XXXVII

H er sonic scream had never come to her with such ease. There was no twisting of her insides in prelude. No fire in her lungs as she set her sights on her targets. It felt like stepping into her rightful power and the banshee she was meant to become but had always been too afraid to embrace. Stella tilted up her chin as the Infernal in front of her prepared to launch another arrowhead.

She was the Duchess of Death.

The scream she released tore the Infernal apart—as much as one could to any shadow or whisper—until all that remained were ashes floating in the air into oblivion. Stella spun to the next and delivered it the same fate. The last of the infernals caught on and fled before Stella could attack.

"That was incredible," Raphael breathed, "and you cleared the mist."

Stella glanced around. She had by several yards. A smile graced her lips that was quickly taken over by Raphael in a short desperate kiss. He pulled away with all the haste with which he'd claimed her, staring into her eyes with something she'd never seen before. Her heart clenched.

"We need to go while we can. Come on."

They ran side by side, with Raphael pointing to the direction they were heading. With the fog gone, it was easier to see just where he intended to take them. After all, the hallway was one Stella saw every day. It was the hall outside her apartment.

She didn't understand how it was possible, but the closer they got, the clearer it became. Twisting her head this way and that, it was as if she was looking through poorly frosted glass at other areas of the Dark Court. The Ether wasn't just a place devoid of time and space for the demons to travel through; it allowed them eyes in every corner of the court.

Stella would bet everything in her coffers they used it to spy.

Her alarming discovery was cut short as a symphony of enraged screams filled the air. Stella sent a harried glance over her shoulder and immediately picked up her pace. Dozens of infernals were coming after them.

"Take my hand!"

She did and Raphael launched them forward with a cry into the frosty barrier between the Ether and Stella's hallway. Her eyes closed on instinct as icy pinpricks doused her body, but she did catch a glimpse of the shift that she hadn't before. Of Raphael vaporizing into inky blackness and the hand held in his doing the same.

They hit the ground hard, but Raphael didn't give Stella any time to digest the impact, pulling her up. "We need to get inside. Now. "

The lights in the hall began flickering rapidly before Raphael finished his sentence. Stella lunged for her door, hand clasping around the knob as fast as she could. The unlocking process had never felt longer.

"Come on, come on, come on ."

Stella twisted and twisted the knob until it allowed entry. They barreled through the entryway and slammed the door shut behind them. Stella tried not to think of the thud that greeted them from the other side as she locked the deadbolt that would secure the rest with magic.

"Why didn't you just—" Stella waved her hands in the air as she caught her breath some "—place us directly in my room?"

"Your wards. Can't," Raphael gasped, holding his side as he limped to her loveseat. "You wouldn't happen to have any more bandages lying about, would you? Or preferably something stronger for this?"

"Of course." Stella rushed to claim her medicine basket and returned with it and a few spare towels. She handed the latter to Raphael. "For your side."

Raphael pressed the bundle to his side with a hiss. Stella rummaged through the basket with her heart in her throat. Anything that looked remotely helpful she pulled out, but there was one in particular she was looking for.

"Ah ha!"

Stella tugged the small rectangular case free from the bottom of the basket and unzipped it. Inside six small vials sat nestled in velvet. She took one out, uncorked it, and handed it to Raphael.

"Drink this. It will heal any internal damage from that." Stella's hand shot for one of the other bottles she'd chosen. Unscrewing the cap revealed a dropper. Stella filled it before kneeling in front of Raphael. "I need to see the wound." Raphael grunted and lifted the towels, leaving Stella to tug up his shirt. Her stomach heaved at the sight of dark red writhing veins shooting out from his wound. "This will sting," she warned.

"Do it."

His back arched and a violent string of curses left his mouth as the syrupy liquid met the open wound. The veins withering intensified until they shrank to nothing. Stella breathed a sigh of relief.

"What the hell was that?"

"An in-case of emergency elixir," Stella replied. "According to River, it was extremely hard to make and I should cherish this bottle and the ground she walks on." Stella chuckled weakly. "She made it for me months and months ago, before the sorcerer edict went into effect and—"

"And you used it on me ?"

She cleared her throat and turned back to the medicine basket before he saw her blush. "We should clean that still and bandage it."

Raphael didn't respond, but Stella felt his gaze on her every movement as she cleaned him up and bandaged him.

"There," Stella proclaimed. "All better. Well, mostly. If you're not careful it could rip open, and it doesn't mean you won't be sore." She twisted and snagged a jar. It rattled like a maraca as she swung back to face him. "Take one of these. It will help with the pain."

Raphael took the pill she offered wordlessly and popped it into his mouth. He swallowed it with a grimace, his eyes never once leaving hers.

"I'm sorry."

Stella sank back onto her heels and looked down. "For what exactly?"

"The Ether… I don't usually travel there because I have trouble navigating it, but I didn't know what else to do."

"We made it out, didn't we?" she said with weak enthusiasm.

He said nothing for a long moment, long enough that Stella raised her eyes to his. Her breath hitched as his eyes darkened and he said roughly, "Come here."

Stella did as he asked, moving tentatively to sit next to him. Despite her care, Raphael adjusted himself with a groan.

"Maybe you should lay—"

"No, you're hurt."

Stella's brow turned down. " I'm hurt? You're the one with cuts all over. I should see to those too, before they get infected."

He shook his head. "They're fine. Not before I take care of you first." Stella gulped. His voice was like velvet-wrapped steel, coaxing and demanding all at once.

"All right," Stella whispered.

Raphael leaned forward toward the medicine basket and plucked out a square packet. The antiseptic wipe stung as he ran it across the cut on her neck, but his touch was tender. "There's not much more to it than that thankfully. It was shallow and there's none of those red veins," he said.

Stella started to nod when he leaned forward, head bent slightly. A moment later, a stream of his breath breezed over the cut. Goosebumps rose across her body.

"Thanks."

"It's the least I could do," Raphael murmured as he shrunk back out of her personal space. Stella felt hot all over. She couldn't meet Raphael's eye and turned her regard to the fireplace mantel. What she saw made her balk.

"Oh, my Gods."

Raphael turned to see what caused her distress and let out a pained hiss. "What? What is it?"

"It's almost two in the afternoon!"

Raphael stilled, then slowly turned back to face her. He looked the opposite of distressed, and slightly more on the side of annoyed. "This upsets you?"

"That means we were in the Ether for hours . Hours upon hours! I thought that the whole ordeal lasted twenty minutes. Maybe thirty."

"Isn't your clock broken?" Raphael cocked his head as he studied it.

Stella puffed up her chest. "I fixed it." Raphael raised a speculative brow, but Stella refused to back down from her lie. The clock hardly needed fixing. She knew how it worked and where it got stuck, which meant the current time was correct, or close to it, as it typically sped up around the two.

He placed his hand on her knee. "Remember what I said? The Ether doesn't adhere to the time we know. I've known people meaning to travel from one floor to the next through the Ether, and it taking more than ten hours."

"Ten hours is a very long time," Stella stressed. "What about the people you know who've taken longer?"

"You met them," he deadpanned.

"Oh."

Stella's gaze lingered then on his hand. She knew they were toeing a line right now, one that once crossed, there would be no going back from. It quickened her breath with the string of longing it inspired. Yet a part of her still held back, cautioning her and reminding her of his earlier confession.

The one that hadn't felt entirely true.

"Raphael… I need to ask you a question, and I need you to be honest with me. If you can't, then you need to leave." She paused and looked up at him. He returned her regard without flinching and inclined his chin in a low nod. Stella's palms grew sweaty. "Earlier, before the Ether, we exchanged truths. Except, you didn't tell me the whole truth." He opened his mouth to protest, but Stella shook her head. "I felt it, Raphael. You were holding something back, something important. I want to know what it is."

Though he'd done a magnificent job of shielding his pain and emotions from her, his dread read clearly across his face.

"It's complicated," he replied hoarsely.

Stella placed her hand on top of his, stringing together the last bits of her courage. "I'm willing to try, Raphael—to try this with you—but we'll never stand a chance if you can't try to. I need the whole truth. The truth or you go. What will it be?"

Raphael wanted to laugh, but Stella's somber expression kept it at bay. She wanted to try.

He closed his eyes and let the words repeat in his head. There was no more denying the feelings he was developing for her—soulmark spurred or not. Tonight, she risked her life for him and fought by his side. She trusted him.

Would she still if he told her the whole truth like she wanted?

"Raphael." A quiet kind of resignment rounded out his name.

He opened his eyes and saw her blue ones cast away from him. "I think you should go."

She started to slip her hand off his, but fast as a whip, he clapped his other hand on top of hers.

"I'll tell you."

"You will?" Raphael didn't blame the skepticism Stella projected.

"Yes."

Raphael felt like a specimen on a table with Stella standing before him, scalpel in hand, ready to split him open. Except there was nothing but kindness in her eyes, kindness and hard will. She wouldn't be denied the truth by him any longer.

He wasn't entirely certain whether setting this course in motion would harm him or not.

Harm them or not.

In for a penny…

"What I said was true about my sister. Her life is being held as collateral for me to complete certain tasks."

"For the grimoire?"

Raphael nodded, watching as Stella chewed on the inside of her cheek. He waited for her to speak, then debated if he shouldn't be simply offering up the rest of the information. The answer was certainly that he should, but guilt weighed down his tongue.

"And me?"

Their eyes met. Raphael nodded again.

"They, er, want you out of the picture. I was tasked with making it look like an accident."

Stella flinched before taking a deep breath as she glanced away. "I guess I shouldn't be so surprised. I knew you were trying to kill me."

Raphael guided her attention back to him with a fingertip against her jaw. "I'm not going to kill you."

"I know," she whispered. Stella braved a sad smile. "We've had that conversation a time or two too." A knot lodged in his throat. "I thought you were going to tell me something I didn't already know."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not like you had a choice, right?" Stella's smile wavered.

His brow furrowed as he swallowed down the knot. "I didn't, but I had the choice to treat you with respect. I didn't earn myself extra points by being cruel to you."

Stella's cheeks colored. "Then why did you?"

"Because it was easier and kept you at arm's length." The color on her cheeks intensified. "Stella—"

Her shrug cut him off, but the movement was too fast to achieve any sort of nonchalance. "It's fine."

"It's not to me," he said with surprising vehemence. Raphael scooted to the edge of the couch with a grimace.

"What are you doing?" Stella's eyes widened.

With a grunt, Raphael kneeled before her. "Apologizing properly."

Her brow furrowed. "But—"

He sent her a small glare followed swiftly by a pleading look. "Please. I'm not explaining myself properly." Stella nodded, the movement small. Raphael wet his lips. "The threat of Layla being killed and my horns being taken wasn't the only motivation behind my mission's success." Raphael ignored Stella's small gasp and the color dropping from her cheeks. "My success meant my deficiency might be corrected."

"You're not deficient, Raphael."

Stella's fierce declaration made him swallow. He mustered a grim smirk. "Talk to any of my kind, and they'll say the opposite, love, and quite adamantly."

She frowned down at him. "Your sister wouldn't."

Raphael hesitated. "I'm not so sure about that." His grin faltered and fell. "Neither of us came out like we were supposed to." Stella's frown deepened and Raphael found himself floundering under her regard. "That, and the despair in her. She's permanently the glass half-empty type."

"I'm sorry."

"You've nothing to be sorry for. It's not like you had a hand in any of it." Raphael glanced away. "The only reason I bring it up is because our lives, mine and Layla's, would change drastically if I became a full-fledged demon. I could offer her better protection. Help her earn her horns. Maybe even help her become a full demon too. We wouldn't be harassed anymore or targeted. We wouldn't be treated like we were dirt from our kind.

"I'd do anything to give Layla a better life. Having it dangled in front of me with this mission…" Raphael kept his eyes downcast; his hands, which rested on either side of Stella, moved to clasp the outside of her thighs. The contact anchored him and allowed him to keep going. "I acted out of desperation." His throat seized momentarily as he acknowledged the ugly truth. "I acted like one of them , without a conscience and unnecessary cruelty." Raphael let loose a bitter laugh. "I don't even think full demons have a conscience."

"Raphael—"

"Please, I swear I'm almost done."

"All right," she whispered.

Raphael squeezed her thighs gently with gratitude. "When we arrived here, I tried to hold onto my humanity. At least partly. Matters of survival always came first, but I did my best not to sink to their standards if I could get around it. Partly out of spite and partly out of fear. Fear of what they might do to us. Fear of losing my connection altogether with my humanity. I thought it made me better than them."

A sudden tremor rippled over Raphael. He stared hard at Stella's lap as another terrible truth assaulted him.

"But I threw it away just so I could become something I never wanted to be. So, I could prove I was good enough." Raphael's jaw clenched as he held back the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry," he said with a roughened quality to his voice. "I'm sorry for everything, Stella, for making you feel even an ounce of doubt in yourself or your worth because you are the only good thing to come out of this mess."

Stella said nothing.

"You don't have to forgive me… but I hope you'll understand why I've done everything I have. Why I've said the awful things I have. They're no excuse, but they're all I have to explain myself."

Another tremor went through Raphael as the silence thickened. He was certain she felt it. His forearms pressed tight against her legs, and his grip on her thighs bordered on bruising. Raphael forced himself to ease off and steeled himself to let go when Stella cleared her throat. He looked up at her, glassy-eyed.

She wore a peaceful expression that didn't quite meet her eyes. Raphael couldn't read what it meant or which way her emotions were leaning. Would she forgive him? Or had he made a complete fool of himself, baring his soul like that for nothing?

His own emotions burned too bright inside him to make out any hint of what Stella felt. All he had to go by was her body language, and she held herself with such calm and poise he couldn't garner anything.

"If I don't forgive you…" Raphael's stomach sank. "Would that mean more groveling from you on your knees? Because this is a sight I could get used to."

"Are you having a go at me right now?" he asked carefully, trying to tamper the sudden soar of hope flying through him.

The gleam in her eye grew. Raphael watched as she tried to keep control over her expression before a grin split across her face.

"Maybe a little."

"After I bared my heart to you?" He growled teasingly and yanked her forward some. Stella let out a small squeak of surprise. "You're a wicked woman. I blame my own influence."

Stella laughed and cupped his cheek in one hand, her gaze softening as he leaned into her touch. "I... I forgive you, Raphael."

Gods , he was getting choked up all over again. He exhaled sharply and kept his voice light as he replied, "That easy?"

Her small smile was full of knowing. "Have you forgotten the reason I struck the deal with you in the first place? For me to get a sample of your blood? I used you too." Raphael winced. He had until that moment. "I just… I get why you did what you did, and I suppose why you acted that way. I don't agree with it, and you did hurt me," she stressed, "but I get it."

"Thank you," Raphael exhaled shakily before hoisting up a grin. "Then I suppose I can forgive your wicked ways as well."

Because if she could forgive him, he could forgive her too. Even if their combined actions dug them into a much deeper hole than either could have anticipated.

At least they were there together.

Stella held his gaze, and he was at once ensnared. "You were worse though," she said, voice trailing off.

"I was," he agreed with fervor. "But I swear to be a better man for you."

A little noise, almost like a coo, emitted from her. Stella's thumb swept across his cheekbone, eyes searching his face. "Be a better man for yourself first," she said. "The rest will fall into place as it's meant to."

"When did you get so wise?"

Stella removed the cradle of her hand to flick him in the nose. "I've always been wise. And for the record, Raphael, I think you're ten times the man and demon than any of your kind." She visibly swallowed and rested her hands on his forearms. "I like your differences. They make you, you, and set you apart from everyone else at court. They're all fools not to see your worth."

Fuck.

Raphael buried his head in her lap. Her hands rubbed up and down his arms as he settled himself with several deep breaths. He'd never felt this way before, so grateful and in awe of another. To have such kindness and light shined on him was equally rare. Raphael tightened his hold on her.

He couldn't lose her.

Raphael forced his head back up. She looked down at him unguarded.

"You will be the death of me," he told her, each word listed tenderly off his tongue.

She smiled softly at him. "And you me."

Stella reached up tentatively and ran the back of her knuckles over one of his horns. Raphael shivered as the sensation traveled across his body.

"What a happy death it will be," she murmured, sinking back some in her seat and letting her hand fall to her lap again. "That was all it was then? The grimoire and me?"

Raphael stilled, then shook his head. "It wasn't."

He told her of Jax then. How he'd been assigned to get close to him for months, and that his final task was getting him to willingly leave the Vranas for the demons. He encountered a hollow sort of reaction from her. One that stretched endlessly through the bond as Stella stared at him with fingers curled in disbelief before her mouth.

Her pallor dropped as he explained to her what had happened before he'd come knocking at her door that morning. How everything he'd done had been exposed by Kat and explained to her about Kat and Gabriel's meddling the last few weeks.

"Anything else I should be made aware of?" Stella asked once his words died off.

"Just one."

Raphael's gut clenched.

He removed a hand from her thigh and held it between them, palm up. Raphael concentrated on that little flame that always seemed to be flickering inside of him now. The more he drew his focus around it, the warmer it became. Raphael worked up a sweat along his hairline as he dragged the flame down through his arm to his open palm.

"Raphael, what are you doing?"

"Just, give me a moment." His face scrunched in concentration. The sound of his blood pumping through his veins grew louder in his ears. He'd never tried to call his magic this way, and all signs were pointing to failure when a phantom flame appeared in the center of his hand.

Stella gasped. Her fingers uncurled and completely covered her mouth. The flame flickered away a few seconds later with Raphael panting.

"Is that… is that a new demon power or something?"

"It's not a demon power," Raphael answered. "It's a sorcerer power. At least, that's what Jax hypothesized. Between my already less-than-demon nature and spending time with him, he thought his God might have wanted to gift me with power." Raphael swallowed. "With how well my little magic trick went just now, I'd wager a guess that Anubis is in the process of rescinding that gift. Especially after betraying Jax."

Stella said nothing. An invisible force stretched taut between them, her feelings becoming an enigma to him. He tried to catch her eye but soon gave up and ducked his head.

"I'll go."

He moved to rise, but Stella's warm hand clasped around his wrist.

"Don't."

Raphael kept his head ducked. "You need space after everything I've just told you."

"No," Stella said firmly. "I don't."

"Then you should go to the Vranas," he argued, head snapping up. "It's too dangerous to be with me."

Stella snorted and rolled her eyes. "I can't count the number of times I've been put on someone's hit list. If anyone is in danger from association, it's you."

"Stella—"

"We stand a fighting chance if we work together, Raphael." She let her hand move down to his. Their hands held on tightly to one another. "We can survive this. I know we can."

Raphael released a shaky exhale. "Together?"

She nodded with a small smile. "Together, and with the Vranas' help, of course."

"Love, I doubt the Vranas will want to help if I'm involved. Jax, remember?"

A self-satisfied smile curved her lips. "Ah, but I am a Vrana, and I do want to help. Plus, since you're my soulmark, that technically makes you a Vrana, too. I think."