Chapter 13

Jack

Taking a deep breath, I tried to calm my frantic heart. Thoughts raced through my head as I pictured the words I was reading, the story unfolding in my head while I raced through the book.

Finally, I reached the last page. A large "The End" was staring me in the face. I sat back, unable to think of anything else but the book I'd just finished. It was over a week since I'd met Juno, and I'd finally finished reading the book she'd written. The book about me.

I was still sitting there, not sure how to react or feel, when Kai reappeared, coming up the plane's aisle and sitting down opposite me.

"Finished it, then?" he said, an amused grin on his face.

"Yeah. It was…not what I expected."

"More lewd?"

"No, less so. More…emotion, heart, passion. More just everything. She can write."

"That where this new song came from?" he asked. "Mickey just played me the demo track you recorded this morning."

I considered telling him it hadn't, not wanting to admit she'd gotten under my skin and made me feel something I hadn't expected to feel, but I found myself nodding anyway.

"It's a good song, but it should have some lyrics."

"Yeah, that's why I gave it to the rest of you. We should put some lyrics to it."

"Any idea where you want to begin?" Kai asked. "It has some real passion to it and heart, but unless we all read that book or you can figure out what made you feel so strongly, we're not going to be able to do it justice."

I exhaled, not sure I wanted the rest of the band reading what I just had. Part of me didn't want them to see into her capture of my soul. Although she'd declared the hero in her book had taken on a life of his own, he'd been enough like me that I'd been able to imagine myself in his shoes with ease.

"Let me see if I can summarize it in a way that works," I replied eventually.

"All right," Kai said, reaching into a nearby bag and pulling out a notepad and pen. "Do it while it's still fresh, and we'll see what lyrics we can pull out of it, 'cause right now I'm not sure it's something I'm up to."

You and me both, I thought as I stared at the blank page. How did I sum up what had happened while I read this book? How did I talk about an emotional journey a character had gone through when I was still feeling it and being changed by it?

Kai got up and moved back down the plane, leaving me to the task and giving me some space, something I appreciated. Right now, I didn't need the pressure of someone looking over my shoulder or sitting there waiting for me to produce something.

Sighing, I tried to begin, to just focus on how it had started. But by the time half an hour had gone by, I just had a pile of balled-up paper and two words on a page. Fucked up.

The character started so messed up in the head and heart, and she gently opened him up, slowly offered him love, acceptance, and healing until he could trust and love again. She did it all out of her own pain and fear, her own worry that he'd crush her entirely. The characters needed each other so desperately and so completely, and somehow, they found a way through that pain together.

But no matter how much the thoughts made sense in my heart and head, I couldn't get anything out on the paper.

A few minutes later, I threw the pad of paper across the area of the plane with a growl and got up. I paced a few times before Kai reappeared.

"Struggling, then," he said more than asked. "Wasn't sure you'd find it easy, either. Maybe we should get outside help on this one. Someone better at putting this sort of thing into words."

"Got someone in mind?" I demanded, knowing he didn't deserve me sounding angry at him but unable to help from snapping anyway.

"Yeah. The writer. She's already put it into words once. Figure she'd have a good chance of doing it again."

I growled again, both hating the idea and liking the possibility of legitimately reaching out to her about something. I'd considered it ever since the book had hooked me. Thought about finding some kind of communication for her and letting her know I thought she'd done a good job of capturing me. But how did I do that?

Especially after I'd walked out on her.

"She got to you that bad?" Kai asked as I continued to pace in front of him.

"No. Yes, I… Maybe. It's more that it was difficult to start with, you know? I swooped in and rescued her without thinking, and then I was this hero."

"And you don't want to fall off another pedestal," Kai finished.

"Something like that. I think we all know I can't afford any more bad press."

"And you're worried she will be?"

"Bad press? Yeah, a little. Or just bad in general. I mean, I'm just not sure someone else is a good idea right now."

I exhaled and tried to stop pacing. I felt like a caged animal, and I had to calm down. Thankfully, Kai stuck around and sat down again after getting us both something else to drink.

"Want me to message her and sort something out? Doesn't even have to involve you. I can find her agent or something."

"Her email address is in the back of her books," I replied, not even thinking about it.

"That's bold. Do you think she monitors it?"

"Seems to. The fans say she does." I sighed again and finally sat as well. Could I message her? Would it be so bad? If we were talking lyrics, I could keep it professional and all business.

"Tell me about the book," Kai said a moment later. "Tell me what sticks in your head most."

"How broken the characters were but how passionate they both were about seeing the other healed and safe. They found a way through their mess together, and it made them so much more…human. Like, all these sappy Christmas movies and fluffy romance films have these almost perfect couples whose only flaw is that they don't communicate well enough, or one of them has been offered a job somewhere else. They're so unrealistic for people like us."

"Tell me about it. Alma loves them, but I can't stand watching more than about ten minutes."

"This book was realistic. It made me feel what it was to want that same happy ending but being so messed up by the world that it's so much farther away. Yet they get it anyway. They find a way through the shit and trust each other."

"If all that's true, email her. She sounds like the kind of writer who's going to understand that you're not perfect, who won't create a mountain out of the things that are less important. We had shit hit the fan when you were with her last. Ask her for help, see if she'll give you a chance to say, ‘Crap, babe, didn't mean to walk out on you, but I had to take care of band stuff, and I screwed it up.'" Kai picked up my tablet and handed it over.

Taking it, I nodded. Maybe I could email her, and it wouldn't be so bad.