XIX

S tella hated herself for reaching out as she helplessly sank deeper into Gabriel's lustful thrall. It felt like being surrounded by quicksand. The will to resist smothered out of her—along with the flames of her own power.

Her hand shook as it rose inch by inch.

Tears stung her lash line, blurring her vision. A numb cold swept over her. This is happening. This is really happening. The numbness spread, blocking out the sheer terror that threatened to consume her at the loss of her will. It protected her in a way, preparing to block out the worst of what was to come.

A tear fell as her hand continued to rise and it doused out the flames that surged defensively in her lungs.

Gabriel's cruel chuckle was echoed by others as a moan slipped past her lips. Though he made no indication of having heard them, Stella was certain she had. Her gaze darted to the dark corners, hand almost to the tin.

The shadows were moving. Squirming and wriggling.

Stella's breath caught as she watched them drag themselves along the wall and form obscene shapes. Her fingers touched the metal box just as a body began to form from the shadows.

"No!" she cried as panic surged through her body in self-defense breaking Stella from the thrall.

Not real. Not real. Not real.

Shadows didn't move like that. They couldn't. She slammed her eyes shut, and when she opened them they were gone. It wasn't possible.

"Stella," Gabriel warned.

Their eyes locked. She felt him try to manipulate her again, but a clear strain was behind his efforts now. Stella pushed against it, using her panic to fight him off.

She shouted as she broke free from his manipulation completely and smacked the tin box from his hands. Little pills scattered across the floor. Gabriel snarled. First at the mess then at Stella.

"You pathetic piece of shit!" Stella shouted, her voice only a few precarious decibels away from her sonic scream.

"Me? Pathetic?" Gabriel's voice rose to match hers. "Who are you to call me pathetic? This entire court thinks you're—"

"They can choke on what they think of me. Every. Last. One of them." Gabriel jerked back at the venom and vitriol in Stella's voice. "Do you use those pills on all your little pets?"

The swift loss of color to his face, followed by blotchy spots of red all over his cheeks answered her question. That's his dirty little secret, Stella realized. A new wave of disgust roiled through her. She wanted to sneer and curse at him, but a different side of Stella took control.

"You do, don't you? And I bet they have no idea because those pills don't just knock them out; they make them forget, too. Are they magical date rape pills or did you have to buy them outside the court?" She laughed cruelly as she eyed him up and down, letting him see her revulsion in its entirety. "That's a lot of effort to compensate for your performance issues, don't you think, Gabriel?"

Stella knew what would come next.

Gabriel's hand rose, fist formed and primed to strike, but so was Stella's sonic voice—and she knew she would hit faster.

"What's this? Stealing my date, Gabriel?" Both Stella and Gabriel's heads whipped in the direction of the door. Raphael leaned against the frame, his posture the picture of indifference. But his eyes…

The scream died in the back of her throat at the look he leveled at Gabriel. It promised blood and destruction—on her behalf. Gabriel's hand dropped to his side, a nasty sneer hauling his upper lip up.

"Go," Raphael commanded him, dropping his act of civility as he stepped inside the room. An ominous air hung about him as he stared down Gabriel, until finally, with several curses spewing from him, Gabriel did. He rammed his shoulder against Raphael as he passed.

Raphael waited a beat before tempering his thunderous expression a fraction to glare at Stella. "What were you thinking going off alone with him?"

Stella's mouth dropped open. "What was I thinking?"

"Yes. What were you thinking?" Raphael reached for the door and slammed it shut. "He's a—"

"Rapist?"

Raphael clenched his jaw and said nothing. Stella couldn't make out the mixed emotions playing out behind his brown eyes. She didn't care.

"Or was his secret, more specifically, that he can't control his power, so he drugs his pets to have his way with them?" Stella's voice got progressively louder; her words sharper than a thousand blades. She pointed a shaking finger at Raphael and brought her voice back down a notch. "You said the secret I had to find out wouldn't get me killed."

A pregnant pause built between them before Raphael cleared his throat. Most of his thunderous anger had been checked, leaving more room for Stella's to grow.

" Technically , it wouldn't have gotten you killed."

The world went quiet save a dull buzzing sound in Stella's ears. She was instantly consumed by a state of dissonance that clashed and clanged throughout her entire body leaving every nerve ending on alert.

"You're wrong ," she said at last.

He frowned slightly. "I'm not. It's not his MO. He—"

"No." Stella's finger jabbed at the air as she advanced a step. "You. Are. Wrong ." She gestured at the whole of him before letting her hand flop to her side. "Something is wrong with you."

A flush of shame colored Raphael's face. His mouth opened and closed, but nothing came out. Stella cursed herself silently for being so na?ve.

"I would never have let him hurt you like that," Raphael pleaded with her. "You have to believe me."

Stella scoffed and shook her head. The movement turned her gaze to the corner where the shadows had come alive. It put a stopper on her pain and anger allowing fear to trickle in. Something still felt off in the air, something that made the hair on the back of her neck stand on end the longer she looked into the dark corner.

"I mean it," Raphael insisted, stepping closer and drawing Stella's gaze back to him. "I'm a demon—not a monster." He held out a hand. "Let me walk you back to your apartment. It's the least I can do for being such an ass."

No part of her wanted to accept his peace offering. She wanted to shout at him more, make him get on his knees, and beg her forgiveness for orchestrating something so foul for her to discover. Most of all, she wished to end their ridiculous lessons.

But she couldn't. There were only eleven nights left until the end of the month and Raphael was her only chance at procuring demon blood. Her only chance at securing a real future for herself at court. Stella closed her eyes and took a deep breath, stuffing down her hurt and focusing on the future.

When she opened her eyes, she took his hand.

"This is insane," Stella said as she squeezed between a pair of bodies dressed in—well, she didn't know what. She certainly didn't want to know if the smell was anything to indicate its source material. Her entire face screwed up as she fought down the urge to vomit.

They'd barely made it back into the main hall shared with the Styx, due to the sheer amount of bodies attempting to press inside the Lunar Court.

"It seems the party was not as exclusive as intended. That, or the doormen were overrun." Raphael grunted as he followed in her steps. His hands on her waist didn't so much as guide her as keep her balance in the jostling crowd. "Go left," he said into her ear.

Stella nodded, offering a furlong glance at the grand staircase filled with courtiers.

"Is something else happening here tonight?"

"No idea. Come on."

Getting out of the main mass proved challenging, but once they gained enough ground, the hall cleared significantly. It was unlikely anyone was out to read in the Common's library or view art while a party raged on so enticingly nearby. Stella aimed for the nearest hidden passage with Raphael hot on her heels.

"Oh, I wouldn't go that way if I were you," someone called after them. Stella stopped and turned. An unremarkable gentleman wobbled on his feet a few feet behind them dusting off the front of his metallic shirt. "Someone got sick in the passage, and it hasn't been cleaned yet. Ta !" He wiggled his fingers at them and departed with a stumble.

Stella frowned after the courtier. There was no doubt in her mind who made the mess.

"Do we take our chances and push our way back through to the other end? Styx-side there's at least three other ways up."

"I can find my own way back," Stella told Raphael, not meeting his eye.

"Nonsense, you'll be snatched up by some vagrant looking like that unattended."

Her stomach twisted as she shot him a glare. The remnants of her earlier anger and hurt resurfaced. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Like the Devil himself would pay to spend a night with you." Raphael reached out and gently cupped her chin, thumb sliding over her bottom lip with the lightest touch. "I see you've managed to capture the essence of embracing darkness perfectly." His eyes slanted down her body. By the time their gazes locked again, his pupils had significantly dilated. Raphael's nostrils flared slightly as he inhaled and exhaled. "Not only that, but you correctly discovered Gabriel's secret and made an excellent show of your power. I dare say the Lunar Court was salivating after your little display."

Stella twisted her head and Raphael's gloved hand fell back to his side. "I'd hardly call it little."

The beginnings of a smirk twitched at the corner of his mouth. "My apologies, you're correct. I suppose this means you won't be needing any more… lessons. You're sufficiently proficient in each area we spoke on the first night we entered our bargain. I must say I'm impressed. I didn't expect you to accomplish proficiency so quickly."

Stella would have responded if not for the distinct feeling she got of being watched. She scanned their surroundings. Courtiers milled about minding their own business, and plenty of eyes were on them, but Stella couldn't find the gaze that put her on guard. A shiver ghosted over her skin as she shifted her weight from foot to foot. The offness in the room seemed to have followed them.

"There's a stairway at the back of the library in a little hallway. We can use it to get to the fifth subfloor, but then we'll have to take another staircase to get to the fourth. I can't think of the nearest one around there, but I'm guessing whatever we find will leave us on the side of the court farthest from my room."

Raphael said nothing until she dared look him in the eye again. "Deflecting?"

Her lips pressed together in a flare of annoyance. "I'm not deflecting, I'm explaining. Also, if you hadn't noticed, people are noticing us ." He raised an eyebrow. "Together."

With a small huff, he dragged his stare away from her and looked around. When he returned his attention to her, a smirk was planted firmly on his lips.

"They're noticing all right." He gave her a meaningful once over. " You ."

A telltale heat began to eek up her cheeks as Stella strode off without another word toward the library. Raphael's chuckle chased after her. In a matter of seconds, he was at her side matching the pace she set.

"You can cut the bullshit charming act. I'm still pissed at you." Stella pinned him with a scowl so fearsome he flinched.

He held up his hands in defense before she returned her focus forward. "That is completely understandable considering I was a bit of a prick when I assigned Gabriel as your target."

"A bit?"

"Fine. I was a full-on prick." A hint of exasperation lined his voice. "However, I wouldn't call complimenting a beautiful woman bullshit. Now, would you like to dig deeper into the part where you find me charming?"

Stella sped up. Raphael followed suit, easily keeping pace.

"You're—"

"Charming?"

"Relentlessly annoying," Stella informed him. His quip was lost to her as the strange spotlight feeling from before targeted the space between her shoulder blades. It's just my imagination. I've had too much to drink . Yet the sensation lingered, distracting her enough that she almost tripped over her feet. Raphael's fingers grazed her elbow as she lost her gait, but Stella pulled away from him, wrapping the arm over her stomach before he could get purchase. He was quiet after that.

Stella was thankful. Her nerves remained on high alert for a time, but she found no fault in her surroundings. The courtiers had greatly thinned out. There were no writhing shadows. No devilish dogs.

Still…

Stella glanced discreetly over her shoulder as she tucked a few strands behind her ear. Her paranoia fizzled out as she spotted nothing out of the ordinary. Her shoulders slumped.

She couldn't remember the last time drinking left her feeling so off-kilter without the aid of rhodiola. She supposed she could blame it on the events that unfolded with Gabriel, but her gut was telling her differently.

Maybe even minor consumption of rhodiola now has long-lasting side effects.

Stella bit back a sigh and rooted her gaze forward, incidentally, locking eyes with a demon heading in their direction on the opposite side of the hall. There was already a sneer on his face and a menacing glower on his friend's. Stella averted her eyes and increased her speed.

"Don't mind them," Raphael told her once the demons passed. "Their general hatred and disgust weren't for you."

As they turned the corner at the end of the hall, Stella gaged his expression. He wore no outward sign of displeasure or hurt, save for the fact that he held his face so stoically. She knew that look well having worn it so many times herself. A crack in her anger appeared that she couldn't ignore.

Stella cleared her throat lightly as they strode to the library's entrance. "I get that," she said, as a tightness took hold of her lungs. "The looks."

What are you doing? The hand hanging at her side forming a fist. He doesn't need your empathy. Or deserve it. Stella pried the invisible grip off her lungs and let the breath rush out of her as the answer hit her like a sidecar. I'm being me… and sometimes me is daring and sardonic, and other times quiet and empathetic. I can be both. Besides, this doesn't mean I forgive him.

Another big breath rushed out of her. Raphael's questioning gaze dissected her profile like a physical touch, but it was second to the lightness that broke through her. Stella could hardly believe it. Was this another cage of her own making broken through? Two in one night?

A laugh burst out of her in giddiness. She couldn't stop it. Her shoulders shook in mirth, disbelief, and relief .

"Are you feeling well?"

"Oh, just needlessly driving myself crazy." She flashed him a quick, beaming smile as she tamed her laughter. "Nothing new."

Raphael made a sort of humming noise, his stare subtly intensifying. She turned her gaze back forward but out of her peripheral vision, she watched his brow wrinkle. "You know—"

"Oh Gods, yes! Harder!"

Stella and Raphael halted in unison at the obscene moan that filtered out of the library stacks not far ahead. A blush immediately stained her cheeks as a litany of other softer explicatives, groans, and wet—

"Oh, my Gods." Stella's jaw dropped. "Those poor books."

Raphael snorted. "I'm sure the books are enjoying the free shows. You know, we could…"

"Absolutely not ." Stella smoothed her dress down before rolling back her shoulders and marching forward. "I'm not interested in getting any bad book karma."

"There's no such thing as bad book karma."

Stella leveled him with a look that expressed otherwise, and he held up his hands in surrender.

"You are properly scary sometimes, you know that?"

Stella smirked as a little more of her anger leached away, but it dropped as she fought to keep her gaze from wandering down the aisles of books. The eyes of those hidden within the stacks' shadows traced over her like a caress. Stella bit her lip as the desire to partake in voyeuristic delight heated her blood.

She glanced surreptitiously at Raphael only to find him looking at her already. Suppressing a squeak of alarm, she quickly looked away.

"I am… sorry," Raphael said, voice low and sincere as he offered his apology. "Choosing Gabriel was cruel."

A knot lodged itself in her throat. She hadn't expected that from him. "Why did you pick him then knowing what he was like?"

Stella glanced at him again, holding his eyes as color stormed his cheeks. "Because I wanted to hurt you for humiliating me at that gambling table. Losing to you in front of the masses wasn't a slight I could let go unpunished."

The truth stung. Stella bit the inside of her cheek to distract from the pain and derived some small comfort that it wasn't because he harbored disdain for what she was like so many others.

They passed the communal reading area in taut silence making the slick sound of skin slapping together and guttural moans all the more prominent. Stella couldn't keep the stain of red off her cheeks and neck as they entered the last thoroughfare of the stacks. Then she slowed at the gentle touch of fingertips against her wrist.

Stella steeled herself before looking at Raphael. A simmering intensity lingered in his chestnut eyes that dragged her to a stop.

"You never answered my earlier question."

Her brow wrinkled. "What question?"

"Where do we go from here, now that you've passed all my tests?"

Stella knew where it shouldn't go, but she found herself hesitating regardless. That he showed any interest at all in continuing a relationship between them stunned her.

Even more surprisingly, it pleased her.

Goosebumps erupted over her skin.

Logically, she knew needed to stay close to him to get his blood. Irina's life depended on it, as did her future safety and security. But how did she do that without getting hurt again by him? She swallowed thickly. This was uncharted territory for her. Raphael's treatment of her thus far had been terrible, though not the worst she'd been dealt at court. Would he really be any different going forward?

He apologized , a voice inside her reasoned.

He's an untrustworthy demon , another argued and caused her muscles to tighten at her own hypocrisy.

He's a mission. Nothing more. The last voice sounded suspiciously like Nova's, and it gave Stella the most pause for she knew he wasn't simply "nothing more". He was her soulmark. Her bottom lip found itself under assault from her teeth. Did it matter that he was her soulmark?

His fingers coasted across her jaw, drawing Stella out of her thoughts. As she focused on him, she became acutely aware of the shift in the air between them. He shuffled closer, lips parting. Hushed words reached her ears. Raphael frowned, head whipping to look down to the end of the library. Stella followed his alerted gaze a second later.

The hushed words had not been his.

"Shit."

Raphael was moving before he finished his near-silent curse. Stella's responding ek as he herded them into the shadowy stacks muffled by his hand. She glared at him, but Raphael's attention was wholly fixed on the hall and approaching figures.

"—the little bitch ."

Stella's ears perked up at the not-so-quiet remark. Feminine laughter followed alongside a cry of completion elsewhere in the stacks leaving Stella unable to hear whatever reply came next.

"—so sensitive." Stella overheard the female say. Her voice was clearer and closer, and oddly familiar. Raphael pressed her into the shelves; his warm body flush against hers. She inhaled deeply through her nose and glanced between the hall and Raphael's expression. His brows were drawn tightly together, and his jaw clenched as he glared at the hall.

A moment later the owners of the voices passed. Stella's entire body locked up as she recognized the pair from their fleeting profiles. It was Gabriel and Kat. Shadows wafted off their backs like smoke as they passed them by unknowingly, their paces languid but sure. Stella blinked at the sight and a rush of lightheadedness swept over her from her earlier drinking. Or was the rush a byproduct of hallucinating? It would explain her terrifying visions of those menacing dogs.

But she didn't know. She didn't know if it was the champagne or her mind playing tricks on her courtesy of her bad drinking habit. Dread pooled in her stomach, stealing her focus and almost making her miss the pair's final words echoing down the hall.

"The banshee will die. What does it matter if it's by your hands or Raphael's?"

"Because Raphael doesn't deserve the honor," Gabriel snarled back.

Everything in Stella went cold, and despite the fact that the words played on repeat in her head, she couldn't process the information. Not until she became aware of Raphael's stiffened posture.

He only saved me from Gabriel so he could kill me himself.

Stella reacted without thought, trying, and failing to shove Raphael off her and run. He was ready for her, and with a grunt, pressed his full weight against her struggle. The stack behind them groaned.

"You have to listen to me, Stella," he insisted in a gruff voice. "You have to believe me. They're lying." His hand flexed around her mouth as she attempted to cry out. "Shh, it's all right. You're safe. You're safe with me. I swear, Stella."

She didn't believe him. She couldn't allow herself to—not with her life at stake.

Yet he forced her body to relax and her pulse to slow. All she needed was Raphael to back off an inch or two. After she managed to give the illusion of wary trust, she offered Raphael a short nod. He searched her face for further proof and swallowed roughly at whatever he found. A moment later, his body eased off hers some.

"I can explain," Raphael began.

Stella didn't give him the chance. Her stiletto met his foot in a merciless assault that made him leap away with a curse, half-hunched over in pain.

Raphael held up a hand. "Wait—" She did not.

Stella advanced on him, body twisting for leverage and momentum before she attacked again. Her elbow flew at his face, careening into his jaw and snapping his head back. Stella didn't stay to watch him fall on his ass.

She ran.