1. Logan

Chapter one

Logan

October

“That’s it, baby doll. Suck my cock like a good little girl.”

In response to my demand, Shiloh works her tongue across my shaft, exploring every inch of me as if this is her first time meeting my dick instead of the thousandth. It’s the best fucking torture.

“Baby.” I groan, tightening my fist around my woman’s long hair, guiding her hot mouth. My head falls into the massive pile of pillows as pleasure rockets through me. “Fuck. If you keep that up, I’m going to come.”

Despite my firm grip, she pops off me the second the words leave my mouth. My head snaps up and my mouth gapes open.

“I was—”

She shoots me a withering glare that has my words dying mid sentence as she wipes her swollen lips with the back of her hand.

“No.”

I bolt upright. “That’s not nice.”

She rolls her eyes in a very Shiloh-like manner as her hands work their way down her naked body. Her thick thighs are spread wide, showing me how wet she is, and I ache to devour her.

“What can I say? I’m not very nice.”

“Lies,” I mutter distractedly, my eyes tracking her movements. Her breasts are heavy and overflowing in her small hands, but they fit perfectly in mine. Fuck. Every inch of her was made for me. “You’re the nicest woman I know.”

She pauses, her fingers millimeters from her dark, hard nipples. My mouth actually waters with jealousy. “I better be the only woman you know, Logan Huxley.”

My eyes flick to hers and narrow. “You’re very grumpy tonight, Mrs. Huxley,” I murmur, shifting to my knees. I cock a brow as I move toward her. “Why exactly would that be, hmm?”

“I’m not grumpy.”

“You most definitely are.” I chuckle, brushing the tip of my finger across her jaw. “I just can’t figure out why.”

I might have an idea, but I’m hoping like hell I’m wrong.

My finger trails down her chest, circling a puckered nipple before chasing the path with my tongue. I suck it between my lips and flick my gaze up to hers, watching as her eyes go hooded. There’s my baby. I pop off, giving her other breast the same attention.

“We have the house to ourselves all weekend,” I murmur as I continue to tease her. “I fed you every single one of your favorite foods for dinner, then spread you out on the counter so I could have my dessert. I spent half an hour with my face buried between your thighs and gave you countless orgasms. What exactly do you have to be so sassy about, baby?”

Please don’t say it.

“I’m fine.” She scoffs and reaches for my cock, pumping it with a firm grip. “Are we doing this, or not?”

I freeze, the harsh bite in her tone catching me off guard.

This isn’t like her. I can count the genuine arguments we’ve had over the three years we’ve been together on one hand. Every single one of them took place in the same eight-week period.

The reminder has my insides twisting painfully, and suddenly, the desire to fuck my wife dissolves. Not because I don’t want her, but because the memory of those weeks makes me want to bundle her in my arms and hold her close. Makes me want to love her, worship her, remind her she and our boys are the most precious things on the goddamned planet to me.

“Hey.” I snag her wrist, tugging it away from my softening dick and bring it to my mouth. I press my kiss to her wedding ring, the same way I do countless times a day. “Talk to me.”

Shiloh bites her lip and looks away. Nope. Can’t have that. I gently grip her chin, forcing her pretty eyes back to mine. I’m shocked to find them glossy.

“Oh, baby doll.” Her eyes squeeze shut as a muffled sob slips free. She tucks her lips in and curls in on herself. The sight is enough to destroy me. “Fuck.”

Without pause, I drop to my ass and snatch her up, bundling her into my lap. She comes willingly, but her body is tense. I scoot back against the mound of pillows and draw a soft blanket over her bare skin, cuddling her close. I press my lips to her hair and cradle her head to my chest.

She buries her face into me as if she’s trying to crawl her way into my body. I let her. She needs this.

Fuck. We both do.

“I’m here. I’ve got you. It’s okay to hurt,” I whisper, my voice thick with emotion as I rock her. “Let go, baby.”

And she does.

My girl pours her devastation into the dark room, releasing every ounce of pain buried deep inside her. The whole time, I murmur words of love and adoration, reminding her she isn’t alone.

I knew this moment was coming, but I’d made the mistake of thinking a full weekend of happiness, of all her favorite things, would lessen the hurt. Not make her forget—we’d never forget–but fuck, I was praying to at least give her some moments of peace amongst all the pain.

My eyes flick up to the massive skylight I had installed when I turned our attic into her permanent nest. A place for us to play, to fall into each other. Nowadays, we only escape up here when my parents can watch the twins, or they’re down for a solid night’s rest. It’s not nearly as often as either of us would like.

My arms tighten around her.

I’ll need to change that.

It doesn’t take long for her body to go limp, but the tears never stop flowing. With every heart wrenching sob that escapes her, I fall deeper and deeper into the memories that flood the space between us.

Tomorrow would have been our daughter's first birthday.

A little over a year and a half ago, we lost our girl, Lilah. We’d only just found out her sex in an early gender test Shiloh had taken.

I swallow hard, remembering the way we both cried as we read the results.

“Our family’s complete now, Logan.”

God, she was so fucking happy. We both were.

The next week, we celebrated the boy's first birthday with our family iand friends. Shi was glowing. Lilah was healthy. The boys were their usual happy, rambunctious selves.

And as I watched my family laugh and play, I was on the top of the world.

Not even seven days later, we were in the hospital grieving.

At thirteen weeks, we’d been cautiously optimistic. We knew given Shiloh’s past there was a chance things wouldn’t turn out, just as there had been for the boys. But damn, we’d hoped and prayed harder than ever before.

It’s crazy how quickly life changes. How drastically things can fall apart in the blink of an eye. One second, your world is perfect. Next, you’re questioning how you’ll survive the crushing pain tearing you apart. And despite what people say, time doesn’t heal all wounds. It only makes them smaller, more tolerable to bear, until suddenly they’re ripped open and you’re forced to feel that pain all over again.

I shake my head and rub my hand down her back, doing all I can to soothe her tears. It’s not enough. It will never be enough.

We both lost our daughter, but for my wife, it’s different.

For a mother, it’s more than loss, it’s defeat. Shiloh feels responsible for Lilah not making it. She blames herself for being too active when planning the boy’s party. It’s a hurt she’s struggled to let go of.

But I know it’s more than the party.

I know Shiloh blames her body. Feels betrayed by it.

And no matter how much time passes, no matter how much love I pour into her, I don’t think her hurt is something I’ll ever be able to heal.

“I-I’m so sorry,” she cries, digging her nails into my chest. I let her. If she needs to give me her pain, I’ll take it. I’ll take it all.

I shake my head. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Shiloh. Nothing at all.”

“You did so much for me today and I’m being a bitch.”

Her words are muffled, and it takes me a moment to decipher them, but when I do, my jaw ticks. I gently pull her face from chest, tipping her chin so I can see her red-rimmed eyes.

“So what? It’s okay to be a bitch sometimes, Shiloh.”

I can barely make her out in the dark room, only the glow from the skylight above us illuminating her gorgeous features. But it’s enough to tell me my words have shocked her.

“If that’s what you need to do to breathe, then give me your worst. I’ll take it. I’ll be your punching bag, your soft place to land. I’ll be whatever you need, baby.”

“Logan…” She sucks in a sharp breath and shakes her head. I press a kiss to her lips, ending whatever disagreement she was about to spout.

“I choose you, Shiloh Huxley,” I whisper, reveling in the shudder that works through her. “I choose you as my friend, my partner, my wife. You are the mother of my children, my future. I choose you now, and I’ll choose you again and again, every day for the rest of our lives.”

Shiloh chokes on another sob and grips my cheeks, running the tips of her fingers through my overgrown beard. So much has changed in the last three years, but so much has remained the same.

My love for my wife has only grown. There’s not a day that goes by that I don’t look at my woman and say a silent thank you to the stars for giving her to me. Shiloh gave me our twins, Asher and Archer. She’s given me hundreds of days full of smiles and laughter. Nights full of passion and love. She’s given me my life back, and for that, I’ll endure whatever hell she needs to throw at me.

“You’re too good for me,” she murmurs through sniffles. Her lip lifts in a tiny smile that melts my damn heart. “But I don’t care. I’m never giving you back.”

Chuckling, I brush my beard across her cheek. Her laughter lightens some of the pain pressing against my heart.

“Oh, baby doll,” I coo, kissing the hollow of her throat. “That’s where you’ve got it all wrong.” I work my way down her chest slowly, not to turn her on or take things further, just because I love the way she smells, her sweet taste. “From the moment I saw you, you’ve owned me. Without you, I’m nothing. You can’t give me back if my existence depends on you.”

She scoffs, threading her fingers through my hair. I groan when she tugs lightly. It’s completely inappropriate, but my cock perks up.

Not now, buddy. It’s bad form to stand at attention when our woman’s crying.

“You’re saying you’d perish if I was gone? Just poof , no more Logan?” She giggles. “That’s ridiculous.”

Pulling back, I shoot her a mock glare. “Where the hell do you think you’re going?”

Her eyes widen. “You do realize that someday I’ll di—”

My heart hammers in my chest and I slam my lips to hers, ending that absurd thought before she can dare voice it. Nah. Not happening. We don’t need to be giving the world any ideas. Especially one's like that.

“You watch your mouth, Mrs. Huxley,” I growl against her lips as I slap a palm down on her ass check. She jolts with a squeak and I quickly rub away the sting. “You will never die. Do you understand me? Never.”

“Lo—”

I smack her ass again, loving the way her thick curves move beneath my hand. “No. I will not allow it.”

She swallows hard, tightening her hold on my hair. She uses her grip to force my eyes to meet hers.

“But it’s the truth,” she whispers, looking devastated at the mere thought. My shoulders drop. “Someday, we’ll be long gone, and our family. The boys, and any other—”

Her eyes fall shut, and a tear slips free. I brush it away, picking up where she left off.

“Any other children we have will be taken care of by their big brothers. They’ll have their family to love them because, baby doll, neither of us are going anywhere until we’re old and gray, surrounded by a pack of great-grand babies. You got me?”

She sighs. “I got you.”

I smack her delicious butt again.

“Say it,” I demand. “Tell me what I wanna hear.”

Her tongue pokes out, gliding across her swollen lips. She shifts in my lap, straddling me. “I got you, Daddy.”

A long groan leaves me and my already hardening cock thickens to full mast. The sound of her nickname for me never gets old.

“Fuck, baby doll,” I breathe, gripping her ass cheeks. They’re even thicker now than they were when we met. Her body has changed over the years. After having the boys, her pregnancy with Lilah, and a few other chemical pregnancies, my woman’s been through a lot.

And with every day that passes, I only love her more.

Only want her more.

Only need her more.

She rocks her hips against me at a slow, delicious pace and whimpers when my cock head slides against her wet folds. The blanket falls around her waist and I brush it away, exposing her fully.

“You’re so goddamned sexy,” I praise, massaging her lower back as I devour every inch of her. Her golden skin glows in the moonlight and when her head tips back, her long hair brushing against my fingers, I can’t help but get caught up in her. “A fucking goddess, baby doll. My goddess. My wife. My woman. My everything.”

Shiloh quickens her pace, gripping my shoulders for support. “Logan.” Her throat bobs. “I love you so much. More than I ever thought possible. You’ve…” She breaks off, her body shuddering as emotion and lust fill her gaze. “You’ve been incredible. My rock. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

With one hand on her ass, I reach up and thread my fingers through her hair, tipping her head back to look up at me. “And you’ll never have to find out.”

She blinks back another tear. “Make love to me.”

I pause, tightening my hold. My eyes flit between hers, looking for honesty, looking to make sure she’s really okay with this.

“Baby, we don’t have to.” I shake my head. “It’s okay if you’re not up for it. I’m happy to just hold you.”

She untangles my hand from her hair and guides my fingers down her body, not stopping until we’ve reached her warm cunt. Our eyes track the path our joined hands take and we collectively suck in a breath as I brush my thumb across her wet clit.

“Do I feel like I’m not up for it?” she asks breathily. I groan, thrusting my hips up so my cock can get in on the action. Shiloh whimpers again. “Make love to me, Daddy. Please?”

I rub my thumb across her delicate bundle of nerves, watching as goosebumps break out over her skin. “You never have to beg, baby, but you do it so damn well.”

Still, I don’t jump to fuck her. I want to. God, do I want to.

But not even ten minutes ago, my girl was breaking in my arms and I don’t want to do anything to make this worse for her. Especially with what tomorrow is.

“Do you want me to wear a condom, Shi?” I murmur.

For a few months after we lost Lilah, we decided to stop trying. It was too much for both of us. It wasn’t until Shi and I took up couples counseling that we got through the worst of it, healed together.

Some months are still too hard.

Some months, when she’s fertile, we skip sex altogether.

For Shiloh, it’s easier than agonizing over plastic sticks. There’s peace in knowing she can’t possibly be pregnant if we didn’t try. If that’s what she needs right now, I’d do it. I’d do it and so much more just to make her feel better.

I don’t know what I’m expecting her to do, but like always, my woman catches me off guard.

Leaning forward, she kisses me, hard and hot. Her small hands wrap around my neck, tugging me closer, pulling me in so I’m flush against her body. Her breasts press into my chest, her soft belly and hips slammed up against mine. I groan into her mouth, devouring her, drinking in her taste.

We fall into the kiss, making out like teenagers. It doesn’t take long for all thoughts beyond her to leave me. My hands trail over her body, rememorizing every curve and dip. The feel of her soft skin, the way she molds to my body perfectly.

When she pulls back, my vision is blurry and I’m panting for breath. Shiloh pushes up to her knees and grips my cock, sliding my leaking tip through her wetness.

“Baby,” I breathe, my fingertips digging into her hips. “Baby, you gotta answer me before I lose my mind. Do you want me to wear—”

“No,” she murmurs, cutting me off. Her eyes flick up to mine, even as she continues to torture me in the sweetest way. “I know we’re supposed to just enjoy ourselves. That Dr. Brink said to have fun and stop tracking the calendar, but I’m ovulating, and…” She breaks off with a shrug.

“I know, baby doll. I know.”

No matter how hard this journey’s been, Shiloh has never lost hope. Has never given up.

I grip my cock, guiding the tip to her entrance. I pause even though it kills me to not slam up inside her warmth and fuck her nice and deep. Instead, I grip her jaw with my free hand, bringing us nose to nose.

“No matter what happens, never forget that I love you and what we have right this second is enough. Got me?”

“I got you,” she whispers. Her eyes are hooded as she flicks them up to mine. “Now breed me, Daddy.”

And, goddamnit, I pray to all that is holy that I do.