Chapter 69

‘It's that party, isn't it?' Mom asks from across the table as I push the food around my plate, although the boiled chicken and plain rice is hardly tantalising. I heard a girl at school say that's what they fed their dog when it wasn't very well.

I nod. Yes, the party is on my mind. I hadn't expected to be invited to Sadie's eleventh birthday party. My first term at high school was only one week old and I'd barely spoken to any of my new classmates.

For a moment, I'd been excited and had eagerly accepted the invitation to a local pizza place rented by her parents. I'd thought it might be an opportunity to fit in in a way I hadn't been able to do in the past.

I'd spent the walk home from school working up the courage to ask Mom.

‘Are you out of your mind?' she'd asked. ‘Even you're not stupid enough to think you can go to a party two weeks before pageant season starts.'

My heart had plummeted. Of course I had known, but for just a few minutes, it had been fun to hope.

She'd laughed raucously and no more had been said about it.

But now the day is here and I can't get it off my mind. My whole class will be meeting up to have fun, and as usual I'll be the odd one out.

Mom frowns as she taps her nails on the table. ‘You really want to go?'

I can't believe she's actually asking the question.

I nod vigorously. ‘Of course.'

‘Okay, you can go.'

‘I can?' I ask, wanting to get up from the table to hug her, but there's never been a time when that was acceptable behaviour.

‘I don't see how a couple of hours will hurt, and I know how much you want to make friends at your new school.'

‘I do. I do,' I say, willing to agree with anything she says.

‘Just one problem,' she says, her frown deepening. ‘I heard one of the moms talking the other day. It's been changed to a fancy dress.'

My heart sinks. I don't have any kind of costume. I can't go.

Mom's expression turns thoughtful. ‘Unless…no…I don't think…'

‘What?' I ask, knowing she has an idea. I'm so close to going.

‘That dress you had last year for the Little Miss Walsall pageant. The yellow striped one where the judges said you looked like a doll. We could actually make you look like a doll.'

‘Okay,' I say, shooting out of my chair.

Going as a doll isn't my first choice, but I don't have anything else I can wear for a costume.

Mom follows me upstairs and grabs the dress from the wardrobe. ‘Here, see if you can still get in it while I grab some make-up.'

I take off my clothes and pull the dress over my head. It sticks a bit around the ribcage, but I can just about pull it down.

‘Okay, I've found these shoes,' Mom says, handing me some flat white patent shoes with a strap that goes across the foot.

‘Um…I'm not sure…'

‘It's not a fashion show. We're trying to make you look like a doll. They'll be perfect with some of your old frilly ankle socks.'

It's the first time I've seen her so animated about anything that's not to do with pageants. I didn't think she wanted me to go, but she seems as excited about it as I am.

‘Right, sit down. I'm going to draw on some long eyelashes and apply some lipstick. I'll even put two red circles on your face. If we've got time, I'll plait your hair, and you'll be the best doll in the world.'

Half an hour later, we are rushing to the car. I catch a glimpse of myself in the glass of the door window. I'm not sure if I look like a doll or one of those drag queens I've seen on the telly. Mom has definitely put her all into making me a costume, and everyone else will be wearing one too. I won't be the odd one out.

‘We'll only be a few minutes late,' Mom says as she drives towards the high street. The minutes stretch. I'm impatient. She's finally letting me go to a party, and I can't wait to see what the rest of my class looks like.

‘Here we go,' she says, pulling into a space. ‘Always good to make an entrance.'

She opens the door to the pizza parlour and pushes me inside.

Instantly I think we've made a mistake and we're at the wrong place, but then Sadie emerges from the crowd and spots me. Her face freezes in shock. So does mine. Her expression breaks down into amusement. Mine is still frozen in horror.

The room is full. There are more people here than are in my class. And not one of them is in fancy dress. The space is awash with jeans, leggings, tee shirts, hoodies and trainers.

A sea of people turn to stare as my cheeks flame hot. I am rooted to the spot as the pointing and laughing starts. People step forward, in front of others, to get a better look. Mobile phones and cameras start to appear.

My humiliation is absolute.

‘Oops,' Mom says with laughter in her voice.

How could she have made such a mistake?

And then I realise. In my eagerness to attend, I'd missed the logic of it all. If the theme of the party had changed, Sadie would have told me. I never told her I wasn't going to come.

I turn and see the amusement on my mother's face and all doubt about her deceit disappears.

She leans down, close to my ear. ‘I wonder how many will want to be friends with you now.'

I turn away before the threatening tears add to my humiliation.

I already know that I will never forget this day as long as I live.