Chapter Eleven

Austin

Austin sat at the kitchen table perusing the takeout menu while Lynton poured them some wine and organized food for the black cat, whom he had finally introduced as Lucky—so named because she was a rescue cat who had died twice on the operating table while having a badly broken leg pinned.

Canine and feline had met with some hesitation while Lynton and Austin had rocked the bedsprings. They'd come downstairs to find Lucky spitting venom while Rupert lay with his head on his paws, looking distressed at his poor welcome. Now he sat with his head on Austin's lap, keeping well away from the feisty feline.

"You didn't need to bring food for Rupert," Lynton said. "I'm sure I've got plenty of stuff in the freezer he'd be interested in."

Austin shrugged. He didn't want free food for Rupert on top of everything else. The words on the list blurred before his eyes. He wanted to ask Lynton how he could love him and how sure he was, but he was afraid to break the magic of hearing the answer. In his life, no man had ever said they loved him.

Lynton kissed him on the top of his head and placed a glass of wine before him. "Have you decided?"

"No. I'm not really hungry."

Lynton regarded him for a long moment. Then he sighed. "Don't start with that again. Christ, why do you always go back in your shell the moment you climb out of bed? Is that the only time I ever see the real you?"

Austin stood, flushing. "If I'm such lousy company, then why do you want me around?"

"I never said that. You know that's not what I meant."

"You didn't have to." Austin stalked away, intent on leaving. Lynton was right, of course. Once he was clothed and not lying beneath Lynton, he had nothing to say, no way to fit into the world of someone like Lynton. No money, no intellect, no personality. Tears welled hot in his eyes, blurring his vision. He was useless through and through. His only use was as a hole for Lynton to get off in.

"Come back here." Lynton caught his wrist hard and pulled Austin against his body. His violet eyes flashed. "Stop running away from me."

Austin pounded on his chest with one fist. "Why do you love me?" he cried. "Why on God's earth would you love me?"

Lynton stared. He cupped Austin's cheek, holding him still. "Oh, Austin, what's there not to love about you?"

Austin stared up at him with the tears spilling down his cheeks. "I don't want…I can't…" he stammered, unsure of what he was trying to say.

Lynton pushed his other hand through Austin's hair, holding his head. "I'm here," he said in a whisper with his nose touching Austin's. "I said I would be, and I meant it. Now let me in. I want you."

Austin let his head drop onto Lynton's shoulder, burying his face.

◆◆◆

Lynton

They ate pizza on the couch in front of the TV, with the cat curled on one chair and the dog on the other. Austin licked his fingers. He leaned into Lynton and Lynton kissed his lips with tomatoey ones of his own. They left the box and the plates on the floor and cuddled on the couch. Lynton held Austin in his arms and felt the despair and loneliness of the past dissipate. Suddenly his life had purpose; it held meaning. If only he could make Austin see that.

Austin lifted his head. He had sauce at the corner of his mouth which Lynton licked away. They kissed unhurriedly. Lynton unbuttoned Austin's shirt and felt inside, smoothing both hands over Austin's chest. He pressed his mouth to Austin's throat, feeling the hard beat of his pulse. He looked up into his lover's grey eyes.

"Don't be afraid."

Austin didn't say anything. He only pulled Lynton closer and kissed him with that same familiar fervency, the urgency that told him everything he needed to know about Austin's passion for him.

They lay down together, shedding clothes and touching. It was when Lynton felt Austin strain into his hand, felt his tongue in his mouth and his rasping breath as he got closer to the edge, that he prayed that everything was going to be all right.

◆◆◆

Austin

The flames of the fire had reduced to smoldering embers when Austin woke on the couch in Lynton's arms. Rupert was sleeping while Lucky watched him balefully.

Austin's constant anxiety felt somewhat diminished. His heart beat more steadily and seemed to trip along less feebly. Austin had no doubt that he was a half-hearted, weak person in general. His sitting back and letting life pass him by rather than doing something about his misery confirmed that. So why would someone like Lynton love him? It didn't seem possible. It was more likely that Lynton was merely infatuated with him and when he'd wrung every drop of pleasure from Austin's body, he would be on his way. Other people had made Austin this cynical. He couldn't help feeling this way no matter how he tried to be a glass half full kind of guy.

No. Better not to let Lynton inside. At least, not properly. He would be good for a few more rolls in the hay, a glimpse of a better life, but that was all it could ever be. Austin had nothing to offer him, nothing to keep Lynton coming back for more once they got out of the sack.

He eased himself free of Lynton's arms and stood, dressing as quietly as he could. A gesture with his head was enough to have Rupert climbing carefully from his chair, as though not wanting to wake Lynton either. He followed Austin out to the hall.

Austin put Rupert on his leash and opened the door, letting his dog go out before him. After closing it soundlessly behind him, he hurried to his car.