XXXIII

R aphael was disheveled, in both mental state and appearance. The latter wasn't something he would normally let slide. Appearances were everything in the court, but he couldn't summon a single fuck to care once he pulled himself out of his shower. Thankfully, it was far too early for most courtiers to be out, barely dawn. Still, he wished he'd done more to tame his hair or, at the very least, pick a shirt that wasn't wrinkled to hell.

He blamed the book Jax gave him.

Raphael only meant to read a chapter or two and skim the more interesting parts, but that hadn't happened. Once he started, he couldn't tear his eyes away from the text. He spent the entire night finishing it, and most of the following day going back to study different parts. By the time he closed his eyes an entire evening had passed and left him to his frazzled state.

Thinking on it now, he supposed it wasn't so much a book as it was a journal.

The hand-written pages chronicled the principles of sorcery, patron relationships, and the balance of magic among personal experiences. Where Jax got it, he couldn't begin to guess. The pages were far too worn, and the elegant flourishes and thoughtfully sketched diagrams weren't Jax's harried style. Its worn leather binding indicated it had been read many times and passed through many hands. Raphael stood among the many now.

The book had changed him—and not in a way he liked.

Reading the sorcerer's words chiseled away at something inside him. A power caged in stone and hidden away to be forgotten or never found at all. Once enough cracks had been made by the impassioned confessions and enlightened ramblings, it unleashed itself and something shifted inside him.

Even now it felt as if some strange battle waged inside his body leaving him hot one moment and cold the next. Desire ran rampant inside of him too. A want that was deeper than he could comprehend and tugged at him from different directions. It was no wonder he couldn't sleep.

Raphael slowed his gait to take in his surroundings, then a groan issued itself through clenched teeth. His feet had taken him back to yesterday's scene. It shouldn't have surprised him. He was on his way to see Jax and any number of halls could have led him there.

Still, returning so soon dragged his thoughts straight back to her .

Raphael had done quite well keeping his mind off Stella, for the most part, at least. There was also the fact that she'd kept the door tightly closed on their bond since leaving him in the hall, which helped some. He huffed a sigh and gave the intersection a long once-over. His gaze came to rest where Stella had stood, clothes sweat-stained and face set for battle. A muscle twitched near his jaw. He pursed his lips.

It bothered him that she kept their bond on lockdown.

It bothered him.

Him. He hated that.

He hated her holier-than-thou attitude.

He hated the way she so effortlessly picked him apart.

He hated the way she slammed a wall down on their obvious connection.

Raphael's jaw worked. Amongst the disdain and hatred was confusion because she had come for him . She saved him and Layla. Despite her claim of self-preservation, she comforted him when she knew her lie would break his spirit. The warmth and support she offered him had wrapped around his weary muscles and held him upright. He couldn't forget it.

"Fuck me," he muttered and rubbed tiredly at his mouth and jaw.

Stella was a pathogen he couldn't fight off and the virus she set off in his blood was growing by the night. Gods damn it all, he wanted her.

And there was no release from it.

Raphael steered his thoughts elsewhere, specifically to the malignant ulcer that was Kat. Once back in the safety of his room after the incident, he pinpointed exactly when she began to manipulate his emotions. Stella's pity, which hadn't been pity at all.

It was sympathy, maybe empathy twisted into an uglier form that struck a nerve too poignant for Raphael to ignore. He despised being pitied. He received more than his fair share as a child and teenager, from adults who watched his family struggle from a distance. Adults who watched them implode and rebuild, implode and rebuild, implode and rebuild , with only the rubble around them. From decrepit neighbors who wanted nothing to do with their brand of trouble, to teachers too exhausted to care.

All his life there were people who could have pulled them out of the chaos, but they hadn't. They'd failed them. Just as he had failed Layla in those last few years of their humanity, and just like he was failing to do now.

Raphael swallowed thickly. "How did she know?" he murmured to himself.

Kat was vigilant of others' weaknesses, but Raphael didn't receive enough pity in the court to tip her off to that particular failing. Hatred, disgust, curiosity, apathy, and even admiration, yes. Pity? No. That was intimate knowledge, and she certainly hadn't gotten it from him.

"Shit." Raphael pinched the bridge of his nose as the truth struck him. Layla .

With an exhale that seemed to echo through the hall, he dropped his hand and continued onward. The obvious revelation threatened to derail him, but Raphael kept himself on a tight leash. He needed all his focus pooled into his one task of the evening; convincing Jax to leave the Vranas officially. Another heavy exhalation left him.

The last time he'd seen Jax had been the night of his siphon's failure. That was a week ago. They exchanged correspondence sporadically throughout the week, yet much had been left unsaid in their exchanges. Jax hadn't asked Raphael if he'd read the journal book. Raphael hadn't asked if he attempted to perform dark magic. The biggest revelation that had passed between them was that Jax was onto something big.

Raphael tried to smooth down his wrinkled shirt to no avail as Jax's laboratory loomed up ahead, then switched to tame his hair, which was far more cooperative. This is it. Raphael rallied his nerves and stood tall before the door. He knocked and wasn't kept waiting long.

Astonishment hit him first at the smirking face that greeted him. His jaw dropped. Then anger tore through his bloodstream.

"What the hell are you doing here? Where's Jax?"

Kat's smirk widened to a smile. She was dressed for sex. Her top plunged to her navel and she wore a skirt that rested high on her thighs. The same gaudy crystal necklace she showed him before rested between her breasts, this time paired with an even gaudier set of earrings. "I'm sorry, I'm afraid Jax no longer wants anything to do with you."

Raphael's stomach dropped to the floor. "Excuse me?"

"He wants no part in this fake friendship you've been selling him." Somehow Kat's smile grew larger.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Raphael peered around her and saw Jax lingering casually against the wall at the end of the entry hall. His expression was impassive. Raphael's pulse skyrocketed. "What the fuck is going on Jax?"

Kat weaved to the side to obstruct his view. Her eyes filled with malice and unadulterated joy. "He knows , Raphael." She injected her voice with cloying condescension. "He knows you've been using him to get information on the Vranas—"

"What?!"

"He knows you've been stealing from him and selling his things."

"That's not true," Raphael shouted as his eyebrows rose and a flush went up his entire body. "Jax, she's lying." He pushed forward, shouldering Kat aside. "Don't believe a word—"

"He knows you sabotaged his attempt to help Irina."

Guilt struck him like a lightning bolt, impossibly fast and jarring. Raphael couldn't cover up his reaction quick enough and knew it flashed over his face by the thick air of disappointment wafting off Jax.

Raphael slowed his approach. "She's lying to you, Jax."

"Funny. All the evidence points to the contrary."

"What evidence?" Raphael asked incredulously. Jax stiffened as his mouth drew to a tight line. Raphael wasn't sure he would offer any explanation, and then his voice came out crisp and cold. "She knows about the Otherworld."

Raphael's head whipped between Jax and Kat, before landing firmly on the former. "That's not possible. I didn't breathe a word about that to anyone Jax. I swear ."

"Oh please," Kat drawled. Raphael whirled on her, finger pointed as his anger stirred higher.

"You, keep your mouth shut."

"Don't yell at her because you got caught," Jax said.

Raphael threw his hands up in the air. "I haven't done anything she's said I've done."

"Oh, no?" Jax scoffed as his chest began to rise and fall faster. He pushed off the wall and took a step toward Raphael, reaching for his back pocket to reveal a magnifying glass. "Then how do you explain this?"

Raphael's arms fell to his side. "Explain what? How a magnifying glass works?"

Jax's jaw worked in clear contempt of Raphael's patronizing tone. "This is my decoding magnifier. The one that went missing, and the one I've been talking about."

"So, you finally took the time to clean your laboratory without magic and found it?" Raphael didn't hold back the sarcasm in his voice as he clapped for Jax. "Congratulations."

"She got it off some demoness who says you sold it to her."

"Are you listening to yourself? Do you realize how stupid you sound, mate?"

"I'm not your fucking ‘mate'," Jax snapped.

Raphael inhaled sharply and tried to calm the spike of hurt that rammed through him. But doing so only allowed for Kat's obvious manipulation to sink deeper into him and flame his anger more. He bit back a growl.

"How many times do I have to tell you? She's a lying, horrible bitch. Don't believe a word that comes out of her mouth."

Kat made an affronted noise that drew both men's gaze in her direction. She was leaning against the front door, arms crossed as she watched their volley with a bored expression that didn't meet her eyes.

"I take offense to the lying part of that description," she chimed in. "The horrible bitch part stands, but only because it's in my blood. And horns."

"This is ridiculous," Raphael muttered to himself. He placed himself squarely between Kat's line of sight and Jax. Her manipulation would still work on him, but at least it wouldn't affect Jax as much. Already Raphael could make out the difference in Jax's demeanor from negating Kat's powers. The stiff line of his shoulders relaxed, and the heat in his eyes died down.

But only some. Raphael swallowed down his rising trepidation.

"To be clear, you deny sharing my experience in the Otherworld. Even though the only others to know are my family? You also deny stealing my magnifier to pay for your expensive taste?" Menace laced Jax's soft inquiry.

"I swear on my sister's life."

Raphael managed to keep all anger from his voice as he uttered his oath to Jax. The pair held eye contact until Jax glanced away. Raphael breathed a quick sigh, still struggling to fight back Kat's manipulation.

"Did you sabotage my siphon?" There was no emotion on Jax's face as he looked back at him. "Swear on Layla's life, a blood oath here and now that you didn't. If you do that, I'll kill her—" he gestured to where Kat stood somewhere behind Raphael "—instead."

The world somehow shrank and expanded around him all at once. " What? "

"I don't think it's necessary to repeat myself."

A dull ringing erupted in Raphael's ear drums. Jax had him cornered and he knew it. Raphael cleared his throat. "It's not what she's made it out to be, okay? It was an accident, Jax. A single extra drop fell in and I didn't think—"

Jax's head tipped back to let out a chilling laugh before leveling him with a sneer that sent chills down his body. "I know exactly what you were thinking. You found a way to weasel your way into the demons' good graces—by using me, lying to me, and selling me out for profit. Were you as pathetic in your human life as you are now?" A sneer rode his upper lip. "I can't even look at you."

There was no defense against the dread that swarmed Raphael's body. His skin felt clammy. His heart was too loud in his ears. Everything fell away with the bone-chilling fear that he failed again, including the tug of war inside him against Kat's manipulations. Jax's disgust intensified and without another word, he turned and vanished into the depths of his lab.

"Aww, too bad."

Raphael slanted a glance in Kat's direction. Her smirking face trained itself on her hands as she picked at her nails, still leaning against the door.

"Whatever will you do?" Her gaze flickered up to meet his briefly and a different kind of fear leaked into him.

All traces of her signature gleeful malevolence were absent. Pure hatred stared him down, so much more piercing and heartfelt than Jax's disappointment and disgust. He saw his death in her eyes.

A second later, Kat's attention dropped back to her nail beds, as if stirring Raphael's anger wasn't worth her energy. It left him rattled. Raphael took a moment to settle his nerves, but there was nothing he could do for them. Not when his gaze hooked onto her horns.

Golden runes ascended nearly halfway up her crimson horns. Every one of them was fully formed. Raphael's own horns had only half the amount as Kat's. It was a bad omen and the disconcerting dread that left him rooted to the floor spiked.

Raphael knew he needed to do something—that he needed to act, and fast—but he felt paralyzed. What could he possibly do to right things? How could he overcome this?

Beg .

A wound forgotten opened inside of him thinking of the last time he begged. Raphael hissed in a breath as he turned on his heel and followed in Jax's wake.

"Jax?"

Raphael peered around the workspace. It was a whirlwind of instruments and cauldrons bubbling. The scent of decay was in the air, pungent and fresh. Raphael's nose wrinkled. There was no sign of Jax hovering over any of his usual workstations.

Worry gnawed at his stomach lining. Raphael began to turn and almost immediately startled back into one of the bookshelves. "Gods, mate."

Jax stood no more than a foot behind him. The sneer was no longer on his face, but Raphael would have preferred it to the apathy staring back at him. Without a word, Jax strode past him to the farthest workspace. Raphael took a few cautious steps after him.

"I'm sorry about the siphon." Shame rendered his face and ears hot red. "It was an accident."

"I don't believe you."

Raphael's throat tightened. His skin felt tight all over. He shifted uncomfortably as his pulse remained high. "And you believe her ? She's a master at spinning up people's hatred and anger. She's feeding you lies, Jax. You're smarter than this—"

"I'm the greatest sorcerer of my age." Jax's bitterness gave no quarter. "Of course, I'm smart. Smart enough to see through your lies before it's too late."

His words were like a sucker punch. Raphael closed his eyes momentarily as he absorbed the blow of his words and placed a hand on his roiling stomach. When he opened them again and prepared to say his peace, Jax whirled around to face him.

"You fucking played me," Jax seethed. His hazel eye blazed with fury and regret. "You took advantage of me when my friendship with Ronan was at its lowest."

Raphael shook his head. "That's not true."

But it was. His face flared with heat.

"You know what I realized? Our entire friendship has been one-sided. Not once have I ever used you for my own gain, like you have me this entire time."

A short scoff cut out of Raphael's mouth before he could stop himself. Jax's eye narrowed. "That's not entirely true now, is it?" Raphael said with forced calm as his ire jumped despite himself. "What about my blood? You're trying to tell me that wasn't for your own gain? Your entire drive to cure Irina has only been about showing off your incredible skill and power; to proving your worth and crawling back into their good graces like some prodigal son."

Shit. He didn't mean to say any of that. He was meant to be groveling. Begging. Not instigating a new fight.

Fucking Kat . Her reach seemed inescapable in the confines of the lab. Raphael tried anyway, clamping down on his tongue as he took another step toward Jax.

"Maybe your blood was a lie too," Jax uttered.

Raphael went deathly still.

"Why don't we give it another go, hmm?" Jax held up his hand, and in a matter of seconds, a knife came hurtling from the other side of the room. Its hilt smacked into Jax's palm. "I'll take another sample from you right now."

"Like hell, you will," Raphael responded with surprising venom.

Gods damn you, Kat. Raphael snarled his frustration at his helpless lack of control and her. However, it became clear startlingly fast that Jax took the noise as a threat.

Without warning he launched the knife at Raphael, throwing his entire weight behind the action. Instinct and adrenaline rocketed through him, along with a pulse of power from his palms that reverberated through the air. Dry heat washed over him as the knife was knocked from its path and smacked to the ground by his magic.

Terse silence overwhelmed the space between them.

Raphael struggled to maintain eye contact with Jax. The magic in his veins left his insides feeling blistered, but with each ragged breath he took, they calmed.

He didn't know how long they stood locked in standoff. Minutes. Maybe longer. Then the sound of footsteps slowly reached his ears.

"Don't tell me you boys have kissed and made up?"

Raphael glanced over his shoulder at Kat. She wore a frown as she eyed him, and it was only then that he realized her influence had been incinerated with his outburst of magic.

"Not quite," Jax replied coolly. "Raphael just wanted to show me his new trick before leaving."

"Jax, I didn't—what I mean to say is—" But Raphael didn't know what he meant to say. His emotions and thoughts were fried. Jax raised an eyebrow. "This isn't what I wanted to happen," he said softly.

Pain registered in Jax's gaze, but his expression and body language remained closed off. "On that, we can agree. Now get the hell out of my lab, and don't let me see your face again."

Electricity snapped and crackled through the room. A warning that Raphael could do nothing but heed.

"I'll help see him to the door," Kat offered her hand already an iron band on his bicep.

She yanked him along with her newfound strength. Raphael let her. He felt… numb. The ringing had come back, and it was growing louder in his ears.

"Gods, you're such a waste of space," Kat muttered as she tossed him out and slammed the door behind him. Raphael barely got his feet under him as his world continued to turn upside down. Everything before him went out of focus until the only thing that registered was the sound of his breathing and a few frayed thoughts.

I failed…

Layla sold my secrets to Kat and sealed her death with it…

Stella…

A shudder rippled down his body. Kat successfully manipulated his sister and Jax but to his knowledge, not Stella. His soulmark warmed, and the world came back into startling focus as he began to stride off down the hall with a new purpose.

He'd failed them, but he wouldn't fail her.

Determination filled him. Kat wouldn't lay a single finger on Stella. Raphael would make sure of it, even if he had to burn the whole court down to do it.