Chapter 22

Chapter

Twenty-Two

Ryan woke early the next morning, his body on autopilot from years of early morning practices and then morning commutes. His reality draped over him in layers. He was lying in bed, but not alone. A leg threaded between his. His heartbeat seemed to be doubled.

Ryan held perfectly still as the night before solidified, waiting for the inevitable feeling of guilt or shame when he remembered he'd kissed another woman. Held her as they slept.

But the pang in his gut never came. Instead, he was filled with a soft warmth. It seemed to spread from his middle, dissolving through him until it reached his toes and fingertips.

Aelin was still asleep beside him, her body a delicate curve. His heart stuttered as he slowly shifted to get a better look at her. Her hair fell in soft waves over her shoulder and fanned out on the pillow. Her lips were slightly parted, her eyelashes resting against her cheek.

Her fingertips shared her pulse, beating slow and steady against his ribs. He counted the freckles along her temple. The way her ear lobe dipped.

Ryan hadn't slept next to a woman since Kara. Since the night before their entire world flipped upside down. He'd held Amaya, of course, but that was different. This—this was something he'd thought he'd never experience again.

The grief he'd managed to wrap up and hide for so long crashed over him like a tidal wave. He'd lost Kara. He'd lost the future they'd planned together. And in the years since, he'd lost a piece of himself. He'd buried his desires, his needs, his hope for companionship because it was easier than facing the void Kara had left behind.

Ryan closed his eyes, his hand still resting on Aelin's hip. It was almost laughable that he'd convinced himself he was fine. That his life was full, that he didn't need anyone else. His eyes burned, his gut and his heart at complete odds.

He couldn't abandon her.

He couldn't live without this.

With a resolute breath, he pulled his hand away and slowly slipped free of Aelin's limbs. He checked the clock. It was only seven thirty, but he doubted the girls would sleep in with light streaming through the windows in the loft.

He lifted his upper body from the mattress, then stood and reached for his shirt, pulling it over his head.

He padded into the washroom and relieved himself, then washed his hands, splashed his face with water, and left the bedroom, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

Besides a few beach toys strewn on the ground, there was no evidence of the storm the night before. The lake was pristine, the sunshine bright and golden. Ryan opened a cupboard and reached for a mixing bowl. He measured out two cups of pancake mix, then added milk, eggs, and melted butter, the liquids pooling in the centre of the bowl. The batter thickened as he whisked. When he was satisfied with the consistency, he poured a dollop of oil into the cast-iron skillet and set it on the stovetop.

He mixed in blueberries with a spoon, and when the oil was hot, dropped three dollops of batter into the pan. It sizzled. He watched as bubbles formed on the surface of the pancakes, the batter puffing up and drying at the edges.

With a flick of his wrist, he flipped the pancakes, the edges curling slightly as they landed back in the pan.

Voices murmured overhead, followed by the rustling of sheets. He couldn't quite make out what Bailey and Amaya were saying, but it didn't take long for their feet to start thumping on the stairs.

"Morning." He looked up and smiled, only realizing then that there were no blankets or a pillow on the couch. Hopefully they wouldn't connect the dots and wonder where he'd slept for the night.

"You made pancakes?" Amaya ran up and leaned over the counter

Ryan grabbed a plate and lifted the pancakes from the pan. "Perfect timing." He set the plate in front of her, then turned and pulled syrup from the fridge. Amaya and Bailey grabbed plates and forks, then took a pancake from the pile and settled in at the table.

Aelin appeared next to the fridge, her hair mussed and her cheeks rosy from sleep. Ryan's blood heated as he looked up and met her eyes. She blinked, her eyes slow and dreamy as the corner of her mouth lifted. "Good morning."

"Morning." His voice was gravelly, and he cleared it.

"Sleep well?" She asked, her voice light as she walked past him, her hand brushing his hip. She was a tease.

Ryan's eyes sharpened as she pulled a plate from the shelf. "Probably the best sleep I've had in years."

She let out a soft breath. "The lake does that to you. Doesn't it, Bailes?"

Bailey nodded. "I sleep so well here."

Aelin raised an eyebrow. "Looks like you're not alone."

They finished breakfast and changed into swimsuits. Everything felt easier. They walked down to the dock, found their life jackets from the day before, and within fifteen minutes, were out on the lake, zipping across the water.

Mariah and Leo weren't with them that morning. They decided to switch off days and go with their friends later that afternoon, so it was just the grandparents and their little combined family.

Seeing the four of them on the boat together punctuated everything he'd been feeling since last night. Looks like you aren't alone. The words pulsed through him like a heartbeat. Without even realizing it, he'd imagined his life for the next thirty years. Drawn in permanent ink. It was him and Amaya, and when Amaya was gone, it was just him.

After last night, it was as if someone had grabbed a bucket of soapy water and a brush and started to scrub.

Ryan looked down and found Amaya next to him, her arms crossed over her chest. "What's wrong?"

"I want to get better at skiing, but I also don't want to waste our time since we're only here for a few days."

"Four more days." Ryan held up his fingers. "We don't have to leave until Sunday."

Amaya's face brightened. "True."

Aelin glanced up at him from across the boat. A small smile had played on her lips all morning, and Ryan practically salivated at the realization that he'd put it there. What they'd done the night before had felt right. It hadn't been lust, though that had certainly been there on the porch in the rain. He wasn't craving some quick fix or release. Though again . . . he wasn't not craving it.

But the order of things seemed to matter.

He watched Aelin's parents, her mom's hand on her dad's knee each time she leaned in and yelled something over the roar of the engine. The way he looked at her every time he made a joke, hoping for her approval.

Marriage had never been just a piece of paper to him. Even if Kara didn't understand the commitments they'd made anymore, he did. He wanted Aelin to know that he did.

"Kneeboard?" Amaya yelled across the boat to Bailey.

She gave her a thumbs up.

They played on the water until noon, then took the boat in to switch out drivers and riders. Ryan thanked Molly and Dave for chauffeuring them around, then helped set the life jackets out to dry on the dock.

"You better be careful," Aelin said next to him. He looked up, worried he was doing something wrong. She laughed. "You're being too helpful. They're going to fall in love with you."

Aelin held his eyes for one moment more, then turned and followed the girls down the dock.

Ryan stood, stripped off his shirt, and ran past her, dodging in front of her and launching himself off the dock with a yell.

The girls squealed with delight and jumped in after him. He surfaced and shook his hair out of his eyes. Bailey and Amaya chased after him in the water, and he took off toward the beach.

"You coming?" he yelled back at Aelin.

She huffed, then stripped off her shirt and shorts and dived in after them.

_____

Ryan held her that night. And the night after that. They never did more than map each other's skin and breathe together until they fell asleep.

They spent the mornings on the boat and the afternoons exploring the town and surrounding area. On Saturday they were tasked with finding wild huckleberries for pies. Aelin's dad had made it sound like a treasure hunt, and the girls were instantly sold .

"There's a trail on the other side of the house that sounds promising." Aelin slipped on her hiking shoes, and they all filed out the door.

Amaya and Bailey ran ahead, and Ryan and Aelin fell into step next to each other on the narrow path that led from their back door through the woods.

Ryan glanced back at the porch.

Aelin noticed, and her cheeks flushed. "I think this is my favourite time I've ever come to the lake."

"Hmm. Because Bailey's older?" He tried to keep a straight face, but he cracked when she elbowed his ribs.

He didn't have anything to compare it to, but the week had been the best one he could remember in years. The realization that it was Saturday, that the next day they'd be turning their phones on and driving back to Calgary, sent ice sliding down his spine.

They followed the trail until Amaya and Bailey stopped in front of them. Amaya turned, putting a finger to her lips.

Ryan and Aelin walked closer. A family of deer stood in a small clearing, their velvety noses twitching as they grazed on the foliage.

Ryan didn't move, the hairs on his arm lifting as Aelin's skin brushed his. He'd touched her there. He'd touched her almost everywhere.

After a few seconds, the deer lifted their heads and looked directly at them. Ryan held his breath, waiting for them to bolt, but instead, they just regarded them with calm curiosity. Seems like you're not alone.

Aelin glanced up at him, then linked her fingers with his for a beat before letting go.

After the deer moved on, they continued up the hill and found a garter snake and two small frogs. When they were about to turn back, Bailey pointed through the foliage and grabbed a Ziploc bag from the box Aelin carried.

Bailey left the trail and plucked a deep purple berry from the bush and held it up, then dropped it in the bag.

"She found them." Aelin grinned and tromped after her into the brush.

_____

There were at least a dozen chairs set up on the patio around the firepit after dinner. The huckleberry pies sat cooling on cinder blocks, and the paper bowls and spoons were ready on the table.

Mariah crouched, setting up her phone on a tripod to record. She turned to the teenage boys grouped behind the picnic table. "You guys ready? You're up first."

Ryan had been skeptical when Aelin told him about the variety show. His family had always been into sports. All of them would rather wear a cup two sizes too small than stand up in front of a group and sing or dance. She'd insisted it wasn't about being good, but he'd seen enough from her to know that her version of "just okay" wasn't the norm. He had her double back flips and slalom skiing to prove it.

The boys nodded and disappeared behind the cabin. Once all the adults and kids were seated, Mariah hit play on her phone, and they reappeared in wigs, tutus, and oversized sunglasses. One of them—Tucker?—had even gone to the trouble of stuffing a bra with water balloons. They lip-synced and danced their way through Barbie Girl to no lack of hoots and hollers from the audience. Aelin couldn't stop laughing as they mimicked Barbie and Ken, strutting and posing like they were in a music video from before they were born.

The group erupted into cheers when the boys struck their final pose. Aelin shot him a look that said, "I told you this would be amazing," then hopped up to wrangle Amaya and Bailey.

Ryan grinned as they took their places. They wouldn't let him be in the cabin when they practiced, and he didn't even know what song they were singing.

Bailey held the sheet music with Amaya standing next to her. Aelin started the accompaniment on her phone, and it was like someone hooked up a vacuum sealer to his lungs and pressed start as they began to sing. He always enjoyed their choir concerts, but hearing them sing, just the two of them, gave him chills.

He'd only known Bailey a short time, but after coaching her at camp, she was quickly becoming one of his favourite kids. She was quieter than Amaya. More careful. She reminded him of her mom.

The girls bowed to applause when they finished, and Amaya's cheeks were cherry red when she went back to her camp chair.

It was so good. All of it. The lake, the friends, the food, the card games. Ryan's throat grew thick as he looked around the camp ring and committed to making more of an effort to drive up and spend time with his own family when they got back.

Tomorrow . Dread hit his stomach.

Mariah stood and motioned for Aelin to join her at the front. Aelin shook her head, but Mariah wasn't letting it go.

Aelin blushed as she groaned and finally acquiesced. That look on her face had Ryan's full attention. She grabbed her sister's arm and lowered her voice. "What are you doing?"

Mariah grinned. "I found our music. I couldn't resist."

Aelin's eyes widened. "The music? I haven't done that in years!"

"Neither have I. That's what'll make it hilarious." Mariah cleared her throat and turned to the audience. "Okay, this is a dance we made up one summer to Club California."

"It was on a cassette tape that came with this Barbie doll Mariah got for her birthday when she was six," Aelin explained. Her parents were already laughing.

Mariah motioned for Leo to press play, and Aelin fell into step beside her sister, their feet shuffling and arms flailing, both of them barely able to suck in a breath through their laughter.

Mariah attempted a high kick and nearly toppled into the fire pit. Aelin grabbed her arm, and they transitioned into some sort of train move. It was the only way to describe what their hands were doing.

Her family was wheezing by the time the music died, and the teenage boys still in cotton-candy-coloured wigs quite possibly gave the loudest applause of the night.

Aelin collapsed into her camp chair, her mascara smeared. "So. That was a thing I did."

Ryan stayed glued to the canvas. Because if he moved, he was going to reach over and kiss her.

"Tucker!" Leo tromped into the circle, panting. "I ran up to get my phone and the door to the cabin is locked."

Tucker looked around as if there was some other kid in their small group with his same name. "Yeah. Mom always says not to leave the doors unlocked."

"At home, Tuck. Not when the cabin door is ten feet from us."

Mariah patted her pockets, then made a face. "You had the key."

Leo exhaled. "Yeah. I had the key."

"It's in the cabin?" she asked.

Leo pursed his lips. "Yeah."

Aelin turned to Ryan, her eyes glittering. He wet his lips and nodded. She grinned and jumped up from her chair. "Hey, Mariah. Do you happen to have a bobby pin?"