Chapter 16

sixteen

A few days later, Serenity found herself alone. The guys had a job together on Maui, and she was taking the time to work on her book. Unfortunately, she was spending more time thinking about the guys rather than doing her work.

These two men were starting to get to her. She knew that they probably did this all the time, but it was new for her. Hell, she'd only had two normal relationships in her lifetime, only one as an adult. James had been her first love, a costar, and just as screwed up as she was. They remained in touch via email.

She met Brad about a year after she moved to Forks. He was funny and sweet. He'd soothed her soul and never asked her for more than she could give. In the end, both acknowledged that they wanted other things and parted as friends. It was part of the reason she had moved to Arizona. She needed a change and nothing says change like moving from Forks to Tucson. Since then, she'd had a few hookups here and there, but nothing too serious. She wasn't built for that.

Her relationship with Brad had taught her that. He had been willing to wait, to work with her on building a long-lasting relationship. She hadn't wanted to even try. He had been perfect for her, but she couldn't tell him she wanted him around forever.

She shook herself out of her funk and rose to get some more coffee. It was odd that she hadn't slept well at all last night. In less than two weeks, Adam and Mick had become such a huge part of her life that she couldn't sleep without them in bed with her.

She'd just finished doctoring her coffee when she heard a car drive up.

Jillian.

She walked to the front door and watched as the mother to be pulled herself out of her car. She looked even bigger than before.

“Hey,” she said, a sunny smile curving her lips. “Sorry for just popping in.”

But nothing in her expression or tone of voice told Serenity that she actually felt that way. As she waddled her way over to the front steps, Serenity studied her. Was she there to tell her to back off?

“Good lord, I think I might just burst if I don't have this child soon. I feel like a beached whale.”

Serenity shook her head as she held the door open for Jillian. “You look beautiful.”

“That's sweet. Did Conner pay you to say that?”

She chuckled. “No. And you are. You know you are one of those women other pregnant women look at with hatred.”

“Oh. That's sweet.”

“Sit.”

Jillian did as instructed, as a smile played about her lips.

“Is that coffee?”

Serenity nodded. “Want some?”

“Want, yes. But I can't have any.”

“Oh, sorry.”

“No worries. I can at least enjoy the smell.” Then silence descended.

“Is there a particular reason for this visit?”

“I needed to get out of the house. I'm on hiatus from writing and it is about to drive me insane. This is my last voyage out for a while. Once Conner gets back, I will be on lockdown unless I go out with him.”

“I can imagine.”

“Usually I would bother Adam and Mick, but since they moved, I can't do that. So, I came over here.”

And there it was. She knew there was a reason Jillian had come over, and it had nothing to do with being restless. She had come to warn her off.

“Out with it, Jillian.”

Jillian blinked, then another smile curved her lips. “I like smart women. And you are definitely smart.”

“Are you here about the guys?”

“In a way.”

“I appreciate that you feel the need to protect them, but I can assure you...”

Her voice trailed off when Jillian laughed out loud.

“What?”

“Oh,” she said between chuckles. “You almost made me wet my pants with that laugh.”

Annoyance and something close to fear curled in her gut.

“So, if not that, what?”

Jillian sighed. “Now, I have made you angry. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Part of it is needing to have someone else to talk to. As I said, without the guys there, I have no one to bug.”

“And there's no one else?”

She shrugged. “I like my space. I'm sure you understand.”

It was true, having her own space was very important.

“And you know it's hard to make friends when you work from home. A solitary job leads to a less than healthy friend list. Conner is on Maui with the guys until tonight.”

“Should you be left alone?”

She snorted. “I can handle anything that comes up. Plus, I do have friends, but many of them have jobs.”

“Ah, yes. Hard to find someone who can just take off for an afternoon and go running around.”

“My best friend, Conner's sister, lives in Miami. A huge percentage of my friends work at Rough ‘n Ready.”

“Ah, and so not much time if you're exhausted at the end of the day. Different schedule and all that.”

“Exactly. See, you get it. I'm getting on Conner's nerves. No writing, stuck at home. He is not used to a dependent wife.”

“Should have thought about that before he got you pregnant a second time.”

“I knew I was going to like you when I met you.”

Silence descended again.

“And the other thing?”

“What?”

“The other thing you were talking about. You said that it was one reason.”

“I just wanted to check you out more.”

“That's better. I deal better with up front questions.”

“Then we should get along just fine.”

“You're worried about Mick and Adam. I guess they told you we were involved.”

“Yes, but I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

She blinked. It had been so long since anyone had worried about her. At least, not unless she was involved with the person.

“I'm fine.”

She paused when taking a sip of water and set the glass down. She leaned forward, causing some of her braids to slip over her shoulders.

“Are you sure? And I’m not asking because I think you are weak. I try not to mettle, but the guys are sometimes…obtuse.”

“They've been really sweet.”

“Please tell me that's not all they've been.”

Even after all her years in Hollywood, she had been sheltered. She knew about things, but people rarely asked her about her sex life. Friends wouldn't. Strangers never had a problem with it.

“Good,” Jillian said. “Just so you know, they are going to be looking for more than just a good time.”

Yes, she had sensed that too. Serenity had no idea how to feel about a long-term relationship with one man, let alone two. Serenity knew she was not built for that kind of life anymore.

“I don't know if I'll be ready for a relationship with them or not. One thing I do know is that I will try my best not to hurt them.”

“Oh, honey I'm not worried about them,” Jillian said. “They've never taken this chance before, but I think both know what they want. My main worry is that they're going to rush you and you're going to freak out and push them away.”

“So, you're not worried that I might hurt them?”

Jillian shrugged and leaned back in the chair. “Being hurt, it's part of being in love. You can't have one without the other, just the way it goes.”

Serenity wished she could be so laid back about falling for them. Knowing that pain came with the relationship and that it was worth it. But, they had her head and her heart twisted around.

“I can see that you have a lot of craziness going on in that head of yours.”

She focused on Jillian, who offered her an understanding smile.

“How do you know that?”

“I've been there myself. One man is hard enough to deal with, but two would make me insane. You have a lot to deal with, Serenity.”

“Yeah.”

“And I know it isn't easy. My best friend has a relationship with two men.”

“Conner's sister?”

She nodded. “He wasn't exactly happy about it, especially since both work for the company. But, once he saw how they felt about her, it was enough to convince him. Well, mostly. Every now and then he gets a little grumpy about it.”

“I can’t even think about siblings. Sometimes I thought I would want one. It wasn't easy being an only child. Now, though, as an adult, I’m not sure I'd like the idea that he or she might feel the need to pass judgement on my choices.”

“Weird, right? I don't have any either, but Conner is a bit older than his sister. He helped raise her after their parents died, so he is somewhat more protective.”

She rubbed her hand over her stomach and Serenity followed the motion. “Oh, God, this Demon Seed is going to kill me. Kick, kick, kick.” She smiled at Serenity. “Want to feel?”

Her first response danced on the tip of her tongue. No . Not because she didn't want to, but she had decided a long time ago not to have children. She just wasn't built for it. But...

She reached her hand out and placed it on Jillian's tummy. It only took a second before she felt the kick.

“Oh, wow.”

“Yeah, so I haven't slept through the night in a long time.”

Just that simple touch did exactly what she didn't want. The longing to have a child had been something she had fought for years, but now that she had started this relationship with Mick and Adam, her mind kept straying to the idea of a little one.

“Hey, Earth to Serenity.”

She blinked and focused on Jillian once more.

“Sorry.”

“No worries. You just looked sad there for a moment.”

“Just an odd thought.”

Jillian looked like she wanted to say more but she refrained. Thankful, Serenity stood.

“I have some mac bread I made up. You want some?”

“God, yes. I didn’t like sweet stuff up until last week. All of a sudden, I feel a need to suck down sugar by the pound.”

As she went about the task of cutting the bread, she decided to push the thoughts of babies or long-term relationships out the window. Going down that road was going to lead to heartache. Hell, both had it written all over them. But thinking about a tiny little person with curly blond hair, or a dark-haired baby with striking blue eyes would depress her. She could deal with a death of a relationship. The death of a dream was something different and she’d had that happen in her life already.

“Here you go,” she said, handing the bread to Jillian.

She took it with a smile, but it faded when she saw Serenity’s expression.

“What’s wrong?”

She shook her head.

“No,” Jillian said. “Tell me.”

“I just don’t want to think about certain things.”

“Certain things like a future with the guys?”

She shrugged and sat down again. “I learned a long time ago that hoping for things don’t make them come true.”

Jillian sat back and stared at her. “Just remember that sometimes things work out. That maybe, just maybe, the guys are exactly what you need.”

She wanted to argue, but Jillian’s determined look kept her from saying anything. She was close to tears and she didn’t know why. If she had to argue with the other woman, she might start sobbing.

“You’re right. Do you want anything to drink with that?”

“Water would be great.”

She went to get the water for Jillian and pushed her worries aside. There was nothing to be done about it anyway. She’d enjoy the moment with these two men and worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.