Chapter 46

My heart raced as I pulled my top off and revealed my bra and torso. Jack's eyes were locked on my body, but he'd given me a command, and I had a feeling this was one I was supposed to obey.

On top of that, he'd asked me to trust him, and I knew saying I did was only half the answer. Now, he needed me to show it, too.

Fear still rippled through me, but I had something to focus on. Reaching for my pants, I slipped them down as well. Although I wasn't stripping in the sexiest way possible, I noticed the bulge in his pants as he enjoyed the view.

Once I was standing before him in nothing but my underwear, I paused and exhaled, looking at him again. His gaze was quite clearly on my torso, drinking me in, hungry for me.

"Keep going," he commanded. "I want you completely exposed."

I noticed he hadn't just asked me to get naked. He wanted me to feel vulnerable. To feel as if every inch of me was bare before him and at his mercy. And as wetness formed between my thighs, I was pretty sure I wanted it as well.

Slowly, I reached up behind my back and unhooked my bra. I couldn't look at him, feeling too nervous as I slid the straps off my shoulders and revealed my breasts. I knew he'd seen them before, but we'd always been in bed together already, our bodies close and entwined.

Now, my chest drew his gaze, and he almost stepped closer, holding himself back at the last minute.

While my pert breasts and hardening nipples had his attention, I slipped a thumb into each side of my panties and pushed them downwards. They fell to the floor, revealing the final part of me.

Not sure what to do with my hands now, I took them behind my back and clasped them together, and then I lowered my gaze, doing my best to look as submissive as possible.

My heart continued to race as neither of us moved, and I could only imagine where he might be looking. Time slipped by, feeling like each second was a vulnerable lifetime until he stepped forward and reached for me, his hands going to my hips.

He lifted my chin again until I was looking at him before claiming my mouth hungrily with his. A moment later, his other hand reached up and cupped one breast, his thumb rubbing across my nipple and making me moan against him.

I instantly felt calmer, more used to this sort of approach from him, but he pulled back again a little while later.

"Lie on the bed," he commanded. "On your front."

Trying not to show my surprise at such a command, I turned and moved to get on the bed. I heard him follow, and the rattle of his belt buckle came with it.

Another ripple of fear ran through me, but I pushed it away and carried on, equally wet and hungry for him. I wanted to be his, wanted to have him deep inside me.

It took me a moment to get comfortable, but as soon as I was, I tilted my head to the side and tried to look back at him. The bed shifted as he knelt at the end of it and pushed my legs farther open.

Trying to keep calm, I exhaled slowly and focused on my breathing, but as soon as his hands touched my back, I jumped.

"Nervous?" he asked.

I nodded without hesitation.

He kissed my shoulder as he settled over the back of me.

"Try and relax. I don't want this to hurt you."

I knew his words were supposed to calm me, but as his hands slipped down my arms and up to my wrists, pushing them up to the top of the bed, fear gripped me even further.

He'd pinned me before, but he had his belt in one hand, and it was clear he intended to bind my hands to the top of the bed. Instantly, I resisted, my heart racing and my mouth going dry.

Being tied up wasn't something I wanted. Being that trapped.

Immediately, I shook my head and tried to pull back. Far stronger than me, Jack continued, pushing my wrists the rest of the way and placing the belt against one of them.

"Please, stop," I managed to say, the words coming out high-pitched and unlike my usual voice.

Thankfully, Jack paused, still over me and holding onto my arms. For a moment, neither of us said anything as my breathing grew even more rapid.

He kissed my cheek and neck a few times, his movements gentle and soft, helping me relax against him until I sighed and closed my eyes. The second he continued to try and tie my arms, I panicked and shook my head again.

"No, please. I can't." Pushing up against him, I tried to get out of his grip.

He let me go and shifted to one side. Immediately, I shifted to the edge of the bed and curled up, my back to him. I felt awful, every breath ragged and my body shaking.

Gently, Jack came closer and put his arms around me.

"You don't trust me?" he asked, the hurt in his voice clear.

"I…" The words wouldn't come out of my mouth.

I didn't have a good answer. I had so many awful memories of men trying to force me to do what they wanted. Of being helpless and hurting. While it was clear Jack wasn't one of those men, it didn't make those images leave my head or my body feel much calmer.

"I thought you wanted this?" he asked a moment later, the bite to his words clear as his hurt turned to anger.

"I do," I replied. "But I'm not sure how ready I am. I thought I was. I want to be. But Logan has brought up tons of old memories, and I'm struggling not to think of them."

The words weren't perfectly true. Logan hadn't brought up anything that wasn't already on my mind, but the sentiment was. I wanted to give myself to Jack entirely. To know that no matter how much I was at his mercy, I was safe, but I was too scared and too nervous.

Jack pulled back again and sat on the other side of the bed, his belt in his hands.

Tears threatened to fall at how I'd clearly hurt him and how there seemed to be nothing I could do about it. Wanting to try anyway, I shifted across the bed, aware of how naked I still was.

Sitting beside him, I reached for his hand.

"Maybe we could work up to it over a few days?" I asked, trying to offer him a way we could both get what we needed.

He looked at me, his eyes only flicking briefly to my exposed breasts. I slipped my hand in his as I searched his face for some kind of sign that I was helping him or he could forgive me.

When he looked away again, I only wanted to cry all the more. I fought back the emotion, however. It wouldn't help Jack feel like I truly trusted him. But could I, right now? I had no idea.

"Let's sleep," he said a moment later, squeezing my hand. "Maybe in the morning, we'll feel differently."

I watched him turn away from me, his eyes full of sadness and pain. Every part of my mind screamed at me to reach out to him again, to tell him I wanted to try again right then and there, but my body wouldn't move.

Before I could do anything else, Jack had the light off and was lying in the bed beside me. I slid in next to him, grateful when he at least reached out for me and pulled me into his arms. He seemed to close his eyes and drift off, but I lay awake beside him for some time. This hadn't gone according to plan at all.