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Chapter 37

"Breathe, Juno. You're safe now," I heard Alma say, a strong arm around my back as the car we were in started up and drove off.

"Damn, they were… I'm so sorry," Eve said. "I thought they'd be more chill than that."

"No point worrying about it now. We're through it. Come on, Juno. Count your breaths or something. Whatever helps you calm it down. You're through and in the car. Ain't no one going to hurt you. It was just some shouting and crowd movement."

Alma's words slowly got through to me. It had felt a lot worse than she was saying, but she was right. I needed to calm down.

Closing my eyes, I tried to think of anything else and focused only on taking slow, deep breaths before exhaling them steadily. It felt like it took forever, but I calmed, and my vision cleared.

I could still feel the prickle around my eyes that accompanied any form of panic attack, but I felt steadier as the car drove us off.

"I guess you don't like crowds," Alma said.

"No," I replied, not sure what else to say.

"Want to talk about it? Or pretend it didn't happen?"

I opened my mouth to confirm the latter, but I hesitated partway.

"I had something shit happen recently, and I'm still not over it. The crowds and all the shouting brought it back to me. I don't want to talk about that, but I'm not normally like this."

"Got it. We'll wait a little longer next time or ask Jack to leave Mick behind. The majority of the fans know not to get in his way." Alma patted my hand and offered me some painkillers from a bottle she pulled out of her purse.

I shook my head and exhaled. Inside, I was still incredibly shaken. What bothered me most now that I was calming, however, was how Jack had just walked out with the band and left me to cope on my own. Had he not even considered how scary that would have been for someone not used to it?

As we were driven to the restaurant, I felt myself getting angrier and angrier. Jack had told me he wanted to be a dominant in my life and then abandoned me the moment I could have used the protective presence he represented.

Alma and Eve started talking about something, neither of them making me join in but filling the silence so we didn't feel uncomfortable and awkward. I appreciated it and let myself become distracted by the talk about makeup and whether the color and style of Eve's eyeshadow and liner worked for her.

It was a safe subject, even if I knew less about it than they clearly did. Twenty minutes later, we were getting out of the car again. This time, only a few people waited out on the sidewalk for the band. The fact that there were already a few people made me feel instantly on edge again. Would there be more later?

Alma slipped her arm through mine and led me inside, flipping me a wink as the front door was opened for us by none other than Mick.

"They're up on the top floor already," he said as he let us through.

"Thank you, darling," she replied, smiling and patting his shoulder as she went past.

I was more than a little grateful she was around as she led me through one corner of the restaurant where normal people were dining, and waiters and waitresses scurried back and forth. A waiter looked as if he was going to come and stop me until he noticed Alma on my arm, and instead, he moved to a staff door and tapped in a code.

Opening it for us, he motioned to the stairs and smiled.

Alma once again greeted them by name, and then we were sweeping past, our shoes clattering on the stairs as we climbed to the third floor.

It opened across the whole building, a seating area with a few tables on the nearest side and then a pool table, some bar stools, and even a small dance floor and disco area on the other side.

The band were all sitting on stools and had drinks in hand. A waitress was already laying the table for the group and passing out menus.

I didn't stop Alma as we trooped over to join the men, feeling as if everyone's eyes were on us. Jack immediately took my other arm, and Alma gave me a quick squeeze before heading to Kai.

She glanced at Jack and then at me before she retreated, making it clear something had happened. I wasn't sure I was grateful for it, as he immediately studied me. I looked down, not sure how I felt yet but worried I was too angry to talk about it rationally.

"Did something happen?" he asked. "Are you okay?"

While he spoke, he guided me over to some seats a little more out of the way, and I felt even more glances coming our way. I looked back over to see Alma talking quietly to Kai. Was she telling him what had just happened? Would they think I was a total flake?

I sighed and looked away again. Immediately, I felt silly. They were used to the fans.

"Juno?" Jack asked again. "What happened?"

"It was just the crowds," I said. "They stuck around for a while after you left, and I wasn't expecting it. Took me by surprise, and I got separated from Alma and Eve."

Jack frowned but didn't say anything, so I felt like I had to explain further, my anger already gone and leaving nothing but embarrassment at my reaction.

"Alma said waiting meant they were usually easier to get through, but Eve thought we'd be fine. I froze, and…it's all fine now. Just wasn't prepared for it. I'll know what to expect next time, and I'll make sure I keep with the others."

"I'll let Eve know to be more careful," Jack said as he got up again. I immediately grabbed his arm.

"No. It's okay. It wasn't her fault. I… After… The shouting made me freeze up. It won't be so bad another time."

Jack slipped his arms around me and pulled me up and into a hug. Almost immediately, I felt like I might cry, his strong arms making me feel safer instantly. I fought back the emotion, not wanting to be so vulnerable in front of the rest of the group.

"I'm sorry," he said as he pulled back and saw the emotion I was battling. "I'm so used to everyone coping with the fans. I didn't even…"

"It's okay," I replied. "Really. Just…"

"What?"

"I don't know. I guess I'm tired of having scary things happen. Of feeling scared. Of not coping very well with it."

Jack exhaled and sat back down again, bringing me down beside him.

"It's understandable. And if you want to talk about it, we can later." As he spoke, he reached up and tucked a stray lock of hair behind my ear. "I'm sorry it was so scary, and you weren't ready for it."

My anger melted under the tender apology, but I still found myself biting my lip and feeling less secure than before. Were we really a good match for each other? Or was I completely out of my depth?

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