26. This Little Life

TWENTY-SIX

THIS LITTLE LIFE

Oliver’s knee bounced as he stared up at the posters advising him to take his vitamin D. He shifted in the overly-comfortable lilac seat inside the private clinic. Two women sat opposite, one clutching the other’s swollen belly. He felt sick. Not because of the women, but because of the pit of dread that was swallowing him whole.

The receptionist offered him an iPad to pass the time, and Oliver nearly laughed at the casual affluence of inner-city life. If they were in West Newton, the receptionist would have made him stand with nothing but a dirty look to pass the time. He declined the iPad but took the pot she’d asked him to piss in.

Continuing to stare up at the posters, he tried to block out the muffled sobs coming from the nearest examination room. It was torture, and his knee bounced even faster.

“Here,” Lucas said, slipping a cup of water between his fingers. “I asked the receptionist if there was a tap for vodka, but I don’t think she saw the funny side.”

Oliver appreciated the alpha’s attempt to ease his nerves, but nothing was going to fix how he felt. So, taking a sip of water, he continued to stare up at the posters. Lucas’ warm hand folded around his own, squeezing it as he entwined their fingers. Oliver was vaguely aware of him pressing his forehead to his temple, whispering something in his ear, but… the posters.

“Mr Reed?” A cheerful voice called.

Lucas’ fingers twitched, and Oliver felt the plastic cup being gently tugged out of his other hand. He looked up and saw a small man dressed in pink scrubs, his hair pulled back into a messy bun. Oliver drifted, more so than walked to the examination room, and at one point Lucas’ palm was on his lower back, easing him over the threshold.

“Lie on the examination couch, Mr Reed, and Mr, er?—”

“White,” Lucas said.

“Mr White, you can take a seat in the chair next to him. I’m Michael. I’ll be your sonographer this morning. ”

Lucas nodded, but Oliver only stared at the pot of urine on the sonographer’s desk. Michael had written Oliver’s name on the white label, and a cardboard tab stuck out from the top. He felt Lucas’ hand wrap around his again, but he couldn’t bring himself to look at anything else.

The last seventeen and a half hours had been some of the most tumultuous of his life. One minute he was fine, the next he was disassociating from everyone and everything. Lucas had stayed at his side, whispering gentle words of reassurance. Sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn’t. But if there was one thing Oliver couldn’t get out of his mind, it was the look on the alpha’s face as he dropped to his knees in his parents’ bathroom. He’d buried his face in Oliver’s lap and gripped his hands as he held the positive pregnancy test.

Oliver had been okay then. He’d been able to explain what the doctor had said. But as time went on, and the look of hope in Lucas’ eyes grew brighter, he felt his own hope growing dimmer.

The sonographer pulled on a pair of blue gloves and plucked the cardboard strip out of the sample pot. He examined it for the briefest of moments.

“Lovely,” he said, putting it in the bin. “Could you roll up your top, please? I’m going to pop a piece of tissue paper into the front of your jeans, to stop the jelly from getting on your clothes, if that’s okay?”

Oliver nodded, and he heard Lucas let out an unsteady breath. Guilt crashed over him then. Lucas was anxious too, and Oliver had practically ignored him all morning. He tipped his head up, meeting the alpha’s eyes for the first time in several hours. Lucas smiled and kissed his forehead in response.

“Just a bit of cold jelly, Mr Reed, if that’s alright?”

Oliver’s gaze drifted back to Micheal, as he held a bottle over his stomach with an expectant expression. Nodding, he glanced up at the blank screen in the corner of the room. He felt like a fraud, lying there on the examination bed. Like it should have been happening to somebody else, and it shouldn’t have been him holding Lucas’ hand. Shutting his eyes, he did his best to push down the feelings of self-loathing.

Cold spread across his belly, as Michael began talking him through the procedure. When he opened his eyes and looked down, he saw Michael pressing the grey ultrasound rod against his midriff. He glanced up at the screen, which had been a mistake because the first thing he saw was a big, empty black circle in the centre of the monitor. He knew what it meant. It meant there was no embryo. Just a little empty sac containing all of his hopes and dreams. He’d prepared himself for that, but the pain bit at his heart all the same.

He closed his eyes again, bringing Lucas’ hand up to his nose as he let the alpha’s scent wash over him. Michael was still talking in his gentle, sing-song voice, but Oliver stopped listening.

“Reed,” Lucas whispered, pressing his mouth to his ear. “Reed, look up at the screen.”

“No.”

“Please.”

Oliver swallowed, and the alpha kept his head low as he cracked open his eyes. “There we are!” Michael said, clicking something on the computer. “It was a little tricky to find because you have an inverted uterus, but I found the little sweetie in the end.”

Oliver glowered up at the screen, his eyebrows pulling together as the rising dread made his whole body tense. When his expression didn’t change, Michael hummed and rested the ultrasound rod on his stomach. He got up and turned off the lights before returning to his station.

“See there?” He said, pressing the rod more firmly into Oliver’s pubic hair. “That little blob on the side. That’s your baby.” A sound of mournful disbelief left Oliver’s mouth. Michael chuckled. “And if you look here…” Oliver squinted. “Here, see?”

“N-No?” He said, quite convinced the sonographer was taking the piss.

“Here, I’ll zoom in.” The image distorted as Michael zoomed in, but as he did, Oliver could see—quite clearly—a little flashing dot. “That’s your baby’s heartbeat,” he said, like it was the most normal thing in the world. “Well, not a heartbeat exactly, it’s what we call the foetal pole. The heart won’t actually form for another couple of weeks.”

Oliver’s mouth hung open, and he could feel Lucas’ shaky breath against his hair in the darkness. When Michael turned on the lights, Oliver tore his gaze away from the screen and looked up at Lucas. Tears streaked the alpha’s face and he had that tragically beautiful look again.

“Oh, you poor thing,” Michael said, handing him a box of tissues. “But congratulations.”

Oliver swallowed, and he was sure he was in shock because all of his fingers and toes started to go numb. “Now let’s see… you’re a sigma, Mr Reed?”

“Yes,” he croaked, throat dry as he turned back to the sonographer.

Michael nodded and cocked his head. “Oh, and you’re from the countryside! How lovely. My Aunty Susanne’s from the countryside. Can’t say I’ve ever been myself.”

Oliver was about to say that ‘being from the countryside’ didn’t mean he was from an entirely different continent; but Lucas’ tear damp cheek pressing against his forehead drew his attention. “Reed…” Lucas whispered. “Oliver?—”

“It’s not going to be easy, mind you,” Michael continued. “You’ll need regular scans, and I’m talking bi-weekly for the rest of the pregnancy. Sigma prenatal care is much more involved than the other sexes, so prepare to be prodded and poked to within an inch of your life, Mr Reed!”

They were given a stack of paperwork when they left the clinic, but as they walked out onto the busy street the only thing Oliver cared about was the ultrasound picture clutched in his hand. Lucas was still dabbing a tissue under his eyes as they meandered in silence towards the end of the road.

“Well then,” Oliver muttered. “Can we go to the pub? I think I need a drink after all that.”

Lucas huffed out a laugh. “I hope you’re joking.”

Oliver wrinkled his nose. “You’re the one that asked for vodka at a pregnancy clinic.”

“Yes, but it was quite clear I was joking. You… I’m not so sure.”

The numbness in Oliver’s limbs began to thaw, and the realisation of what had occurred slowly started to sink in. He looked up at Lucas, who was staring down at him with wide, expectant eyes. “Are they quite sure they haven’t mixed me up with someone else?”

The alpha’s gaze softened as he pulled them both into a nearby shop porch. “Unless it was someone else’s belly, then I think it’s a safe bet that’s our baby in there.”

There’s a baby in there.

“Oh,” Oliver said, licking his rapidly drying lips. “Oh shit.” There was a buzzing sensation in his brain as he thought about the word. “Oh fuck.”

“Reed.”

“Fucking flying cocks. St Mary’s golden tits… this isn’t… we aren’t?—”

“ Oliver .”

“Shitting—fucking—cunt flaps—” His chest heaved and his eyes watered as Lucas pulled him into his chest, the sound of the alpha’s racing heart doing nothing to calm him down. “What if we—what if I—what if the pregnancy fails, Lucas? What’ll happen? What if I can’t do this? What if I’m a shit dad? What if she hates me? What if she rejects me? What if we don’t even get that fucking far?”

But then it was all darkness as Lucas wrapped him up in a crushing embrace.

They did, in fact, go to the pub—but the pub was at the bottom of Davi and Colin’s garden. Oliver had orange juice, Lucas had whiskey, and the dads had tequila shots. Because, as it turned out, none of them were prepared for Aliya’s reaction towards Oliver.

“Sooo,” she said, flexing as she rested her massive arm across Colin’s shoulders. “Did my brother knock you up before or after he gave you the bite?”

“Lily—” Davi hissed through clenched teeth. “Not appropriate, my love.”

Aliya was just as tall, but slimmer than Lucas. She had the same hazel eyes, dark hair, and enormous fangs. If Oliver hadn’t known she was two years older, he would have assumed they were twins.

He huffed and leant back in the up-turned barrel. “And did you gain your degree in nosiness before or after you qualified as an accountant, Aliya?”

Aliya stared at him with dark eyes, the tip of her tongue darting out to touch the corner of her mouth. Then a huge grin spread across her face as she leant across the table, reaching out to touch Oliver’s wrist. “I like you, bonitinha. Call me if my brother is ever unkind to you.”

“Aliya!” Colin shouted, slapping her shoulder. “They just found out they’re having a baby. Not. Appropriate.”

Aliya shrugged and winked at Oliver. “Same genes.”

As her attention turned back to her parents, Lucas squeezed his knee under the table. “Apologies,” he whispered. “It appears my sister and I have developed a similar taste in men.”

Oliver cocked a brow and took another sip of orange juice. “Five foot nine, blonde-haired man-children that have no sense of tact or self preservation?”

Lucas grinned as he lowered his head. “Tempests.”

They chatted and laughed for several more hours, but despite the company, Oliver just could not shake the feeling of dread. He desperately wanted to be happy, to hold Lucas in a joyous embrace and proclaim that everything was going to be alright. But as he stood alone in the kitchen, washing his hands, a sudden crippling panic gripped his chest. He swallowed, trying to blink back the tears welling in his eyes. Breathing was hard, but he could manage if he just focused on the golden chandelier.

“Filho?” a soft voice called from the patio door. Oliver glanced up and saw Davi standing in the doorway. “I thought you were getting a glass of water, but you have been gone a long time.”

Oliver swallowed, his gaze drifting to Lucas and Aliya rough-housing in wolf form on the lawn. “S-Sorry,” he said, leaning back against the counter-top. “I just feel?—”

“Anxious?” Davi said, drifting across the kitchen until they stood shoulder to shoulder.

“Yeah.”

“It’s normal, filho. Especially when you have experienced loss. I had five miscarriages before Aliya finally stuck. People think IVF is some miracle procedure that guarantees you a baby. It doesn’t.”

Oliver’s mouth hung open as he stared down at the omega. “F-Five?” Davi nodded. “How did you—I’m so sorry. How did you keep going?”

Davi gave a soft shrug. “I gave each of them a name, grieved with Colin, then tried again. I’ve always wanted to be a pai, so…” he sniffed and gave a resolute expression. “So I count each of them as a blessing. Not a curse. But now I have these two idiots, so counting my blessings is hard some days.”

Oliver chuckled as he looked back out into the garden. Aliya jumped on Lucas’ back and held his scruff between her massive jaws. The patio furniture had toppled over at some point, and Colin had his head in his hands as he stood in the shed doorway.

“Hard to believe they’re in their thirties, yes?”

“You’re telling me,” Oliver replied, smiling as he thought of his own brother. He should really call his parents… But then his phone rang.

“Sorry,” he said, glancing down at Nancy’s number. “I’ll be right back.”

Slipping out the kitchen and into the living room, he flicked on the light and sank into one of the pink velour armchairs.

“Hey,” he said, pulling a blanket over his legs.

“Ollie love, hey. How’s it going?”

Oliver didn’t quite know how to answer that, so he settled on, “Fine. You?”

“Erm—yeah. Interesting.”

Oliver narrowed his eyes. “Go on.”

“Well, Patrick’s been arrested. Border force caught him trying to get on a ferry at Folkestone.”

Oliver sat up straight. “Motherfucker.”

“I know. Harry and I had to drive all the way down to Kent to collect him. Fuckers wouldn’t meet us halfway.”

“Wankers.”

“I know. Kentish? More like Cuntish. But the worst thing was that our mate Paddy hummed the entire way back. I haven’t been able to get Bohemian Rhapsody out of my head all fucking day.”

Oliver coughed out a laugh. “Has he been interviewed?”

“Yeah, Blake and the boss did it.”

“The boss? Jesus wept, what brought him out of hibernation?”

Nancy snorted. “ You , love. I think he’s realised he’s been a bit of a cock these last few weeks. And that he needs to up his game now that you’re becoming a sergeant. I think he’s shitting himself, knowing there’ll be one less rank between him and you.”

Oliver hummed, a small pang of satisfaction warming his belly.

“There’s more though. Anti-Corruption has been sniffing around. They caught wind of your association and were looking through your desk drawers.”

“My drawers? Fucking hell Nance, the only thing they’ll find in there is some mouse poo, and a half eaten apple turnover.”

Nancy chuckled. “I know. They took your laptop. I think they’re pre-empting a complaint from Patrick’s legal team. Ollie… is there anything on there that shouldn’t be?”

“Nope.”

The beta let out a relieved sigh. “Good. How’re the in-laws?”

He glanced towards the open door, lowering his voice. “They’re nice. Extremely rich. I feel so fucking poor Nance. It’s unreal.”

Nancy let out a contemplative hum. “I get it. Hannah brought back a pair of Lois something-or-other shoes the other day. The ones with the red soles.”

“Damn. So what’re you guys gonna do? Are you moving to London, or?—”

“As-fucking-if! She’s moving here. It’s actually why I was calling. We’re getting married.”

Oliver shot to his feet. “Nance! Congratulations!”

“Cheers dude. It’s just a small ceremony at the registry office. Han’s parents don’t really approve because I’m a beta, they’re old fashioned like that. But they’re coming, at least. Then we’re having a massive fucking party at the Cock and Balls.”

Oliver nodded. “Of course.”

“Ollie… I was wondering?—”

“Yes?”

“Will you walk me down the aisle? Given that my dad’s dead and all…”

Oliver flushed. “Of course I will, you loon.”

“Thank you. And then we’ll get absolutely shit-faced, yeah? Like the old days?”

“Mhm. Y-Yeah.”

“Bonza. Anyway, Patrick’s having another interview in about twenty minutes. The custody sergeant said he’s asked for a different solicitor. Wonder if he’s going to talk? He went no comment in his first interview.”

“Maybe,” Oliver replied, eyes flicking up as Lucas slipped into the room. “Anyway, maybe don’t keep me posted about you-know-who. Just in case Anti-Corruption ends up seizing my phone.”

“Roger that.”

With that, Nancy hung up and Oliver slid the phone into his pocket. “Hey,” he said, glancing up at the alpha’s ruffled hair and torn shirt.

“Hello,” he replied, sinking into the chair next to him. “Anti-Corruption?”

Oliver sighed. “Yeah. Patrick’s been arrested. They think he’s going to talk.”

Lucas’ chest rumbled. “Blake just texted me about it. Are you doing okay?”

“Oh yeah. I’m not worried. He can sling mud all he likes. I know I’ve done nothing wrong.”

There was a pause, then the alpha pressed his palm across Oliver’s belly. “I meant about this.”

Inhaling, Oliver gently ran his fingers over Lucas’ wrist. “I… I’m not sure. It’s all just a bit… unexpected. I’m struggling to look ahead just now.”

Lucas nodded, slipping his hand into his pocket and drawing out the ultrasound image. They stared at it in silence for a long moment.

“Looks like you,” Oliver said, sticking out his tongue. “If you were a blob.”

Lucas snorted before leaning down to kiss his neck.

“Anyway, what time are we heading back tomorrow?” Oliver asked, dragging his eyes away from the picture. The alpha hummed, tucking it back into his pocket.

“So long as no one throws themselves on the tracks overnight, I’d say around seven. Give or take.” He shifted the blanket that was covering Oliver’s legs, wrapping it around the two of them. “Blake said they’d found some communication data between Patrick and the Octane Club associate. His name’s Bartek Bosko. He’s a known organised crime leader in Poland. I haven’t had many dealings in that region, which is why I didn’t recognise him.”

Oliver raised an eyebrow. “Really? Well, Patrick’s fucked then, isn’t he?”

“Indeed.”

“Let’s go pull the plug on these fuckers, shall we?”