minutes in the jacuzzi, followed by a few minutes feeling the benefit of the different pulsating jets targeting the feet, neck, and shoulders. The circuit was communal, but the spa was quiet, so we found ourselves alone to converse throughout most of it.

My travelling had never taken me as far as Bali, but I'd seen TikTok videos of the world's most beautiful places, and Bali was always included. The spa's essence, jungle vibes, and raw wooden elements, were what I imagined Bali would look and feel like.

We were guided to a double treatment room with a massage area and private plunge pool. We both opted to upgrade the free massage to a one-hour full body. I stripped naked; the only thing separating me from the masseuse was the towel covering my bum; that made me feel awkward. I'd somehow managed to go through my whole adult life without receiving a massage, unless I was to count the neck and shoulders massage Billie gave me once, or the metal scalp scratcher I bought from the market in Blackpool.

I glanced at Julia who mouthed the word, "relax" for the third time since we entered the room. She was propped up on her front, just the right amount of side boob visible. I scanned the length of her back, admiring the curve at the bottom of her spine before her body arched upwards. She had a small beauty spot on the right side of her torso where her bra strap used to be and a small dimple on her hip. I buried my head in the face cradle. I glanced to my left and watched the young Mexican woman pour massage oil down the centre of Julia's back.

Instant arousal.

I squeezed my thighs tightly shut. The sensation had me clutching the edges of the table. Julia had no idea just observing her body and thinking about all the things she could do with it had me reeling. I allowed the calming music to take me away, propelling me into a deep state of relaxation .

The chime of a bell indicated the hour was up. The masseuse explained that my lymphatic system had been moved, so I may feel light-headed. I was assured it was totally normal. We were promptly left alone to change.

"How was that?" Julia asked.

"Incredible." I swung my legs off the edge of the table, tightly wrapping the towel around my breasts. "Thank you for arranging this; today has been amazing."

"It doesn't have to end here." Julia stood up and closed the gap between our beds. She slid her way in between my legs. I attempted to cover my modesty with the towel whilst allowing her to squeeze between my now throbbing nether region.

"Oh really?" I swallowed. "And what would you suggest we do?"

Julia softly traced the length of my collarbone with the outside of her fingertips. She nudged my chin higher creating the space to swoop in. Her lips barely touched the area beneath my earlobe, and I had to intercept the moan about to burst from my lips.

"I can think of a thing or two," Julia mumbled.

My head rolled back; her tongue traced my jawline. I wanted to touch her. I wanted to undo the knot in her towel and watch it drop to the floor, revealing her body to me slowly, but there was a time and a place.

"The masseuse will be back any minute," I said with no conviction.

"Do you want me to stop?" Julia teased. She ran her fingers up the inside of my leg. I tightened my legs, gripping her fingers between my thighs.

"No." It was the last thing I wanted. "Take me back to your room, please," I begged .

There was only one thing on my mind and it wasn't the Thai restaurant we were supposed to attend; that could wait.