Chapter 87

The image of Carly Spencer had accompanied Kim home and followed her back to the station on this Saturday morning.

She and the rest of her team were busy completing the paperwork for the CPS prior to formal charges.

Tiff had brought them all coffee and pastries on the way in. A lovely gesture.

There was something different about Saturday morning overspills. Not that they normally worked your average eight-hour days, but they weren't officially on duty, so the dress code slipped a bit. For both Stacey and Penn that meant jeans and tee shirts, but for Bryant it was just the absence of a tie. The behaviour of the team altered a little too, as demonstrated by Penn, who was throwing scrunched-up paper balls at Stacey.

The case was over. They had their killer locked away, and no more innocent people would die at her hand. Job done, and yet Carly was still on Kim's mind.

Now and again, along came a killer that she just couldn't hate.

There was no denying that she had visited three horrific crime scenes, and not one of the women had deserved to die in such a brutal manner – although Katie's mother, Sheryl, was a close call. Kim had to wonder what kind of woman could abandon her own child because of an unsightly birthmark. That alone was heinous enough, but to then steal the child of another woman, knowing the heartbreak it would cause, just because she hadn't been satisfied with her own was beyond unforgiveable.

She'd updated all the girls last night before anything had hit the news and had received different reactions from all three. Although officially named Rebecca, the daughter of their first victim would always be Katie in Kim's mind, and she'd been the first to learn the news. Once the shock of the killer's identity had abated and the reasons had been explained, Kim had sensed an element of sympathy in the woman's tone. Katie remembered Carly fondly from the past and had voiced concern about the reactions of the others. Given her history with her mum and all that she'd learned since, Katie could be forgiven for wanting to close this chapter of her life.

Lottie had shouted and screamed and threatened all kinds of things to Carly if she ever got near her. Kim understood her reaction. The person who had stolen her opportunity to heal the relationship with her mother was someone who was known to her. Carly's reasons were lost on Lottie. She didn't care that the woman thought she was helping her friends. Nothing mattered except the fact that her mother was gone.

Toyah had cried her heart out, almost as though having confirmation of the killer made it all more real. And permanent.

They'd been difficult calls to make, but at least the girls all had closure. The process of releasing the bodies could begin, and the normal order of things could resume.

The week had raised many questions for all of them about beauty pageants. Of all the girls she'd met, Toyah seemed the least affected by her time in the pageant world and had just enjoyed the dressing up and the limelight. Initially, her mum hadn't taken it too seriously, but even Andrea had been caught up in the competition and rivalry of it all, to such a degree that her other child had attempted to take his own life, forcing them to stop. Even so, Toyah's memories of competing were positive and filled with joy.

Poor Lottie had been talked into an estrangement with her mother by Judith Palmer and would never get the chance to make things right. Their boundary break was now permanent, and she would have to live with her choices.

Kim's own feelings on pageants had clarified in her mind as the week had worn on. Her initial indifference to the whole process and her na?veté in thinking it was all innocent fun had been replaced by a belief that it would all be so much better without the parents. The kids themselves enjoyed much of the process, and the ruthless competitiveness and rivalry was only bred into them by the parents' own desire to win. Some had hated it, and some had enjoyed spending that time with their mums.

And then you had Judith – poor, bitter, twisted Judith – who had reinvented her whole childhood to get back at her mother for having a second child. The fact that she now believed the lies she'd formed from jealousy and hate was something Kim still had trouble understanding.

Now aware of the damage her daughter was doing to others by setting herself up as an unofficial expert, Ellie Pugh had instructed lawyers to get the blogs taken down and the self-help book removed from sale. Kim was glad of the action, as legally there had been nothing they could do to prevent Judith from spreading her lies.

Throughout the week, Kim had been presented with different mother-and-daughter relationships and every one of them had been unique.

She'd seen the toxicity between Katie and the woman who hadn't even been her mother. She'd learned of the lack of affection between the two despite having lived their whole lives together. In contrast, she'd seen an immediate connection between her and her real mum, despite having not seen each other for over two decades.

She'd seen a fun and loving bond between Toyah and Andrea, who, despite the pageant years, had remained close.

She'd seen estrangement between Sally-Ann and Lottie, a situation that surely could have been rectified if they'd been given the time to agree boundaries they could both live with.

And then there'd been Carly: a girl who had been shaped by her mother's obsession. A girl forced into the spotlight who felt neither physically nor mentally suited to parading in front of judges. A girl who had wanted a peer group that was more than opponents and rivals, friends she didn't have to compete against. A girl who had been so consumed by gaining the approval of a cold and distant mother that she'd allowed that hunger to shape every decision she'd ever made. And once free of that constraint, the landscape of her existence bore no resemblance to her past. She had been liberated by her mother's death, unbound from the shackles of trying to please and satisfy someone who would never be content. That release had prompted her to free her friends, certain they were suffering in the same way.

The brutality of the act had been excessive, and Kim wondered if Carly would ever realise that she had been killing her own mother over and over again.

Inevitably her thoughts turned to Patty, the woman who had given birth to her; the woman who had killed her twin and almost succeeded in killing her too.

Patricia Stone had not been a mother to her, but Kim had lied when she was trying to talk Carly down. She'd said the perfect mother didn't exist, but that wasn't true. She had existed, and Kim had had the honour of being in her care for just three short years.

She swallowed back the emotion that always accompanied her thoughts of her foster mother, Erica.

Keith had been a wonderful man, and she had learned countless lessons from him, but Erica had been the love, the nurture, the person who had been determined to reach her and instil a belief that she could be or do anything she chose. She would consider Erica to be her only mother until the day she died.

Another lesson she'd learned this week was the expectation put on women after childbirth. There was a pressure to become perfect, yet every woman possesses their own identity before becoming a mother.

They might be a little bit selfish, a little bit lazy, but once a mother, all unsaintly traits were expected to disappear. Annoying traits became despicable, and any misdeed was followed by ‘but she's a mother' as though that erased all other aspects of her personality.

It was possible to love a child and still have bad traits.

On the flip side, two other members of her team had found a mother being subjected to horrific abuse at the hands of her son. Had it not been for their tenacity and their insistence on following their gut instincts, who knew how much longer Olivia would have been imprisoned.

Penn and Tiff had caught a murderer and saved a life at the same time.

She was proud of all of them, she realised as she took her cup into the squad room for a refill.

What she hadn't heard from inside the Bowl was Tiff quietly humming a tune from a Disney animation about building a snowman or something. Without warning, words started to come out of Tiff's mouth, refashioned to the popular tune.

‘Do you wanna write a statement?'

Kim's head snapped around.

‘Before you go outside to play.'

Stacey, Penn and Bryant followed her gaze, mouths open.

‘Do you wanna get your work done?'

Tiff remained head down, oblivious to their stares of awe.

‘On a rainy Saturday.'

Kim coughed, and Tiff finally became aware of their attention.

She coloured. ‘Sorry, I can't help myself.'

Kim glanced around the room at Penn's Rubik's cube, Stacey's hula hoop and Bryant's magic set.

A slow, genuine smile started to creep onto her face.

‘Err…Tiff, have you got a minute?'

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