Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

K nox

I lie here in the dark, staring at the ceiling while the soft hum of Perry's breathing fills the room. Her chest rises and falls in that slow, steady rhythm that always calms me—except for tonight. Tonight, it's not enough to quiet the storm in my head. The moonlight filters through the window, casting everything in a pale, silver glow, but all I can see is the mess swirling inside me.

I'm falling for her. Hell, I've probably already fallen. The realization hits me harder than I expected, like a punch to the gut. I glance down at her, her face half-hidden in the pillow, her soft hair spilling over her shoulder. She's so damn peaceful, trusting me enough to sleep soundly beside me, as if I could never hurt her.

But what if I do? What if I let her in completely, and then she tears me apart, just like the last time?

I shift, careful not to wake her, but the bed creaks under my weight. Perry stirs slightly, murmuring something in her sleep before settling back into her slumber. I exhale slowly, the tightness in my chest not loosening the way I need it to. I blink away memories of my six years in the military stationed in Libya and Kuwait. Waking up to the sound of mortars and raids, not knowing which friend I might lose on any given day.

I thought I was over this. Thought I'd buried those old wounds and moved on. But being with Perry has stirred things up in a way I didn't expect. She's different. She's broken through my defenses without even trying, and it scares the hell out of me.

I run a hand through my hair, frustrated at how I'm losing control. I'm not supposed to feel like this—vulnerable, exposed. That's never been me. I've always been the one to keep things at a distance, to hold back just enough so no one can hurt me. But Perry's already too far in. She's dug her way under my skin, and now I'm terrified of what comes next.

The last time I let someone in like this, it ended in betrayal. I trusted her, and she walked away, leaving me gutted. I swore I'd never let myself feel that way again, never let someone get close enough to tear me down. And yet here I am, lying in bed with Perry, feeling everything I promised I wouldn't.

I glance at her again, my heart twisting. She looks so damn innocent right now, like she doesn't have a care in the world. But I know better. She's been through hell, too, with that ex of hers lurking in the shadows, trying to ruin her life. She's been strong through it all, never once letting me see how scared she really is. And that makes me want to protect her even more, to be the one she can lean on.

But what if I'm not enough? What if I can't protect her the way she deserves?

I clench my fists, my mind racing. Loving her feels inevitable, like something I can't stop even if I tried. But what if loving her means losing her? What if I open myself up again, only to watch her slip away, leaving me standing in the wreckage? The weight of that thought presses down on me, heavy and suffocating.

I feel her stir again, her arm reaching out in her sleep to rest against my chest. The simple touch sends a jolt of warmth through me, but it's laced with a sharp edge of fear. She's already too close, already too deep inside my heart. And I don't know if I can handle what comes next.

I close my eyes, trying to force my mind to quiet, but all I see is the past—the betrayal, the heartbreak, the long nights of wondering what I did wrong. I don't want that again. I don't want to feel that helpless, that shattered. But if I keep Perry at a distance, I'll hurt her in a different way. She deserves more than what I'm giving her right now, and I know it.

I just don't know if I'm strong enough to risk everything again.

Morning comes too soon. The soft light of dawn filters through the window, and I realize I haven't slept a damn minute. Perry stirs beside me, her warm body curling into mine as if it's the most natural thing in the world. I can't help but smile at the way she fits against me, her head tucked into the crook of my shoulder, her breath warm against my skin.

But the smile fades as soon as the doubts creep back in.

"Morning," Perry mumbles, her voice thick with sleep. She shifts, blinking up at me, her face soft with the kind of trust that makes my chest tighten. "You okay?"

I nod, forcing a smile. "Yeah. Fine."

But she knows me too well. Her brows furrow, and she props herself up on one elbow, studying me. "You don't look fine."

I sit up, running a hand over my face. "I didn't sleep much."

She frowns, reaching out to touch my arm, her fingers soft against my skin. "What's going on, Knox?"

For a second, I almost tell her. I almost spill everything that's been eating at me, almost let her see the mess I've been trying to keep buried. But I stop myself, pulling away just enough to put some distance between us.

"I'm fine," I say again, but even I don't believe it.

Perry watches me for a moment, her eyes full of concern. I can see the wheels turning in her head, and I know she wants to push, to ask me what's really going on. But she doesn't. Instead, she nods, giving me the space I clearly need but don't deserve.

"Okay," she says softly, though I can hear the doubt in her voice. "But I'm here if you need to talk."

I nod, grateful and guilty all at once. She deserves more than this. More than me pulling away every time things get tough. But I don't know how to stop.