Chapter 31

Chapter

Thirty-One

Aelin pulled up to the curb and parked a few houses down from the townhouse. She got out of the car and opened the back door, pulling out the bags of groceries she'd stopped for on the way home. Clark had taken Amaya early because he'd blocked off the day from work anyway. He'd suggested it right before the mediation ended, making sure that everyone in the room heard how he was taking extra time with his daughter.

The bags were cold against her chest, mostly filled with pints of ice cream and a few other necessities for the weekend. She'd checked her phone multiple times but hadn't received a response from Ryan. It sent her head into a tailspin. Why would he want to text her back after she'd ignored him for weeks? But he had sent those messages last night . . .

When she'd logged on to social media and seen Megan's pictures, she'd laughed out loud at the blonde girl draped over Ryan's shoulders. Something like that with Clark would have sent her spiralling. But Ryan had told her exactly where he was and who he was with. He hadn't tried to hide anything, even if it didn't paint him in the best light.

She walked up the sidewalk and turned toward the house, then froze on the flagstone walkway. Something pink and sparkly caught the sun on the side of her porch. She opened her mouth, then snapped it closed as the glitter moved.

"Hey." Ryan straightened on the bench.

"Hey." She didn't know where to begin with the image in front of her. "Holy hell. This is for that thing. The flash mob you told me about."

Ryan's lips twitched. "You remember that?" She nodded. He exhaled and pointed to a pile of clothes next to him. "I was going to change, but I couldn't get this thing off in the car, and I didn't want to flash your neighbours."

Aelin couldn't help but smirk. "Please tell me someone saw you walking up to the house like that."

He chuckled. "Thankfully, no, but one guy did walk past with a dog that seemed very intrigued."

Aelin shifted the groceries in her arms. "How long have you been here?"

Ryan shrugged. "About forty-five minutes. You said you were coming home."

She gave an apologetic smile. "I stopped for supplies."

He wet his lips. "What kind of supplies?"

Aelin's cheeks heated. "Ice cream. And cucumbers."

Ryan's lips turned up. "Delicious."

Aelin rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here? I thought you were setting up for the wedding."

Ryan nodded. "I was, but then I got your text."

"I didn't mean to interrupt you."

"You weren't interrupting." He stood, then looked down at the spandex shorts riding up his thighs and thought better of it. "I like your new Wi-Fi network." Aelin huffed a laugh as Ryan sat and leaned over his knees. "You never told me the story of the last one."

She shifted her weight. "There was a guy who was always connecting to our network. Clark wanted to put a password on it, and we eventually did, but it was always so annoying when friends came over and we had to sign them in. So, for a while, it was open. The guy's laptop had his name in it, so I decided to send him a message."

Ryan smirked. "You're the one who named it that?"

Aelin shrugged. "I thought it was funny."

"And what about this one?" Ryan glanced down at his phone screen.

Aelin had thought long and hard about what to name the network when they moved in. The only thing she could think about was that damn Post-it note Ryan had left on the counter. RyansNotaDouchebag seemed like the perfect statement to make.

Her cheeks flamed hotter. "I guess I hoped that at some point you'd connect to my Wi-Fi."

Ryan's eyes darkened. "Easy to do when it has the same password."

Aelin's mouth went dry as she glanced at the front door. She cleared her throat. "Do you want to come in? I need to get this ice cream in the freezer."

Ryan nodded and picked up his clothes from the bench. She handed him one of the bags after walking up the steps, then pulled out her keys, making a point to show him she had them this time.

They walked into the townhouse. It was still covered in boxes, but at least there was a path down the hall. With her pulse thrumming, Aelin strode into the kitchen, put away the groceries, then folded up the bags and set them on the counter.

Ryan was there. In her house. Alone.

Aelin glanced up at Ryan standing on the other side of the island. "Are you going to change?"

Ryan paused a moment. "Do you want me to change?"

Aelin chewed her lower lip. "I'm not sure. I can't decide how I feel about . . . all of that."

"I can wait a bit." Ryan pressed his palms into the counter, nonchalantly flexing his triceps.

Aelin laughed, then sobered as he continued to watch her. " Thank you for those text messages," she said, her voice just above a whisper.

"They weren't too much?" he asked.

She shook her head. "They were perfect." He nodded, his eyes dropping to the counter. She drew a deep breath and continued. "There's this thing that happens. I think to survive twelve years in a relationship with Clark, my body perfected the art of protecting me. What happened the other night . . . When I feel unsafe, it's like a door just seals shut. I can't access anything. No emotions. Nothing, just solutions and survival."

Ryan looked up, something brewing behind his eyes. "Sounds terrifying."

She pursed her lips. "It's better than the alternative. Which is to feel all of it." She wished she could leave a small gap in the door. Close out the pain and let the good trickle through, but it didn't seem to work like that.

Ryan nodded. "Is the door still closed now?" he asked.

Aelin rubbed her hand over her arm. "I think it could open. But I'm scared."

He rounded the counter and stopped in front of her. "Would it help if you didn't have to open it alone?"

Aelin tipped her chin and looked into his soft grey eyes. "I don't know. I've never had anyone to try it with." Her body hummed like an engine, revving with each rise and fall of Ryan's chest.

He reached out and put his hands on her hips, tugging her closer. The contact cracked something within her, letting out a whisper of Remember this?

Aelin's breathing quickened. She was instantly back at the cabin, far from Clark and the poison he dripped into her life. It was all deep-blue water and rainbow rocks, windswept hair and sunkissed skin. She knew his touch. It was like a brand on her skin, one she revisited late at night as she drifted in that dream world between waking and sleep. Where her subconscious wasn't quite so efficient at hiding what she craved .

Ryan pulled back, and she wobbled. "I need to show you something." He reached up and brushed a tendril of hair from her cheek, then pulled his phone out of his pocket. He swiped between screens, then turned his phone to her.

Aelin's brows furrowed as she zoomed in on the text, then her heart dropped to her knees. She looked up at him, searching his face. "When did this happen?"

Ryan swallowed hard. "This morning. My in-laws sent it over."

"You submitted the paperwork."

A breath hissed between his lips. "The night we got back from the lake."

Aelin's eyes grew glassy. That was why he'd taken off his wedding ring. "How do you feel?"

His throat worked. He allowed his eyes to drift closed as if searching for the answer. When he opened them again, his expression was soft. "At peace."

She nodded, then put her hand over his, looking up at him with a silent question. Now? It hadn't been time for them to move forward at the cabin. Both of them had known it, but Aelin hadn't understood her part until right that moment.

Ryan wasn't someone she wanted on a lake vacation. He wasn't a guilty pleasure or distraction. Ryan was someone she wanted everywhere.

Ryan dropped his forehead to hers. "Please," he whispered.

Aelin exhaled, the knot in her chest unravelling, then wrapped her fingers around his and pulled him down the hall.