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XXIII

N ights had been rough for Stella. She had spiraled after the… incident. Lost herself in a rhodiola daze that she wasn't precisely sure how she accomplished.

By the monstrous headache that woke her up in the early hours of the afternoon, she deduced her means of accomplishment to be aggressive. Even for her standards. Unable to return to sleep where only nightmares awaited her, she got up to fetch a glass of water. Waiting for her in the kitchen sink were two empty bottles of rhodiola.

Two? How?

Her stomach lurched. Guilt and shame quickly followed. Stella threw herself into cleaning up her mess of an apartment, memories of the past 48 hours revealing themselves to her as she did. All the while her headache thundered on.

Stella convinced herself it was punishment.

Hours later when every surface gleamed and each room smelled strongly of citrus cleaning product, her shoulders sagged, and she headed for the shower. She was tired, so tired of this endless dance of giving herself hope that she could rise above and make something of herself—only to fall.

It hurt worse each time.

Stella made sure the water was blisteringly hot before stepping in. It was another bit of punishment, something to burn away the sins she couldn't remember and those she did.

A cringe locked onto her features. She fought with Jax. Jax of all people!

Stella let the water blast her in the face, sputtering a moment before accepting the harsh spray. After counting to twenty, she ducked her head and let the water flow over her skull. Each breath she took was a labored pant.

He came sometime the night before with the grimoire. Happy, pleasant, and prepared to give her the spellbook for safekeeping. She recalled him talking about a new approach to help Irina and almost telling him that she had recently done the same. Instead, she offered him snarky commentary and bitter nonsense that turned his pleasant expression to one of disapproval.

Then for some reason, she'd brought Raphael into the conversation. Said things about him that made Jax's expression thunderous before he snatched the grimoire back out of her hands. She remembered only snippets of his rebuke, but they held enough weight that they filled her with shame even now. Stella swallowed thickly before turning her face back into the water.

She didn't know how she managed to convince him to entrust her with the grimoire after that. All she remembered was that there had been tears. Many, many tears. With a gasp, Stella spun from the water's spray and let it lash her back.

That's what one of her last nightmares had been about. The grimoire. She dreamed she lost it and faced the wrath of not only Jax but the rest of the Vranas as well.

Stella finished her shower in a daze and then went through the motions of dressing. Her eyes lingered over her dresser's top as she finished.

While cleaning, she discovered dozens of half-written letters to Bailey atop it and more in the garbage. The letters were mostly illegible with ink smears and lines scribbled out, not to mention the chaotic nature of her sentences. Yet, after inspecting each, it became clear what her letters intended to tell the she-wolf.

Everything.

The pressure of her mission—though no mention of what the mission was, thankfully—Nova's impending death, which always tapered off into rants about the afterlife and sealing her soulmark. Some of the letters even featured a retelling of one of their kisses. Specifically, one that Stella had only dreamed of but made out to be reality. She groaned to herself.

What made matters worse, was that she had no recollection of posting any of the letters, save a worrisome intuition that lingered in her gut. If Bailey did receive a letter, she would be concerned—not over her spilled secrets, but that they were written under the influence—an influence Bailey worked so hard to erase from Stella's life. Shame carved into her again, leaving her frighteningly hollow.

"Never again," she vowed to herself, body trembling. "This can never happen again." She slammed her hands atop the dresser and then lurched away from it.

Stella made a beeline for the kitchenette and drew herself a fresh glass of water. She gulped it down, then made herself another.

"Never again," she said the vow a third time and let it sink into the marrow of her spine. She straightened slowly and then downed the second glass.

During her cleaning, she made certain no other bottle of rhodiola hid out in her home. It was a start. One among countless others. This time has to be different . She moved to her slender fridge, took the few bottles of wine and alcohol she possessed, and poured them down the sink. Their wasted carcasses went in the trash.

The action, once finished, made her feel simultaneously lighter and nauseous. She placed a hand over her stomach as the yawning hollowness sunk its teeth deeper into her. As if it mocked her prudence and forethought. Stella sucked in a steadying breath and shoved away the cruel voice.

A knock sounded at her door.

Stella's head whipped in its direction, eyes going wide as all thought left her head. A beat later, the knock sounded again. Stella checked the mantel clock. It was a quarter to five in the evening, or was it later? She couldn't remember if she fixed the time after Raphael left, let alone inviting anyone over.

"Stella?"

"Shit." Stella raced to the door and unlocked it. Breathless, she swung the door open to reveal River. "Hi!" Amusement met her semi-forceful greeting.

"Can I come in?" Stella slipped aside and closed the door after her. "Sorry to drop by unannounced and so early," River rushed to say as she made a beeline for the loveseat. "I've been up for hours , working on a plan that I think is the solution to unleashing my lycan side."

Stella gave her a once over. She looked like she'd been awake for hours. Her eyes were bloodshot and her clothes—Stella blinked and let her gaze travel up and down her again. River wore a rumpled zip-up jacket, dark pants, and a pair of Converse. Her mouth dropped open.

River noticed her stare and waved a hand nonchalantly. "I like to study in comfort."

"Right," Stella dragged out. "How long have you been awake?"

A frantic energy pulsated off River that made Stella step back. She wasn't interested in accidentally absorbing any of River's manic state after only just getting out of her own.

River licked her lips and shrugged. "Twenty hours? Maybe twenty-two. The past couple of nights have been a whirlwind since Jax's latest attempt to help Irina failed. But the solution I've come up with for myself might also work for Irina. Isn't that awesome?"

"So awesome," Stella agreed and took another step back. "But don't you think whatever plan you have might work better if you're well-rested ?"

"Oh, I'm fine. I took a rejuvenation elixir. I feel amazing." River chuckled some, but when Stella didn't join in, she let it trail off into a cough. "So, you're probably wondering why I'm here." She patted the satchel at her side as if to tempt Stella.

"I most certainly am."

River took a breath and then smiled hopefully at Stella, some of her restlessness abating. "Well, first and foremost, I need your help. My whole plan sort of relies on your powers." Stella blinked and straightened.

"Really?"

"Really." River's smile widened. "The second and final reason is because I need the grimoire. I went looking for Jax earlier because I was under the impression he had it, but he pointed me in your direction." Her energy dimmed some more as her forehead crinkled and the smile she wore wavered. "He was acting strange. Almost secretive? I can't put my finger on it, but he wouldn't let me into his lab… which might be a problem, seeing as we need his lab for my plan to work."

Stella took a considering breath as she tried and failed to wrap her head fully around what she was being told. "I'm sorry, but what is your plan exactly? What role do I play?"

A flush began to develop on River's skin. She bit her bottom lip before saying, "I'll explain all the details on the way to Jax's lab?" Stella's shoulders slumped as she sent River a pleading look. "Please? Just trust me. I promise you won't get hurt—"

"Which means that there's the potential for injury?" Stella placed her hands on her hips.

River stood, palms facing outward in supplication. "That came out wrong. I meant it in a more global sense, I would never let anyone harm you. Let alone when you're taking the time to help me with something extremely important and meaningful to me and my aunt." River's hands wrapped around each other. Her tone warbled into pleading. "Please help me. I'm only rushing because I know Jax is going to be out for the night with Ruby and Nova—Ruby said something about mending things between them—and this might be my only chance to get into his lab for what I need."

Hearing Nova's name twisted up Stella's stomach horribly. She hadn't spoken to her in nights . Stella winced internally. She would add it to the list of consequences of her spiraling. Closing her eyes, she rubbed absently at the middle of her brow.

When did everything get so complicated? Her throbbing headache blocked any answer from appearing.

A tingle alighted across her soulmark. Stella gulped, her hand falling limply back to her side. She didn't want to think about that complication. Not yet anyway.

"Okay," Stella said. "I'll help. Let me change and get the grimoire. Stay here."

The tension riddling River dropped from her body. "Thank you," she exhaled.

Stella offered her a small smile and went into her bedroom, the beaded curtain tinkling as she slipped behind it. She changed first, opting for clothes better fit for one of her training sessions rather than lounging about, then went to her knees beside her small bedside table. A clever notch lay hidden under the table, high on the inside of the right back leg, which swapped the bottom drawer for another. One that contained the grimoire.

The nondescript enchanted table was a family heirloom of sorts, passed down from each banshee to the next for treasures and secrets they wished to keep for themselves. Stella reached and turned the notch counterclockwise. The table shivered, but its vibration was subtle. In the next instant, a drawer dropped open and revealed the grimoire. She retrieved it and reset the drawer.

"I'm ready," Stella announced, cutting through the middle of the beaded curtain.

River held out both hands for the thick grimoire. Once in her possession, she muttered several words under her breath and dragged her index finger and pinky over the grimoire's cover. The body of the book became encased in a strange light before morphing its appearance. A silly little smile stretched itself across River's lips as Stella beheld the magic trick.

In the grimoire's place, three books were now cradled in River's hold. More impressive still, they were all different sizes.

"Let's go."

Stella followed River out the door. She'd never been to Jax's lab, which she knew used to be the Vranas' old apartment suite. Navigating the third subfloor where it resided was a different sort of headache. Between its enchantment to befuddle and confuse unwanted visitors and creepy matching decor, orienting oneself was a laborious task.

However, if someone wanted to partake in a private conversation, it was perfection.

"So, how are you? The last time I saw you was right before the Lunar Court's ball. Were Irina and Briar able to help with your outfit?"

"They were, and I definitely made an impression with the Lunar Court—a good one, I think."

River's eyes sparkled with glee. "That's great, Stella. How's your other thing going?"

Stella cast her gaze surreptitiously around the hall. Early risers peppered the hallway, no doubt making their way to their first social engagements of the day. Thankfully, they paid River and her no mind.

"There's been a development."

"A good development, or…?"

Stella fought the urge to blanch. "It's a solid step in the right direction," she finally mustered.

A small sigh escaped River. "Even better. The family's taken enough hits lately. Although, if my thing goes as planned today, your thing might not be necessary anymore."

Stella came to an abrupt halt, heart dropping to the floor. "Excuse me?"

No. No. No. She hadn't sacrificed herself and her future for River to go and undermine her efforts. Even if said efforts were the product of copious amounts of champagne, a minor mental breakdown in the hallway, and a triple shot of rhodiola. Good intentions were behind them, saving Irina.

By her logic at the time, sealing the soulmark would lead to marking the soulmark. A process that naturally required blood . Although marking would lead to bonding, Stella figured she could find some way to circumnavigate the soulmark in the end. Either with some form of magic courtesy of River or Valdora. Or by locking Raphael in a cage.

Her two-night bender disagreed with her hopeful outlook.

Concern flooded River's features as she backtracked to Stella. "I thought you would be happy. Now you don't have to hang around Raphael."

"Not when—" Stella's teeth came down on her tongue as she swallowed back her ire and distress. "Not when it negates my deal with the Vranas. This was my path to safety and security."

River's jaw slackened with understanding. "Oh, Stella. No. Of course, you'll be safe." River reached out and clasped her hand, squeezing it reassuringly. The direct contact meant her empathic projection was unfiltered. A sense of comfort glided around Stella. It stole away her initial panic, and rather miraculously, blocked out her stubborn headache. "Jakob will honor his word, regardless of what we achieve tonight."

Stella nodded and River released her hand. The relief from her worry swiftly came back, along with her monstrous headache. Still, she offered River a weak smile in return for the reassurance. River grinned back at her softly and ushered them onward. Stella followed, her lungs constricting, nonetheless.

"Are you all right?" River asked quietly as they ascended the staircase to the third subfloor.

"I—" Stella cleared her throat, avoiding River's probing regard. She wasn't ready to talk about it, but River's empathic projection was influencing her again. A warmth settled around her and calmed the stress knot riding between her shoulder blades. Stella was going to talk about it, whether she liked it or not. Quickly, she thought of a different problem to share. "I've been having dreams—dreams and nightmares. I can't remember the last time I had a good sleep."

Stella cast a sidelong glance toward River. Her brow furrowed.

"What kind of dreams and nightmares?"

"I don't remember them all," Stella prefaced as they reached the third subfloor landing and continued in the direction of the lab. "They're mostly of these places and things that I've never seen before. One is this place with creepy statues." Stella fought hard to bring the memory of the nightmare forward, words slowing as she pried what she could free. "Except all the statues had their hearts taken out."

River slowed. "Do statues have hearts?"

"They're metaphorical hearts. I think." Stella's head cocked to the side, eyes squinting in concentration. "Where their hearts would be if they were real, they were gone."

"That sounds like an art exhibit you would find here."

Stella shrugged half-heartedly in response. "I guess. I think there was more to the nightmare, I just can't remember it. The other place in my nightmares is like a desert."

River came to a full stop and turned to face Stella. "What kind of desert?" She asked with a calmness that didn't match her serious expression. This nightmare Stella didn't have nearly as much trouble recalling.

"Barren hills and valleys. There was nothing there, except sometimes there would be these scary dogs with these black, soulless eyes." Stella's hair stood on end. "They always come out of nowhere and try to attack me," she whispered. "Except I always wake up just in time to avoid their bite."

"Did anything else memorable happen in that desert place?"

Stella wrapped her arms around her middle as she thought of her nightmare-turned-hallucination. She wasn't ready to tell anyone about her hallucinations. "It was kind of cold?"

River hummed; eyes narrowed thoughtfully on Stella. "Interesting," she murmured before turning forward and striding down the hall. Stella caught up to her. "I'll make you a dreamcatcher. That should help sort out the nightmares."

"Thanks." They continued in silence for several minutes, River guiding them through turn after turn with confidence. "So, are you ever going to tell me what we're doing? Or how I'm involved?"

"Short version or long version?" River countered.

"How close are we to the lab?"

"Close."

They locked eyes. "Short version, but make it count."

"Banshees have historical roots as being psychopomps. That means—"

"I know what it means," Stella interrupted with a frown. "Ronan and I went through a lot of banshee lore before he and Bailey left. A psychopomp essentially amounts to being a guide for souls from one plane of existence to the next." She paused briefly before adding, "Ronan is a psychopomp too."

River nodded and stopped in front of a door. "Yes, and yes."

"I'm guessing you want me to use these psychopomp abilities?" Stella questioned skeptically. "River, I don't even know how to tap into that part of myself."

"That's where I come in." River opened the door and ushered her inside. A magic caress washed over her as she crossed the threshold. Her nose twitched and tingled. She wasn't used to truly feeling magic and the sensation was startling. The magic, whatever it was, was strong. "I'll perform a spell that allows us to essentially astral project and you'll be my guide!"

Stella remained skeptical and kept her feet firmly planted as River traipsed farther into the lab. "Guide to where, River?"

A beat passed, and then another before River faced her. "To the Otherworld." Stella blinked. "You'll be the Ronan to my Jax."

She blinked again. "You want me to what ?"

River cringed at the pitch Stella's voice managed to reach. "We'll be fine. I came prepared!" River adjusted her hold on the glamoured grimoire to dig into her satchel. She revealed two necklaces with matching crystals swaying at their ends. "Protection! I don't know why they never thought of it. Boys and their egos I suppose."

Stella stared at River dumbfounded until she became aware of her head swaying side to side. She made a small indignant noise in the back of her throat. Enter the Otherworld? After everything Bailey told them of Ronan and Jax's experience?

River had lost her mind.

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